Depression...

[bander66]

Well, to be honest guys things haven't really improved. There has been lots of drama last week, but now that my phone broke I'm pretty much cut off from it, which is nice, but hard at the same time. Last week I spoke about this in my gay youth group's small group time (it's like small group counseling) and I think the facilitator told the lady who runs the program because she want to "check up with me" even though I've only been going there two months. I had a friend last Tuesday tell me I was no longer her friend because I changed my mind about going to work for her. In rush hour it was going to be a 2 hour drive though. Then I told her I was gay, prolly a bad idea. Haven't heard from her since. My moods been decent though, but that's only because I've been self medicating with a lot of pot.

 

[fatou126]

i have severe drepression and a borderline personality disorder i and i can tell you it is not fun to be with me around sometimes.
iam on a lot of med which MORe or less zombified me .... i do also have psychotic symptom i cna tell you comming back to reality is hard and painful.....

my partner nad my parent thinks i amy be shizophrenic as ihear a lot of voices and my psyhiaterist is reviewing my case ......


what really cheesed me off is when peopel says to you or depression is not an illness just cheer up and everything will be ok !!!!!!

 

[jdoe4822]

I'll go ahead and throw my hat in this ring too. I mentioned it in another post in the religion section, but I've had a prolonged battle with depression. It got most severe about 2 and a half years ago. I failed out of school, was missing work, and more worringly, cutting myself regularly, and was suicidal ( 2 years 4 months later you can still read "faggot" carved in my arm). Ended up hospitalized for 3 days.

Now I'm doing pretty well. I'm quite functional in daily life and haven't cut since the hospitalization. I'm no longer medicated (although I was for many years), but I still see my psychiatrist once every like 6 months to verify that I'm still allright, and my therapist on an as needed basis (usually once ever 2-3 months, although I'd probably see her more often if I could afford it). Feel free to message me if I can help.

 

[s0436]

Distance can sometimes solve our problems

 

[boogalee]

I've had my bouts of depression but I'm doing a lot better now with medication and health care. I'd be happy to talk to or listen to anyone that needs a friend, just pm me.

For those who don't have health care and are in the States ( it may work outside the States too, I just don't know) here is some useful information on how to get your meds for little or no money. I've used it when I had no money, no insurance and needed help...it works.

I can't post URLs yet, so go to needymeds.org

Check it out. Hugs to everyone....there are a lot of caring people here.

 

[Alabaster]

Boogalee is right - drug companies (in the US, at least, to a degree) are required to reserve a percentage of their products in order to provide treatment to people who are unable to afford the medication at price, or insurance. There's a huge gap between our government assistance programs and poverty level, leaving many to face depression, and other life-threatening illnesses, without proper medical care.

Just as pharmaceutical companies are required to provide for the less fortunate, so are medical practices. There are indigent laws that your doctor is required to follow, if you indeed meet the criteria. Just ask, and if they don't participate in assistance programs, they're belittled the oath they've taken to do no harm.

I worked in rural health care for 4 years and have seen it work, but depression is a different kind of illness. It can take months, even years, to find a proper treatment plan - some SSRI's like Zoloft or Paxil can make things worse for some people, others have such myriad symptoms - sleeplessness, borderline bipolar, even physical pain (like me) - that your medicine cabinet might end up looking like a pharmacy itself. That's when interactions occur, primarily, as so many drugs are pushed through without long term studies, not to mention how much one would have to pay for one's medication.

It's generally taken for granted by now that homosexuals have not only higher rates of depression, but suicide rates as well. What few publications receive funding for wide-reaching, long-term studies are generally overlooked, or beaten down by the notion that it's somehow our fault, as if someone would choose to grow up terrified and alienated. Regardless, I haven't met a single gay person that hasn't dealt with some level of depression, and the length and intensity of this thread only furthers the notion that not only are we much more likely to suffer chronic depression, but we're also exponentially more likely to resist the need to seek help.

Explore your options - assistance exists, it's just a process thanks to the way our medical system is set up. Find others who share your situation, connect with them, keep in touch with them. They're the ones who know firsthand, and they're the ones who know when to just listen and agree. Everyone vents their frustration; there's no reason we shouldn't find a sympathetic ear as well, and it does my heart good to see such support here. Be honest, first and foremost. I've lost people dear to me that swore to the end that there was nothing wrong.

