Define Love

[irishinvader]

Hey, everyone. This is my first attempt at a story here and I think I came up with something with some potential ::crosses fingers:: As you’ll find out if you read what I have so far, this won’t be one of those stories that is straight sex and is done in a week. Although I can promise that when the sex scenes come along, which they will, you will NOT be disappointed. I’m going for the big Kahuna on my first gay fiction attempt. Bold, yes. Stupid, probably. Necessary, most definitely. I’ve known since I was in first or second grade that I loved to write (I’m working on a book, page 64 to be exact ) and when I found this forum, I knew I wanted to write at least one thing for the site. JUB made me realize I was bisexual for crying out loud!

Now for a little background on the story. I wanted to write something with substance on a premise that hadn’t really been covered before. But more importantly, I wanted to write about something that others might be able to learn from and that I might learn from myself. I have no idea how this story will end or where it will go, but I’ve heard authors learn a lot from their characters and I’m willing to try it. I’m still trying to understand my sexuality and how it comes into play in the world, specifically religion. I was raised Protestant and have attended church for 17 of my 19 years and I don’t want to give that up but being any kind of non-straight is shunned.

I came up with the idea of “Define Love” 2 nights ago and began to write that same night. My hope was that I could write this and discover the answers I’ve been seeking through the character’s trials and your comments and feedback. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be because literally the next morning my Dad came upstairs early in the morning (I’m living with my parents until I go back to college) and sat me down to tell me that I forgot to clear my internet history and had found JUB. And that he had shown my mother who was in the kitchen beside herself. And that he would be tolerant of it but he wouldn’t allow any of my friends in the house, socialize with me outside the house or “attend a party for a promotion or something like that.” And that I wouldn’t be allowed to use the home computer. And that it was in the “best interest of everyone” that I go get some counseling so I don’t continue down this “unnatural” road. It was a fun morning. Now I’m writing this story to find the answers I’m still looking for but more importantly now as a way to deal with it all.

So that’s where I’m coming from with all of this. PLEASE give me feedback, questions, comments, complaints, criticism, whatever on my writing. I know you people are out there, Ron has figured you all out! Also, I would really love if this could also be an open forum to share experiences and thoughts on love because seriously, what the fuck is it? And if anyone has advice on the whole parents finding my gay porn thing, that would be REALLY helpful as well. Just say something, anything, either on the forum or in a message, and it will put a smile on my face With all of that nonsense out of the way (and probably a bunch of things I am forgetting), here goes nothing…

*** *** *** ***



DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 1​

“Define love. Anyone want to give it a try?” My Freshmen English class remained silent. I knew that they were all thinking about an answer to Prof. Swick’s question and that they all had answers. The problem was that answers all left out something, one of the exceptions and intricacies of love, one that if left out would not truly define love. As second semester Freshmen in college, it was next to guaranteed that no one had ever experienced real love. Sure, there were those annoying high school couples that would just get under your skin. And then there were those idiotic couples that said they loved each other after a week of being together. They all sickened me. I thought I had it, once. Christine was everything I had ever wanted in a girl, beauty and brains, the full package. It was just never meant to be, I guess. We lived hundreds of miles apart and we couldn’t survive the distance. But if we couldn’t survive the 846 miles, we could never last in the long run and that was what I was looking for. I’m the guy who dives in head first to a relationship because when I fall, I fall hard. I guess it’s to be expected when the first girl you have feelings for is damn near perfect, but it certainly does limit your casual dating.

“Didn’t think so. But I’d like to at least try and change that for all of you. Our next paper is going to try and answer that question.” There were some groans from the 40 some odd kids in the class, out of the 60 that were actually supposed to be in class. They could’ve been because of the topic or just because it was another paper, but probably a combination of both.

“I know, I know. No one actually wants to talk about anything of importance anymore. But I’m hoping that will change.” She took a large stack of papers off the desk in front of her and began to pass them out to the class which caused the sleepers to jump up and the facebookers to x-out of their windows. “I’m probably going to get more groans from this but I’m going to do it any. Suck it up.” She had an… odd sense of humor about her. It doesn’t go over well with most students and only gives a slight chuckle to those who appreciate it but she kept at it none the less.

“So, since none of you have the answer to this question, this is going to be partially a team assignment. I’ve randomly assigned each of you partners and you are going to get to know that person and how they think, specifically about love. What is it to them? What are their experiences with love and how does it affect their daily lives? You’re required to do this with one other person but I can assure you that you will learn so much more if you talk to others and get their input as well. I also know that some of you are going to get the lovely children who didn’t feel my class was important enough to wake up from their afternoon naps for. However, if you are stuck with a bad partner, you need to tell me as soon as possible because I expect the person I assign to you to have contributed to your paper. And to ensure you each earn a fair grade, you will each be turning in a paper.”

