Do Guys with Substance exist?

[oralsex]

My question of do guys with substance exist, applies to the men who I have met on this website. I have read multiple postings from the people looking for friends forum where people have said that they asked for friends and are now asking again because the people have just stopped talking to them. I am finding myself in the same boat.

I have posted a few subjects about my life on this forum and I have received some great advice. So far I have had 3 friends just up and leave. These last two seem to take the cake. I sent a pm to a guy who gave me advice and I thanked him. He continued to give me more advice and told me that he thought he could really talk to me also. I had told him that it frustrated me about this one guy that I met from england. He told me that if a guy does not message him in a week then he just leaves them a lone because they are not worth messing with in the first place. Now the funny thing is that the guy who is giving me all this advice has failed to talk to me and its been more than a week. I thougt he was different because he actually answered all the questions I asked him and he did not brush it off but he said he was busy one day and would write me later. I have yet to hear from him. So I guess if I follow his advice I should leave him alone.

The second guy I actually asnwered his message for a friend and we talked about 2 times. He stopped and I just let it be. He sent me another message back saying he forgot and wanted to talk some more. Well I replied to that message and he did not reply back again. Then all of a sudden out of the blue he sends me a message telling me how sorry he was and how he wanted a second chance but he did not deserve it. In reality it was his 3rd chance but I let it slide and I said sure I will give you a second chance. He did seem to have a heartfelt apology and a decent reason. We talked and he would write back periodically. I guess the time came to when I really needed a friend, I sent him a message and he really did not provide support. It was kind of a let down and I sent him a reply back asking what was going on and I have yet to hear from him. I thought there you have the nerve to come crawling back asking for a second chance and then do it again. He did say in his apology that I must think he is a terrible person and now I am actually starting to think that he is.

The very first guy I met on here was what started it all I suppose. I have wrote before about him. We wrote each other every day and we said we loved each other and we seemed to be a perfect match. The only problem was that he was in England and I was in the USA. We shared photos and just literally loved every email we sent each other. I guess it was to good to be true because after he went to the University he stopped talking to me. He told me finally, well he promised me a letter explaining what really happened. I have yet to receive it. I did no wrong, and I feel I at least deserve to know what happened. If he was so in love with me then what happened?

I know the realities of online friends. I still think its nice to have someone to talk to and I think that a person can have a good online friend. I just want someone that I can write to every day and that he would write me back every day. I know sometimes every day can be tough but when I tell someone about something that was devastating in my life and they take a week to just tell me they hope I feel better; well that just does not cut it. Thats why I have to ask, does anybody have any substance any more. I know there are some good people on here, but I have to ask does any body even care? Are others, along with myself just wasting time when we ask for friends to talk to on here?

 

[paul-dan]

I think a lot of it has to do with what you are saying in "conversation" with others..are you always presenting some trouble in your life? Always seeking advice? Sometimes people just grow tired of hearing others troubles...next time you send someone a msg try being cheerful...its good to seek advice but sometimes you should take control and solve your problems...hard to hear but you are the one who controls your destiny!

 

[oralsex]

Thanks for the reply. I also want to say that I am talking about younger people, around my age. I do seek advice, however the only guy that I talked to about situations was the guy who told me to ditch people who did not reply back within in a week. I am not reading in my post where I wrote that all I talk about to people is depressing things. Everbody has a bad day once in a while and for the most of us, it is normal to talk to a friend about it. Friends are supposed to help each other out and listen. The first guy that was in love with me, we never even talked about bad things. I am not sure where you are getting the fact that I am "debbie downer" so to say. Also if I have something bad happen in my life and a friend leaves me because they dont want to hear it, then they are not a good person, just like what my thread is about. Are there any people with substance on here?

 

[JetSetJake]

This has happened to me - not on this website, but on other websites. Sometimes we had been talking for months, other times they just decide to ignore me after a few messages. Like you I have been looking for people to talk to online and exchange messages with regularly - especially as where I am currently living, it is difficult to make friends with people, especially other gay guys.
However, despite talking about a range of topics with these people, and listening to what they have to say (good and bad), it just turns out that people have not been as serious about making friendships as I have.
So, in answer to your question, yes, I believe guys with substance do exist (I count myself in that category), but at the same time, it seems they are a bit like 4-leafed clovers....very difficult to find

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat some more

Take care

 

[G-Lexington]

A couple random thoughts on the matter at hand.

