depression in young gay men-discuss

[Theyoungman]

OMFGOD!!!!! You people sure do know how to post...

 

[kallipolis]

Chris,

Interesting case history.

History should remain in our past, and should not allow our present to be consumed by our past. When we dwell in the past, bitterness becomes our less than thoughtful thoughts.

Acceptance of our self as the person whom we are becoming, is the first step towards discarding the baggage that is still attempting to anchor us in our past.

The process of stabilizing and then anchoring our self in the present, can only be realised through becoming the complete human being. Your sexual identity is part of whom you are. Your sexual person, is not your complete self. Also identify with the rest of your self.

Never allow your sense of inadequacy to persuade you that you are less than a complete human person. Lack of self esteem is easily reversible, through a willingness to be happy with the person who also acknowledges his willingness to overcome the trails and tribulations of the past.

Becoming the person you wish to be, is always the result of our willingness to respect our self for whom we are rather than whom we perceive others to see as being. Look in your bathroom mirror and gaze at the image of a human being who is wise enough to seek out friendships in the lives of other people, who are also sharing your journey of self discovery.

 

[jockboy01]

Wow, a couple of great posts right there. Thanks Chris for sharing your story. I hope that life gets better from here. And who knows, maybe you'll be that role model the gay community so desperately needs.

 

[drhladnjak]

Chris, have you ever been to a pride parade or just seen pictures? I only ask because there's actually quite a variety of people in such parades but only the more unusual elements are trotted out in the mainstream press (let's face it, they're trying to sell papers, hike TV ratings, etc.).

I think it's easy to feel that there isn't anything good about gay people to see when you live somewhere devoid of any substantial gay community, because obviously you can't see what's not there. A trip to Boston or Montreal for pride (or really just any weekend) might give you some more hope and perspective.

 

[bluedragon4]

I came out in 1989 when I was 15. I was outed to my whole school and was very depressed. I thought I was gross and I would live the worst life ever. I made a stupid suicide attempt which never would have killed me. Lucky for me my parents were both hairdressers and knew many gays from beauty school and totaly were great about me being gay.I went to college at 19 and joined the gay group my 3rd day. many chicken hawks swooped down on me and I felt so used. I became depressed again at 21 and tried a more serious sucide attempt. that time i almost died. My 3 year relationship had ended and I left my compfortable life with my bf to chase my best friends bf who I fell madly in love with. I spent 5 really bad years with this guy and he was verbally abusive and reminded me about how ugly I was. One day I broke. I changed my whole look and got contacts and tanned like a mother fucker! I wore fitted clothes and got a kick ass hair cut and dyed my hair dark. I looked latin and started to get so much attention.I also butched it up big time. My bf was even more freaky cause all a long I was hot but he was afraid of not being the hot one in our relationship.That's why he always cheated with ugly short fat men. all his friends wanted me and I used that and unfortunatley destroyed him.But in a way it was karma. I took my new power and carefree attitude and went through a string of the hottest guys anyone has ever seen. they all chased me cause I gave off the I'm probably not gonna call you back after and I don't need you. why do men love a challenge so much? I really used my looks to advance myself in every situation.At 30 someone I was in love with and thought one day I would end up with shot and killed himself. He was also 30 and a really great guy.We had been on and off for 4 years.His death snapped me out of that superficial gay world and that event truly changed the course of my life. I once again became depressed and confused. I just could not get past it. I have never done so much soul searching in my life! I am night and day from who I was. I don't even know that guy I see in photos and can't believe that was me.I gave up the tanning and working out and went a bit bald. I gained 50 lbs but also finally gained self respect. When I felt ugly or when everyone chased me I was still alone with myself. never opening up or knowing who I was. I'm 33 now and not as hot as I was but I also know myself now and do not need to use my looks to move forward.I have a great life now and a loving bf. But sometimes it does make me sad to know what I was and now that is fadeing.You really do get treated different when you are really good looking. That is the saddest thing of all.

 

[Tar_Heel-n-ATL]

"Southern Baptists in particular are probably the most anti-gay large denomination in America today. If I only had a dollar for every gay guy I met living in North Carolina who a) had either been cut off by his Southern Baptist parents for being gay or b) was living in terror of such a thing happening lest they come out or be outed."

Interesting. Are you from NC? Your handle shows Seattle. Though there are So. Baptists in the state, I would say NC is much more a Methodist state than most of the other deep south states. Must have been in the mountains or the eastern part of NC?

 

[drhladnjak]

I lived in Carrboro for a bit while going to school at UNC. I'm not saying the Methodists are any better, but it just seemed that I personally met a lot of gay men with serious problems with their Southern Baptist families. Then again, Chapel Hill is one of those places where young, gay men tend to migrate towards from all over the state what with the university and liberal attitudes.