I hope you find peace, somewhere or with someone, just never go it alone.

 

[pasacon]

I've pretty much suffered from moderate depression since I was 6 years old, that's when my dad told me that if I turned out to be gay, I wouldn't be a member of the family anymore. Since then, I've always had trust and anti-social issues and feelings of isolation when it came to people (including friends and family) feelings of shame and guilt especially since I became sexually active at the age of 10. It all seemed to subside a bit when I started college and got a "fresh start"... then I had 4 family members die at once... Since then all I do is obsess about death on a daily basis, I'm always afraid that the last time I saw someone will be the last time I ever see them... pile on top of that feelings of shame and guilt thrust upon me from my christian upbringing... Pretty much as each year passes, I feel I've become less and less in control of my mood swings... crying for no apparent reason, sudden or prolonged feelings of dread sudden outbursts of irritability and anger and increased anti-social behavior to the point of loathing people in general.

Since my suicide attempt a couple weeks ago, I've been hounded by crisis counselors and one of my friends to call and make an appointment for a psych evaluation... but I keep dragging my feet and making excuses not to call. I guess the intention was to immediately transfer me from the ER to the psychiatric ER, but they had no bed space there and so they released me from the ER once I was better.

 

[asian87]

Last month until now I have had a very bad period. stupid

 

[socal21]

I was just wondering if anyone else on here is suffering from severe depression. I am. I had a horrible stint with it three years back, was medicated, became more depressed and got over it after about 8 months. Well now it's back, and worse then ever before. Don't really have to money to go see a doc and have shitty insurance that only works at my school. I was just wondering if someone might want to create like a buddy system to help get us through this. Thanks guys

I'm here bud! i actually would love to make a buddy to talk to and help eachother get through this. I actually posted a thread on what i'm feeling and going through,and i'm currently looking for help from a proffesional,but i to dont have insurance and it just sucks,so i totally feel what your going through! Hit me up! let's chat!

 

[payit4ward]

I was just wondering if anyone else on here is suffering from severe depression. I am. I had a horrible stint with it three years back, was medicated, became more depressed and got over it after about 8 months. Well now it's back, and worse then ever before. Don't really have to money to go see a doc and have shitty insurance that only works at my school. I was just wondering if someone might want to create like a buddy system to help get us through this. Thanks guys

Hi Bander,

I am biolar and have anxiety disorder as well so i understand what you are going through. I have been hospitalized several times and had electroconvulsive therapy,cognitive therapy and been on every antidepressant and anxiety medication in existance and im currently still taking them and none of the medications are totally effective. to help you atleast with your prescriptions most major drug companies participate in a patient assistance program where they will provide your medications at no cost to you and your doctor should have the information to sign you up if you are in need of it. I understand what you are experiencing if you need someone to talk to im here.

 

[mustangman]

Depression sucks. I was on Paxil for 8 years after both my parents died. Went off it about 1 1/2 years ago only to have a sudden relaps after changing jobs and having some surgery. I currently take just 5mg of it and it help but my dr wants me to be at 10mg. I dont want to go to that dosage due to teh sexual side effects, IE, lack of sex drive... So, I am reading this post and interested in what others have to say. I really hate taking medication at all as I don't think that to body deals well with tons of pills. However, we al need to be mentally fit.
By the way, what have everyones symptoms been? I was also interested that someone said that they had been diagnosed with having Anxiety disorder. How is that different and how is that treated/

 

[slnattak]

Medication is rarely the solution to anything. Human beings are emotional and sensitive, and the cure you're looking for is hard to find. You just gotta keep at it, I guess, right? Realistically things aren't going to elevate your mood- you will be surprised at what can make you happy.

But happiness is a fleeting thing by it's very nature. If you try to go out 'looking for' happiness or searching for it, you always end up empty-handed. For happiness to come, you have to let it in.

A drug is a lie. A cheap way out. Only *you* hold the keys to your own salvation. We can sympathize and empathize with you, but will that really change anything until you make a real, conscious effort to change?

 

[pasacon]

Medication is rarely the solution to anything. Human beings are emotional and sensitive, and the cure you're looking for is hard to find. You just gotta keep at it, I guess, right? Realistically things aren't going to elevate your mood- you will be surprised at what can make you happy.

