Define Love

[GrayFox]

Irish,

No, I meant it literally. I'm more fascinated with your story and real life than a non-fiction facsimile. Can't wait to hear more. But, I do love the story.

 

[DonQuixote]

Dear IrishInvader,
I started to read your thread awhile ago, but didn't get to the end, didn't post in the middle, so it didn't bookmark in my subscriptions, and I lost the thread.

You've got a nice style. I'm enjoying reading. I'm partway through the initial meeting from Hunter's perspective.

I've got to run - time to take my shower and get ready for work. This was an early AM wake up read - and it was actually a very nice one.

I'll think about your current home circumstances. I've also got to get caught up so I can see where you're at by the time I can post intelligently.

--
Later same day - I guess the Post button didn't take, but at least my PC kept everything I said before. I just caught up with the gang.

It's a great, heartfelt story. The dream was fan-fucking-tastic! You have a VIVID imagination, that you tranlate to the printed page for us quite well, indeed!

I'm glad your pastor is seeming to come at this even handedly. It's also probably very good that he's limiting HIS involvement to three sessions -- he's a counsellor, but not a long term "therapist" counsellor.

If you've explored JUB extensively at all, you may have come across my expanded discussions on God and Sexuality. How are you at Math, Statistics?

Do you remember the Standard Deviation Bell Curve?
The 80:20 Rule?

Picture human sexuality on the curve -- in God's natural world, virtually everything seems to follow Pareto's Theorem, aka the 80:20 rule --

In other words, 68.13(?)% of us fall within 1 standard deviation of the center of the curve -- going one way leads to more homosexual interest, going the other to more hetero, or possibly Asexual/Non-sexual interest.

Bisexuality is probably in the 2nd standard deviation toward homosexuality, and most homosexuality in the 3rd.

Six Sigma - companies strive for 6 Sigma compliance/quality - covers 99.87% of the curve within +/-3 standard deviation -- it empirically proves the rule.

All this leads to my basic belief that
Is homosexuality/bisexuality Normal - YES - it's well within +/- Sigma. Is it the Norm - No - it's not within the 1st +/- that makes up 68.13%.

Again, the curve is empirical in virtually anything you care to run an analysis on in nature. God created nature. god created You.

I hope that gives you some more positive perspective on your situation, and maybe something that can help you explain it to your mom/dad some day, when the timing is right.

Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into this story, and sharing it with us. You have a lot of talent.

 

[irishinvader]

Hey again everyone! So I've kept you all waiting much too long for the next chapter and I do apologize but this chapter is the longest chapter so far. Please keep in mind that this is written from Hunter's perspective and takes place after his meeting with Daniel, aka the same night as chapter 5. You should be able to pick it up from the writing but just in case

DonQuixote, thanks for your compiments! I am actually pretty familiar with math and statistics. I'm an engineering major, math minor and am have take AP Statistics in high school and will be taking another statistics class online in a month haha. Has there ever been any research done specifically to try and fit a bell curve to the sexuality of a population? Unless there is, it won't do me any good with my parents but it is certainly something to think about. Thanks.

*** *** *** ***


DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 6​

Friday nights had become board game night in the TV lounge. We know we’re really cool, it’s just that none of my friends were heavy partiers, although I certainly wouldn’t mind going out more than a handful of times each semester. As long as I don’t end up taking care of anyone too stupid to drink more than they can handle, I’m good. I need to blow off a little steam every now and then and I’ve recently needed to let off a little more than usual. The weight of doing well in college and keeping a steady social life were beginning to catch up with me but I try to keep my personal problems personal. I know I have friends like Sarah who would be there for me no matter what but she doesn’t need to be burdened by things I am completely capable of handling by myself. She has enough to deal with.

Her and I had just finished watching American Idol and began discussing board game night. “I’m thinking Monopoly, what do you think?”

“Nahh,” she replied. “We played that a couple weeks ago and it takes too long. You know I’m always a fan of Apples to Apples.”

“You’re gunna yell at me about playing Monopoly two weeks ago when we played that last week! We always play that. We know already, Helen Keller beats all.”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t play!” she said with a smile and a laugh. Sarah was such a sweetheart, always had been. She and I grew up together and by the time we were both seniors in high school, we had become inseparable. Most people assumed we were dating until word started circulating that I was gay. I had known since about eighth grade but didn’t really tell people about it all until sophomore year of high school. It was hard growing up, knowing that there was something different about you and not really knowing what it is for years. And then when you do realize what it is, coming to terms with it all is a long, excruciating process. Sarah was there for it all. She helped me with it all from start to finish, from staying up late crying with me when I confided what I had been feeling to my first serious crush to dealing with an old-fashioned single Dad working on a farm who can’t accept his son. I’ve never forgotten everything she did for me and I’ll be grateful to have her in my life until the day I die.

“If you can persuade the rest of the gang to go for it, fine, but I don’t think they are going to go for it. So let’s think of something else for the next few. You know all the games I have and I know all the games you have so let’s figure something out.”

“What about Clue? I haven’t played that in the longest time and the right amount of people,” she suggested.

“Good, see now we are getting out of Sarahville and into the real world,” I said with a sarcastic smile. This was the way we always were, joking back and forth, me the sarcastic one and Sarah the stubborn one. And then we had the deeper side of our relationship. Our conversations could switch between the two seamlessly without it ever becoming awkward. I loved the dynamic of our relationship, fun loving without ever crossing the line.

“Ha! You are so funny, you should go to the open mic nights.”

“No, see the whole sarcasm thing doesn’t really work for you. On the other hand, I’m awesome and can pull it all off. So ha to you!”

“Oh yeah, you think you’re so cool dontcha? You won’t be laughing when everyone wants to play Apples to Apples and not Monopoly.”

“That sounds like a bet Miss Thing. And what happened to Clue?”

“Then you heard right Mr. Smart allic. And screw that, I want to play Apples to Apples so that’s what’s going to happen.”

“You’re on Missy. What’s the wager?”

“Loser does whatever the winner wants.”

“So when everyone wants to play Monopoly, does that mean I can finally get you to grow a pair and streak down the hall?”

“NO,” she shrieked. “I am not a little whore, no matter how many times you try and get me to act like one.”

“I do not try and get you to be a whore, I try and get you to do crazy things. So it sounds like the ‘whatever the winner wants’ part of the statement has some exceptions.”

“Nothing too crazy and I’ll do it. Hold on, I have a text,” she said while opening her phone. “It’s from Phil. He wants to know if he can come over early.”

