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Did Christopher Cornell's parents mother him too much?

Z

zombiekiller

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http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/15/us/capitol-attack-plot/

20 years old. Lives with parents. Doesn't have a job. Doesn't go to school. Rarely ever leaves the house. Doesn't talk to anybody. Spends all his time on the internet. Converting to Islam and grew out a beard (to be rebellious). Being a mama's boy.

Last time I visited my old teacher from high school, his son was playing the ps3 in the basement. Didn't even acknowledge I was there. 20-some years old. Didn't have a job. Rarely ever left the home. Didn't even say hi back to me when I said hi.

We went out to dinner and he didn't want to come. So, just me, my old teacher, and his wife. While we were eating, I asked them what was going on with their son and stuff. They said neither of them was a pusher, so they didn't know what to say to their son.

I'm convinced these parents are doing their kids a disservice by not pushing them to do more.

I had my first job when I was 16. After high school, I went to school and worked part-time. Always found something to do. It's not that hard.

Cornell's parents should have known better.
 
Lot's of lost souls out there---the internet doesn't help to develop social skills---if anything it alienates---many experts have been saying that for some time---but there is not much you can do about it.
 
zombiekiller said:
I'm just curious. What motivates you to write out a random snide comment like that?
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"20 years old. Lives with parents. Doesn't have a job. Doesn't go to school. Rarely ever leaves the house. Doesn't talk to anybody. Spends all his time on the internet."
 
[-X :mad: Don't be so insensitive for not accepting this young man's true identity.

Joshua Alcorn was REALLY Leelah Alcorn.

Cornell is REALLY Raheel Mahrus Ubaydah.



.
 
20 is pretty young. You make it sound like tomorrow he'll be 40 and a failure. I posted this on Facebook but I think it bears repeating here. Let's just say if some parents are truly so oblivious, the worlds in trouble.

"Worst thing I've noticed is polarized parenting. This is when parents decide to be either Authoritarian or Permissive and don't understand there's a middle ground. Kids are smart, and can tell when they're being disciplined for doing something wrong, or being punished by a parent on a power trip. However, kids can't always see that their parents (hopefully) still love them when they get disciplined. This is the parent's job to convey this, and many don't. Also, it amazes me how many parents fail to connect the dots between the kids they raised, and the adults they've become. Really, you raised them for 18+ years and can't figure it out? That's a little scary. Kids are like building blocks during their formative years, and ideally that is the time when they are meant to be raised holistically and given building blocks so when they are presented with wrong choices, they are able to make right ones. But parents often have kids for selfish reasons anyway, so it's not surprising how we come to the world we have today. Just my two cents."

Only thing I would add to that is parents need to let their kids live their own lives and suffer the consequences of every action instead of being shielded from them.
 
MrPerfectMan said:
20 is pretty young. You make it sound like tomorrow he'll be 40 and a failure. I posted this on Facebook but I think it bears repeating here. Let's just say if some parents are truly so oblivious, the worlds in trouble.
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Well, I never said I expected him to rake in the dough at 20.

Again, let me repeat. Doesn't have a job. Almost never leaves the house. Spends all his time on the internet. Oh yeah, and plots to kill many people.

Are you really saying that's ok?

It is never a good thing to allow oneself to be deadweight for any extended period of time.
 
No, for a second there I thought you were writing about your own kid and that the article reminded you of your son. lol
 
MrPerfectMan said:
No, for a second there I thought you were writing about your own kid and that the article reminded you of your son. lol
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Hm... so... are we all in agreement that there is nothing wrong with that young man and being a 20 year old who doesn't have a job or go to school, rarely leaves the house, spends all his time on the internet, and plots to kill many people is perfectly ok?
 
no. But everything but the last part is pretty common it seems. he'll learn soon enough he'll have no life that way.
 
zombiekiller said:
Hm... so... are we all in agreement that there is nothing wrong with that young man and being a 20 year old who doesn't have a job or go to school, rarely leaves the house, spends all his time on the internet, and plots to kill many people is perfectly ok?
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Is there nothing wrong? No, there's nothing wrong with it, as long as it's part of a movement towards self-sufficiency and happiness.

Some people really struggle with independence. If people just keep saying to "get a job and move out," sometimes it's hard to know where to start. Where do you find a job? How do you write a resume? How do you find a place to live? How do you afford it on a minimum wage job? Where do you go from there? How do you advance your career so you can be self-sufficient and also live comfortably?

Unfortunately, the sad truth is that in this economy, in this time, there are plenty of people that never live comfortably on their own, no matter how self-sufficient they are. I don't think it's wrong at all for a 20-year old to be living at home. Hell, half my friends are still living at home (although going to school). Now obviously living like this because you don't know what else to do is not gonna work; his parents are not always going to be there for him, and it's their responsibility to give him the skills he needs to survive once they're not around anymore. But if he gets those skills, can live self-sufficiently, and chooses instead to live at home with his parents... you may disapprove, and may not understand how everyone could be happy in that scenario. But if they are, no reason to judge.
 
^^ I think you misunderstand me. It's not the living at home part that bothers me. It's living at home with no job and no attempt at finding a job. From his own dad's words, he rarely ever left home.

I find absolutely nothing wrong with living at home with parents as long as one contributes. I have a friend who is an accountant for a doctor's office. He and his girlfriend lives at home with his parents. Last time I talked to them, it didn't seem like they were planning to go anywhere. Why? Because his office is a couple blocks away.

A number of years ago, I moved home and stayed with my parents for a couple years, too. This was back when I was working for the state police. Helped my parents out with the mortgage and managed to save a ton of money.

So, again, I have no problem with him staying at home. I do have a problem with young people taking their parents' home for granted. Again, according to his dad, he rarely ever left the house and spent most of his time on the internet. Converted to Islam. Grew out a long-ass beard. Started plotting to kill many people.
 
zombiekiller said:
^^ I think you misunderstand me. It's not the living at home part that bothers me. It's living at home with no job and no attempt at finding a job. From his own dad's words, he rarely ever left home.

I find absolutely nothing wrong with living at home with parents as long as one contributes. I have a friend who is an accountant for a doctor's office. He and his girlfriend lives at home with his parents. Last time I talked to them, it didn't seem like they were planning to go anywhere. Why? Because his office is a couple blocks away.

A number of years ago, I moved home and stayed with my parents for a couple years, too. This was back when I was working for the state police. Helped my parents out with the mortgage and managed to save a ton of money.

So, again, I have no problem with him staying at home. I do have a problem with young people taking their parents' home for granted. Again, according to his dad, he rarely ever left the house and spent most of his time on the internet. Converted to Islam. Grew out a long-ass beard. Started plotting to kill many people.
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Well the "plotting to kill many people" part isn't so great, but the rest of it is not necessarily bad. Personally, I feel that you can't really understand how to be self-sufficient, nor be happy and healthy if you literally have nothing to occupy your time but the internet. This man was clearly not healthy because he went crazy and tried to shoot a bunch of people, but if your parents enjoy having you live with them in that way, and you're healthy and happy and capable of being self-sufficient if you need to, there's nothing wrong.

Now, personally I feel like there are virtually no scenarios in which a) a parent would be happy with this arrangement and b) the child would be mentally healthy/capable of self-sufficiency. But if both those conditions are met... I guess, go for it.
 
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