Swick finished passing out the papers and returned back to the front of the room. “Not as many negative responses now? Great! I’m hoping this will lighten your moods as well; this won’t be a formal paper either. Of course I want it to be well written but a complete bibliography won’t be necessary. I’m looking for what you have to say, not how well you can format something. I want to feel like I’ve gone through the whole process with you, so just say who you talked to in your essay. I go through all of that in more detail in the paper I just handed you and you’ll see the deadline is a month from now because I expect these to be well written and have a lot of depth to them. I’m tired of seeing papers from students that are thrown together the night before. It’s obvious people. And one more thing. I introduced this paper last semester and I can tell you that there is so much you can get out of this assignment, it’s all a matter of if you’re willing to let yourself be open to find out things about yourself and about life. I hope you all have fun with it! Feel free to email me any questions or stay after class and I’ll answer them. You’re free to go.”

“But, uhh, who are our partners?” asked the guy who always sat in the front of the room vigorously taking down Swick’s every last word.

“Oh, my! I can’t believe I forgot! There is a list I posted on our class’s website with your partners name and email address. Any other big questions?” No one said anything as the class began to murmur amongst itself about the paper and from the looks of people’s faces, it wasn’t good murmuring.

I was one of those people. I didn’t know anyone in the class so I couldn’t bitch about it out loud to anyone but I was not looking forward for what was bound to end up as one gigantic bull-shitted paper. Granted, I was a good bull-shitter but it doesn’t mean I enjoy writing it. I like writing actually, but I’ve never been asked to write about anything I cared about. Now I was presented with a topic I wanted to write about but the idea of writing it from other people’s perception of love turned me off completely. I’ve experienced it, probably more than almost anyone in that class, and now I have to listen to some chick tell me some generic answer? But all of that had to be put on the back burner for the next two hours because I had an Microeconomics final that I was either going to ace or fail.


Two hours later…


It was the latter of the two options. That exam made me feel like I had never even been to a single econ class in my life. The only thing I thing I know I got right was my name, everything else was either hit or miss. At least my friends Jake and Antonio bombed as well. “Dude, what the fuck was that test?” I asked them as we were walking back from class.

“NO fucking clue. There had better be one massive curve because I don’t think anyone knew what was going on. What about you, Duh, how’d you do?”

Yeah, I’m “Duh.” Daniel Ulysses Henderson. Thanks, Dad.

“I’m with you guys, I’ll be happy if I passed. But seriously, let’s just not talk about it right now because I’m just going to get really pissed.”

“Agreed,” replied Jake. “So, this weekend. Partayyy!”

“So ready for a party, I could use a beer or seven right about now,” said Antonio. We both chuckled at Antonio because he was serious but he brought up a very valid point. Plus, it was college and that test was brutal…right?

“Actually, I could totally do that if you guys want. Duh, you still got those extras from the 30 pack?”

“Nahh, Jake. We killed those, remember? I could see if I could get Petey can run out and get some if you want.”

“I could totally do it, I need some r & r courtesy of Coors Light,” Jake said. “Wait, fuck…I can’t tonight, I have to finish this psychology paper. Can someone explain why we have to take these bullshit classes? Western civ can blow me…”

“DUDE, you want to talk about papers?” I asked. “I just got assigned a paper today in English. We’re supposed to ‘define love’.” Jake and Antonio burst into laughter. “Well I’m glad that you two are having a grand ol’ time based on my misery. This is going to be the gayest paper ever written.”

“I hear that,” Antonio said. “But I appreciate you getting me to laugh after that raping the econ exam did to my asshole.” We laughed and shared jokes, trying to lighten the loads on our minds until we got to my dorm which was closest.

“Peace out, Duh.”

“Peace guys.” As I turned towards the entrance, I took a long sigh. People are given nicknames throughout their lives, it’s a given fact, but I have never heard of anyone’s being as bad as mine. And it’s one of those nicknames that just never seem to get old. I’ve been Duh since the fourth grade and it’s now my Freshmen year at Ohio State. I’m convinced that has had a role in people never taking me seriously. There wasn’t a soul from my stupid hick-town that didn’t know me as Duh, except my family and Christine. They all called me Danny or Danny Boy, a welcome relief from being referred to as Duh. Too bad my family was a bunch of crazy Catholics, I sometimes called them Shiite Catholic, and Christine turned out to be a fucking bitch. But that’s my life, what the fuck can I do about it? So I stopped thinking about my depressing life as Duh and started to think about things that mattered, like school and that stupid paper about the definition of love. Fan-fucking-tastic!

I walked down the third floor hall to my room, 312, and unlocked the door. Inside was my roommate, Petey. He and I were randomly paired together because Jake and Antonio decided to room together and from the horror stories I’ve heard about some roommates, Petey was a on the positive side of mediocre. We hung out on occasion outside the room but I wouldn’t consider him one of my good friends, just a roommate. The best thing about him by far was that he had a fake id that never failed and was not afraid to use it.