“Good with me.” There were 6 other members to our little group excluding Sarah and me: Phil, Caroline, Jack and Joanna (they were the couple of the group), Larissa and Walter. We all got along well but some people were closer than others. Obviously Sarah and I were close as were Jack and Joanna who had begun going out only weeks after school started. Phil lived across the hall from me and we were both Communications majors, Sarah was roommates with Caroline and Caroline was friends with Larissa, Walter and Jack who obviously brought Joanna. This essentially divided us into two subgroups: me, Sarah and Phil and Caroline, Jack, Larissa, Walter and Joanna. All of us becoming friends was pretty happenstance but we all enjoyed each other’s company and have relatively similar views on life. They were all open to new things and people but they were all very unique with defining characteristics.

“Oh crap, I can’t believe I forgot! What was your big news?!” Sarah excitedly asked.

“I was wondering when you’d get around to all of that Captain Nosey,” I sarcastically responded.

“Oh shut up and tell me. What’s going on?”

“Well…you remember how I was meeting that guy Daniel for my English project, right?”

“Yeah…IS HE GAY?!? OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND SOMEONE!!”

“Woman! Calm it down. No he’s not gay. I was just going to say that he and I…I don’t even know how to describe it. We just got along so well and we sat there and just talked about like…everything and it was like I knew him but I obviously didn’t and it was just really…incredible. I don’t know how else to describe it. I don’t think I’ve met anybody like him before.” I was embarrassed and I hadn’t been able to look Sarah in the eyes during my small speech because I kept thinking about Daniel and the moment we had shared in the dining hall. The innocence and purity in his eyes, his vulnerability as obvious as his character which radiated about him, each word he spoke as genuine as his smile.

Sarah was uncharacteristically quiet and it made me look up. She was looking at me with one of her signature looks that said more than words ever could, she could tell my time with Daniel really had been something special. “Holy crap, you like him don’t you?”

I looked at her quizzically. I hadn’t thought of Daniel like that, I mean I HAD but I dismissed it moments later. Daniel was straight, he obviously felt comfortable with me to share things close to him and I had come out to him at the beginning of the conversation. He would have clearly told me if he was gay or bisexual or anything. “But it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want him to be…”

“I don’t know…I mean we just met and he’s definitely straight and…”

“You can have a crush on straight guys, Hunter, you know that.”

“I know, but you weren’t there. I can’t, even if I did want to, which I’m not even sure I do. He was open with me in a way I don’t think he has been before. He shared who he was, what he was about and everything with me. I can’t betray that trust. I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

Sarah let a moment pass before saying anything. “Ok. I understand what you’re saying but I have to ask you this one question. If he was gay, would you ask him out?”

The answer was obvious. “Yeah, I would.”

“Well then you like him and there isn’t too much you can do about it.” She was right. Daniel was an amazing guy, inside and out. But it was so wrong, so terribly wrong to think about. He put so much faith in me, he held out his innocence and here I was rubbing it into the dirt. I try to empathize with straight guys for not understanding my sexuality and what I do agree with them on is when they get disgusted when another guy actually likes them. They are ok with homosexuality because being gay doesn’t affect them, they’ll let other people do what they want as long as there aren’t any consequences. Liking a straight guy is the ultimate consequence for their acceptance, it brings homosexuality directly into their world and it isn’t fair to them. I had now done that to Daniel and I was disgusted with myself.

“I can’t like him, Sarah. He’s straight and we have to write a paper together. It’s on love for Christ’s sake! Being ok with homosexuality but having another guy actually like you is something entirely different.”

“The paper you two are going to have to work through, or maybe you can get a different partner or something but I think that if you are going to be comfortable with homosexuality in general, you have to be comfortable with a gay person having a crush on you. It seems hypocritical to me to do anything else. If this guy is as great as your eyes are telling me, don’t think that’s what he’ll jump to. You need to have some of the faith, the same faith he put in you.”

I let it all sink in before I said anything. “Damn you, Sarah. Why do you always have to right about everything?”

“It’s what I do, you should know this by now,” she said with a smile and a corny wink.

“You are such a dork. Why am I friends with you again?”

“Yeah, seriously why are you friends with her,” said a voice from the doorway. I turned to see Phil carrying a few plastic bags of refreshments.

“You’re lucky you brought the food or I’d come over there and beat you,” Sarah told him in a way that was joking but at the same time took seriously. “How long have you been, by the way,” she inquired.

“I just got here and that was the first thing I heard. Why did I miss something newsworthy?” he replied.

“Not really, just talking about game night!” We talked and joked around for a few minutes as we set up the food Phil brought, it was his turn in the rotation to bring the food. I smiled and laughed but inside I couldn’t stop thinking about what Sarah had said. She was right but at the same time so was I. Regardless of whether or not Daniel would be ok with it, it was still an unfair situation to put any guy in, much less one I had just met. “But maybe you don’t really like him. After all, you did just meet the guy and it was for less than an hour.” It was enough to convince myself to put it all off until another time. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew none of this would go away.

It was 9:45 before everyone showed up and Phil, Sarah and myself had already eaten half a bag of Doritos. “Sorry we’re late, Joanna and I were finishing an episode of House online, we missed last week’s episode and we couldn’t leave the episode unfinished,” Jack said as he and the rest of the group walked into the lounge.

“Not a big deal, but I’m ready to kick some serious board game booty!” Phil was a quirky guy but he was one of the nicest people I’d ever met. He did odd things and had an interesting way with words but we loved him for it. “I never even asked, what game did you want to play?” he asked the group.

“I was thinking we should play Apples to Apples,” Sarah said to an immediate to an immediate groan from Walter.

“My god, Sarah, is that all you ever do, play Apples to Apples? Can we please do something different?” Walter said to unanimous agreement.

“Ohhh, it looks like someone lost the bet!”

“There was a bet?” asked Walter.

“Yeah, we bet that whoever had the idea for the game tonight would make the other person do whatever the winner wanted,” I responded. “So it looks like my wish will be Sarah’s command.”

“Not so fast there,” Larissa interjected. “We have to agree to play your game before anything happens.”

“Curse you and your feminism, Larissa!” She was a Women’s and African American Studies majors, a person who wanted to fight injustice. I respected her deeply but now was not the time for her righteousness. It was time to get Sarah naked and running frantically down the hall.

“Too bad, it’s about time men learned some manners and realized the world doesn’t revolve around them. What’s your idea hotshot?”

“I think we should play Monopoly. We haven’t played in a while and it’ll be fun to bring back that girls versus boys rivalry we had last time we played.”

“First of all, Monopoly takes way too long,” immediately replied Larissa, “and second of all, I don’t need to play some game to have a battle of the sexes, I just need to get up in the morning. Everybody against Monopoly raise your hand.” No one disagreed with Larissa when she did one of her feminist speeches, they were too much afraid, and they’re fear had cost me.

“Curse all of you and your lack of testicles,” I yelled, something I regretted moments later. Larissa shot me an evil glare and I quickly clarified my statement. “Courage, I mean courage. Curse all of you and your courage that is certainly not a gender specific trait.”

