Dinner Time Conversation

[silversmith1213]

So at a normal family dinner tonight we had tacos. Someone made a comment about taco bell, for which I expressed my disgust. My dad felt the need to say "some day you'll respect all tacos son", because for some reason he thinks calling pussy "taco" is funny. So then my mom pops up and says "well hopefully you prefer taco over sausage" (quoting 50 First Dates), and then finishes off with "and not be a nasty fudge-packer". God, I wanted to jump up right there and scream that I can fudge-pack if I fucking want to.

I'm just so frustrated and hurt because there's not much I can do about it, but I hate gay-bashing at my own dinner table, and this is far from the first time it's happened. It's really tempting to come out to my parents and be done, but I know that it would make it worse and I'm almost positive my father would dis-own me. Not to mention I'm financially dependent on my parents for college.

*Sigh*, I guess I just need to vent. And I need a hug

 

[Croynan]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

i shall let these speak for me -

your well being in terms of your education and finances are so important to you - so obviously you are focused on things and have the right priorities.

by the way i saw the occupation you have listed - what a fine bit of work you are doing.​

eM.​

 

[silversmith1213]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

Actually, I just put in my two weeks because of being busy with school and also because one of the doctors has really been harassing everyone. She has insane anger problems and I'm simply sick of putting up with her shit talking to me.

Oh and thanks for the hugs

 

[Croynan]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

Actually, I just put in my two weeks because of being busy with school and also because one of the doctors has really been harassing everyone. She has insane anger problems and I'm simply sick of putting up with her shit talking to me.

Oh and thanks for the hugs ​

​

you are most welcome, kind sir.​

oh and listen to kennyworth, he said it all.

eM.​

 

[tonysw]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

I understand the problems. But you seem to be stuck for the moment, but time moves on and you will be in different circumstances. Maybe next time state that this is hardly Dinner Table conversation and make them drop it.

But, you have done the right thing about the abuse at work. I know in Australia that this type of behaviour at work is illegal. Make sure that when you leave that they know why you left. She appears to have "issues".

Just know that many people here understand what is happening around you and that you have to step carefully in these present circumstance. You have hugs from me, as many as you want.

Stay calm don't permit anyone to upset you and your focus.

 

[backpacker]

I'm so sorry that you have to put up with that crap. I know it's not practical to come out to your parents at this time, so I guess you will have to tolerate it for now. Next time they say something like, feel free to make some comment supportive of gays. Nothing too radical, just something like "I think everyone has the right to live their life as they see fit" or "I don't think it's funny to pick on someone just because they were born different than you". You can start planting the seeds now and maybe they will take it better when you are in a position to come out.

 

[dpnice]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

^^^ Yep. Using people for your own gain is always a winner.

Sorry but I am in agreement with the sentiments behind this comment.

You are willing to lie to your parents and hide your real nature due to the fear that your financial aid will be removed affecting your education and future. Understandable but, what happened to your pride, your emotional bonds with your parents, trust and understanding.

If none of that exists between you and your parents then why are you worrying about their ridiculous reactions to homosexuality. I am afraid that if you remain at home solely for financial reasons then you must accept the unpleasant attitudes of those paying for you to live.

In such a situation I would quietly reveal my homosexuality to my parents and if it turns to vinegar then I would take my life in my own hands; okay it would involve sacrifices but that is what being an adult and responsible for your own life involves.

Having the courage to live openly as a homosexual or living hidden pretending to be something you are not is a choice. Until you find that courage to "come out" your are going to have to accept all the shit that insensitive people say about gays.

If you truly believe your parents will throw you out if they knew then you can't have much confidence in their love for their son. So do you really want to live with people who don't care about you?

Difficult question to answer. I sympathise with your situation, I understand the emotional difficulty that you must be going through. So I can only wish you the self control to cope with your life or the courage to do something about it.

 

[Blatino]

Im 18, getting ready for college and although my predicament isnt as bad as yours I kind of feel the same way. This topic pisses me off, to think that guys like you have to put up with that crap...Im sorry man

 

[Blatino]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

Sorry but I am in agreement with the sentiments behind this comment.

You are willing to lie to your parents and hide your real nature due to the fear that your financial aid will be removed affecting your education and future. Understandable but, what happened to your pride, your emotional bonds with your parents, trust and understanding.

If none of that exists between you and your parents then why are you worrying about their ridiculous reactions to homosexuality. I am afraid that if you remain at home solely for financial reasons then you must accept the unpleasant attitudes of those paying for you to live.