“Hey, Petey. Would ya look at that, you’re in the same exact spot I left you this morning, in front of the computer playing World of Warcraft.”

“Sup, Duh. Don’t be jealous,” he said as he gave me a sarcastic smile. Once Jake had called me by my nickname, he laughed for five straight minutes and now won’t call me anything else but it. I sat down at my desk and flipped open my laptop as my feet happily rested. I signed on to my email account and found three new messages, two from facebook and one from ‘hreid’ titled “Define Love.” I deleted the two facebook messages and read the one from this ‘hreid’.

“Daniel,

Hey, my name is Hunter Reid and I’m in your English class and you’re my partner for this new assignment. We should probably meet up soon to talk about it. Let me know what is good for you, preferably later or during lunch or dinner. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes but I think it’ll be good to get to know each other. Talk to you soon.

Hunter Reid”​

I just stared blankly at my laptop. A dude was my partner? What the fuck was this? My mind was so frustrated and angry that I just sat there dumbfounded. “If you’re going to assign a paper on love, why don’t you pair a guy with girl? You have to have that much…fuckin’ a!” my mind finally put together. I slammed my hands down on the desk and got up from the chair. “I’m takin’ one of your beers, Petey. I’m in need.” He got a good laugh out of it.

“Do what you gotta do, Duh.”

I popped the top of the can and chugged it, angrily and in near-record time.

“Damn, Duh, you really did need that beer!”

“Why would I lie to you, Petey?” I sat back down at my desk and began massaging my temples and eyes but it was the Coors that I was enjoying even more. I’m far from being an alcoholic and I try to keep the partying to a minimum but when I go out, I go big or go home. But when it’s just been a shit day, all you can really do is sit back and just crack open a cold one. It cures almost anything and hasn’t even given me a beer belly, thank God. I mean, I don’t really have “abs” per se but I think I have a good stomach. If the beer and Burger King started to get to me I would obviously work on it but I was content and that was all that mattered. That was my body all the way around, lightly toned is probably the best way to put it. I could carry my weight in any physical labor or sport until my asthma would catch up with me. I was never the best but I was never the worst.

I took a minute to compose my thoughts. “Ok, Dan, settle down and figure out what to do here. You have to write this paper, maybe you can switch partners or find a girl and use her as your primary source or whatever the fuck Swick called it.” I paused to mull it over and the logic seemed to be sound. “Alright, let’s do that. I really need this grade especially since I bombed that econ exam.” I took a deep breath in, exhaled and began typing my response to this Hunter Reid.

“Hunter,

Hey, what’s up? Yeah, we should definitely meet up to talk about the paper. I really need to have a good grade on this paper because I’m not doing so hot in econ anymore lol. I’m free for dinner tomorrow if you want to do that. We could meet around 7 at the main cafeteria if that works for you. Otherwise, I’m free past 8 on the weekdays and during the afternoon on weekends. Like I said, whatever works. I’m pretty flexible.

Dan Henderson”​

After hitting send, I went over and just lay on my bed to nap. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have an hour to nap in between Calculus and English and today most certainly required a nap.

One hour later...

My phone’s alarm started to ring. I don’t know what it is about that alarm but it just pierces through a person, like cutting warm butter with a machete. I rolled up and out of bed, piling my things together for Calculus when I noticed I had another email. It was the reply from Hunter.

“Dan,

Sounds good to me. I’ll meet you there at 7. I’ll be wearing my Buckeye shirt in the back corner. You’ll probably be able to spot me as the guy eating awkwardly by himself ha-ha. I’m looking forward to meeting you.

Hunter”​

To be continued....

 

[gogetter]

I like your premise- looking forward to more!

 

[Craiger]

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate morning experience. I have always found it interesting how adults either tend to forget or try to hide their own youthful indiscretions. This, of course, is to give the young person a lesson in life that they have already become aware of. I hope you will not let it be an obstruction to your search.

As Gogetter has said, the premise of your story it quite interesting and I also look forward to reading more. Dan may find the partnership with Hunter to be much more intriguing than anything he could possibly imagine.

Craiger

 

[Autolycus]

It is always a pleasure to welcome a new writer to our story board. It is also great to have a fresh kind of theme. It is going to be interesting to see how it develops.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

 

[13hangers]

I'm liking this good start!

