Depression and social anxiety

[ADarkStar1234]

Hey,

I just wanted to ask on opinions when it comes to depression and/or social anxiety. I currently suffer from both, but I am very good at masking it from others. I'm also seeing a therapist, but she can only do so much when it comes to breaking this fortress of a defense system I have developed.

I have a very difficult time trying to talk to others, and even harder to maintain any type of contact. People come and go in my life and really I have perhaps one person I can turn to, but even then they live quite far away from me.

Has anyone suffered from these and what kind of things did you do to overcome the thoughts and feelings of despair and loneliness?

 

[csb999]

I would say agoraphobia-depression has ruined my life . I would suggest perhaps however that you might be wasting time and energy attempting to address intellectually a problem that is basically physical - your brain chemistry is different from most or is in some way difficult . Schizophrenia is one clear instance - traditional talk therapy - a therapist - you could talk forever and not have the slightest effect , trying to deal intellectually with a physical measureable problem , like trying to talk someone through a broken bone . If your emotional state is quite clearly not an obvious appropriate response to events in your life then the problem might be physical ( so then , drugs or live around it ) .

 

[TheOscar]

I believe that drug therapy and talk therapy can be very effective, ADarkStar. Actually, I know they can be. I've read the facts and I'm majoring in psychology.

What you need to do is try and let go some of those defenses and tell your therapist everything. The therapist should be giving you assignments to help deal with your anxiety, no? Do those!

 

[O kron O]

I suffer from something similar to you. I'm seeing a therapist but I'm so pathetic that I haven't even told her my REAL problems, cause I'm scared. I've been seeing her for a month now. I'm not opened about my sexuality and for me I think that is the main factor, and it's been taking me forever to admit it to myself. I wish I had someone tell all my troubles to but I have no one.

I like to be left alone, I go through my long weeks of silence and anger. Then all the sudden I start to feel better, and later I go back to it. Like many people, music is my best therapy but I also like to keep myself busy.

Like you said, I am also very good at masking my feelings. I know how difficult things can get when you have no one to talk to, cause I have literally 2 people I can call "a friend" and I don't see them often. Sometimes I write too, to someone I met here on this site., and we live so far away but sometimes it's better for me to write what I feel and he helps me out most of the time.
If you need someone to vent to, I'm here for you bud!!

 

[TheOscar]

I suffer from something similar to you. I'm seeing a therapist but I'm so pathetic that I haven't even told her my REAL problems, cause I'm scared. I've been seeing her for a month now. I'm not opened about my sexuality and for me I think that is the main factor, and it's been taking me forever to admit it to myself. I wish I had someone tell all my troubles to but I have no one.

I like to be left alone, I go through my long weeks of silence and anger. Then all the sudden I start to feel better, and later I go back to it. Like many people, music is my best therapy but I also like to keep myself busy.

Like you said, I am also very good at masking my feelings. I know how difficult things can get when you have no one to talk to, cause I have literally 2 people I can call "a friend" and I don't see them often. Sometimes I write too, to someone I met here on this site., and we live so far away but sometimes it's better for me to write what I feel and he helps me out most of the time.
If you need someone to vent to, I'm here for you bud!!

Hey, man, I can understand your situation, trust me. The best advice I can give you is not to lose hope. To try. Let your therapist in and let yourself free of all these emotions.

But if you do want to talk to someone, you can talk to me. A random person from the internet. XD Might not sound convincing, lolz, but I know of a similar situation....

 

[vaporlockd]

I have slight social anxiety & depression but suffer panic attacks big time. I understand how you feel. I'm learning on my own how to talk myself down from panic attacks ( can't afford therapy and/or meds right now ) but I've never dealt with the depression... it just comes and goes and yeah. I'm not much help I guess.

 

[O kron O]

Hey, man, I can understand your situation, trust me. The best advice I can give you is not to lose hope. To try. Let your therapist in and let yourself free of all these emotions.

But if you do want to talk to someone, you can talk to me. A random person from the internet. XD Might not sound convincing, lolz, but I know of a similar situation....

Thanks a lot bro. I have so many problems that, its scary and one time I tried to tell her everything and I didn't know where to begin. SO I just talked about depression but she didn't ask what the cause of it was.
Thanks for the advice! I'll PM you if I need someone to talk to.

 

[ADarkStar1234]

Some rather interesting response you guys have given me. I have a major aversion to drug therapy, only because anyone I know who has taken that route have ended up more miserable than before or taken their own life. I'm only talking of a couple people, but still they are the only ones I know of.

Perhaps I should give a little more background as well. I've never had a relationship, nor have I ever had sex. I'm not the kind of person that can just go out and hook up, not because I'm physically unnattractive, but more in terms of my thoughts about the subject. I so long for a deep connection with someone and I've looked to no avail. Sometimes I hate being a masked avatar on the online world since I can't truly see the people I'm talking to.