* It's easier to find someone to connect with physically than emotionally.
* In general, most guys online are looking for a physical hook-up than an emotional one.
* Online relationships (physical and/or emotional) are definitely easier to make, but they're also easier to break.

In your first post, you've sort of set out what it is you're looking for. "I want somebody to exchange messages with every day - somebody I can talk to about anything, and will be able to offer me support when I need it." Nothing wrong with that. But I consider that more of a natural effect of a real, longterm friendship.

For instance, there's a couple JUBbers who I feel fit your description for me (and, hopefully, me for them), and several others I'd think are pretty close to it. And I've gotten these friends without campaigning for them. I just went out into the boards, chatted, got to know some people. In none of those cases was that what I AIMED for. They're just what resulted from letting the relationship grow. And I think that's true both of friendships AND relationships. Friends, like boyfriends, aren't "found". They're made. You don't walk up to a guy and said "will you be my best friend forever", the same way you don't say "Will you be my boyfriend forever?" You say hello. You chat a bit. You learn a bit about each other. You slowly move from "idle chitchat" to something a bit more personal, or a bit deeper. You let the relationship grow.

And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. There were plenty of other JUBbers along the way that I've met, talked to, formed some sort of relationship with, that HAVEN'T gotten to that point. That doesn't make them lacking in substance, or bad people. We just didn't click the same way. I don't have any problem with that - not everyone is going to want to be my close personal friend, and vice versa. There are people in my life I only talk to once in a while, usually about one of a few topics - music, sports, politics. And that's cool - casual friends are just as worthwhile as best friends.

So to answer the question - yes, there are men of substance out there. Just keep at it. Meet folks. Chat a bit. Chat a bit more with those you find interesting, or that you click with. The friendships will follow.

Lex

 

[hottie1982]

Online friendships can be complicated!
And good ones are very hard to find!!

 

[sixthson]

My view of internet relationships is rather cynical, I'm afraid. From what I have observed people who form them seem to be rather selfish and needy and only wanting to talk about themselves. They might be looking for a variety of things such as some sort of sex, advice, cheering up, someone to kill time with, whatever, but once they get what they need, they move on to the next sucker. Odds are, they are the same in real life, I would assume.

Concentrate on real life relationships where you have full scope of friendship.

I am very afraid for this internet generation who are going to be found lacking when it comes to their interpersonal relationships...not only in knowing how to make friends, but how to build frienships and keep them.

The internet seems to be a place for throw-away connections/relationships or a giant cyber recycling plant.

Good luck.

 

[G-Lexington]

PS - a change in sign-in name probably wouldn't hurt.

Lex

 

[najfus]

The problem is your looking for relationships in the wrong place (the internet).

I think you would have better luck in the real world.

 

[rareboy]

You're confusing friendliness or affinity with friendship.

In order to be friends, you have to actually do things with one another and for one another.

In this age we call it 'Face Time' versus Facespacepagebook time.

Get out there. Meet some real people. They will be your friends and not just pen-pals.

 

[thewiz]

An interesting question that has applications not just on this site but in real life.

My friend Aaron and I were just talking about this the other night while having a coffee. It seems that finding someone that can stimulate sexually as well as intellectually is difficult. In DC, it is made more difficult because a lot of the population is transcient. I've met several really great guys with which I can have a great intellectual conversation and a couple became lovers as well only to be transferred to another part of the country.

I tried dating guys my age and found many have a LOT of baggage with which I had not become burdened. I also have two kids by a marriage and some could not accept it; two guys felt threatened and one other guy had been disowned by his daughter so my good relationship seemed like salt in a wound.

I've dated lots of younger guys and find many lack depth, vision, or focus. Perhaps I'm an oddity because of my history and life; it just seems like finding substance and relationship or, even more, sex is difficult. Finding sex is easy; finding someone to sit on the couch with and discuss religion, politics, financial or other topics AND sex has been a search for 2 1/2 years.

