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Depression from being closeted?

N

Normy7

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Hey everyone. I'm an 18 year old gay guy who is still almost totally in the closet. For the past year or so I believe I have been depressed, a fact that was later confirmed by my university's councilor. Anyways, she didn't believe it to be any sort of chemical imbalance and thought it was more of an emotional thing.

I don't really have anything to be depressed about other than the fact that I'm a closeted gay man. I have pretty healthy self-esteem usually, I get good grades and have my future looks bright. I just can't shake these feelings I have..feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, and emptiness.

I just want to know are these feelings that other LGBT people felt while they were still in the closet? Do they go away if you come out?

All I know is that I don't want to live with these feelings anymore. I'm usually a fun, energetic and outgoing person but lately have been feeling really down because of this 'depression'.

Thanks
 
Normy7 said:
I don't really have anything to be depressed about other than the fact that I'm a closeted gay man. I have pretty healthy self-esteem usually, I get good grades and have my future looks bright. I just can't shake these feelings I have..feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, and emptiness.

I just want to know are these feelings that other LGBT people felt while they were still in the closet? Do they go away if you come out?
Click to expand...

Coming out is the best thing I've done and it did have a positive effect on my overall mood. I didn't have to hide who I was and was lucky to have friends who accepted me.

I experienced bullying at school and remember the feelings of fear, isolation and the cost of coming out. Things clearly improved after I came out, but the process was not easy.

Fears have both rational and irrational components and I had to work to overcome my fears. Some of us are afraid of exposure or discrimination, while others don't want to disappoint parents or cultural expectations. Meeting open minded people (gay or straight) was the best thing I did and volunteering was helpful too.

It's important to make the distinction between clinical depression and changes in mood in a relatively well adjusted person. Depression is not that uncommon among some gay teenagers as research has shown, but context is a good factor to consider. Is not the same to feel guilt or emptiness or be diagnosed with depression in a place with GLBT resources at hand, help lines and gay friendly professionals.

Starting this thread is a great way to confirm you're not alone. Coming out is a process and things get better.

Have you considered volunteering or applying to a gay-friendly group (sports, outreach, book club, human rights group, etc)?
 
Yves said:
Coming out is the best thing I've done and it did have a positive effect on my overall mood. I didn't have to hide who I was and was lucky to have friends who accepted me.

I experienced bullying at school and remember the feelings of fear, isolation and the cost of coming out. Things clearly improved after I came out, but the process was not easy.

Fears have both rational and irrational components and I had to work to overcome my fears. Some of us are afraid of exposure or discrimination, while others don't want to disappoint parents or cultural expectations. Meeting open minded people (gay or straight) was the best thing I did and volunteering was helpful too.

It's important to make the distinction between clinical depression and changes in mood in a relatively well adjusted person. Depression is not that uncommon among some gay teenagers as research has shown, but context is a good factor to consider. Is not the same to feel guilt or emptiness or be diagnosed with depression in a place with GLBT resources at hand, help lines and gay friendly professionals.

Starting this thread is a great way to confirm you're not alone. Coming out is a process and things get better.

Have you considered volunteering or applying to a gay-friendly group (sports, outreach, book club, human rights group, etc)?
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more. Also, the truth is that coming out is far scarier conceptually than actually doing it. Like the idea of telling everyone made me quiver more than actually letting everyone know. So, come on out with us or, until you do just keep*|* eventually youll be ready to put yourself into the world for some :sex:
 
the previous post is good advice. you dont have to advertise the fact that your gay if that scares you. just start hanging out with dudes more and people who give a damn will get the message.

also if your depressed spend more time with friends, get a job or join a group. getting a job is a great way to meet people you can feel safe with.
 
Dude I totally know wat ur going through. I'm 18 & still mostly in the closet too except to like 1 person and it kills me. I can function around friends and stuff but alone I get all sad and start thinking about really sad stuff and how people would react about me if they knew...It sucks. But I guess it has to be like this for a while be cause the parents definitely wouldnt take it lightly if I told them so I guess just keeping your chin up and trying to block out all the negativity will have to do for now. at least that's what I try to do and It works alright for me most of the time... :/
 
If you are in university, there has to be someone that you can come out to.

You don't need a parade or announcements over the PA.

Just share with one other person. It then gets easier.

Ask yourself. What in the name of heaven would you have to be afraid of on a university campus? That someone will call you names? Beat you up? Tell your parents? None of these things are even remotely likely. Most people will be indifferent. Some guys are going to be interested.

It is time for you to get out there and live.
 
Being stuck in the closet can cause depression. I know because when I was 18 I was totally in the closet at uni. In fact, this lead to me crashing out of studying two years in.

I've since struck back at uni with two little bachelor degrees but there's still the emotional and financial toll. Emotional as in I was so focused on studying too much. Financial as in having a big debt to pay off and losing two years of potential full time income.
 
Being closeted has impacted my life profoundly: depression, anxiety, poor quality sleep, difficulty focusing just to name a few... You are not alone.
 
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