 

[ludolfo]

I am suree i may have spilled my ..past somewheres else here. could have been pm, but here goes. i grew up in the 1960s. the very term 'gay' didn't exIST. the whole fukin queer thang was totally utterly taBOO....of course you heard kids in school talk about 'bumming'--ie., meaning #fukin' but --oh yeah and 'puff'. but the actuality if being gay was taboo. the only stuff you heard about it was INSULT
the only FILM reference i got was this godawful grim little fiolm called , get this--'VICTIM' starring Dirk Bogarde, an actor who in real LIFE was a closet queen. the film was about these 'homosexuals' who were being blackmailed and beaten up and killed in these dingy back streets of London. As a kid i remember watching thsi film with my grampa and mam, and it was like ZOOM---i felt they KNEW, cause i was watching it so intensely

now...my preedicament was shit cause i was a good lookin boy and always had girls interested. so i had girlfriends. what this did was create severe pressure, cause i wasn't really into them, i was trying to fit in with me homies. see--i was totally isolated all the way through my schooling, even from infants. sos i was desperate to fit in with my homey mates, and they were all three eyears older than me---i was an only kid. so their trip was hangin out at our house cause mam was always going out clubbin it. so iomagine the fukin pressure, yeah. i am having to live this friggin LIE about my sexuality and i cant even hide in my own HOUSE cause its being used as a knokin shop---waht we call a doss house in UK-- a place used for people to fuck their mates. tho MY mates were all straight.

My best mate was a lad who lived next door. one time--and its funny how traumatic memories you never forgit----we went down this redlight area and i slipped in this shop and seen these mags of horny youths. now in comparison with now these were mild but you DID see pubes. anyway i HAD to buy them. BUYING them was embarrassing enuf, but ....i leave the shop and have tried to roll them and stuff them in poket away from sight of my matre Paul. he clocks them and says 'wahts these' and opens paper and them humilates me, askin me what i see in them and i remember him saying 'look at the state of their pubes'--he drags me back to the shop and makes the newsagent take them back and i get money back

but it was the 'schizo' way i was made to feel by the stupid fukin shit environment i found myself in. it was like this---i was nekin with girls--ie., makin a show of kissing, and even dry hummping, but my HEART wasn't really in it. isn't that HORRIBLE??...anyways enuf bout me and me sad tale for now. part 2 maybe later

just to say i have been thru some hellish crap but i still dont believe depression is a disease like the shrinks tell us, and them make money outa the drugs they push on us. it is MORE the ignorant environment of others!

 

[hermanding]

on the various religions, we're still looking here in south america for the first straight priest. you wouldn't - maybe you would - believe the shit that two friends of mine who are former seminarianos tell about their schooling.
as for those of us who go back awhile and were the 'hot' group when the ny police raided stonewall, when judy died, when there in the states a raid in a bath would get your name in the paper and make it easy to fire you - i believe a lot of us survived the first grip of sida - because we weren't just as profligate as has been claimed earlier. we were working to be decent moral people, hoping to own homes, etc. there were those that didn't to be sure.
ding

 

[cellular]

I also feel depressed as a young gay guy sometimes. It would be easier if i was straight. Its all stems from not really fitting in. I mean i only know straight people, so let say when my straight guy friends comments how beautiful a girl is, i have to keep silent coz i honestly would not know. Or when they invite me to a club - i dont think like i would feel comfortable at the club because they are places where straight ppl meet straight ppl. Or when i feel like im keeping a big secret in me and i cannot tell anyone im gay. Its a harder life being gay then straight but you know what, i have come to accept it. I dont let other make me feel bad. Im just as valuable as any straight person out there.

 

[drhladnjak]

FWIW, cellular, a lot of those issues become virtually eliminated when you're somewhere that you can make gay friends and frequent gay bars, clubs, movie nights, volunteer organizations, sports groups, etc.

 

[TomahawkEagle]

I also suffer from depression. Looking at the symptoms it's been going on for over 12 years now which just happens to be when I started to feel I was different. My doctor said it could be because I'm unemployed. Doubt that that is the case because when I was employed full time, I still felt the same way. My being gay or bi (still unsure) is the only underlying issue that's been bothering me all these years.

To anyone who feels depressed, see a doctor. It might not be as simple as the occassional blues.

 

[NameTaken]

Well I'm pretty fucking depressed. X_X

 

[LoveMen]

I think that image has a lot to do with it. The superficial gay scene: hot bodies, sex, more hot bodies. I think a lot of young gay men try to become skinny to get noticed and with that comes depression. I know I do, I dont consider myself to be fat, but I'm not a model either. Young gay men, I think, try to fit the mold of the stereotype and lose the essence of who they are in the process. It's happened to me, and I feel the pressure again. Just my two cents!

 

[ludolfo]

Well I'm pretty fucking depressed. X_X

HI man, My heart is with you. this must have knocked you for six. I know what its like to fall so in love and it not be requieted. its THE most painful thing anyone can experience in life,,,,thx for sharing your story with us. I am sure some here will know what you have gone through

 

[ludolfo]

and PHEW you are really really cute