If I could boil my emotions down to one simple feeling, it would be hate. I hate this world, I hate most of the people I interact with and I hate myself and my life. I feel like I never had a chance, growing up I was bullied by all the kids I knew, for no particular reason. This was even before I realized I was gay, which only made me feel worse at the time. Eventually, moving away, the bullying stopped, but I remained distrustful and thus began my life of solitude. Not to say I haven't made some nice acquaintences, but not really people I consider friends.

I have come out to my family and close friends, and have been received well. However since I did, the topic never arose again. I have been brutally honest with my therapist, and I think you are right csb999, I could talk forever and never feel better.

Some other people I have spoken to online about this have said my standards are too high or I just need to get laid. Such responses only trigger a feeling of worthlessness, that I'm not being understood.

I feel like a rambling idiot at this point so I'll leave it at that.

Thank you though for your responses!

 

[evanrick]

hmm well i wouldnt worry about x,y,z until you take care of a,b,c...that is..becoming more comfortable with yourself....taking your mind off worry..its taken me a long time to stop letting my fears take over..they still do at different times now...but i feel im making some progress.

its a learning process.

ive learned that its not my fault that i react the way i do.

ive learned that there is a reason to why i have the problems i do, and dont blame myself or others for my problems.

i try and seek rational explanations to my problems to understand why i get panic and anxiety.

you will know when you are ready to confront the fears.

i do not think anyone, let alone therapists can help you better than you can help yourself if they have not suffered the same way. every suggestion my therapist made i had already done weeks before, seemed like a waste of time.

one cannot truly understand the suffering by reading it in a textbook or learning it in a school.

 

[vampireszombies]

Some rather interesting response you guys have given me. I have a major aversion to drug therapy, only because anyone I know who has taken that route have ended up more miserable than before or taken their own life. I'm only talking of a couple people, but still they are the only ones I know of.

Perhaps I should give a little more background as well. I've never had a relationship, nor have I ever had sex. I'm not the kind of person that can just go out and hook up, not because I'm physically unnattractive, but more in terms of my thoughts about the subject. I so long for a deep connection with someone and I've looked to no avail. Sometimes I hate being a masked avatar on the online world since I can't truly see the people I'm talking to.

If I could boil my emotions down to one simple feeling, it would be hate. I hate this world, I hate most of the people I interact with and I hate myself and my life. I feel like I never had a chance, growing up I was bullied by all the kids I knew, for no particular reason. This was even before I realized I was gay, which only made me feel worse at the time. Eventually, moving away, the bullying stopped, but I remained distrustful and thus began my life of solitude. Not to say I haven't made some nice acquaintences, but not really people I consider friends.

I have come out to my family and close friends, and have been received well. However since I did, the topic never arose again. I have been brutally honest with my therapist, and I think you are right csb999, I could talk forever and never feel better.

Some other people I have spoken to online about this have said my standards are too high or I just need to get laid. Such responses only trigger a feeling of worthlessness, that I'm not being understood.

I feel like a rambling idiot at this point so I'll leave it at that.

Thank you though for your responses!

Whoa Whoa Whoa! You just described me so well. Except the therapist part, I dont have that.
But wow! everything you said I feel the same way! Even the coming out part! I'm actually on the verge of hooking up with a random guy JUST to get it over with and maybe it wil help. Even though I know I'm not the kind of guy to do that kind of stuff.

I just feel so.. like.. I missed out so much in life and I'm only 20. With literally no friends because my recent moves with the family. I feel like a failure in everything; I cant find pick a major, I cant pass my classes with flying colors like everyone else, failed college algebra twice!

I just cant come to terms with how my life is turning out, People usually assume I'm a social kind of person when they see me. So I guess they assume I dont need anyone to talk to because it feels like no one interacts with me..

I've been in this city 2 years and only have about 4 online people I seen walking around campus on facebook..
Yup, failure.
So your not the only one. I have no idea what step to take next.

 

[Wilde Oscar]

I saw this thread when I first signed up, but I was hesitant to post in it and put all this stuff out there so early on. But here goes...

I've struggled with anxiety issues for my entire adult life, and probably even back into my teens. Only very recently I went to a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. He told me I have severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The severe part I already knew.

He's put me on a prescription of Clonazepam and Effexor. And I even have a horror story about my experiences with the drugs so far. The first two weeks I spent feeling completely exhausted. Then the sexual side effects kicked in which made me even more depressed. On top of all that, I've had a few bouts of contemplating suicide as well.

