Depression

[KrisGreen]

^Yes I Have for back pain, nothing.

 

[darian]

I feel I'm just wasting my life. I barely have a social life, no job , no lover, no car, no life. I just exist I stay in most days.

I have felt like you do for much of my life, even when I had a job, car and many of the trappings of a "good" life: I still felt empty as though something important was missing.

Then I started to realise that I had been listening to what society wanted me to do or to be for its own sake rather than for mine.

At about the same time I read something that changed my perception of myself: human sperm has to endure a marathon of obstacles to fertilise an egg and only the very strongest fighters (and a lot of luck) are successful, so we have all inherited that fighter strength at our very core; believe it within yourself when things seem overwhelming. Also, the creation of life is a miracle of battling the odds and this imbues an individual fundamentally with a "worth" that can not be taken away IMO. I like to think of it as a backstop self-esteem that I can never go below, that I intrinsically own and no amount of external belittling or demeaning of my sense of worth can put out that spark. Once I am confident of that strong foundation, I can start to build upon it.

What I realised next was that society has become a machine where each of us are considered disposable cogs and there is little consideration of the individual: too much self-interest and not enough concern of the interests of others whom we are interconnected with. We have been indoctrinated to believe that unless we are productive compliant cogs in that machine, then we have no worth. Once I developed a solid foundation in my own intrinsic worth simply from being created, then I could look at what I wanted for me, independent of what society wanted. Whilst it is still important for individuals to contribute to a society, otherwise it will not function, a true civilisation has enough "fat" to support those who can't contribute for whatever reason. I then reasoned that it was okay for me to not contribute, if I was struggling to survive, until I was stronger. So, I started to better control my environment to minimise my fears and anxieties to a point of stability that I could then start to expand from, without feeling like a failure or worthless and ignoring the demands of society that I be productive. Thus I created another strong foundation from which to build from.

Whilst it may seem that I am contradicting myself by decrying self-interest and then advocating self-interest, I think it is okay to be a bit selfish in achieving a more stable life instead of a terrified knife-edge existence where no-one is happy, because a stable life holds within itself the possibility of further improvement to a point of being able to contribute to society again.

I am a firm believer that an individual will change from internal motivation when the time is right for them and to impose external demands for change according to someone elses timetable is counterproductive. If one is overweight, for example, being shamed about it is not productive: it's better to accept ourselves as we are at any moment in time and be content and allow internal dissatisfaction to motivate us towards change than be in an anxious, shamed state where any imposed change will likely be sabotaged and is undertaken for the wrong reasons (someone elses reasons).

I can't say my theories work miracles, but by being a bit selfish and ignoring society's attacks on my self-esteem, I have developed a better stable foundation where I am doing things for me firstly and others secondly and it now provides an opportunity for me to choose to push the envelope a bit and grow further by doing more for others.

I have also suffered from depression in the past, although the majority of my earlier years were more about sadness, disillusionment and disappointment. I only recognise the depression period because it was the point at which I wanted to take my life, I was so unhappy.

I'm not sure if it works for actual depression, but when I was in my darker moments I came across a tree in flower and I was captivated by the intensity of the colour and the marvel of the structure of one of the blooms: something I had seen in the past but simply walked on by. As I gazed deeper and deeper into this single flower, I began to realise there was almost a universe of beauty and elements of interest in this single item and then it hit me that each part of the universe can be a captivating universe in itself and we don't see it because we don't bother to look. I think this is the genesis of the admonition to "smell the roses": we casually dismiss things as being uninteresting or unimportant because we don't bother to actually look and appreciate the marvel that is around us because we are too wrapped up in ourselves and superficiality.

I now realise there is so much of interest in the universe that I'm overwhelmed trying to take advantage of understanding even the smallest part: I don't have time to be depressed any more.

I believe each person needs to be nourished to achieve their own potential and in doing so, nourishes civilisation. I am disappointed how self-interested society has become that it has lost sight of the individuals that comprise it.

I don't have a social life, no job, virtually no friends, no sexual intimacy, but I am more stable now than in the past and my life is full of interest (too much of interest that I can't keep up): a good foundation to grow from and achieve the other things I want, but if I don't then I will still be content.

 

[darian]

In summary, I was created by the universe against all the odds: I don't need a purpose or reason to exist, I just "am" and have "worth" because of it. The only purpose I need is to occupy my time whilst I exist and the universe has so much of interest, I could occupy all my time and then some just pursuing a small part of it. My task is to choose the things of interest to pursue for myself and ultimately to benefit the society that supports me and thus others.

What I found so difficult at the beginning was the perception that I had to meet all the external demands of others in order to have a sense of worth. Until I changed this perception, I could do little for myself and I felt trapped.

There can be something of interest in the smallest and simplest of things, if we are only prepared to take the time to look more closely: it's a matter of perception, diamonds in the rough, etc.