 

[irishinvader]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. And a VERY special thanks to Autolycus for taking the time to format my story into one that is SO much easier to read. My hope is that this one isn’t so disastrous and I can find enough time on a computer with internet (I don’t have wireless on my laptop) to get acquainted to the formatting tools. A quick update on my life on the home front: my parents are idiots. I have a little brother and sister, 6 and 8, and they use the computer and my Dad banned me from the computer because they use it. However, he is stupid enough to not delete the history that is STILL there from when he caught me. And because of his stupidity, I was able to do some digging. They googled my name, my user id for JUB and “Focus on the Family’s talking points on same- sex attraction”. Those were probably my mother’s stupidities. But not one word has been mentioned to me about it all. I guess my parents want to dance a damn tango around the subject. I’m waiting to see how this whole counseling thing is going to shake out, that should be an interesting adventure. Anyone have any experience with that? But enough about me, it’s time for Duh to meet Hunter and maybe the two of them can define love

*** *** *** ***


DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 2​

Seven p.m. is not a good time to meet someone at a college dining hall. All college students get hungry within 15 minutes of each other and without parents to hold back what they do and when to do it, they all savagely converge on the food. I really should’ve thought of this before trying to find one dude I had never met sitting by himself in some corner wearing a Buckeye shirt among hundreds of other dudes sitting around with Buckeye shirts. It was like trying to find Waldo at a Where’s Waldo convention, while holding a tray with 2 slices of pizza, some fries and a Mountain Dew. “This shit is ridiculous,” I thought to myself. “Just keep looking, you’ll find the Hunter bastard eventually.” I get frustrated easily.

It took 5 minutes to maneuver my way through the crowd and weave in and out of lazy, inconsiderate bitches who couldn’t just move their damn chairs in to begin with rather than make a big deal of a skinnier guy trying to squeeze through to get to the other end of the cafeteria. And still nothing. “Fuck it, I am done with this shit,” I angrily muttered under my breath as I didn’t see anyone awkwardly by himself. A group of 5 very attractive girls and a couple of guys got up from a table in front of me and I immediately rushed over and grabbed a chair to find that one member of the group didn’t get up to leave. “Oh, sorry dude, didn’t see you there.”

“Nahh, don’t worry about it, sit down. I just met those people anyway,” he laughed. “I’m…” he was interrupted as one of the girls who had just left the table came back with a napkin in her hand.

She walked right past me over to this guy, put her hand on his shoulder and said, “We should hang out some time.” She then paused, looked at him with a “Fuck me on this table” stare and left the napkin on the table, a name and number clearly visible. I rested my chin on my hand, it was all I could do to keep my jaw in the general vicinity of the rest of my mouth. I just sat there, speechless, until I said the only thing that came to mind. “Dude.” He started cracking up.

“Alright, I swear, that NEVER happens.”

“My ass, that never happens!”

“No, seriously!” he laughed. “I’m sitting here, minding my own business, and she just comes up to me and asks if this table is free for her and her friends. She said I looked lonely. I just went with it and now I have this.”

“God I am jealous.” …Did I just compliment a guy I don’t know twice on his looks? I guess it could be construed that “God I am jealous” meant I am jealous of the girl going to him, but I knew that I was really jealous of this guy being handsome enough to have that happen to him. And as for “my ass, that never happens,” that can’t even be taken a different way. I’m definitely not gay, but I know a good-looking guy when I see one; I can appreciate the male physique. The way every muscle comes purposefully together with the rest of the body, the way washboard abdominals fall down from solid pectorals like gentle yet forceful waves of the ocean, the way broad shoulders branch into biceps, triceps and forearms and then into hands that could deliver a mean uppercut and still provide comfort with a simple pat on the back, the way the jaw line dignifiedly holds the rest of the face in place and portrays a sense of character, the way a man’s eyes can pierce a soul in one single, undaunted, meaningful gaze. A woman’s body was built to make a baby, a slit down low and a pair of fun bags up top and nothing else but daintiness. Don’t get me wrong, they provide a hell of a lot of fun but they are so simple. And then there’s the fact that women can be fucking insane. It makes me happy to be a man. We are much more intricate physically, the detailed definition of every muscle compared to an s-shape, but women are more nurturing and caring, it’s a give and take. Finding that perfect, unique balance is something you simply cannot pass up. But if you put a well-groomed and built man next to a well-groomed and built woman, there is something more impressive about the man, something inexplicable, that makes other men respect and admire him and women adore him. That was who…

“I’m Hunter, by the way. I don’t think I introduced myself yet.”

“I’m Dan.” All I could do was just stare at this guy. I had a decent looking high school and played enough shirts vs. skins games to see my fair share of male bodies but even sitting down with his shirt on, I could tell that Hunter had the best build of anyone I had ever met in person. He wasn’t jacked or pumped full of steroids, just purposefully built with every muscle meant to be defined, defined. It wasn’t something you could you go to the gym and have happen, it was something that developed through years of hard physical labor. And by his golden brown tan and sun-kissed natural dirty blonde highlights mixed in with the rest of his milk chocolate hair, my guess was a farm. It was all a remarkable sight to behold.

“Wait, Dan Henderson?”

I chuckled at the serendipity. “You’re Hunter Reid then, huh?”

“Yeah, man, that’s me. I figured you couldn’t find me which is why I let those girls sit at the table.”

“You’re saying that you would’ve told that chick she couldn’t sit here to meet some dude for an English project? Damn, you must really like this project!”

