depression

[Kyanimal]

Depression is not unkown to me. At times it can feel like a familiar "dark" Friend! It can be Comfortable, Soothing, even Inviting. Not unlike my bedroom, my sheets, my pillow. I can sleep entire days away ... just to get through Time ... "unknowing" ... disassociated ... cozy/hiding ... and then I want more!

Yes ... it is a Trap! And though I'm fully aware of the danger, I willingly, silently, slip into that fog to bask in it's "nothingness". Like a sensory deprivation chamber ... I'd prefer to Float instead of Cope! I pull it's Cloak around me ... shutting out the World.

I "disappear" to those around me. I leave them in a befuddled loss. I think they don't notice, but they do. And they wonder was it something they did? Of course it wasn't. But they don't know my "Dark Friend": my Tempter, my Demon, my Seducer, who enfolds me, and leads me, away from all Light.

It could be an imbalance in my endorphines, low seratonin levels, etc., etc. Too much caffeine? Too much nicotine? Stimulants, yes, but my "Motivation Switch" simply turns to "Off"!

So ... I sleep. And even when I'm physically awake, I'm mentally in Neutral.

Ladygray's List has some of the right antidotes! Physical activity not only changes your focus, but also effects those moody endorphines! Literally WALKING out of the gloom can work! When you're ready ... when it's time ... it is possible to open the door, let in some rays, then move yourself into the sunshine. The Real World is always there, waiting for you to rejoin it.

Even determined thoughts can have positive effects. A conscious realignment of your mind ... when you're ready ... when it's time ...

And thus we come to a part of what is behind my oh-so-familiar, and some would say annoying, sign off ... but, seriously ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[buzzj]

I can at least tell you that I know what you're going through. I went through a period of depression when I first started getting sober--- and it was hell. I wish I had better advice--- but about all I can say is to keep putting one foot in front of the other in the sure knowledge that it will get better.

I hope you're going to take the counseling suggestion.

 

[Swellegant]

Sorry you're not feeling quite the thing... it's especially difficult when there are things that you can't control, and the only thing you can do is dissociate from them. Just remember to be nice to yourself; and if you are thinking of getting yourself a holiday gift (just 'cuz you're not Christian doesn't mean you can't celebrate Xmas), might I recommend a full-spectrum light? They are miraculous for giving you a lift where you never thought you needed one. I'm gonna get me one someday soon (otherwise I just hang out in jewelry stores, which use the same kind of lighting).