“Much better,” Larissa replied with a patronizing smile.

“So then what are we going to play,” Phil asked. “I didn’t buy food to do nothing. “

“No, no, no. That can be decided in a moment, I want to make Hunter do something first.”

“Silly Sarah, neither one of our ideas got picked so no one wins.”

“Not true, I get a dare and you get a dare. We said if our idea didn’t get picked, the other person would dare that person. And since neither of us got picked, we both get dares, isn’t that right Larissa?” Those were in fact not the rules I agreed to but Sarah had an ace up her sleeve. Larissa already gave a speech and it was only minutes into the night. The only time she did this was when she had her period, and no one, I mean NO ONE, messed with Larissa when she was on her period. And Sarah knew that everyone else knew this. “Crafty little woman,” I said to her through my death stare.

“Damn right, girl.” Curse women and their menstruation. It made me happy to be a guy and even happier to be gay.

“Fine, just dare me and get it over with. Just remember, if you dare me something crazy, I’m daring you something equally crazy and you’ll have to do it because I did mine.”

“Alright, here is what I want you to do. You promise you’re not gunna back down?”

I wanted to get Sarah back for all of this really badly. “I’m not backing down, so you can’t either.”

She looked me directly in the eye, “Fine. Text Daniel and ask him to come over to play games with us.” I was dumbfounded. How could she possibly bring up Daniel around everyone and after explaining it all to her, to try and force me to hang out with him? I was genuinely appalled. I was going to explode with anger but, determined to keep my cool, tried to figure out why the fuck Sarah would ever dare me to do that. That’s when I noticed the look in her eye, a look that said 'Just trust me, I would never steer you in the wrong direction.'

“OHHHHHH, WHOSE DANIEL?” shouted Caroline. She was always the nosiest, she had to know everything little thing that was going on in everyone’s lives.

“Hold on, Caroline.” I had to test Sarah and see if she really felt this was a good thing to do. “Ok, and if I do that, you’re going streaking down the hall and back,” I told her while staring straight back at her. Our eyes never broke contact while she thought over her dare. But seconds later she responded with assurance.

“Yeah, I’ll do it.” Sarah clearly knew something I didn’t, a phenomenon which happened on a regular basis. She always had some piece of the puzzle I couldn’t quite find and handed it to me, she never placed it herself but would hand it to me so I could finish it off. I trusted her judgment more than my own and, despite my doubts, put my faith in her plan.

“Alright, what exactly do you want me to say to him.”

“Just give it to me, I’ll type it and send it. Then I’ll run down the hall naked.”

“Ok.” It was the only thing I could say because I didn’t believe in what Sarah was doing, but I did believe in Sarah.

“Ok, NOW will you tell me who Daniel is?” asked a very impatient Caroline.

I had to be careful, I felt comfortable talking to any members of the group but I didn’t want to tell them things I wasn’t sure about or things that would make them act differently around Daniel should he join the board game night. “He’s my partner for an English project and Sarah wants him to come.” It wasn’t a lie but it certainly wasn’t the whole truth.

“So he’s cute then, huh Sarah?” asked Caroline again.

“I think it’d be good for Daniel to get to know him better and I’d like to get to know him too. From everything Hunter told me, he seems really great.” Sarah had somehow managed to avoid the question and answer it at the same time. Her mastery of manipulation was astonishing. “And sent!” she said in triumph.

I had to see what exactly she had said so I snatched the phone out of her hands to read the sent message. “Hey, me and my friends are having a board game night and I wanted to know if you could come.” It was a straightforward text message with no clever excuse for why he was being invited, it just told Daniel he should come. My nerves were still all over the place but looking at Sarah calmed them down because she portrayed complete control of the situation. But that didn’t mean she was getting off without her punishment.

“You got your dare, now it’s time for you to run down that hallway in your birthday suit. And I don’t want to hear any complaining from the feminists in the room. If she had dared me to do it, I’d do it and you wouldn’t be saying a damned thing about it.” Despite her extreme philosophies, Larissa was also logical and she let the dare commence.

“Alright, but here are my conditions. You all wait outside while I change, I want 3 people on one end of the hall and the rest on the other end to make sure no one comes in and no one comes back into the lounge until I’m ready. No cameras or videos. Ok?” Her demands were reasonable, so I agreed. Phil, Larissa and I got the side closest to the lounge while Jack, Joanna, Caroline and Walter took the opposite side. And after five minutes of anxious anticipation, and some last ditch attempts to break the whole thing up by Larissa, a completely nude Sarah burst out of the lounge at full speed with one arm laying sideways across both her boobs while the other covered her crotch, her ass bouncing up and down as she sprinted down the hall. All seven of us were cracking up, me especially, at the spectacle of a typically conservative girl who would much rather be behind stage than in the center running butt naked down the middle of a college dorm. It was a great moment in my life and I took it in as much as I could before the naked speedster made her way back into the lounge. Unlike the rest of the guys, and possibly Larissa although she had never said she was a lesbian, I was watching her facial expressions and they were priceless. It was one of the few times I had ever seen a look of sheer panic across her face and it was absolutely hilarious. I had to say something so I opened the door slightly and stuck my face into the lounge.

“GET OUT!!!!” she screamed.

Her scream had sent me over the edge and I started crying from laughing so hard. I had to close the door and regain my composure before going back in to make my sarcastic comment. “That was by far the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life. Seeing your ass bounce up and down the hall…”

“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT, OH MY GOD. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HOW TERRIBLE I LOOKED.”

“Oh my god, shut up. You have an amazing body! But hurry up in there, we need to play some board games although I’m not sure if Phil can walk without a pillow covering his crotch now,” I said with the tears of laughter still flowing down my face.

“Just remember, I did that for you. Because I love you.” I was still in a slight delirium from all the laughing and despite her relatively serious tone, I couldn’t stop laughing completely but I did understand her sincerity. Sarah had done something she said she would never do, all because she believed Daniel should come. All that was left to do was wait for his response. And laugh hysterically, of course.

We all made our way back into the lounge, everyone still in stitches from Sarah’s streak, including Larissa. It took ten minutes for everyone to settle down enough to make a decision as to what game to play and the consensus was Pictionary. I had settled down enough to come back to the reality, a reality where there was a text message waiting on Daniel’s phone asking him to come hang out with a guy he just met who probably liked him. I quickly checked my phone for incoming messages, nothing. Two minutes, five minutes, ten, twenty, thirty, an hour later and still nothing. I tried to keep my mind on the Pictionary game but all I could think about was that text message and it was throwing off my usually good game. Had Sarah really made a mistake in sending that text? Or had I made a mistake in judging Daniel? I was beating myself up for letting her send it and it was written all over my face. Without a word being said, during a small pause in the game, Sarah leaned over to me and whispered “Keep your head up, he just hasn’t seen the message yet. Don’t worry about it. He’ll get back to you. And in the mean time, just think of me streaking to put a smile on your face.” And that was why I loved Sarah. She always knew exactly what to say, whether it was using Larissa’s PMS to her advantage, a text message to Daniel asking him to hang out or to comfort me when I was feeling unsure. That’s why she’ll always be my best friend.

