Define: Cheating - Relationships

[racer2438]

Sorry that ur going through this, but I really see no way that he will not stop doing what he is doing.
He are ready in his mind set that he wants out.


What he has done so is on edge of cheating unless you he has had sex with them but w/o proof you may never know.


While feel for you, I think you might need to start accepting the possibility that ur relationship will end. Being a hard pill, to swallow
You need to start to ready ur self.

But he has put the writing on the wall. Sorry to say, unless he changes his mind

Wish you luck

 

[whitedavo]

Even if he hasn't physically cheated, I would separate because he's stated that he's done.

 

[kcboi]

Did you talk about monogamy? where did you leave it after discussing the situation? is he still planning on leaving you?
he said things were so much better but if the topic was not brought up then of course he might continue to talk to other guys?
is TALKING all he did? or did he actually cheat physically with them... best of luck I hope it all works out ... but without good open and honest communication I feel you are doomed...

 

[tangential]

One is needy by choice, and not by the stars. Reflect on what choices are available to you (or what choices you can create!) to feel happier and more fulfilled in your own skin. This is important because it's *your* life.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Your relationship sounds more based on codependancy and manipulation than love and compromise. You both should seek counseling.

 

[eastofeden]

First off...get that idea that being a Leo equates being needy pit f your mind...not true....

I think you know the truth deep down and maybe do not want to face it...or do not accept it.

My advice would be to seriously address this "needy" part of you and understand it...and maybe you will find the self respect and confidence you seek.....you might learn to love yourself with the same passion you "love" him and it might be you who is ready to move on.....

Good luck to you.....

 

[Seasoned]

Things don't just happen in a relationship. I'm wondering if monogamy was discussed when he took this job. Too often things are assumed when people are in a relationship. What I took away from your story is that he is very situational and considers himself exclusive when he's with you and something else when apart, making him the needy one.

Long distance relationships can work but need extra communication and commitment. The two of you need to re-up your commitment especially considering he was about to leave. Ongoing relationships don't happen by magic. I'd give this some time but caution you not to remain worried and miserable. That would be too high a price to pay and would turn you into a different person. Best wishes.

 

[bankside]

Okay, you never have to "talk about monogamy." That is the norm, and the default in a relationship. Many people live happy unconventional lives well outside the norm, but that comes about through discussion and agreement to allow some kind of sexual adventure. So this is nothing you set yourself up for. He cheated on you if he had someone in his hotel bed, and on the normal understanding of what a relationship is, and you aren't to blame for that. Or maybe he only flirted inappropriately with people on line? Which was it.

My main question is, if he was planning on leaving you, what changed?

 

[hylas]

so, you were telling him on a daily basis that you couldn't do this relationship anymore, and then youre upset because he was planning on leaving you? seems a little silly.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

You should have warned us you only wanted sugar coated answers that paint your situation as rosey rainbows and unicorns and fluffy bunnies. You asked our opinions, and you got them. We've stood by you, a total stranger, and been more honest with you than your own BF has been. You listed his bad traits in five paragraphs, stating yourself you were foolish for holding on to him.

I'm sorry your BF is a jerk. You can be in denial and make excuses for him if dumping him is that traumatizing for you. I can assure you I've been in your shoes numerous times, and you will survive, and you will find someone who will love and appreciate you for you.

 

[eastofeden]

For those of you who responded with comments as related to my sign being a Leo - you all have your own opinions, I am allowed to have mine. You're not required to agree with me! That is how I feel, so allow me to feel that way. I'm not telling you how to feel about yourselves. If I feel that plays a role, then allow me to do so and just go with the flow.

For those of you who felt as though this was a story - yeah, no not so much. This is my life and what's going on in it.

For those of you who asked if I discussed monogamy - what the hell? As many posters have suggested, that should be a given in a relationship in my opinion, no matter what. It's never OK to be with more than one person at a time. He and I HAVE discussed this time and time again. Hence the reason I said he was cheating.

To the man who suggested we both seek counseling, you're a very rude and judgmental person. Your post was hurtful, and extremely unnecessary in this thread. If you were aiming to make someone feel worse about things, then congratulations you've done just that!

If a moderator could close this thread, it would be very much appreciated.

So much for JUB being a 'Community', huh?

You asked for opinions...had I realized you were like this I would have refrained. Good luck to you.

 

[KaraBulut]

So much for JUB being a 'Community', huh?

The understanding in the support forums is that people come here and ask for opinions/advice. We don't require you to take the advice but we do expect you to listen and respect those who took time out of their busy day to offer the advice with the best of intentions.

For those of you who asked if I discussed monogamy - what the hell? As many posters have suggested, that should be a given in a relationship in my opinion, no matter what. It's never OK to be with more than one person at a time. He and I HAVE discussed this time and time again. Hence the reason I said he was cheating.

See- that's part of what we're trying to explain to you. Just because you assume that monogamy should be part of a relationship, doesn't mean that the other half of the relationship is operating under the same assumption. These things have to be discussed and agreed upon when commitments are made in any relationship.

But "cheating" isn't about getting your dick wet. It's about lying and concealing your actions from your partner. And that's usually the deepest cut when these things are discovered- whether it's Grindr conversations, camming or actual fucking. The lies are ultimately what undermines trust in relationships.

If you want to stay in the relationship, then you're going to have to have a discussion about what you both expect from the relationship. If you want monogamy and the other person doesn't, then you have a decision to make concerning whether you want to be in an open relationship.

 

[lodeus369]

Even if he hasn't physically cheated, I would separate because he's stated that he's done.

I agree! DR-B, it's over. You are being used and manipulated. You deserve better! This story makes me very sad.