The years that I can't remember well weren't happy ones. Most of the years at university (too many - from 17 to 24) are a kind of blur and I see a very scared and confused person who I don't recognise. The two worst years, when I was forcing myself to attempt a law degree - all I remember is isolated episodes that don't cohere. I can't remember the names of almost all people I met in my law classes. There is one guy who I see in the lift in my office building from time to time who I may have met at the time. He looks vaguely familiar, but I honestly can't say for certain whether we were ever introduced, though I have the guilty suspicion that we were, more than once. We both act as if we don't know each other. Of course the reason for these 'lost years' is the stress, the lack of social interaction, the insomnia, the fact that I was doing things that I didn't want to be doing ...
Basically, I think we both need to be around people who will be OK (more or less) with whatever we end up doing, and then things will work themselves out in some way in time, even though it isn't clear how at the moment. (Work themselves out in the sense of human relationships and finding some kind of equilibrium in life - of course there are things like physical disabilities or financial limitations that one has to deal with in any case.) In my case, I'm gradually discovering and adjusting to the fact that many people are a lot more generous and open-minded, and also more complex, than I thought they were. In your town, unfortunately, that's not the case.
Nothing to add to what has been said about the practicalities of getting set up somewhere else. I'll just reemphasise that If 'blue state' (secular, urban) America is anything like where I live (urban New Zealand) then people there are not going to treat you really badly because you are gay. At worst they will grudgingly tolerate you, because other people will consider it bad form to be openly homophobic. So, for example, you would not need to restrict yourself to gay roommates (with or without jealous boyfriends). I was meeting potential roommates today and I met one who was clearly gay-friendly (that emerged incidentally, not because I told him I was bi) and the others were clearly not going to be interested in my private life. In a bigger place what you do in one part of town won't become gossip material in the other part.
Good luck whatever you do - you deserve better!!
