Difficulty accepting who I am

[2Wicky]

I don’t mean being gay, I mean accepting the way I look. I know I can’t change who I am, so it’s pointless obsessing over it, but I can’t help it. When I was 18, someone told me I wasn't good enough, and I guess that’s stuck with me ever since. I know, boo hoo.

I see people checking out other guys all the time, but I’m practically invisible to them. I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to wake up as an incredibly handsome guy who people fantasise about and lust after. Not long ago I walked past my neighbour, and she looked at me for about half a second before turning away. The other day I saw her with her boyfriend who was pretty tall, blond, slim and very cute. I know I shouldn’t care about her or her partner, but I couldn't help it, I found myself wondering what it must be like to be him.

I know being handsome doesn’t mean someone is immune from problems, but I think aspects of life are probably a lot easier. A few of my friends have talked about how they like guys to be tall, handsome with a good size cock. Also, their boyfriends always seem to be cute. There are times when I feel OK about myself, but the moment I see a good-looking guy my mood changes in a heartbeat. I don’t mean I become nasty, rude or resentful, but I spend the rest of the day feeling bad about myself.

It must be so nice to wake up feeling confident and happy with yourself. It must be a great feeling to have people refer to you as handsome and to check you out and wish they could be with you. Not long ago my two friends commented on how cute a guy was, and he was exactly how you'd expect him to be - tall, good-looking, nice physique, mysterious, etc. I'm always the sweet guy who's like a brother. It's hard to word how I feel without making myself sound like a freak.

I’ve struggled with depression before, and the last doctor I saw noted that I don’t seem to have a lot of confidence, so I guess that doesn’t really help with how I feel. I know there’s more to life than attractiveness, and I know this post is stupid, but I just want to get your views on it. Sorry if I've posted this in the wrong section.

 

[Hieronymus]

I don’t mean being gay, I mean accepting the way I look. I know I can’t change who I am, so it’s pointless obsessing over it, but I can’t help it. When I was 18, someone told me I wasn't good enough, and I guess that’s stuck with me ever since. I know, boo hoo.

I see people checking out other guys all the time, but I’m practically invisible to them. I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to wake up as an incredibly handsome guy who people fantasise about and lust after. Not long ago I walked past my neighbour, and she looked at me for about half a second before turning away. The other day I saw her with her boyfriend who was pretty tall, blond, slim and very cute. I know I shouldn’t care about her or her partner, but I couldn't help it, I found myself wondering what it must be like to be him.

I know being handsome doesn’t mean someone is immune from problems, but I think aspects of life are probably a lot easier. A few of my friends have talked about how they like guys to be tall, handsome with a good size cock. Also, their boyfriends always seem to be cute. There are times when I feel OK about myself, but the moment I see a good-looking guy my mood changes in a heartbeat. I don’t mean I become nasty, rude or resentful, but I spend the rest of the day feeling bad about myself.

It must be so nice to wake up feeling confident and happy with yourself. It must be a great feeling to have people refer to you as handsome and to check you out and wish they could be with you. Not long ago my two friends commented on how cute a guy was, and he was exactly how you'd expect him to be - tall, good-looking, nice physique, mysterious, etc. I'm always the sweet guy who's like a brother. It's hard to word how I feel without making myself sound like a freak.

I’ve struggled with depression before, and the last doctor I saw noted that I don’t seem to have a lot of confidence, so I guess that doesn’t really help with how I feel. I know there’s more to life than attractiveness, and I know this post is stupid, but I just want to get your views on it. Sorry if I've posted this in the wrong section.

You know what I think when I read this? I don't think you're ugly, beauty comes from the inside and that is so damn true! Someone who's very handsome but very insecure and uncomfortable doesn't look handsome or sexy at all.

I think you should focus more on the things that really are handsome/beautiful about you.
When I ask a friend or my mom what she finds attractive in a man than she says she thinks tall men are pretty. But that's what is so beautiful about life, every person is unique and has his preferences for a type of guy/girl.
Me for example, I don't like tall guys at all. I'm 1.80 m, that's average for a guy here in The Netherlands.

What I'm trying to say is, how pretty/handsome or even gorgeous you are. It really doesn't make you happier. Because when you're confident and secure than you're gonna love yourself. And when you love yourself and be confident then the rest of the world will see that.

And you know what the most attractive is about a person. : A confident person.

This is my expierence, and I know it's true. When I have a bad day I think of myself as NOT pretty, even ugly. I only see the negative things.

You say you struggled with depression,

My best friend is depressed, adhd and has borderline. SHe's a little bit crazy but she is absolutely Beautiful, that's my opinion about her. But she can't hear that. She just doesn't believe it when I say it.

Don't get me wrong, off course I can understand that you want to be tall because friends say that's ' fashion ' but really it's nothing more than nice present paper. But that doesn't mean it's a beautiful present.

Go work on your confidence, look in the mirror once a day and say something like ' you're a handsome guy ' or just something positive.