“I mean, I am pretty interested in this project but it’s hard to tell someone they aren’t allowed to sit down when they already pulled out a chair. But I still felt bad because I knew you would be looking for a guy sitting by himself and I wouldn’t be myself anymore. And yet we still found each other.”

“Yeah, and I’d say it turned out pretty well,” I said while eyeing the napkin in front of him.

“Ehh, I guess. I’m just glad you somehow found me because now I’ll only feel like a minor douche for lying to you as a first impression,” he said with a laugh but also with a trace of actual guilt in his blue eyes.

“He’s serious?” It was more of a shock than the girl giving him her number and my mind did a double-take at his countenance but my assessment was dead on. I’m the type of person who notices the little things that everyone else does: how someone looks away in embarrassment after failing to be funny, the sadness in a person’s eyes that they don’t want anyone else to see, the difference between a real smile and a courtesy laugh. I read between the lines, it’s my specialty, and I do it often. It’s probably the one thing I’m really proud of about myself. And that was the gift that allowed me to, with 100% assurance, call Hunter a word that describes only a few people. Genuine. He had the physique of Greek god and the personality of my favorite second grade teacher. He was clearly my superior and yet I felt his equal. And I knew all of this within the first moments of meeting him. Maybe I really would learn something through this project, if not about love, at least about being a good human being.

“Hunter, seriously, don’t even worry about it. I probably would’ve done the same thing if things like that ever happened to me.”

“Ehh, whatever. It’s over and done with now, right? I’m not going to even call her anyway,” he chuckled.

“Why the hell not?” I asked incredulously.

“Because I’m gay.”



To be continued...

 

[gaytxn09]

Nice story. I just wonder why Hunter and *I* can't meet up in the cafeteria.

 

[Craiger]

Good chapter. Meeting Hunter and his being so open from the first is very refreshing. Obviously Dan is intrigued by Hunter.

Glad also that things are not any worse at home. It is probably better that things haven't been mentioned up to this point. Have your parents actually set up some counseling for you? If so, hopefully the therapist will be neutral and not follow a biased approach. I wish you the best.

Craiger

 

[gaultierfnd2007]

I really like the first two chapters. I can't wait for the next installment.

 

[irishinvader]

Craiger, the counseling hasn't been set up yet so I really have no idea what is going on in that regard. It would be refreshing to have someone who wouldn't have a biased approach but I don't think they are paid to have unbiased approaches. When, or if ::crosses fingers::, that happens I'll be sure to let you know.

As for the story, I'm thinking the next chapter is going to be from Hunter's point of view although that is entirely up for debate. Between trying to find a job, dealing with people at home and a summer course, finding the time and inspiration for writing is hard but I'll have it up soon. Thanks to gogetter, autolycus, craiger, skittles, 1big14me, 13hangers, gaytxn19 and gaultierfnd2007 for the comments. I won't disappoint!

 

[Craiger]

I think hearing Hunter's viewpoint will be a great touch. Obviously he isn't afraid to share his sexuality and to hear his take on Dan will be cool.

Don't worry about posting right away, we will be here no matter what. Finding that job will be a good thing and hopefully keep your parents happy. Maybe the "problem" will fade and they will slowly accept who you are. Sometimes it just takes a while to adjust to these things. Good luck in all your endeavors.

Craiger

 

[gaytxn09]

Hot story so far! I'm looking forward to the next post, whenever it may come. No stress! You worry about you first!

 

[harry113]

Thanks, great start. This is beginning to build into a
fascinating story. More please!
Sorry to hear about your home life, hope things can be resolved between you & the parents.
Harry

 

[Maccabee]

I really like your story as well. It does not really bother me that there's no sex in the first chapters. It's nice to see that the characters are described well first. You can compare it to having sex on a first date. In most circumstances, that's just not right
I do hope that your next chapter will be somewhat longer. Because I thought it was a pity that ch. 2 ended

 

[littletosay]

Irishinvader,

This is a very intriguing story with lots of potential. Looking forward to the next chapter.

 

[LukiusCurtiss]

Very interesting story, I like how you go in-depth of the things going through the Dan's head upon meeting Hunter. Can't wait for the next chapter.

BTW, I really feel for you in the situation you are in. That is basically my worst fear realized (if my parents should ever come upon my internet history and my "personal folders"). Best wishes to you in that your life gets better!

 

[awsomenoz]

:O great story dude i can totally relate except my hunter is straight and has a girlfriend but keep writing im looking forward to more

 

[irishinvader]

Hey, everyone! Thanks for the positive feedback, it means a lot . An update on the home front, my get me straight counseling starts on Monday. Tune in for an update on that because I'm sure it's going to be an interesting ride. My mom claims he is going to be unbiased and won't pressure me in a certain direction but that has to be a lie, why else am I going to this damn thing? It's with a pastor from the church I've gone to for a while now but I don't know him personally, although I think I know of his daughter. But here is what is more exciting, chapter 3! You should be able to pick it up from the way it is written, but in case not, this chapter is from Hunter's viewpoint. Again, please comment and criticize!!!!