In defense of people on the web; my one problem is that many days I get up, work out, head to work and don't get home until 6:30 or 7 p.m. I have a lot of friends and other things going on in DC and sometimes don't get home until late and I just climb into bed and go to sleep....sometimes even alone! LOL!

But seriously, it can be hectic and I tell people I can't always get back to them; especially if I'm traveling.

 

[Luka]

I talk to people alot from here on AIM

 

[Neji]

I tried dating guys my age and found many have a LOT of baggage with which I had not become burdened. I also have two kids by a marriage and some could not accept it; two guys felt threatened and one other guy had been disowned by his daughter so my good relationship seemed like salt in a wound.

Do your kids live with you?

 

[thewiz]

Both are now in college back in Michigan...they come to visit often or I pop back there....we probably talk just about every day....

 

[oralsex]

Wow, some really good replies. I guess from what I am gathering this affects a lot of people and in real life situations as well. I have met good people online and in real life and I can probably guess that everyone has had a bad online friendship. Why are online friendships not standing the test of time? Like others have said why do our online friends just stop talking to us for no reason. I know the internet has made it easy for you to get what you want and then that’s it. Online you don’t have to see the person every day at work or at school so that makes it easy to talk to someone, but like others have said it also makes it easy for online friendships to be so fragile.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Why are online friendships not standing the test of time?

Try this test.

Find a picture of something online. A dog, a car, whatever. Save it to your hard drive.

Now delete it.

Next, pull out a piece of paper and a pencil. Now draw a picture of a dog, a car, whatever it was you saw before. Take your time. Try to make it look good.

Then, once it's done, rip it up.

...which was easier?

Lex

 

[screwnutty]

Great Advice guys! But your wrong about this guy right here....

I sent a pm to a guy who gave me advice and I thanked him. He continued to give me more advice and told me that he thought he could really talk to me also. I had told him that it frustrated me about this one guy that I met from england. He told me that if a guy does not message him in a week then he just leaves them a lone because they are not worth messing with in the first place. Now the funny thing is that the guy who is giving me all this advice has failed to talk to me and its been more than a week. I thougt he was different because he actually answered all the questions I asked him and he did not brush it off but he said he was busy one day and would write me later. I have yet to hear from him. So I guess if I follow his advice I should leave him alone.

This guy isn't being mean. This guy isn't being anti-social. This guy isn't feeling annoyed or self centered. This guy is looking for friendship. This guy is over extended and works way to hard and sometimes can't keep up with his duties. This guy receives tons of PM's not just from JUB, but from other forums too! This guy visits alot of other forums because this guy isn't just a one dimensional person! This guy goes to a video game forum, a Home Theater Forum, A horror movie culture forum, Magic the gathering forum, A doctor who forum too.


This guy that Oralsex is talking about is [me]!

Oral....I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm spread too thin most days. I like to help people, not just people on here, but on those other forums I have talked about too. That just here in the virtual world. In the real world I help people too to keep a roof over my head and my belly feed. Most days time is not a luxuary I can afford.

I still owe you one e-mail that is true, but I always, always get back to you with something when you write me!! If i don't answer your question the first time....send it again. I more then likely forgot to cover it when you asked. If i don't know the answer or what advice to say...I tell you straight up.

Now if you guys and your advice will excuse me...I owe Oral sex a PM. I'm sorry. Oh yeah. You never bother me. Remember that. I can't always be here all the time but DO NOT take that as a sign of me not wanting to talk to you okay. I am here for you anytime. That goes for anybody on JUB. Just give me time.

I'm serious Oral!!

So here's a song to show how dedicated I am. Please continue to PM me. You bring a smile to my face! okay!

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, my respect for screwnutty just increased.

 

[oralsex]

Mine too. Wow, I really do not know what to say. I was not expecting that response. I suppose I have my answer to my thread.

 

[Kulindahr]

Wow.

See, there are people of substance!


There are more than a few of us; you just haven't met us yet.