Different Libidos

[theFallenGod]

So I have a slight issue.... very minor in the grand scheme of things but I need some advice.

I have a wonderful boyfriend... he's simply amazing in every way... I have never been happier... there is so much passion and love in our relationship and it's still fairly new like under 6 months new....

anyway the issue I have is that I have an incredibly high libido and his is incredibly low... granted the reason for this is because before we met he had been into some drug use and mostly had sex while under the influence and now that he is with me he has cut the drug use out and because of it his libido has suffered...

We have talked about this and I know and understand the reasons and he is trying to overcome this problem... but the lack of sex sometimes hurts... and when it hurts me I know he's hurt as well ...

Now I am not into "open relationships" nor am I into cheating so those are both outta the question... plus I have found that when I go out and someone hits on me, no matter how hot they are, I have no desire to get with them because of how I feel about my bf...

Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice on this matter....

 

[paul-dan]

ON this I can talk from experience....drugs enhance the sex to some degree and that increases sexual drive almost to the point you are depend on them for performance...After 20 yrs of drug use I any slowly coming off them and found my sex drive to be lower ..I talked to my doctor about this and she explained that is somewhat normal and in time my sex drive will return..MY advice to you is if you love him stick with him during this time..its not easy but his sex drive will return and everything will be ok...do not bring this up to him as he probably feels bad enough that he cannot get it up at times...do not even think of Viagra or other sexual enhancements as he will be back in the same place..and looking at your age you realize there are more ways to make love than the actual act...try that but be very patient...it takes time...

 

[theFallenGod]

well thank you for your advice. I have indeed been taking it slow. but as I said we have a lot more going for us than just sex and when we do have sex its really quite good ... I just wish there was a way to have it more often.

He's beginning to come around and the passion in our relationship is far from gone.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Arm yourself with load of patience and agree with yourself that this is a price you are willingly paying for being together with your present BF.

Trust me on that one. One way or the other, we are all paying in one coin or the other. That simply comes with the proverbial territory.

Do your best to make sure he feels no pressure of any sort around him as much as you can and plan for the weekends for 2 and backroad trips and the stuff of that kind. Once fully relaxed and reasonably happy, your partner may even start coming around even faster.

SC

 

[boy0boy]

Well it sounds like you have it all pretty sorted out. Congrats on the healthy relationships... may the sex gods bless you with even more wonderful intercourse

 

[theFallenGod]

I had to revive this because there's an update on it...

Last night we had our first big blow out yesterday over it....

It's been 2 weeks since we were last really intimate with one another, so when he stayed over we both went to bed... I myself was incredibly tired and fell asleep rather quickly and so did he...
However
When we woke up we started fooling around... I was so happy to finally be getting some sexual intimacy from him but it went horribly wrong....

We started fooling around, just a little oral but thats fine by me... anyway as soon as he was finished he suddenly had to leave to go take care of passport stuff...

I WAS LIVID... I felt like such a whore ...worse yet a one nighter.

Anyway we left together because we were both heading in the same direction.. before my stop on the subway he finally asks whats wrong... I said to him the subway is no pace to be talking about it...

needless to say we finally had a sit down conversation at an ice cream shop and I spilled everything from the fact that I was becoming extremely frustrated to the fact that his lack of sexual intimacy is basically making me feel disgusting and used....

However after him saying he would be willing to get counseling I nixed the idea and just said I would be willing to be more patient as long as he made more of an effort more often to at least be more intimate and sexual more often...

It doesn't have to be every week... but it would be nicer to be at least more than every couple of weeks.

One of the things he told me last night was sex to him equated to a) his drug use and b) something very non-committal which is a lot of what you get here ... kinda one nightish

I told him how when I go out I get offers left and right but I don't take them a) out of respect to myself and him and b) because I want actual sexual intimacy from him not some one night stand that means nothing...

So.. hopefully this will really help but I can't say honestly say I'm any less upset from this.

 

[ks110x]

I'm in a similar boat with my bf of almost a year. I have to really work at getting sex every week to week and a half from him.

I've also come to realize that we want different things out of our relationship and there are other issues. Time has come for me to fall back and reassess.

 

[Vardon78]

I'm also in the same boat, but I'm the one the low sex drive and my partner has the high sex drive. My partner could have sex 3-4 times a day. I'm more of a once or twice a week type guy. He gets angry with me because I'm more sexually active during the weekends (when I have more energy because I'm not working) and not during the week. I get angry at him because I feel he pressures me too much. Our arguments usually center around sex. I like sex, but I have never had a high sex drive to begin with and I miss the days of being single and living on my own when I was able to have sex on my terms with a constant nagging about the situation. I'm getting angry just typing this.