*** *** *** ***


DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 3​

“Oh…that would definitely explain it,” Daniel responded.

“I figured I should tell you upfront, you can’t really have an honest conversation about love without knowing the person’s sexuality,” I said in an effort to break what had become a slightly uncomfortable silence. Coming out to someone new is always different and no matter how many times you do it, you feel nervous and awkward, unless they already have a good gay friend. You go out on a limb every time, a small rinky dink branch that even some squirrels try to avoid. Every conversation has the potential to fail and even though every conversation has the potential to succeed, it is that fear of the unknown that keeps many people in the closet. I’ve fallen enough times and I’ve become almost numb to it all. Almost.

“Yeah, totally…wow. So, ummm, wow.” He gave another awkward laugh. I was still hanging onto that flimsy limb but I could hear it beginning to crack.

“Yeah, this probably isn’t what you expected from your partner. Sorry.” I really was sorry. When Professor Swick announced the project, I was unbelievably frustrated. Whoever I was going to be paired with was going to make a big deal out of me being gay and I just want to have a serious conversation with someone. Girls would just go “Oh my god, I’m going to be incredibly inappropriate with you because you don’t like it but I do. Let’s go shopping!” I fucking hate shopping. Then there are the guys who just get scared, like I’m going to stalk them and rape them while in the shower. Get over yourselves. In my experience, the guys with the most problems are so repulsive I would never touch them anyway. They should be thanking me, I’m taking out some of their competition and they need all the help they can get. All of that taken into account, at the end of the day, my paper isn’t good and I either have someone who hates me or someone who treats me superficially. It’s a lose lose.

“No, I mean, it’s cool and stuff. I’ve just never had a conversation with a gay guy. I mean, my high school had some but I never knew them personally.” Daniel was a typical nice unexposed straight guy. They aren’t afraid of you when you meet them but the moment you tell them you’re gay, everything changes. It was a fact I had learned to accept but couldn’t understand, a societal constraint that I didn’t enjoy but could do nothing about on a large enough scale at such a young age. If you can’t do anything about it, learn to deal with it. And that’s what I did, which is why I found it cute the way Daniel was fumbling around for words. Call it bestowing too much faith in the human race but it’s the only way I know how to live, ready to believe every last word a person says knowing that some will let you down. It hurts but if you never risk falling, how high can you plan on climbing the ladder of success?

“Listen, I totally understand. Plenty of people have been in your situation. Just tell me what you want to know so you feel comfortable. I don’t want to make anything awkward for you but I also want you to understand my background.” This was my patented process, Hunter Reid’s guide to coming out: ask them what they want to know. It eliminates you grossing someone out and it also tells so much about a person. Depending on what and how a question is asked, you can easily gauge one’s character, especially the first question. Most girls and some guys go for the “How long have you known” or “How did you know” question first. They are interested in you but aren’t sure how exactly to ask me anything and it usually means they are good people. Then there are the guys who go for the sex questions, “Why don’t you like the vagina?” They tend to be shallower people but I’ve been able to turn some of them into non-idiots. And that’s basically it, there really isn’t too much variety in that first question, the later ones are much more diverse.

“Umm, ok. I have to think about it for a sec. Sorry, my mind is all over the place. Umm, do you just not like girls or is it something about a guy?”

“Wow.” I stared into his hazel eyes in amazement as the word continued to reverberate in my head. His question caught me off guard. I honestly don’t think that anyone has ever asked me that before and it was a question that should be asked.

“Wow, I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that question.” Yeah, I know that’s what I was just thinking but it was all I could come up with. I had become the one fumbling for words. “Umm, to be honest, I really don’t know. I’ve always just liked guys and, I mean, yeah, I’ve tried to figure out what it is and stuff but I don’t have an answer. I just like guys and I don’t know why. Believe me, I wish I could explain it better.”

“No, it’s fine. This is just all really new to me, I’m still trying to process it all and stuff,” he said as he gave an embarrassed laugh. It registered somewhere in the back of my mind that I wasn’t going to fall off of my branch but I was much more preoccupied with Daniel. Despite being obviously taken off guard, his very first reaction was to understand me and where I was coming from. He showed that he was interested in me as a person while trying to comprehend the physical aspect of homosexuality. He wasn’t judgmental or condemning, he just genuinely cared about my wellbeing and where I was coming from. I had to thank him for it.

“Don’t worry about it. But thanks for asking that question. It’s a question I know is there but I’ve never really tried to answer it. I mean, I’ve sorta tried but it was too much to go through at 3 in the morning while laying in bed, you know what I mean?”