But happiness is a fleeting thing by it's very nature. If you try to go out 'looking for' happiness or searching for it, you always end up empty-handed. For happiness to come, you have to let it in.

A drug is a lie. A cheap way out. Only *you* hold the keys to your own salvation. We can sympathize and empathize with you, but will that really change anything until you make a real, conscious effort to change?

To an extent I might say that yeah, that's true and that at times meds are prescribed when it's really not necessary. But try telling that to someone who's bipolar and in the middle of a manic rage or high that they don't need their meds and that they could fix themselves if they believed hard enough... meanwhile perhaps while trying to "fix" themselves without meds they are succumbing to the mood swings and having unprotected sex because they feel invincible or flying off the handle at anyone who pisses them off or taking other risks that could in turn royally hurt them in the end.

While you're at it, why don't you go tell the guy with schizo affective mood disorder that he doesn't need his mood stabilizers and he doesn't need to take his anti-psychotics, because clearly a non-med related solution is better to be tried first while he lives with the voices talking about how they know where he lives and are coming to kill him playing from the morning talk radio as phantoms and imaginary people watch him from his peripheral vision...

There is a huge difference between feeling glum because you got passed up for that promotion or being distraught because of a recent loss as opposed to years or a lifetime of sadness, anxiety and despair. Clinical depression and mental illness is a serious issue and is a cause for pause. You are typing, telling people that they shouldn't depend on their meds, meanwhile someone goes off their meds and tries to just cope and ends up doing something that they'd regret like offing themselves because no amount of wishful thinking is going to correct their lack of serotonin or excess of dopamine or whatever imbalance exists. Or maybe they start drowning their sorrow in a bottle of booze every week or through illegal drug abuse as they desperately claw for that elusive feeling of contentment and happiness that they can't seem to grasp.

My attempt at suicide was a terrible selfish mistake... and it was an utter feeling of despair, fear, and hopelessness that led me to believe that that was right course of action... But it's a blessing that I have friends who cared and noticed past changes in my behavior allowed them to stop me from succeeding in that... I'm grateful for that. And honestly, before the meds, I was resentful of them for a while thinking that they just wanted me to live so I can experience more pain. But I'm starting to do better... I can go to work without crying thinking that everyone I love is going to die that day. Things can go wrong or not go in my favor without me blowing up in people's faces and freaking out because of thoughts that people are trying to sabotage me.

I'd rather take my chances with the prescribed drugs than walk around with the false comfort that I'm doing right by me by abstaining from those nasty artificial chemicals. Excuse me while I consider the occasional dizziness and moderate migraine from my meds as a necessary annoyance as opposed to the alternative.

 

[pasacon]

Well in my case I find it selfish for me to do. I haven't recovered from 4 of my family members dying, and it pretty much broke me to an extent. I never recovered from it, and the effect it had on me on top of the fact that I was already suffering from chronic depression put me to the point of thinking everyone around me is going to die, life is full of nothing but pain and everyone around you will just kick you further down until there is nothing left... but even if I can't get over it, it certainly wouldn't help my family who has been suffering through the same tragedy if I offed myself. But then again, some people would say I'm being self-centered and narcissistic because I acknowledge that my family loves me and don't want to see me dead...

Whether you say you've committed suicide, contemplated it, or refrain from doing so for the sake of friends and family, someone out there will always come along who will say that you are either a coward, selfish, or narcissistic among other things when it comes to whether you have had suicidal thoughts or ever contemplated actually going through with those thoughts.

If you are interested in my thoughts about people contemplating suicide, this was a pm that I sent some guy on here named "Sir Les" after he proceeded to call anyone who contemplated suicided selfish and stupid and people who have contemplated suicide and refuse to go through with it for the sake of friends and family stupid, selfish and narcissistic for "thinking they are doing anyone any favors and acting the martyr by not killing themselves."

FYI, I sent this response to him and he responded back saying he didn't bother reading it and just deleted it because anything I would have said would have been stupid.

"To an extent, I understand your frustration with suicidal people. But not all people who are depressed or suicidal are looking for pity from others. There is a difference between people who whine and cry and threaten suicide to evoke sympathy from others and there are many others who suffer silently with their depression and morbid thoughts, keeping it to themselves. Is a person who hides their suicidal thoughts from their friends and family also selfish if they choose to live for the sake of their families?