In such a situation I would quietly reveal my homosexuality to my parents and if it turns to vinegar then I would take my life in my own hands; okay it would involve sacrifices but that is what being an adult and responsible for your own life involves.

Having the courage to live openly as a homosexual or living hidden pretending to be something you are not is a choice. Until you find that courage to "come out" your are going to have to accept all the shit that insensitive people say about gays.

If you truly believe your parents will throw you out if they knew then you can't have much confidence in their love for their son. So do you really want to live with people who don't care about you?

Difficult question to answer. I sympathise with your situation, I understand the emotional difficulty that you must be going through. So I can only wish you the self control to cope with your life or the courage to do something about it.

I think that was well said, you give good advice

 

[dpnice]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

I think that was well said, you give good advice

I appreciate the compliment but in fact I have been thinking all day about the comments I made and after reading other posts from Silversmith I must admit that I am wondering if I was a little harsh.

I don't deviate from what I said but would like to clarify that it is a personal opinion. I don't believe that people can live a satisfactory and fulfilling life if they spend all their time hiding their real personality behind lies and misleading behaviour.

Yet Silversmith is incredibly young compared to myself and perhaps doesn't have the same liberty, experience and confidence that I have to enable him the luxury of living to his convictions.

I firmly believe that life for gays is better if they are "out" to those who count in their lives. But I also understand that it is a difficult choice to make for someone so young. I wouldn't want to force anyone to make that decision before they are ready to do so. All I can hope is that as he seems certainly well educated, sure of what he needs to do to achieve his aims in life and extremely lucid in expressing himself that he learns to control his life whilst "closeted" and recognises the moment to "come out" and the changes it will have for him.

I certainly wish him luck.

 

[silversmith1213]

Well, sorry I haven't been able to keep up with this thread very well, but I find some of these opinions very interesting.

The whole "using" of my parents thing is an interesting view, and I can't say I've ever thought of it that way. However, financial aid with college is not the only reason I refuse to come out right now. Sure, I'm (insert wanted adjective here) enough not to deny myself some help with my education (which my parents offered); but as right now I think my education is probably the most important thing in my life, and there's also the little fact that I still love my parents, and that I still get along with them "ok" on pretty much everything except orientation. I can say 100% that I have absolutely no clue exactly how they'd react if I came out, so it's more that I don't want to take the risk of ruining the plan I have for my life at this time. Also, I don't consider myself lying to them or living a lie at all. I've never said that I was straight or that I wasn't gay. I think what I'm doing can be called "withholding information until the opportune moment". Whether you see this as moral or immoral depends on your personal views, and I can't say I've really made a decision whether or not this is moral of me or not.

kennyworth:
As dpnice originally said, if you remain at home and in the closet solely for financial reasons then you must either accept the unpleasant attitudes of those paying for you to live (or else, as vetteboi implied, without coming out stand up for ones values obliquely), or be independent. One may not like that reality but it is the reality. This isn't about financial independence. Being an independent adult requires that one be independent in thought and behavior from one's parents.

Your response makes me think two things. First of all is that it sounds like you're saying I either need to stop bitching and take it or fight back. Obviously I can take the "unpleasant attitudes", at least on the outside (and it's much easier with some support from JUB), but I don't think coming out will solve every problem of mine either. I also think theres tons of different actions I could chose to take and not have to come out or take verbal harassment of gays, but all of them have other consequences as well. Also I feel you've insinuated I'm living my life according to how my parents want me to, and that I'm neither independent in thought nor behavior. Obviously I'm independent in thought, otherwise my "mind-controlling" parents wouldn't be letting me think of being gay at all. Also, I can behave however I feel like behaving. If I'm severely pissed off at them, they'll know I'm pissed off at them, but I don't have to tell them what about. I don't suppress any emotions of mine, I delay them or find other outlets for them, and I just choose not to share why I'm feeling that emotion or acting in that particular manner.

Anyway, took me a while to find the words to express my thoughts, and I still think I did a horrible job, but I'll have to rest before I attempt this again.

 

[Soilwork]

God, I wanted to jump up right there and scream that I can fudge-pack if I fucking want to.

So why didn't you?

So long as you lay down in front of them, they'll keep using you as their doormat.

Strap on a pair and stand up for youself.

Dont' let anyone, ESPECIALLY a family member, give you any shit.

 

[Newbie_69]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

Using people for your own gain is always a winner.

Hmmm.that sounds very familiar. Is it a Jewish Proverb?

 

[neruda]

Re: Dinner Time Coversation

No ...That would be a sugar daddy thing.

All good things....In all good time..

Im on Kenny's side

 

[teh_nathan]

*gives hug* :|