“Oh definitely man, I get these, like, crazy philosophical thoughts right before I go to sleep and then I forget them by morning and have nothing accomplished. It’s so annoying!”

“That’s like every night with me. I get some like Nobel Prize worthy stuff goin’ on up here and I never get answers to them.”

He giggled while he replied, “I know, I know, but I’ve gotten better a little better with it. Before I came to school, my grandpa got me this really nice leather journal and ball point pen. I keep that by my bed table and if I get a good question, I try and jot it down. I also keep some quotes and stuff in there. I mean, whatever works, right?”

“That is such a good idea.” It was a damn good idea at the very least. My mindset on this project was looking up and up as the conversation continued.

“Actually, it’s probably one of the better ideas I’ve ever came up with.” He paused and got a look in his eye. “ I’m, uhh, actually thinking about giving it to my kids when they get older for a birthday present,” he said as he averted my gaze. It was so obvious what he was doing, he was testing the waters, seeing what was ok and what wasn’t. Whether it was being done consciously or subconsciously I couldn’t tell but I couldn’t care for one second. Daniel was unlike anyone I’d ever met and all I wanted to do was continue to get to know him. I have friends who are deep, philosophical people but all they want to do is talk about deep, philosophical things and it can get annoying. Daniel was the type of person who wouldn’t back down one of those conversations but continues to live life like a normal college kid. My best friend, Sarah, is that type of person which is one of the reasons why we get along so well. But Sarah’s not nearly as cute as Daniel.

“If my Dad had ever given me something like that, it would be my most prized possession. I would’ve absolutely loved it. Please do that.”

His reaction was priceless. He paused for a second before he said anything and looked at me square in the eye with the upmost gratitude, like I had given him the greatest compliment he had ever received. “You really think so?”

It had all taken me aback. My words had made such a profound impact on him that it had in turn made a profound impact on me. I’ve given people compliments before but this book was clearly something that he held near and dear to his heart. I had unknowingly found the cornerstone of his philosophy and essentially complimented the fundamentals of his character.

“Yeah.” Our eyes never broke contact.

He paused for a moment. “Thank you.” My prior thoughts were then reassured. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Up to this point, the conversation had been a quick back and forth between two, equal men where both men were comfortable talking about themselves and what they believed in. Now, it was between two friends. Nothing was said for the next moment because nothing needed to be said. It had all been so natural up to this point and it was only natural to let the magnitude of it all set in.

But the silence did need to broken or the priceless moment would turn awkward. “No, Daniel, thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

A small quizzical smile broke across his face. “Yeah…you called me Daniel.”

“Well, that’s your name, isn’t it?” I began to panic, “Oh good God, please tell me I called him the right name.”

“Yeah, it’s just that no one has ever called me Daniel before. I’m Dan, Danny, Danny Boy and Duh, not Daniel.”

“Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus.” “Really? You strike me as a Daniel. And, Duh?” I responded as I tried to bring my heartbeat back to its normal rhythm.

“No, you’re definitely the first. I’ll explain Duh in a minute but why Daniel?” I had apparently struck another chord with him and I loved it. I love getting to see a person’s character on full, uncensored display and I already knew that he would make an excellent father and I don’t know how much more I can compliment a man than saying that. And yet there was still more to him.

“Daniel commands more respect. Dan is so generic and mundane, another face in the crowd. Daniel is the name of someone who matters, someone who cares. Why do you call yourself Dan?”

He paused and looked away to think about it. “Honestly…I don’t really know. I just do.”

“Sounds like me being gay,” I chided.

“Yeah.” I could tell he was still deep in thought and gave him a moment before asking about his nickname.

“So, Duh, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, that,” he said with sarcastic laughter. “My full name is Daniel Ulysses Henderson so my initials are D.U.H. which is Duh if you put it together. When my friends found out, it’s all they would call me and it just stuck.”

“I can see why, Duh is a pretty good nickname, but you still look like a Daniel to me.”

“Thanks. What about Hunter, that must have some good nicknames?”

Before I could reply, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my jean’s pocket. I snapped back into life outside our conversation and realized Daniel and I had been talking for a long while, so whoever was trying to contact me was wondering where I was. “Hold on, one sec. I probably need to take this.” I looked at my phone and read the text message from Sarah.

“Heyyy whered you go?? American idol is going to start soon and we have to get ready. Get back here!”

I quickly texted her back.

“I know! How could I forget that? I’ll be back before it starts, promise.”

“Sorry, that was my best friend Sarah. American Idol is coming on tonight and we always watch it together.”

“Oh, so you’re going to go?” I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“No, it’s only a little past 7:30 so I have like fifteen minutes if you don’t have anywhere to be. Plus, you haven’t really touched your food.”

“Oh, shit, I didn’t even realize that. Sorry, I kinda have a sailor’s mouth. I’m working on it but I haven’t made too much progress. But, anyway, if you have to go, go. Don’t stay here because I’m here, not a big deal.”