You have to realize that severe depression is a real mental illness. And these people for that reason are unable to find happiness. To them life is unbearable and painful. Emotional pain can be just as detrimental to people as much as physical agony. Yes, people cope with tragedies, illness, crippling diseases and accidents... but how does one who by definition sees nothing but despair in their lives.

Yes, there are people who are "depressed" or "suicidal" simply because they want the attention and sympathy of others. But there are people who are truly depressed, who see death as the only release from that depression due to their mental condition. It isn't always because they are selfish or don't care about the people that love them. They simply made a mistake or resigned themselves to death because they saw that as the only option, because of their condition.

To group together all people suffering from depression or coping with suicidal thoughts as selfish whiny attention whores is unfair. Such an attitude from people only further hurts the process of helping these people. Fear of being judged, fear of being caught or stopped, the truly depressed and suicidal suffer silently and alone. And no one is aware of their condition until it's too late. And then it all begins again. Husband and father, or single mother of one, a brother, sister, aunt, or uncle kills themselves and someone labels them as selfish or as a coward and forsakes a person that they loved because of how they were affected by that person's death. They fail to realize that the person who committed suicide was a victim of their mental illness or the possibility that they had been suffering all these years prior to taking their lives.

These people need the support of their loved ones. Just as suicide affects not only the one who takes their lives, our words and actions affect the outlook and well being of these people suffering from depression. And someone says that they are coping with depression and suicidal thoughts and you call them selfish and say that you feel sorry for their family for them having to put up with him... that's disgusting. So you don't know him. So you don't know whether he is really suicidal or just wanting to grab for attention. From your posts I gather you are just as selfish and self-centered as you claim suicides to be."

 

[asian87]

I need some help. It's been a while since I'm having lots of worries that makes me feel down, really down... My parents know I'm worried but I don't tell them about depression.

I can't take it any more. I'm doing on my own and I can't afford to seek doctor advice and for this reason I'm thinking about going on medication temporarily just until things improve.

Could anyone recommend me any weak medications?

 

[Nelson]

Any one who feels down for a length of time - should take a Hamilton Depression scale test, to acces whether you suffer from mild, moderate to severe depression.

If you do suffer from moderate to severe depression you will need medication and counseling.

Mild depression caused by the many stressors of life can be handled by dealing and coping with these specific problems.

Some mild cases of depression can be helped by taking St. Johns Wort (An herb) in capsules that works almost as good as many SSRI antidepressants. Also a supplement called 5htp will help. Remember to take these supplements for at least 6-8 weeks before you see an improvement. Regular exercise is also very important to overcome any kind of depressions.

Moderate to severe depressions however - especially if you have suicidal idiations or thoghts requires counseling and real presciptions medications - like Cipralex, Prozac or Cymbalta. In severe cases or if you are not responding to these never antidepressants older tricyclic antidepressants like Amitryptoline works better, but have more sideefffects. Never accept thoughts of suicide - get help! Call helplines and get help - for a while you may even need to be hospitalized if your think of suicide all the time.

SAD - Seasonal affective disorder - responds well to Light therapy - Buy light panels and boxes with full spectrum lighting and sit at the correct distance drom then 2 hours daily - preferably at least one hour in the morning and later in the day - before 6 pm. Combine that with one of the dawn simulators on the nighttable. Start light therapy in the end of september and stop at the end of March. Light thearapy in combination with exercise is very helpful for SAD but some may need to take an antidepressant too.

Depression is an illness not to be taken lightly - the change in mood can be compared to summer and winters - as opposed to feeling down and sad, that can be compared to night and day.

A man who experience his first moderate to severe depression needs to take medications/counseling for at least 12 month before stopping. If he experiences a relapse later he probably has to take antidepressant the rest of his life to prevent further depressive episodes. Depression is painful and can be treated!
I struggled with depressions and SAD for 17 years and have learned to live with it - I would not be here if I had not been on the right antidressant medication (for me Cymbalta) took my light therapy in the winterseason and pushed myself to exercise. I hope you will fight depression too and win!

 

[TomahawkEagle]

I'm hit with depression too had it since 1999 (high school) but only talked to my doctor about 2 years ago. Still having mood swings and been on and off the medication.