It might look sometimes that the rest of the world has a perfect life but people only want to show other how ' happy they are' and 'confident' .

Take your mental problems, serious and look for help. Therapy, not just pills, pills don't solve problems.
Sorry I don't want to make your problem bigger than it is but I've seen close friends destroy themselves because of things like insecurity. So maybe I'm a bit over reacting, I'm not a doctor, and I don't know you at all.

What is your age? And is it just depression that you had to deal with in the past or are there maybe other mental conditions.

I should talk to a specialist about is. Depressions are being very underestimated if you ask me.

Sorry for taking my own misery with me in my message but if you're not feeling well, go talk to someone. Write it down, on this forum or in a journal or call a friend or family member.

There's always sunshine after the rain you know

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Hot guys are actually a very small percentage of the population. You're seeing what you choose to see. Spend some time at Wal-Mart and you'll see that "ugly" people have loving and fulfilling relationships too. Probably better as theirs aren't shallow and superficial.

 

[Kyanimal]

Some of the most "Beautiful" people I've known were not necessarily all that "easy" on the eyes. And, some of the most "Gorgeous" people I've known weren't worth the time of day.

It took me a long time to learn that the outside is just so much wrapping. It what's inside that truly counts.

Through the years I've managed to loose an inch of height somewhere. Now I'm all of 5'5". My smaller stature used to be an issue for me, especially during my teens.

I always wondered what it would be like to be "normal", instead of short. What would it be like to not have to stand on my tip toes to reach things? What would it feel like to have muscles? What would it feel like to look like HIM?

And, you know what? Except for the reaching thing, and being able to see over people around, and in front of you, being THAT guy would feel just the same to me as being HIM feels to him. We all see the World from the inside out.

It would help to know how old you are. Our perceptions change as we age, and gain more experience.

However, I'm convinced, with most guys, our self image "solidifies" in our mid to late 20s. I'll be turning 65 in October, if I make it that far.

But, unless I do something stupid, like look in a mirror, or skip a few stairs, my "inner guy" thinks he's still in his late 20s. In fact, that who's typing to you now.

I've also learned that what others might think of you is not as important, nor even generally as "bad", as we might believe. We can no more see into their minds than they can read ours. Though initial impressions can form first attitudes, in mere seconds, once we get to know each other, through interaction, personal communication, those immediate expectations can turn on a dime.

It's not so much what you look like as it is what you project. What is in your Heart? Who are you vs. "What" are you.

Yeah, HE might have it a bit easier, drawing attention/admiration at first sight. But, how long does that last once HE opens his mouth and nothing worth anyone's time comes out?

Do I wish I was taller? Oh, HELL, Yeah! Do I wish I had the body of a "Greek God"? You bet! But, I'm not taller, and I'll never be "Built". However, I cherish my friends, my coworkers, those who KNOW me, and still put up with me.

I'd like to think I'm one of the "Good Guys". And, I wouldn't trade that for anything, if it meant my being someone I'm not, to be one of the "Gorgeous Guys".

I'm sure you've heard, "Never judge a book by it's cover." That holds for People, too!

Just be all that YOU Truly are, and can be. "Beauty" is in the eye of the beholder, and subject to their internal reactions. It is not a reflection on us as a Person, as much as it is an indication of their thought patterns, and out of our control.

However, once they get to KNOW us, that's an entirely different matter.

The trick is to Know yourself, and OWN it! If those that are going for the superficial don't "get" that, it's their loss, not yours.

All the more reasons to ... No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Yngbldhwk]

To a certain extent, it's true: good looking people do have an advantage over others in life. It might not be fair, but life and death are seldom fair, and dwelling on that doesn't accomplish much. Besides, looks fade. Maybe not overnight or in a year, but they will ultimately fade. And what is left at that point? A man still has character, his intelligence, his integrity, his self-confidence. Those are the qualities that really matter.

Self-confidence alone can be a very attractive feature. I have no easy answers on how to build self-confidence, but I do know that oftentimes the person who can wreck our self-confidence the most is ourselves.

 

[Seasoned]

This is the perfect forum for your issue. Some one on one therapy followed by or concurrent with some group therapy may help you. Most of humanity is in the great middle when it comes to all the adjectives that describe people. What makes most of us stand out is attitude and confidence.

Don't make yourself feel worse by telling yourself you shouldn't feel a certain way. Until you own it you can do nothing to change it. You don't need anything more to feel bad about.

Aside from therapy, you can work on physical fitness, nice fitting clothes, new hairstyle or a buzz if you're balding and a cheerful outlook.

The main thing that will save you is not to wallow and to identify those skills or attributes in yourself that you're proud of and admire.

 

[HunterM]

Hot guys are actually a very small percentage of the population. You're seeing what you choose to see. Spend some time at Wal-Mart and you'll see that "ugly" people have loving and fulfilling relationships too. Probably better as theirs aren't shallow and superficial.

OMG! I'm a Wal-mart frequent shopper. Never knew I was "ugly" until you pointed it out.