My team of me, Sarah, Phil and Caroline won the Pictionary game on a clutch guess by Caroline of ‘luggage’. We triumphantly drank the ceremonial liter of Mountain Dew as was customary and then sat around and just chatted. Larissa gave more of her signature speeches, Jack and Joanna cuddled together silently listening and observing rather than speaking, Walter putting in his two cents every now and then, Phil telling a quirky story from his childhood, Sarah making jokes and me only partially paying attention to it all because my concentration was on the cell phone in my pocket. It hadn’t buzzed or beeped and each passing second made the doubt grow larger. Before we knew it, it was one in the morning and Jack and Joanna were tired which made everyone else tired thus ending our discussion and our night. And still, Daniel hadn’t replied. We said our goodbyes and everyone left except for me and Sarah who stayed behind to clean up the mess.

I had to get the monkey off my chest. “He didn’t text me back.”

“Look, I’m sure he’ll get back to you. Maybe his phone died, or he left it in his room, or he’s sleeping. But he’ll get back to you.” All I could do at that point was hope she was right because my entire faith was now in her. She now held the innocence Daniel bestowed upon me, something which was comforting and frightening at the same time. Frightening because the situation was no longer in my control but comforting because Sarah was the one who set it all up.

We finished cleaning and put everything back in Sarah’s room. I was tired but I didn’t want to go to sleep and wasn’t sure if I could. “You really think that was the right thing to do?” I had to ask to make sure so there would be a chance I could get to sleep.

“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t have streaked if I wasn’t.” Her smile reaffirmed her words.

“Alright. I love you. I’ll let you know if he gets back to me.”

“You mean when. Love you too.” We hugged and I went upstairs to my empty room. My roommate Richie was gone for the weekend to see his girlfriend at a small local college in Ohio. I checked my phone one last time before laying down. Nothing. I got into bed and just laid there thinking of everything that had happened, replaying Daniel and I’s conversation and Sarah’s words and hoped and prayed our relationship with endless opportunity wasn’t over before it even started. I checked the phone one last time. Still nothing. The time was 3:08 a.m. and soon enough the weight of all that had happened in the day caught up with me. All I hoped was that somewhere, somehow, Daniel had been thinking of me.


To be continued...

 

[gaytxn09]

Awww. I know that feeling well. Texting with no answer can be such a pain. I like how you're trying to show the optimistic side though. I'm thinking (slash fantasizing) good thoughts about Daniel and Hunter.

 

[Craiger]

Hey Irish,

Awesome chapter. I had to laugh as I remembered a few college incidences that were somewhat similar. Good for Sarah. I think she is going to be the little cupid in this story. Anticipating the continuance of a great story.

Craiger

 

[harry113]

Thanks for an amusing chapter, well written.
Will Daniel get back to him??
More please
Harry

 

[gaultierfnd2007]

I really really really like the new installment. I love how you showed us more of Hunter and his life. Keep it up. I can't wait Daniel to find the text from Hunter!!

 

[Endlessnight500]

Another great installment. Im looking forward to when Daniel and Hunter meet up again. I cant wait to see what happens.

 

[laegolass]

Ooo another great chapter to quench my thirst for a great story. Keep it up.

 

[awsomenoz]

aw that was such a nice chapter keep up the good work

 

[LukiusCurtiss]

Love the new chapter!

 

[wowsexi]

nice story cant wait for the next story

 

[irishinvader]

Hey there everyone! Thanks for the comments, I'm glad you all found it cute. I had a lot of fun writing the chapter. But I wanted to brief all of you on an eventful couple of days in my personal life.

First of all, I had my final meeting with my counselor/pastor on Wednesday afternoon. It was nice, but not an eye opening experience as I had hoped it would be. He told me his position on bi/homosexuality, but I was kinda disappointed because he doesn't seem to fully understand it but is willing to learn. He isn't judgmental of it and understands it is a thing that people struggle with. The problem isn't in having the struggle, it's giving into the temptations. He believes that the Bible is God's blueprint for life and once you start deviating from that blueprint, things go ary. He believes that if I were to do honest, unbiased research on both sides of the bisexual argument (hardcore devout religious people, openly gay people, read literature on both sides, etc) that I'll come to the conclusion I am not bisexual. It's kind of disappointing that that was all I got out of him about his own opinion on all of this because I wanted to that this summer anyway haha. He did have something to say which I needed to know. I told him that all I wanted out of my relationship with my parents is to not have to think that they are silently judging me. I know they'll never say "we love this side of you" but I don't want to have an uneccessary rift. For example, my friend Kyle is very religious and I told him I was bisexual. He was VERY supportive and I talk to him about things all the time and even though I know he doesn't agree with it, I KNOW he isn't judging me. The pastor said that he didn't think that was an option. So I'm not going to even attempt having an actual conversation with my parents about my bisexuality and just put it off indefinitely, citing "I'm still searching" which is true but not why I'm not going to talk to my parents.

After my meeting with the pastor, I had a VERY INTERESTING DINNER. I have 3 older sisters from my mom's previous marriage. I've never felt alienated and have always been a real member of our family. They always tell me I should hang out with them more and I finally had time to hang out with the youngest of the three and her husband. We went to an Indian restaurant where I told both of them I was bisexual, they were ok with it. We began talking about my parents' reactions to all of it. This was when my sister told me was dad was married before. LOL. I feel like that should've come up in a conversation between my dad and I at some point in my 19 years of living. I have really lost a hell of a lot respect for my dad, not for having the marriage, but for not telling me something that shouldn't be a big deal (unless I have siblings I don't know about). It made me realize that my parent's judgment means very little and that things that they say and have said have to be put under a very thick microscope. It was also a kind of justification of my feelings towards him and the entire situation I'm in. My first thought was to do what I could to make sure I was bi and be straight if I could be but knew that I was probably not going to become straight. I would appease my parents for college, get the money I need and bring it up again and if they had the same attitude...I'll see them when I see them. I'm remembering why I thought that.

