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Did I do the right thing?

C

curboi321

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I just broke up with my only "friend" out here in la. He never really acted like a friend since weve known each other for over a year and weve only hung out like six times, and when we do hang out he always seemed to be afraid or nervous when he was around me which I know maybe b/c he's secretly gay but I didn't care I told him I just wanted to be his friend and that we should hang out more often, but he would say "dude you sound really gay right now" which pissed me off. We rarely talk on the phone and we usually only text each other once every 2-3 weeks.

The final straw was when we were suppose to hang out a few weeks ago and he didn't return my text, I even sent him one making sure he was ok and he still did not reply. Well a few days ago he texted me asking when my birthday was and I asked him why he didn't return my texts and he replied "shit happens". I told him to not even bother calling me anymore cas I was through with his drama and he called me and tried to fuss me out telling me a family member had died and he had lost his phone(which isn't true since he updated his facebook status with his phone two days after he ignored me). I told him I bent over backwards trying to get us to hang out and just talk cas I didn't feel like his friend and I barely even know him, but again he said I was being "gay" making him feel like we were in a relationship or something and I eventually hung up. I told him to lose my number before he called me that night and he hasn't called/texted me since, so I think were done.

But I don't know if I did the right thing by dropping him as a "friend" even though I never really felt like he was one to me, he did help me out when I needed something like a haircut or a place to leave my car if I went out of town, and even if he was being an asshole he did lose a family member and I feel kinda bad. Did I do the right thing by letting him go?
 
He sounds like a jerk to me. I think you're better off without him.
 
yeah he acted like he really wasn't doing anything wrong and even though he wasn't the best guy to have in my corner he was the closet thing i had to a friend... so it sucks.
 
I'm sure it does curiboi321, but some day you'll get a better friend.
 
It is hard having friends who behave like they're 14, but you have to start developing a more mature approach to friendships and acquaintance-ships as well.

Actually if he was the closest you had as a friend, you really need to step up your own game.

So get out there. Meet people. Straight. Gay. Whatever. Be friendly, develop a wide circle of real people who don't actually give a shit about one another's facebook status or text dramatics.

Don't confuse being friendly with being friends.

Don't confuse facebook friend status with having friends.

Develop more interests and you'll have more opportunities to make more friends.

Good luck.
 
I don't drop people who only contact me once in a while, I just realize they only contact me once in a while and deal with it.

There is a lot of room between best friends who talk several times a week, and complete strangers. I have quite a few friends who fit into the category of just talking once in a long while.
 
I don't understand. How do you break up with a friend.

Can't you just ignore him instead of making a big deal out of it?
 
I get what has happened here. You said you think he was secretly gay, but in reality I think he is straight but worried that you might be gay and interested in him. The thing is straight guys generally don't make a big deal out of hanging out and stuff and it is all very casual almost like it doesn't even matter when they are just acquaintances. I have felt the same thing before with straight guys. Like the other posters have said probably because he is your only friend you have made him far more important in your life that he really should be and that is making you over react, which is sending him the wrong signals. Making more friends is the answer so that you aren't dependant on any one friend.
 
I've left out alot of stuff that has happened when we have been around each other like how he was always uncomfortable giving me a "bro hug" and our hand shakes were always awkward but he had no problem giving one to someone else.

I don't think he is straight at first I thought he was but when we joking started sending gay text messages back and forth and he told me would let a guy blow him if he was paid to it kinda changed my opinion, but I do think he was afraid to hang out with me because (in his own mind) he thought that something would happen and I NEVER gave him any reason to think that anything ever would.

I gave him distance I would only text him if he texted me last, kinda like a back and forth thing, and I wouldn't have an issue with hanging out more often if we didn't live a few miles away from each other.

Bottom line is I didn't feel like his friend, I felt like his associate and I already have enough of those I didn't need another one, and I could tell the way he treated his other friends when they were around and the way he treated me was completely different it's like I was dead last on the list and when I told him I wanted to be better friends he could've told me he didn't want to be and that would have been fine, but he didn't at least not with words so I just took the hint and instead of slowly dragging it out and ignoring him I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore at all, and when I really think about it I don't regret it that much.
 
^ But you can't continue to do this.

I did something similar with a first year university 'friend' who treated me badly.

And then I realized that we don't need this kind of drama in our lives. Because it shows the other person how much control they had over you and how wounded you are...and how emotionally desperate and ridiculous you appear.

From that moment, my attitude changed. I made many more friends and let the people like you're describing just disappear. If they wanted to hang out or something, I'd do it if it was a group, but otherwise didn't make time for them.

It was a lot less stressful focusing only on the good times I could have with real friends and not wasting time fussing about the negative relationships.
 
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