Did you ever date a married man?

[Hot Hector]

I need some opinions please. I've been dating a 35yo man I've met in a chat room and I'm seriously attracted to him (although it's mostly physical). He's my type, a big guy, super hairy and with such a nice attitude. I really enjoy spending time with him.

The fact is that he is married (to a woman) and has a kid (I know that since we first talked).

Recently he has told to me that he wants me to be his lover exclusively as he really likes me and he not has been this attached to a guy before... That he likes me more than a simple fuck buddy.

However I am feeling guilty to be with a married man. I wouldn't like to feel I'm causing damage to a family. I just want to have sex with him whenever he wants/can. But I am not looking forward to anything else, because I am well aware I'm probably not his priority - don't ever see him leaving his family because of me. So I'm trying to not get too involved or I'll get hurt for sure.

Did this ever happened to you guys? How could I say this to him without hurting his feelings (if any)?

If you had any experiences with a married man (or you are one!) please share. Thanks.

 

[HunterM]

Did he admit he's gay?
If not, most married men do not leave their wives for their boy toys. The cost of divorce, alimony/child support is too much of a burden on him...along with the family's emotional aftermath. Most married men don't leave their wives and children for their mistresses either.

You will never be his priority while he is still living with his own family.

 

[Hot Hector]

Did he admit he's gay?
If not, most married men do not leave their wives for their boy toys. The cost of divorce, alimony/child support is too much of a burden on him...along with the family's emotional aftermath. Most married men don't leave their wives and children for their mistresses either.

You will never be his priority while he is still living with his own family.

No, he considers himself bisexual and he doesn't even bottom. Those are my thoughts exactly.

 

[sixthson]

How many years of your life do you want to spend being the other woman? Do you think you can do this just until you find a serious relationship? What do you do when things change, when you fall in love with him, when you begin to resent his wife and child for being more important to him than you are? Some people, especially those on the internet, are expert at using sweet sounding words to win you over. Some of the most famous words of cheaters is to say "it is not just about sex with you". Sometime later it is followed up by the most famous last words: "it's not you, it's me" when they dump you. I'm willing to bet you are not his first time flirtation on the net and you can be sure you won't be last. He is on the prowl. Don't be the hunted.

No good can come from this. It has hurt and pain written all over it, either for you or his wife and child or for everyone.
You are about to step into a steaming pile of cow shit. Choose to step over. Cut off all contact with him and stop playing the game. Otherwise, you can't say you weren't warned.

Why are so many guys willing to settle for so little when it comes to love in this life?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Respect yourself, Hot Hector.

 

[TX-Beau]

What's the saying about don't blame the lion if it eats you, it's a lion, that's what it does.

So don't blame the married cheater when you find out he's lying to you, he has a whole lot more commitment to his wife - he's lying to her, and god only knows how many times he's lied to her. Why would he be honest with you?

Think about this, THE CHEATER IS ASKING YOU FOR MONOGAMY!

Yes, when I was younger and a lot more selfish I had a thing with a married guy, he was hot, it was forbidden, but then there was that epiphany that while he may have been pretty, he was also pretty pathetic, and all that forbidden made me feel kinda sordid.

Don't ever trust a man you know from the get go is a liar. Most of them can justify dishonesty to anyone a million ways in their head to convince themselves it was necessary, or it wasn't their fault, they had to lie, circumstance and all that.

Is that really all that attractive that you'd give him a commitment he has absolutely no intention of giving to you?

 

[bananagoof]

Respect yourself, Hot Hector.

This is the only advice I think you really need to follow. Only you know what you want from this relationship, and what you want in general. It always seems like we'll never find that ideal mate, but then sometimes, we settle for much, much less and give up on looking. Doing that only ensures you won't find that special person.

And then imagine when you do find someone to completely love you, explaining to them how you were "committed" to a married man during this time in your life. It might very well make them think twice about trusting you.

Situations like this test our personal boundaries and morals. Try and think your actions through, and be the best version of yourself, and you'll have no regrets.

 

[Seasoned]

The fact that you are worried about hurting his feelings shows me why he's attracted to you. You're a nice, decent person. Things could go on like this forever if you're willing and he doesn't grow tired of you. Your affair would enable him to stay married at least until he gets caught.

I don't get caught up with the morality of affairs because I've had my own. I was that married guy with the kids. I identified as gay and came to believe I needed to end my straight marriage in order to be my true self. Your guy is either to be believed that he is bi and happy with his two lives, or he hasn't yet realized his true self.

If I were you I'd look elsewhere for a ltr.

 

[Georgiadude]

sorry but being married is a deal breaker. He's cheating and your helping him cheat. Having been the person cheated on I can tell you it's a horrible feeling. My heart was in shreds and my entire life fell apart. I could NEVER EVER knowingly help someone cheat. I don't care how hot he is or how nice of guy he is. I'll bet his wife would have a different opinion on how nice he is when she finds out what he's been doing. And she will find out. It's only a matter of time. If your ok knowing what your being with him is going to do to her then go ahead. I couldn't do that to someone. How many other guys has he been with? Of course he's told you you're "the only one" but I call bs. He's already proven himself to be a liar/cheater so how can you believe what he's telling you? You said you found him in a chat room. I'm assuming it was a gay or gay friendly chat room and one thing lead to another. He was out looking for someone to cheat with and you happened to come along. He's not going to leave her for you and WHEN he gets caught cheating with you he's going to do everything he can to stay with her. He's telling you you're a priority in his life but when reality comes crashing on your heads I guarantee you'll be left in the wreckage.

There are plenty of big, hairy, burly guys that aren't married. Find one of them.

Steven.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I had sex with married men before but I never got involved with one because I know those guys never leave their wives. And if these guys do leave their wives it is rare.

It is ultimately up to the OP it sucks that the guy got the OP sucked into his vortex because it might be difficult for him to break free. But the guy is married and he has a child he isn't leaving his wife.

If the OP can find this television show it is on a network online it is called Slice and the show is called Mistress it is really good. A British lady who is a former mistress helps women get over being in love with married men. The women tell the host their difficulties with the married man and the host helps the women break free. The host says married men use a lot of tricks to maintain control over the mistress. The host helps the women break free when they get rid of all the gifts the married man gives them, they throw it away. Also, the host gets the mistress to confront the married man directly in person or via the phone.

The OP has the power to move on, it probably won't be easy but it can be done.