THEN, in a list of events WAYYYYYY too long to adequately describe on here (I just spent 2-3 hours explaining all of it to Kyle) I feel like I got a sign from God. I met a homeless women, Goldie, who I would not have met given a bunch of coincidences and she asked me for money which I would not have had if I hadn't been angry at my parents. As I was leaving a couple hours later (the time I left was also dependant on many other factors) she was there again and she told me about how she thought God was putting me in her life when Kyle, a religious guy, calls me but I ignore the call. I then gave her the 100 dollar bill I found in the ocean that I had been keeping for "the right time" which I KNEW was then. It was all such a huge sign to me from God and I'm trying to figure out what it means. There's just so much to think about!! My first instinct is that this is God saying it is ok for me to be bisexual but I'm reconsidering that. I just know it was divine intervention because there was just too much stuff that had to happen, now for the deciphering.

ANYWAY, just thought you all should know that. I'm probably going to either start a thread in the religion forum or become active in it. Some of you have messaged me with stuff and that is AWESOME. THANK YOU SO MUCH But feel free to leave comments on here or on the religion forum. And getting time to respond to pm's isn't easy for me (typing lengthy responses on the home computer is suspicious), so if I don't respond right away, I'm not blowing you off I swear! It's time for some very much needed sleep but I just HAD to let you all know about the past 2 days, they've been eye opening. Thanks to EVERYONE who has been reading and wants to know about things going on with me again. Chapter 7 will be up soon I hope. I want to have it up before Wednesday and I welcome comments pressuring me to get it done before then. I like having deadlines, it makes me actually get stuff done.

NIGHT EVERYONE!

 

[DonQuixote]

IrishInvader,

A dual-edged chapter - the immediate friends, the comfort and security they bring, the laughter and fun - and streaking Sarah, poignantly offset by the nervous anticipation of possibilities much more serious.

A great read. Whether we've shared the same experiences or not, the story evokes memories of similar situations - for some of us in our ancient history column.

Thanks for the memories.

And thanks for taking the time and effort to put yourself out here for us.

 

[awsomenoz]

its already wednesday and ive been waiting to read the next chapter

 

[irishinvader]

Hi there everybody! As promised, here is Chapter 7. Sorry I couldn't post it before 2 am awsomenoz haha. A quick blip on my life, my mom and little siblings are away on vacation so while they're gone, it is just me and my dad. As you can probably guess, that is the LAST thing I want right now. So, while I don't have concrete plans for the holiday weekend, I'm going to be heading out anyway and tell him I'm visiting some friends from school when I may actually just be living out of my mom's minivan. It's a small price to pay for 3 days of awkwardness with a man who would rather not be involved in his son's life because of his sexuality than tell him about a person he was married to. Also, I'm going to look into the Episcopal church. They seem to have exactly what I'm looking for but I don't see how they can justify their beliefs. I'm hoping to talk to a revrend soon. Anyway, word wise this is the longest chapter yet and it in many ways is only part one of this chapter. It's back to Daniel's perspective and takes place after his dream. Hope you all enjoy it!

*** *** *** ***


DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 7​

I turned over in my bed, 4:22 a.m. I’d tried going to sleep but it wouldn’t work, I just laid there staring blankly at the tear-blurred ceiling waiting for words to magically appear on the white paint and give me the answers to my burning questions. I didn’t know how to feel, how to act, or what to think. I just wanted to understand myself and why, after meeting a guy for the first time earlier in the day, I had woken up violently in a gay sex dream. Nothing made sense, nothing was the way it used to be, from friendships to what I apparently found attractive. People say that college will be an eye opening experience, but not like this, not this extreme, and certainly not happen this fast. As much as I wanted to keep a level head and reason through everything, I couldn’t. There was simply no way to take such a drastic series of events in stride, something had to be done and yet there was no starting line.

I had plans for myself, I saw myself doing the normal things 10 years down the road. I wanted the typical things: a wife, family, 9-5 cubicle job and the small group of guy friends who would come over to play poker and drink beer in the garage on Fridays. I saw myself there and I was in college to get me there because that’s what you do, go to college and wear a suit to work after college or stay at home and work at the local pharmacy or movie theater. I knew what I needed to do, so I did it and went to college at Ohio State. “Now I don’t have a fucking clue what I need to do. I have no one to go to except that son of a bitch Hunter. This is fucking senior year all over again, me laying in bed trying to cry myself asleep because someone completely fucked up my entire world. Christine and now Hunter…they built up all this hope in me and then just took it all away as quickly as they gave it to me.”

The tears had been falling down my face for an hour, my pillow was wet and yet the tears continued to well in my eyes and then rush down my cheeks. “I was content with my life before you, you son of a bitch. Why did you ruin it all? You’re the god damn second coming of the devil, you’re the male Christine. I saw the future, the future you made me believe was there, and you just crushed it.” I had been trying since Petey walked in the door to get over it all but it wasn’t working. Hunter was everything I had ever wanted in a friend, even if he was gay. I was open with him and he accepted me and welcomed me into his world. People just don’t do that for me, I want to be open with people and I try to be but it doesn’t work. So I keep to myself and deal with my problems by myself. Hunter gave me hope that my life would be more than that, that at least one of the guys at my poker game would be someone who actually cared about me, not just Jake and Antonio who were just two oblivious wastes. And then he does this to me, makes me gay for him. I would never be able to look at Hunter the same, it wasn’t possible. And if I couldn’t look at him, how could we play Texas Hold ‘Em in ten years? Who would I play with then? Hunter reminded me of what Christine had showed me, that Jake and Antonio were not people I wanted in my life and that they can and should be replaced by better people. I couldn’t even party with them, how was I supposed to play poker with them? That left me with no one but myself, I would be playing poker by myself. “Fuck you Hunter Reid, fuck you…nothing makes sense anymore because of you…”

I couldn’t think of anything else. I would try to think of something else and it would all eventually come back to the same exact thing, me hating Hunter. He changed me and left me clueless and petrified for tomorrow and the next day and the rest to come. I tried closing my eyes and letting my tears take me back asleep but it was again doing nothing. My mind was tired and so was my body but nothing was happening. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes back up in frustration to see my room more lit up than before. I flipped myself over to look out the window and saw the sun rising slowly over Columbus. “The dawn of a new day.” It was normally a thrilling prospect but not then. I heard the birds merrily singing in the cool spring air and hated them for their glee. “They know what they’re gunna do: eat worms. Nothing more, nothing less and they’ll be happy with it and be singing tomorrow morning too. Fuck you and your content.” Maybe it was the birds’ singing or the dim glow now in the room or my brain finally giving up hope or a combination of it all, but I finally passed out in my cold, damp pillow, terrified of waking up.

I woke up much in the same why I had during the night, to Petey’s obnoxious drunk ass. “Petey, can you please just go back to sleep or stop making noise?”

“Duh, I am sooo sorry man. I got this killer headache, where is the Tylenol?”