“No, I want to stay. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ok, cool. In that case, I’m going to grab another slice of pizza.”

“Good by me.” He got up from the chair and entered the throng of hungry savages. As he walked away from the table, I couldn’t help but check him out physically. I mean, it had to be done at some point. Daniel wasn’t a buff guy but he had nice proportions for a taller guy like himself, probably six foot or a little over. He was on the slender side but not scrawny, there was enough meat on his bones to fill out his body nicely which he obviously knew how to dress. His light blue shirt brought out his eyes well and accented his slightly parted dark brown hair well. Then there were his pants. Holy shit. I’m not really an ass guy myself, but you’d have to be crazy not to want Daniel’s ass. I don’t know whether it was the dark denim he was wearing but if his ass was half as good as it looked while he walked away, it would certainly be a sight to behold. An ass that you just wanted two gigantic handful of as you pull a guy in to kiss him. I felt my cock twitch inside my own denim as my mind began to fantasize about where that tender kiss would lead. But I had to stop myself. I couldn’t change the facts of the situation I now found myself in: he was undeniably attractive emotionally and physically but he was also straight and my partner for a long term paper that would be worth a good portion of my English grade. Plus, our conversation had been undeniably special and I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I did anything to ruin the trust he had bestowed upon me when he talked about his grandfather’s journal. I looked up in time to see him walking back to the table with two pieces of pizza in hand.

“Hungry?” I joked.

“Nope, this one is for you. I hate being the only person eating, makes me feel awkward. So I’m forcing you to eat with me.”

I laughed, “A slice of pizza can’t hurt.” The truth was, I was full but I wanted to do what I could to him feel more comfortable. It was the least I could do after thinking about grabbing his voluptuous ass and pulling him in until our lips met in an explosion of passion.

He began to chow down on his pizza. “So, what about your nicknames? Hunter lends itself to some good nicknames I would think.” We talked about my old nicknames and where they came from which meant me talking a good deal about Sarah. He said that she reminded him of his ex, in a good way, and began talking about her and some of the situations they had gotten into. They were basic things about ourselves and yet the way everything was said was like we had been catching up instead of just meeting because every response Daniel gave made sense with who he was and what he was about. We joked and bantered between ourselves for a few minutes but the conversation was almost unnecessary. I had already gotten to see who he was as a human being so each thing he said was more of a subtle affirmation of what I already knew about him, it just came in more detailed form now. And while I am very upfront with people about myself and who I am, I was talking with Daniel at a whole different level. I didn’t share my deep dark secrets or life’s story but things that are personal – I hold Sarah near and dear to my heart. It was a continuation of the conversation that had already taken place, just on different topics that were further the heart, but only slightly further. It was a more than welcome change of pace from the same mundane, superficial conversations I usually have with people. But before long, I felt my phone once again.

“Get your ass over hereeeee!”

“Sorry, but I really gotta go or Sarah is going to kick my ass. Literally, she’s one feisty little bitch.”

“Yeah, totally. Oh, before you go, we should exchange numbers. I hate email. Plus, we never actually talked about the project which we should probably do soon.”

It was funny because it was true, we had come to discuss the project and the project had become an afterthought. We exchanged numbers and then stood there for a minute, neither of us knowing how exactly to say goodbye when it was obvious neither one of us wanted to leave. I attempted to take control.

“I’ll, uhh, call you sometime this next week and we’ll get together to actually talk about the project.”

He laughed. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I stuck out my hand for a proper handshake because it was what Daniel deserved, nothing more and nothing less than a gentleman’s goodbye. He returned the handshake with force but without overpowering me, exactly like I knew he would.

As I reached the stairs, I realized I hadn’t texted Sarah back.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. But after the show, I have something to talk to you about.”

She is a fast texter and before I was out the door, I received her reply.

“…a good thing or a bad thing??”

“A very good thing.”



To be continued...

 

[Craiger]

That was an awesome chapter. Not only do Hunter and Dan get to know each other, but we find out more intricacies about them. I really like this story.

Interesting how your parents have chosen the Pastor of the church to be your councilor. From what you said earlier your church is not too tolerant of an alternative lifestyle so I can't imagine him being very accepting. However, Monday should give you a better idea of what's to come. I hope the Pastor will be fair and unbiased in his advice. If you need or want to talk about it to get a different perspective PM one of us and we would be happy to just listen. You never know, the session may be very positive. Anyway, best of luck on Monday.

Craiger

 

[hardreader]

I just read your first three chapters and think you're doing a really nice job with it. As a writer, I really appreciate the fact that you are presenting this from each of their perspectives. It lets us into their heads, which is where really good stories happen.

Of course,I am waiting for and hoping for that hot sex you promised. But I know it is going to be so much hotter between two guys I have come to know.

So keep going. I'm sure a lot of guys like me are waiting for Chapter 4.

And good luck with the counselling, but don't take it "personally".