Declaring Baggage

[rm71182]

Gee your post exemplifies the paradigm of intolerance that is so prevalent in gay culture especially today. I suffer from it as does everyone here. Those that say they do not are either lying or mentally disordered. That being said, you have to maneuver through the hairpins and chicanes that are the gay "culture" roadway. The illness issue is something you cannot deny. It is what it is. You really didn't expound as to the scope of the illness issue. If you are seeing a guy and get the feeling it's going "somewhere" , you then need to be up front with him commensurate with the direction the relationship is going. I don't think it is incumbent on you to disclose your entire medical history to someone you are just getting to know. As you get more involved with the guy, disclose more and judge the reaction. Some people have no patience with illnesses. Such a person would not be a good pick for you.

As to the penis size issue, this is a constant source of problems for men, gay or straight. When I was young I like most everyone bought into the concept of penis size as a metric for the respective guy's manliness or sexual prowess. That is completely untrue. Penis size like height or eye color is determined by genetics. It has nothing to do with masculinity or sexual function or dysfunction. I will say that guys with larger penises have a air of self confidence. Whether that is real or perceived is up for debate.

I knew a guy a few years back that was so obsessed with his penis size or lack thereof, he spent thousands on a very risky surgery to increase the size, actually the length. It worked to a point, I suppose, with a host of repercussions. First being it only increased the length by a half of an inch. The second he suffered from loss of sensation. The third thing was he actually had a numb spot which became permanent. The fourth was a horribly ugly scar that got infected which just exacerbated the entire ordeal. The lesson learned is your penis size is the luck of the draw.

If a guy is so shallow as to let penis size dictate his feelings toward you then it goes without saying he probably isn't the guy for you.

Yes, yes, and yes. I read so many wonderful posts on here about the reciprocality of sex, how relationships are founded on understanding and openness, and I just...well, I've never been in a gay relationship, so maybe I'm not one to talk, but looking around at my gay friends and the convos that go on around me...this just isn't the picture I see. And that's why I posted this. In gay culture, I do *not* see a culture that's forgiving of imperfection at all. I count myself blessed that I'm gay on account of my cock size -- lord knows I'd never satisfy a woman -- but that doesn't mean it won't still be a big issue amongst gays, esp if I can't conform to being some kind of power-bottom.

But I guess in some ways, I don't blame anyone but myself. If I was in a position to choose (ie if I was an attractive, nice enough, sociable gay) I wouldn't date me either. I mean why settle for damaged goods?

Oh and re: the penis surgery-- amen. I once looked into it and was horrified. I do hope any small guys reading this think twice about it, given the risks. At least we're not straight-- then having a small penis really *would* be the end of the world

 

[MindBlast]

Keep in mind that anal sex isn't the only sex. Not even every guy likes it.

Also, a date isn't a customs screening, you don't have to declare your baggage. In fact, it's a turnoff if you air everything right away.

Penis size isn't that important either. Unless the guy is a total size queen, he's going to want to be with you if he likes you. If you like someone enough, you work around 'issues' like that.

 

[rm71182]

Keep in mind that anal sex isn't the only sex. Not even every guy likes it.

Also, a date isn't a customs screening, you don't have to declare your baggage. In fact, it's a turnoff if you air everything right away.

Yeah that's such a good point: it is not a customs check (despite the naive title of my post). Thanks to the replies here, which have been so helpful and constructive, I'm really gonna try to let these issues just come up organically. I dont know if itll work, but I 'll try.

Someone asked earlier about the extent of my illness(s): I would say pretty bad, but not in a way that would interfere with my loving someone if we got really close (I'd be up for doing all the things they wanted to, meet their friends, have fun--even have lots of sex if we can work out top/bottom situation. I just dread the morning where they open my medicine cabinet, looking for Advil, and find a pharmacy's worth of antidepressants and painkillers.

That, and when we first have sex and they see how small I am and realize the reason I said I was an exclusive bottom wasn't just bc I liked that role

 

[Seasoned]

I'm glad you posted and glad you found the comments left by others helpful. Porn can have us all thinking that penises are all large and thick. They're not. I hope the day arrives soon when your fears will be allayed. Best wishes. You sound like a really nice man.

 

[Durango95]

Yes, yes, and yes. I read so many wonderful posts on here about the reciprocality of sex, how relationships are founded on understanding and openness, and I just...well, I've never been in a gay relationship, so maybe I'm not one to talk, but looking around at my gay friends and the convos that go on around me...this just isn't the picture I see. And that's why I posted this. In gay culture, I do *not* see a culture that's forgiving of imperfection at all. I count myself blessed that I'm gay on account of my cock size -- lord knows I'd never satisfy a woman -- but that doesn't mean it won't still be a big issue amongst gays, esp if I can't conform to being some kind of power-bottom.

But I guess in some ways, I don't blame anyone but myself. If I was in a position to choose (ie if I was an attractive, nice enough, sociable gay) I wouldn't date me either. I mean why settle for damaged goods?

Oh and re: the penis surgery-- amen. I once looked into it and was horrified. I do hope any small guys reading this think twice about it, given the risks. At least we're not straight-- then having a small penis really *would* be the end of the world

I'm glad you found something of merit in my post. I try to be as honest as possible. I don't understand the "damaged goods" comment. I'm not going to drone on about self image etc. Everyone is hard on themselves. Well everyone that isn't mentally disordered. I find it fascinating that those that obsess over negative body image issues exhibit the exact same behavior as those that have an inflated self image. It is something to ponder.

That being said, here's some free advice. The penis size issue is non starter. It does seem to bother you quite a bit though. The creams, pills, and devises do not work. The surgery while being incredibly expensive offers little more than the preceding. Both "remedies" can have devastating effects. So you have what you have. I would recommend shaving or at least clipping down there. It will make you look bigger. Get creative. Maybe use body makeup if you're up for it. Fitness models use it all the time to "enhance" their appearance, especially when doing nude work. It does work for the look only.

Now if there are other areas you can improve, do so. I mean anything. Have a make-over. Even though it is superficial it can really elevate your spirits. Buy a new frock. When I'm feeling particularly low I usually buy a car. HAHA There is nothing like a big bright red penis on wheels that was made in Germany to make you feel better.

I'm not being condescending but when you keep saying "damaged goods" it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You mentioned you went to the gym. That is always a good place to start. I meet guys there all the time.

I know the pain of arthritis myself. I have osteoarthritis and gout. I have to wear knee braces and wrist supports all the time. It sucks big time. The thing I think is kind of funny about it is that I've worked out all my life. The weight training actually aggravates the condition when done too much. Then they tell you to exercise to improve the condition. I wish that made more sense to me.

You sound like a nice guy just trying to get started. The club scene is not a good place to start. They are usually the havens of the most vapid tiresome intolerant bigoted queens in the universe. "Theme" bars are the worst. I'd say stick with the gym or a real bookstore, as opposed to a porn shop. That is if you are a bookworm.

Don't look at it like your hunting for someone. Just have a bit of fun. The rest will follow.