Dilemma With Guy From School

[torontoguy22]

So here's the deal: I'm in university. Me and this guy who I've known for about a year now have gotten much closer this year since we're on the same student government committee. Basically, he's pretty much out as a gay/bi guy (I'm not sure which), and I'm a totally closetted bi or gay guy (again, not sure which ).

About a week ago we had an interesting conversation online where he admitted that he thought I was cute. I was flattered, and, acting in as non-gay a manner as possible, continued the conversation a bit, sort of playfully. The other night was a late party night on campus, so I accepted his offer to crash at his place for the night (in a non-sexual manner of course!). I slept on the floor, him on the bed. But he definitely made quite a few at seducing me (ie. offerring me to sleep on the small twin bed if the floor was uncomfortable, then engaging in rather erotic discussions of his past gay hookups). Again, being the supposedly open straight guy that I am, I played along with the discussion.

In reality, I think he's a good guy, pretty cute and all, though more flamboyant than I'd prefer. I'd pursue something sexual with him, but the major problem is that I'M NOT OUT! If I did end up doing something with him, I fear the news would spread like wildfire around my college. At the same time, it'd be nice to confide in someone, so long as this person didn't tell ANYONE. It's quite the situation.

What would you do? All comments and suggestions are welcome!
Thanks!

torontoguy22

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, that's kind of a dilemma. Basically, you're asking him to lie for you. And although you may have only selfish interests at heart ("I don't want anyone to know I do anything with guys"), it also will look like "I don't want anyone to know I had anything to do with YOU". And that might not sit well with him, even assuming he'd be willing to go along with it.

Honestly, you can't count on him not saying anything. Even if he promises not to, people might pick up on it anyway. So it may come down to choosing between doing something with him and remaining closeted. It'll be up to you to decide which is more important to you.

Lex

 

[StlKj]

It really can't matter what any of us would do. The bottom line is, are you ready for people to know or not? As Lex indicated, even if he swears not to tell, people may still figure it out or find out.

You have to know if you're ready to really be who you are.

 

[shagall]

The truth of the matter is, do you still want to continue being alone? Which is more important to you? Having someone or keeping a secret?

 

[maxpowr9]

Just from my personal experience, I will not date any guy that is still in the closet. I have before and I will not do it again. It's so frustrating when you can't even hold your bf's hand in public because hes afraid that someone might see him. Paranoia is never good for anyone. A lot of out gay guys feel the same way I do. Like others have said, you have decide what you want more; a relationship or staying in the closet because in this situation, you can't have both.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[backpacker]

I would say you are clearly not fooling him. He doesn't for a second think you are his straight friend. Only you can decide if you are ready to start coming out. Good luck!

 

[neruda]

Out yourself
At least to him
With something as opportune as this - you'd be a fool not to

 

[JackFTwist]

in other threads we have people complaining that no one their age likes them, or their love interests are straight.

here we have the answers to everyone's dream: a hot gay guy who wants them, and you are holding back --

you have to trust someone. It is possible, quite possible, to trust this guy and have a relationship and no one knows. No one had a clue who I slept with in college - no one had a clue that we were gay.

You might be surprised that you can trust someone and you weigh the risks - trust me, most of the world does not care that you are gay, if anyone does get suspicious, and that won't happen if you act cool, not like a puppy in love, when in public.

You will also find yourself in less conflict internally.

I agree with vetteboi and neruda here and I would take the chance to trust someone. Please, please please do so for your own sake, you will be much happier, and before he posts here about this "straight" guy he's hot for who won't be honest with himself or him and how frustrated he is...

 

[joeG23]

He almost certainly knows you are gay. You know you are gay. You are going to have to be brave and start taking the steps to need to take to begin living your real life. There's only misery for you if you remain in the closet. Take your own time, but you have an opportunity to share your sexuality with someone who you trust and who cares for you. In my view, it's an opportunity you should not pass up. Best of luck.

 

[rareboy]

Gee...isn't it dark in that closet????

You can live the life you're given or you can speculate on it. Or even worse, just have all of us speculate on it.

Your choice.

Twenty years from now, all you'll have is regrets if you don't take this opportunity and only some chance of regrets if you do.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

He has confided in you.
Explain to him that you are somewhat confused about your sexual orientation and until you know for yourself you'd prefer no one else judge or label you.
Many people explore their sexuality in college, with varying results. It's a part of the growing process. Not everyone wants to share it with the world, at least not until they're ready to do so.
If you find each other attractive and understand each other, go for it.

 

[KennyD]

Well ... Sometime Communication and Honesty can do wonders ... Try it and you might end up with a little more than a friend and sleeping on a cold and lonely floor ..