Different behavior

[CagedBird]

The issue of behaving differently around peer groups or specific individuals is a given for most of us.
I believe the need to adjust ones personality while interacting with others is a sign of ego, insecurity or simply done to project an image.

What I'm having a problem with is accepting this type of behavior with my bf [Jack].
Last night, we dined with a friend of my bf. I noticed as soon as Jacks friend entered the room a change took place. Jack adopted a lofty attitude with me AND his friend.
I noticed also Jacks friend would "suck-up" now & then to Jack. Also, Jack showed little affection towards me, & distanced himself from me when I would attempt to get close to him.
By the time dinner was over, Jack had asserted his social position as "master" over both of us, making me uncomfortable with myself. I played along with Jacks attitude; but I need to address this behavior. We have another dinner scheduled for this weekend with a larger party of his "old" buds, It will gag me to see him behave this way again.

QUESTIONS:

[1] Could this behavior Jack demonstrated to me last night be a passing phase in our relationship?

[2] Can I take a short cut to this issue & simply tell Jack I'll kick his ass if he treats me like second fiddle again in front of company/peers ?

 

[Eagle653]

T
QUESTIONS:

[1] Could this behavior Jack demonstrated to me last night be a passing phase in our relationship?

[2] Can I take a short cut to this issue & simply tell Jack I'll kick his ass if he treats me like second fiddle again in front of company/peers ?

Re #1--yes, definitely. Or, more likely, he's experimenting with new behaviors to try out styles for size. This is especially likely if he's never done anything like this before. Some people have the (mistaken) notion that being aloof, or snotty, attracts people to them, like some twisted tango in which the victims try to ingratiate themselves to a superior's favor. It's quite nauseating and a game I'll never play.

Re #2, I love the way you think. This is EXACTLY what I would do!

 

[G-Lexington]

1. It could be, but I'm guessing it might have more to do with the friend than you. Not every friendship is a "buddy-buddy" type. Sometimes, one friend will be the "master" and the other the "follower". When they get together, the "master" will start asserting his dominance, often by belittling the other guy. Perhaps that's the case here.

2. You said you played along, so for all he knows, you don't mind it...and perhaps even liked it. Threatening to kick his ass might be rather extreme, since he may not be aware there's even a problem. You should at least make him aware of the behavior (many guys aren't even aware that's what's happening) and tell him you're not interested in playing. See what he says after that.

Lex

 

[slobone]

Sometimes people assume different personalities when they're with different people. Maybe we all do this to some extent. So it's not a weird or unnatural thing. But you need to bring it to his attention. I think #2 is a great idea, and make sure you're specific with him about what he did wrong, so he knows not to do it anymore.

But instead of saying "I'll kick your ass", say "If you do it again, I can't promise I won't call you on it right in front of the other people." That should get his attention.

 

[CagedBird]

Thanks guys. Never thought about what averageguy said it possibly being a game of attraction thing.

Unfortunately, Jack has people sucking up to him often. Its the disgusting behavior
many show the wealthy/affluent [gags me man!].

I can avoid an altercation with my lover; I do have an ace in the "hole" so to speak. He loves my bottom action, maybe I'll just take the bitch way out & with hold sex from him, lol.

 

[drhladnjak]

Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm trying to piece together many of your recent posts...

You haven't been with this guy for very long, right? I wouldn't threaten to kick his ass or even something similar with nicer wording. If there are issues, you should just bring them up with him using I/me sentences. For example, "I feel uncomfortable with who you become when with your rich friends" or "It makes me feel like second fiddle when you..."

That said, sexual chemistry is only going to get you two so far. At a certain point, he has to be a guy whose company (along with his friends, at least sometimes) you can enjoy if you want something more than just a fuck buddy.

 

[travers]

I remember having a dinner with my guy's family for his mom's birthday....

SO AWKWARD

but he stuck by me most of the time, and i told him so and that i appreciated it

Talk to your guy, communication is key. This is what my mom has told me, and continues to, and it's so true.

GL

 

[fireside]

Rich boy syndrome is no bueno. Just because you say the words "I'll kick your ass", it doesn't mean there will be a physical altercation to arise from them. It does, however, assert a position that you are not a lap dog and will not be treated as some sort of sidekick, or Robin, if you will.

My mama always told me "Closed mouths don't get fed", so maybe it's time to open yours.

 

[luminum]

Assume both and take action the way you have suggested. They're lovely ideas!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Think about it in a creative way.

They all suck up 2 him, coz, in all likelihood, they r hoping to get a favor or two... we all know the ole tricks, don´t we?

I see no harm in talking... but the issue is really yours and not his.

If you wish to be equal, you must have something that makes you equal, even be it the little 'no sex, I am a bitch here phase' here...

He'll see your point more clearly, if you are kinda trading favors, ya know.

Some guys are like that. They'll love their BFs but they love themselves even more...

SC

 

[wentworth]

The issue of behaving differently around peer groups or specific individuals is a given for most of us.
I believe the need to adjust ones personality while interacting with others is a sign of ego, insecurity or simply done to project an image.

What I'm having a problem with is accepting this type of behavior with my bf [Jack].
Last night, we dined with a friend of my bf. I noticed as soon as Jacks friend entered the room a change took place. Jack adopted a lofty attitude with me AND his friend.
I noticed also Jacks friend would "suck-up" now & then to Jack. Also, Jack showed little affection towards me, & distanced himself from me when I would attempt to get close to him.
By the time dinner was over, Jack had asserted his social position as "master" over both of us, making me uncomfortable with myself. I played along with Jacks attitude; but I need to address this behavior. We have another dinner scheduled for this weekend with a larger party of his "old" buds, It will gag me to see him behave this way again.

QUESTIONS:

[1] Could this behavior Jack demonstrated to me last night be a passing phase in our relationship?

[2] Can I take a short cut to this issue & simply tell Jack I'll kick his ass if he treats me like second fiddle again in front of company/peers ?

Yes. Don't accept his denials or anything else. Tell him you saw it and that you never want it to happen again if he knows what's good for him.

 

[MindBlast]

He's doing what my ex did. That's why we're not together anymore. After a whole year he couldn't even bring himself to say the word boyfriend. He was even semi out. He wouldn't even let his best friend know, who KNEW he was gay. Yeah fuck that shit. It's not worth it, at least not to me.