“It’s in the fucking medicine cabinet with the rest of the fucking shit. Go back to sleep.” It had only taken being awake for thirty seconds to bring me back to my new reality of a friendless, loveless and pathetic existence with a gay sex dream to top it all off. It made me want to be Duh again and not Daniel because at least Duh wanted to get out of bed and do something, anything. Normally, falling back asleep came rather easily but it just wasn’t one of those days. It was my body’s retaliating against me, forcing me to be awake to endure my identity-less life instead of drifting off into unconsciousness. I just laid there, motionless, waiting for a reason to get out of bed that I knew wouldn’t come. And then I was given a reason, Petey. He jolted up from the bed, covering his mouth with his hand and ran over to the sink and vomited repeatedly. Before the smell reached my bed, I got out of bed, threw on my flip flops picked up a towel and soap and ran out, slamming the door behind me. Only then did I shout back at the closed door, “If that isn’t cleaned up or still smells when I get back, I am going to kill you.” I wasn’t sure how much of that was an exaggeration.

I didn’t know the exact time but it was pretty early given that there was only one other guy in the shower. My favorite stall was open but I couldn’t go in it, I just stopped and stared at it blankly. It was the same stall that I had been in during my dream. No longer was it my favorite, and if it weren’t the only bathroom on the floor, I would’ve left the bathroom entirely. So instead I took the back corner shower that was notorious for no water pressure or heat but it was the furthest away from my former stall and the other guy showering. I did everything I could to avoid thinking about anything at all because it just led back to one thing, my hatred of Hunter. The shower did exactly what I thought it would, drizzle out small amounts of cold water. I spent a minute or two angrily fiddling with the dial while trying to avoid the small stream of cold water falling from the shower head. Quickly giving up on getting a solid stream of water, I got undressed. I had fallen asleep in my clothes from yesterday without the socks and after taking off my baby blue American Eagle shirt I stopped before taking off my pants. My dick was soft now but there was an outline of the cum that had come from it still in my jeans. It brought me back to the place I was trying so hard to avoid, my mind. That pool of semen was a direct product of me being subconsciously dry humped by a naked Hunter in a shower feet away from me. I still had no idea what to make of it, what it meant for the future or even what would happen the rest of the weekend. I wasn’t disgusted with myself, more shocked and appalled, but I absolutely abhorred everything about Hunter and everything about him that put me in my current predicament. “Why did you have to be a good guy, why couldn’t you just be an asshole and leave me alone? Why, why, why, why why…” I just kept repeating it to myself. Why? I didn’t think it angrily, my heart beat at its normal rhythm and I wasn’t hyperventilating, I was just standing there with my eyes closed in defeat.

I slid off my jeans and sticky briefs and tested the water with my hand. Still cold. I couldn’t help saying my thoughts out loud, “Son of a bitch.” I had only muttered it but it was apparently loud enough for the other guy to hear.

“Your shower not workin’? Yeah, it doesn’t like most people. You should try the one up front opposite the changing room, that’s usually a good one.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gunna uhhh…I’m, I’m gunna stick with this one.”

“Ya sure? I mean, it’ll work a lot better.”

“Yeah, I’m good thanks.” Bubba was not getting the fucking hint. Under no circumstances would I ever step foot in that stall again, it had ruined my life. Because of that stall, I couldn’t look at Hunter the same way again and because of Hunter, I couldn’t look at my current friends the same way and although I hadn’t looked at myself in the mirror since meeting Hunter, I probably couldn’t look at myself the same way.

I wasn’t getting out my piece of shit shower and the water wasn’t getting any warmer so I just plunged into it. The brutal cold woke me up instantly and I hopped back out of it, opting to ease into it instead. It took a minute to get comfortable enough with the water to actually properly wash. I quickly scrubbed down, wrapped myself in the towel and took my clothes and cum-soaked underwear back to my room. It hadn’t been too long but I had avoided thinking about Hunter for most of it so I checked it as a win.

As I was opening the door, Petey warned me, “So it’s not entirely cleaned up yet but I got rid of the smell.”

“You’re cleaning that shit up, Petey. I don’t care how you do it but you will do it.”

“I got you, Duh. It should be good enough to come back in.” I was happy to be Duh again, as happy as a person with no definite future and the nickname of Duh could be.

I threw my dirty clothes into the hamper and was about to pick out some clothes for the day when I noticed the cum stained briefs lying on top of the pile for the world to see. I discreetly moved myself in front of it, putting myself between the hamper and Petey, and told Petey to turn around as I would be getting naked. When he turned I hid the briefs under the rest of the clothes and after it was securely hidden, got dressed. With Petey vigorously cleaning his vomit at the sink and my dire need to get out of the room, I swiped my phone and wallet of the desk and rushed out, partially slamming the door in my wake. I didn’t care what Petey thought of it and even if it did bother him, he would never be man enough to bring it up to me, he’d just continue on living a useless existence. When I reached the elevator, I realized I didn’t have a destination. “The main caf is open,” I thought but quickly realized that was where I had met Hunter and that I consequently couldn’t eat there. Considering the main cafeteria was the only place on campus with decent food, I ran through the list of close off campus restaurants and opted for Hoagie Heaven, a sandwich place a couple of blocks away from my dorm that I usually visited after a big test to unwind.

On the trek there, I didn’t think about much, there really wasn’t anything to think about, there was just the general reality of my life where every thought would bring me back to the same position I was currently in but in a worse mood. Time was only a relative term and before I knew it I was out of the elevator and at Hoagie Heaven. It was decently full with a line of a couple people waiting to be served. I didn’t bother looking at the menu, I’d been there enough times to know a #14 all the way with banana peppers was the way to go. Glancing around, I noticed the clock above the cash register that read 11:20. “Not bad since you ever bothered to check the time.” That made me realize I hadn’t checked my phone since falling asleep but before I could get it out of my pocket, the cashier called next.

“Hey there sweetheart, what can I get ya?” She was an elderly woman who probably had been with the store since the opening in the 70’s.

“Yeah, can I get a number 14, all the way plus banana peppers, please?”

“Sure can. Chips and a drink?”

“Ummm, yeah sure.”

“Okay then, your total is $6.73. Cash or credit, sweetie?”

“Debit, please.” I took out my wallet and swiped my card. I was about to type in my pin number when the screen read, “DECLINED.”

“Uh oh, try it one more time.” I did and the same message came up. “Oh dear, do ya have money left in your account because I could try punching in the numbers manually?”

“Guess not, I knew I should’ve put more money in there. I’ll be paying with cash then.” I went to get the few bucks I kept in my wallet but found out that was also gone. I couldn’t control my anger. “Son of a bitch, I had money in here yesterday, I swear I did. I’m so sorry, I’ll get some money out of the ATM.” Halfway to the ATM at the front of the store I realized that my card had been declined so getting money out of the ATM wouldn’t work. “PIECE OF SHIT.” My outrage turned the heads of the neighboring patrons and I quickly apologized because while my life was turned on itself, they were just eating sandwiches and had no reason to get dragged into my problems. “Sorry, it’s not a good day.” I went back up to the front counter to tell the cashier I’d be eating at a shitty cafeteria. “I’m so sorry, I have to cancel the order. I don’t have any money on me.”