The cause of my depression was staying in the closet until 23 when my mates found out (by accident). My parents, to this day don't know unfortunately.

The global financial crisis can cause a lot of grief, even for the people who were previously fit and healthy.

 

[markffd]

Ive battled depression ever since I realized I was attracted to men - age 15. When I turned 20 I was prescribed paxil which totally changed my life. Fast forward to my 27th birthday and I realized that I could no longer keep the facade up, I broke down into a very severe depression. I couldnt sleep, lost interest in everything and cried a great deal. There was even was very ugly incident where my brother found a suicide note I had written.

I'm much better now, and I found that ive become an expert on survival. If theres one temporary cure for the symptoms of depression, its exercise. If im ever down I do a sport I like or lift weights, anything to work up a sweat and take my mind off whats bothering me. By the end, I always feel much better.

good luck

 

[Aussieguy01]

Im going to say a bit too I think. I have a very bad history of OCD and Depression. Ive never actually been medicated for the depression but I have for the OCD.

It was back in 2006-2008 in which I lived my darkest years living with both Illnesses and it beat me down. Rollon late 2008 and Im on top of the world everything's perfect. I mean like absolutely perfect didn't take long to crumble slowly beneath me. All began around the last month of 2008 when I had a few bad experiences of verbal abuse and stuff through work (aged care worker here) This began the spiral , I was constantly put into these situations which made me not enjoy the job anymore.

It took a lot off of me but everything else was still going well. Then Xmas eve , I got a speeding fine , being a provisional license holder I will lose it for a few months. I use my car Alot for work which meant I had to tell them ad they were surprisingly supportive. But this didn't stop the stress from getting to me and slowly the OCD began to creep up again.

Work became a bigger workload for me , of the 10 days I worked 9 days were broken shifts (I.E doing a morning and afternoon run with a few hours break in between) because no one else wanted to do them. While I was laready stressed and not sleeping because of it these broken shifts became so hard to do so I asked for one day off in the middle of the roster to rest. This was met with utter rudeness and they took great offence to it. The next week I go in the office and they tell me they have taken off my weekends to give me a rest as well ( which meant I had the day I asked for plus the weekend resulting in lost hours and penalty rates , the backbone of my pay basically ), something I didn't ask them to do , and they did it in the most spiteful way and manner. I was so cranky.

Then this began happening more and more. I got the cold shoulder from my office workers and they wouldn't give me time of day. I was lectured at for the smallest things that noone else was and I lost all job satisfaction. I had hit an all time low then OCD running ramped and I was just shutting down. I had a overseas Holiday to the UK which kept me going. This trip changed my life , I was able to get some good thinking done and have come back stronger.

I now know in myself that I shouldn't have to take that bullshit. Not from anyone. Thats why Im going to fight them back. Unfortunately they are still being fuckers. Talking behind my back , only filling out my contract for hours which means im practically bringing home $200 a week and just blowing hot and cold. But right now I'm looking for jobs elsewhere , and they dont know either. I wont tell them until 2 weeks before I move to the city with family and I know for a fact the hours and jobs they give me will be extremely hard to replace. Plus it is really going to piss them off which is what Im looking most forward to

But even though the depression is still sort of here and I have my good and bad days I have just thrown myself into seeing friends and family whenever I can , working on my fitness and having so much fun to care anymore. I have used this stress in running and walking and have lost close to 70 pounds Im looking and feeling fantastic and thats something noone can take away from me

Basically life can beat you down , and when your down it kicks you again. Sometimes you have to come and kick its ass right back

But if you ever need to talk, just send me a PM Best of luck. Your not alone man

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

I have my bouts with depression. I'm not sure what caused it, but there are days where I just sit in the house, and all I can do is cry. I shut myself out from everyone, I don't even get on the computer. I put on some music, and that often helps, but it usually takes a couple hours to feel better. But I'm not sure why I'm depressed right now. It could be that my boyfriend was diagnosed with Leukemia around this time last year, then I lost him a month later. I'm not sure what caused this, but hopefully I can get over it. I don't want to go to the doctor, because I can't afford it, because I have no health insurance, so I sit home and just cry....almost all the time. I'll be sitting there, and then BAM! Out of the blue, I'll start crying. It's very draining & annoying. Hopefully I can get over it soon. Maybe after next month passes it'll pass too. One can only hope.