Darkstar, you said you have an aversion to taking drugs which is perfectly understandable. I hope my story hasn't completely scared you off because I've had my upsides as well. I'll go out with my friend for coffee, and I almost always give him the money and make him pay. Lately, I've been doing it, and quite comfortably. I've been taking violin lessons for a year, and I usually go into my lesson feeling so nervous that I end up playing terribly no matter how good I sounded the night before. But at my last lesson, I was so relaxed and comfortable, my teacher was visibly impressed. I practically swaggered out of the building that day. And the sexual side effects are slowly wearing off.

I'm willing to keep taking them to see if they can help me, so please don't swear off the idea completely. Personally though, I feel anxiety is best treated with exposure. I've heard it in group therapy, and in one-on-one therapy too. Like any phobia, it's getting out there and challenging those feelings that will change them.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned in the thread yet is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I'm guessing some of you have heard of it. The crux of it is that we have all these distortions in thought about ourselves, and others, and how we're perceived. Your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour are all connected. If can change your thinking about something, maybe the behaviour will change. If you can force a change in your behaviour, then your feelings might start to change and so on.

I'm also the master of masking my anxiety. The trick is to unlearn that and to start expressing those emotions instead of bottling them up. So, please ask your therapists about it. It's probably the best actual therapy an anxious person can get. And it has good backing in science.

This has been a ridiculously long post, and I hope I haven't put any of you to sleep. I just hate to see anyone suffering through this sort of thing. It took many years before I was willing to get help or even admit to myself that I needed it, so let me finish by saying I'm really proud that you guys are getting help. It's a brave thing to do.

 

[Telstra]

evanrick's advice is great.

Bullied as a child was a learned process.
You have to un-learned that process some how and confront your anxiety.

What if you don't mask that anxiety?

 

[Wilde Oscar]

hmm well i wouldnt worry about x,y,z until you take care of a,b,c...that is..becoming more comfortable with yourself....taking your mind off worry..

I forgot that I wanted to comment on that. I have the perennial problem of seeing the horizon without looking down at the ground in front of me. It's so easy to imagine being outgoing, and sociable, and successful and all that.

If someone were to then ask me, "OK, how are you going to get there?", I would be stumped. It really is important I think to do things in small ways, and more importantly with an aim in mind. An aim that's attainable, specific and is about you and no one else.

Maybe I should stop now. I'm probably the last person on this thread who should be doling out any advice.

 

[Seasoned]

Some mental health issues require consultation with a psychiatrist to get an accurate diagnosis. Medication doesn't have to be the enemy if properly monitored. I've had depression, anxiety and panic attacks and I'm on the correct meds with the correct dosage. I don't know where I'd be without that.

 

[bankside]

Before achieving the deep connection you long for with a life mate, I recommend working on some average connections. It would be a great relief if you has a few people you didn't need to mask your depression or anxiety around.

 

[randomteenuk]

I sometimes feel the same way and I think the difficulty with emotional and mental issues, is that it is all in your head. Psychologically, I'm very aware of the problem and that makes it that much harder to deal with, than say a physical problem.

Distraction is a great way to cope. Focusing on the problem, often makes you feel worse.

Just my thoughts!

 

[menRsexii]

I believe I suffer from both as well. It's really weird, one day I'll feel okay and then the next, I will have all these negative feelings within me -- of hopelessness and hate towards myself.

And I have social anxiety because I'm basically paranoid about what everyone thinks about me, physically. You see, every time I look into the mirror, all I see is a disgusting, abnormal image staring back. I think this ties in with the hate I feel for myself. And then I feel like others see me the same way I see myself in the mirror.

It's all just a horrid never ending cycle that I hope to get off of soon... And I hope you can also figure out your problems as well.

 

[PrometheusBound]

I mentioned this in another thread, but I suffer from bipolar and agoraphobia, with other phobias, PTSD, and sometimes panic attacks. I'm on meds now and see a therapist weekly. Can't add much more to the great advice here except to say that building up a close-knit circle of family and friends over the years since my recovery from abuse began has been the biggest help of all. Just meds and therapy wouldn't be enough. I know that friends can be difficult to make when you live with social anxiety (one of my friends has this) but she agrees with me that trying to make close friends can help so much.

 

[ADarkStar1234]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded. It means a lot that people take the time to read and answer.

 

[CMName]

I was in a relationship with a guy who had bipolar a few months ago. It was so hard as I really fell for him but he used to treat me so badly at times. He said he loved me and after he broke up with me he turned to stalking me as I wouldn't get back with him.
I had to block him out, change my phone number and avoid places he might be. It was so sad for both of us, yet I knew I had to stop us getting back together as I know it would only end in tears again. I think I've become a focus of everything that's wrong in his life, and fixing this with me would fix everything else also.
Part of me wishes I'd never met him as I struggle to deal with this SO much. And have no one to talk to who can relate or advise me on splitting up with someone who has mental health issues. ANY advise/thoughts would be appreciated!