“That’s ok sweetheart. I see you in here every now and then and I know you’re the kind of young man who will pay me back when you have it.”

“Oh, no that’s really nice of you but I’ll just eat on campus.”

“Nonsense. What kind of bread did you want?”

“No, I can’t, but thank you.”

“Nope, I insist. Now tell me what ya want or I’ll pick for ya…what’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Daniel, but I really shouldn’t. It’s really kind of you but I’d feel terribly.”

“White it is then. What did I tell ya, Daniel, you don’t pick and I’ll pick for ya!” I could no longer refuse her generosity and reluctantly stood while she made the rest of my sandwich. Before handing me my bag of chips and cup, she said “The only way you’re gunna get this food is if you promise me you’re gunna do something to put a smile on that adorable face of yours.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Nope! Not good enough, I want you to repeat after me: Diane, I promise…” It was ridiculous but the food was made already and it would have been rude not to play along.

“Diane, I promise…”

“To do something…”

“To do something…”

“That will make you smile.”

“That will make me smile.” I couldn’t help but crack a smile already at her sweet old face and demeanor.

“Good! You’re smilin’ already! Now here’s your food, Daniel. You have a good day.”

“Thanks, Diane was it?”

“Yup! Just remember to smile, it’s better than anything else.” As she went to take care of the next customer, I went and filled up my cup with Mountain Dew and quickly dug into the sandwich, realizing all Diane had put me through was entirely worth it for the deliciousness more commonly known as a Hoagie Heaven #14 with banana peppers. I’m sure it wasn’t what she meant by doing something to put a smile on my face but her kindness and my sandwich put me in a much better mood. I was a few bites into my sandwich when I felt someone standing next to me.

“Rough day, Daniel?” It was Professor Swick and I was immediately embarrassed by my prior rash anger.

“Oh, uhhh, yeah. Well more a rough yesterday and last night.”

“What was so rough about it, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Not so much rough as…I, uhhh, don’t really know what it was but it was a lot of something. It was interesting.” She really needed to move along and leave me to eat my sandwich but I couldn’t be rude to her, she was my professor.

“Well you aren’t the type of person who gets that angry that quickly over something like a sandwich so it must have been one hell of an interesting night.” Her accuracy was impeccable and I had never even been to her office hours. I was shocked at how well she apparently knew me, I was surprised she even knew my name, so I decided to continue down this path.

“Yeah, it was one heck of a night,” I said. I had to indulge my curiosity at her impressive memory. “You remember my name and you’re right about my night and me not blowing up easily.”

“Daniel, I teach 3 forty person lectures and there are about 75 of you who actually go to class and there are about 20 good writers, so of course I know who you are. You write much better than you speak, by the way,” she said with a chuckle.

“Oh, thanks,” I replied, blushing. I don’t know what came over me, maybe it was her compliment that drove me to say it. “If you don’t have anywhere else to be, you can sit down if you want.”

“That’d be great, I don’t have anywhere to be. I’ll get my food.” She picked up a tray of uneaten food and brought it over and sat across from me. She looked the same as she did in class, a floor length patterned skirt, a loose fitting t-shirt, an old vest and these crazy glasses set on a slightly wrinkled face with bits of gray in her hair. She epitomized the English teacher persona with her looks because despite her peculiar fashion choices, she still came off intelligent.

“You haven’t eaten anything yet.” My depression and embarrassment made me come off a lot dumber than I actually was.

“I was right behind you in line, so I haven’t started. You know, you’re lucky I’ve read your essays otherwise I’d start wondering how you got accepted here,” she said with a laugh that did little to ease the sting of her words. “Speaking of essays, you haven’t started your ‘Define Love’ paper yet, have you? No is an acceptable answer, I only gave it out last week and most people won’t start it until the week its due if not later.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her irony. I hadn’t even thought about it, but when it came down to it, Professor Swick was the reason why I met Hunter in the first place. And now I was eating a sandwich with her the day after subconsciously blowing my load for him. “I have, actually, and it’s, uhhh.” I couldn’t finish the sentence without chuckling. “It’s actually the reason why I had such an interesting night.” I hadn’t been able to look at her during my response but her silence made me look back at her. She had a large grin on her face.

“What did you learn about love?” I couldn’t hold in my curiosity anymore. She knew me incredibly well and I had to know why.

“I have to know…how are you doing this? How do you know so much about me?” She laughed heartily at the end.

“Daniel, I have a doctorate in the English language, I’ve taught at a college for 12 years, I have 3 kids who have all graduated college and I’m 58 years old. And you’re asking me how I can read you so quickly?” She paused to laugh. “Dear me, you have a lot to learn young man. But on the positive side of that, your base line, in my class at least, is quite high. You’re not an English major, correct?”

“No, ma’am. Business.”

“Ma’am? I’m not a senior citizen yet, call me Patricia. And you are not a business major.”

“Sorry. Patricia it is then. But I am a business major.”

“No! You’re not! Sure, that’s what your records might say but you are not a businessman. Businessmen don’t think or write like you do, you have a very distinct thought pattern that comes through vividly in your writing. You probably write your papers last minute and you think you’re bullshitting a lot of it but it’s some well written, thought provoking bullshit. Some of your ideas are so well thought out and interesting. And your use of quotes is remarkable. There is no way you can use the internet to get all of the quotes, you have to know most of them beforehand, correct?”

Her frankness was refreshing and her comment on my major took me by surprise. “Yeah…you can tell all that from my writing?”

“Of course I can! As Henry James said, ‘To read between the lines is easier than to follow the text’.”

“Yeah, he did say that. I actually read between the lines a lot too but I’m just kind of dumbfounded by life in general to speak in intelligent sentences,” I said in my first college level sentence of the day. “You said I’m not a business major, if I’m not a business major, what am I?”

“I can’t tell you for certain but something in the humanities. You have natural talent and are quite mature for you age. If you put in the effort to study, you might really have something. And can you please eat your sandwich for God’s sake, this is a restaurant.” I was glad she told me to eat because I didn’t know what to say. It was all happening so quickly that nothing was really sinking in but I just continued to go with the flow of the conversation. “But enough of all that, what happened that shocked you so prolifically?”

“Well…I met Hunter yesterday. He’s my…”

“Right, right, right! You’re with Hunter! Isn’t he wonderful?”

“You remember who I’m partners with?”

“Yes, I thought you two would make a nice pair. It was between you and Janette.”

“Wait, you picked out who Hunter’s partner would be?”

