delimma with my masculine identity

[vadersapprentice]

I've just got back from working at summer camp for 2 1/2 months with some of my best guy friends... and I realized something.

At home, I am quirky- I'm a musical theatre major, surrounded my girls and many effiminate men, all of which im friends with. Of course I have a good deal of stright guy friends, but it seems that, more or less, I spend time with more girls or my gay friends.

At camp- total different story. I'm active and do typically 'straight' associated things. I can hold my own in any situation, my being gay is totally irrelivent there and I am merely viewed as another one of the guys. Never has anyone put me in a situation where 'oh, well he's gay so he can't handle this'.

I find myself comfortable with both identities...I've never really believed myself to ever really have any effiminate qualities- but people at home obviously know i'm gay. people at camp- only the people I have told (quite a few, but they would have never have known otherwise).

Now I'm dealing with this growing distaste for the image i've given myself at home... I'm not saying I am ashamed of being easily identified as gay or that my effiminate friends are any less or a man then me for being who they are, but I'm tired of feeling like i'm less of a man at home than away.

thoughts?

 

[Homoerectus]

I had a high school friend who joined the Navy. He spent most of his time in San Diego. WHen he came home on leave he talked with a "Yankee accent". After he was home a few days, he talked like the rest of his redneck friends. He was a chameleon who adapted to his environment. It sounds like you are doing the same. If you want to act more manly, then you will have to teach yourself how to to act manly all the time and not change your identity with your environment. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to be effeminate.

 

[Blueboy369]

It sounds like you're growing and changing. I hope you never stop learning more about yourself.

 

[KaraBulut]

You're thinking of this in the wrong way.

You're trying to associate different sides of your personality with your sexuality.

Everyone has a masculine side and a feminine side to their personality. You enjoy indulging the feminine side with your musical theatre friends. You enjoy indulging your masculine side with your camp friends.

There's a word for this: healthy.

Your sexuality isn't the problem- if anything, it's the reason you have the freedom to explore both your masculine side and your feminine side.

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ I concur with KaraBulut.

 

[hhoiffk2004]

i have the same situation. although im not muscular or anything.lol! but i changed too when i started working at this call centre.

im a guy who usually just watches movie with very few friends. just relax and chat at a cafe. but then i started working at this very friendly call centre and since we finish late at nite, every friday, we usually go clubbing and meet more people. i didnt realise i would enjoy such big social life. what i also recognised was im starting to change my personality and because im starting to have different perspecives towards things, i had an argument with one of my closest friends that i used to watch movies with. they even told me i was changing.

while i get close to my workmates and my newly friends, i gradually lose contact to my older best friends.

so for me it was good and bad at the same time.

 

[G-Lexington]

Kara's got it. We all let different parts of our personalities shine through depending on who we're with. We tend to act differently around our best friends than we act around our parents. I get music geeky around my musician friends, and the smartass in me comes front and center when I'm with my two smartass-y friends. This doesn't mean I'm hiding my inner music geek from my smartass friends. They know it's there, and they're cool with it. There's just no real reason to bore people with music talk if they have no interest in it. They'd rather hear the smartass gargoyle, instead.

>>>Never has anyone put me in a situation where 'oh, well he's gay so he can't handle this'.

Does this happen back home? It doesn't to me. Not because people don't know I'm gay (they do) or because I act a certain way (I'm just me), but because I've made it clear I CAN do things.

Lex

 

[Caeth]

I'd suggest trying to do something at school that's more sporty and masculine in addition to what you do right now. Try signing up for a sports team or intramural sports. That way you'll be satisfied both ways.

 

[Lube]

Another vote for KaraBulut.

But just don't go down the "str8-acting" path to prove yourself. Your effeminate gay friends are happy with themselves and that part of them. Accept them for who they are, just as you expect them to accept you for who you are.

 

[vadersapprentice]

Thank you guys, you all are very encouraging. I see now that this really isn't a problem worth making....

Its not that people at home think I cannot do something because I'm gay....they just sometimes assume that i'd have no interest because so. I guess it just boils down into showing off a different side of myself to different people.

 

[recuerdeme]

Yeap^ most people are this way, different situations call for a different you... it's not even a conscious thing, it's something natural.

 

[vadersapprentice]

This is true....thats only a problem when you bring those two groups together....which is common in a theatre department when you're in production....you've got your guy friends and your girl friends in the same room. its odd balance to strike- otherwise you appear like way two different people.

 

[tallguy297]

Mate... just be you. Just be true to who you are. No matter how you "act" your core values and beliefs will always be the glue as to how you really act.

To be honest I'd almost bet that people wont think twice... and that the difference seems greater to you than it really is... we all have different characters depending on the situation... and trust me those guys at camp are as cpable of being as different as you are out of site...

Dont stress mate... be you. Just be yourself... and those who have a problem or are shocked really dont know you that well anyway. You are you... thats the only thing that matters.