Definition of cheating

[TomahawkEagle]

I've recently found myself a new boyfriend and we're going monogamous.

The other night, I went to a gay bar to see a friend who's been having a lot of shit go on in his life. I offered my shoulders for him to lean on and we whispered into eachother's ear because the music was loud and the place was crowded.

Little did I know that my new boyfriend and my other friend have mutual friends in common. My boyfriend was actually at the bar when I hugged my friend. Whilst I don't have any emotional feelings for my friend other than just being friends, a close hug like the one we exchanged might be misinterpreted from afar because it looks like we're smooching. I have a vague memory of running my hands down my friend's back just short of his ass....vague because I was drunk.

Just curious, when people say "cheating" is that like jumping into bed with someone else or does that include flirting??

I'm now kind of paranoid that my boyfriend saw me hug another guy intimately and might get the wrong message. Yet I also don't want to be perceived as paranoid.

 

[TomahawkEagle]

No you weren't cheating. You were being a good friend.

If your bf has any issue with it, explain to him.

But I wonder if there's something you're not telling us. Why were you drunk if you just went there to help out a friend? How intimate was this "hug"?

Ahh long story short, I had a binge session with my workmates like I always do on a Friday night. I've been trying to meet up with my friend for the past two weeks but haven't been able to do so because he's busy and I'm busy. I didn't plan on going to the gay bar but decided to take a detour to the place because it was on the way home. I saw his FB post that he was going to be at the bar that night. When I got to the bar I was already drunk so didn't actually have any alcohol at the bar.

In terms of intimacy, my hands were on his shoulders and I ran my hand up and down his back.

My friend did understand that I was just being friendly and that's how I wanted the message to be.

 

[Lube]

Cheating is what you and your bf define it as. Only you two can decide what's permissible.

In our local community, gay bears hug and kiss for hello and goodbye, it's no big deal. But we don't rub our hands up and down each others' backs. Lucky7 has something there.

 

[bankside]

You can be affectionate with other people while still respecting your monogamous relationship. If anything it is good for your boyfriend to see you behaving in this way so he understands you mean nothing by it other than friendship. The only other thing is that a friend of yours might misinterpret it. If so then you can just say "See that guy over there? He's my boyfriend, and we don't have an open relationship. Sorry that you misunderstood." Then your boyfriend smiles and waves and everyone goes back to having a good time.

 

[dale_nx26]

I agree that cheating is what you and your partner define it as. My boyfriend and I chose a non traditional route by believing that cheating is when you are emotionally involved with.someone else. This means that hookups does not count as cheating. As long we dont love anyone else, when. Anything sexual we do with other people is fine. But this definitely does not apply to everyone because many would like to be traditional.

 

[Seasoned]

The real issue here as it is with scores of people might be binge drinking.

 

[rjmrjm21]

I agree that cheating is what you and your partner define it as. My boyfriend and I chose a non traditional route by believing that cheating is when you are emotionally involved with.someone else. This means that hookups does not count as cheating. As long we dont love anyone else, when. Anything sexual we do with other people is fine. But this definitely does not apply to everyone because many would like to be traditional.

So if your boyfriend loves a friend, is that cheating? Or does it have to be sex and love?

 

[bankside]

So if your boyfriend loves a friend, is that cheating? Or does it have to be sex and love?

It's the kind of love. I love my mom but that doesn't conflict with the love I have for my boyfriend because they're totally different things. I love friends and I love my boyfriend, but it's for different reasons and I'm also in love with my boyfriend.

If I had a friend who misunderstood that, and I figured it out, they would be shut out with as much of an easy let-down as I could manage. Which honestly would be pretty brutal... I'm very protective of the space I make for my guy in my heart; it's his. A lot of different people can mean a lot of different things to me. But no one else could fill that space. And for all the variety of people in my life, no one tries to.

 

[SuperDave]

I agree you set your own definition with your partner. Sit him down and discuss how far you can go with other people and what you're comfortable with. It'll save a lot of heartbreaking, trust me.

 

[jmadaf]

I don't consider that cheating, but your bf might, you better clear all the ground rules, like only cocksucking, and assfucking are cheating, otherwise your bf might be to possesive, some guys like that makes them feel more wanted. Personaly I find it trouble ready to explode. Hope this helps, Good Luck.

 

[evanrick]

what is this thread about? a hug?