“Well he’s one of the people I remember, not particularly for his writing, but I see him in my office every week or so. A delightful young man who really appreciates the value of an education. You two paired nicely, you with your writing and thoughts and him with his character, as he did with Janette. You and Janette are very similar but I decided to go with you because Janette is an English major and will learn what she needs to in her studies where as I’m not sure you will. You and Hunter have a lot to learn from each other because of your differences.”

“Yeah, he’s different alright,” I said as a side comment. Patricia didn’t take it lightly.

“This is what I was afraid of. Are you really that homophobic? Does it bother you that much what someone else does in their own privacy or are you so self-righteous that since you’re not gay, no one else should be?”

“No, no, no. That’s not what I mean at all. Quite the opposite actually, he and I got along really well. You probably don’t believe that but it’s the truth. But he is the reason why I’m so upset.”

She studied my expression intently to determine its veracity. “I believe you, Daniel. So what happened, he wasn’t rude or anything was he?”

I couldn’t get myself to say the reason why I was upset. “Because he was too perfect and it changed everything about me within a matter of hours.”

“Look, Patricia, I really appreciate your concern for me and all but I don’t feel comfortable discussing it with you. It’s so complicated and I don’t even…I don’t…” I finished the sentence with a long sigh because I didn’t know what to say without delving into a gay sex dream and the complete upheaval of my life. I felt just as vulnerable as I did when I talked with Hunter but he was so reassuring and genuine and unexpected and amazing and not my quirky professor who would be giving me a grade.

There was a short silence before she responded. “It sounds like you have quite a lot on your mind, Daniel. I’m not going to pressure you into telling me something you don’t feel comfortable saying. But, if you change your mind, feel free to stop by my office during my office hours or send me an email and we can arrange a meeting. I’ll leave you to think over things because you obviously have to think through this yourself. Just remember, if you don’t expand your horizons, you’ll never truly see the sun rise.”

“Who said that?”

“I did.” And with that she took her tray, filled her cup and sat down on the opposite side of the restaurant leaving me, once again, not knowing which way was up. Two days ago, I was a typical college kid going through life content with the way things were. Now, I was content with nothing and thinking about everything, unsure of who else I would meet or what prolific thoughts and feelings they would impart to me. Whether it was Hunter, who seamlessly brought out the side of me only seen by one other person and then cum for him in my dreams, or Patricia, who knew things about me that I kept hidden and, apparently, some things I didn’t and then left me with a profound quote, or Diane, who could see how badly I just needed to eat a sandwich and then told me to go smile.

My phone brought me back into reality. It was a text message from Petey. “Everything’s cleaned up <Petey>.” I took a sigh of relief and ate another bite of my sandwich. Nothing needed to be said back to Petey, and even if it did, he didn’t deserve it. I checked the time on my phone while it was out, it was few minutes past noon. That was when I noticed the sign indicating there was an unread message in my inbox. I got to my inbox and couldn’t help but crack a smile. It was from Hunter dated last night. “Hey, me and my friends are having a board game night and I wanted to know if you could come.” Maybe the smile was from the irony of it all but given how down I had felt earlier, I seriously doubted it. That only left one reason, that despite how much I hated Hunter for turning my life on itself, I was still happy he texted to me hang out with him.

The text message made me rethink things because if I could still smile for Hunter, what else had I not realized? I thought back to Diane and Patricia’s words of wisdom that had come so quickly, I couldn't properly process them. Patricia had told me I needed to expand my horizons in order to see the sun rise and Diane had told me to smile because it’s the best thing you can do. “Those are going in my journal. It’s not every day you get two quotes like that.” And my journal brought me back to Hunter and his text. It then became so clear what I should do: I should follow the advice I had just received. I would listen to Diane and make myself smile and I would listen to Patricia and expand my horizons by listening to Henry James and go hang out with the guy who proved that more can be said with word unspoken, Hunter. “Besides, he is the only thing that makes sense, even if he is only because he turned everything else upside down.” I was begin typing my reply text message when I noticed my signature. “Dan.” “Who the fuck is Dan? I don’t know who I am anymore so I’m definitely not Dan and I’m sure as hell not Duh. I guess all I have left is Hunter, he’s the one who changed me and he has to be the one who shows me where to go. He just has to be or I will have no one. Absolutely no one…”

A few clicks later, my message was off to Hunter. He’d have no idea of its magnitude but it was powerful for me, not because of the words but because of everything in between them. And what ended the message.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t get your text message until today. I was catching up on some much needed sleep. I’ll be awake later tonight if you still wanted to hang out? Daniel.”


To be continued…

 

[Craiger]

Wow, Irish!

What a chapter. Thank goodness Daniel has a solid head on his shoulders, even though he is in such turmoil. It is almost as though he has two guardian angels in Diane and Patricia. And now he wants Hunter to show him where to go.... How awesome is that....lol

Craiger

 

[Maccabee]

I wish there were more Daniels and Hunters in this world. You describe the characters and their thoughts so well! I was emotionally touched by your last chapter.. Please continue to write and I hope you won't leave us waiting too long for the next chapter!

 

[DonQuixote]

Dear Irish Invader;
Thanks for the update on your life and the installment. Good Luck with your explorations of the Episcopal Church - I hope they have some explanations that make sense to you, and you find it a welcoming community.

Thanks, too for the update on Daniel. He's definitely got some guardian angels looking out for him, and maybe he's starting to realize it.

I do hope he gets over the shower stall issue - no sense in punishing himself.
But, given his final thoughts, perhaps that's not going to be an issue at all!

Don't be too hard on your Dad for never discussing his first marriage. I'm sure it's not something your mom cares to be reminded of, and it obviously didn't end for a good reason for him, either. I doubt you have other siblings, or I suspect you would have heard about them. He probably has it chalked up to one of life's mistakes, and tried hard to put it behind him and move on. There was no reason to make you aware of it, since his ex wasn't a part of the present in any way shape or form. I would be curious about it, too, but my curiousity (in your shoes) isn't a good enough reason for him to tell me about it. That sounds strange coming from me - Mr. I want/"need" to know it all. In truth, we don't.
Maybe your 1/2 sisters can satisfy your curiousity on the topic without you having to broach the topic with your mom or dad.

Take care of yourself. I know things are strained right now, but try and figure out how to have a decent relationship with your folks. I'm sure they love you.

And, thank you for all the work and effort you are putting into this story. I can tell you are putting your heart and soul into it.

 

[laegolass]

Another Wow. What a great installment, Irish. Been waiting impatiently for days. Hehe. Thanks man. I really fall in love with your story. I love stories with depths and characteristics and drama rather than mind-blowing sex. Hehe.

By the way, hope everything turn out good for you in your life. I'm really scared what will happen if my family know about me. Do keep us updated with your life, kay? All the best.