Do I tell a "straight" guy that I like him?

[Lube]

I'm going to disagree with people I usually agree with, and say that you should act on your feelings.

But realize this is a very, very tough situation.

If he is gay, but hasn't come out yet, despite seeing you being out, then there is something preventing him from coming out. It could be familial pressure, religious pressure, societal pressure to conform. Whatever it is, it's pretty strong. So he could be gay but in denial.

For guys like that (and I used to be one of them), getting him to acknowledge who he is could be a long and tough road. Or it could happen overnight.

It's the sort of thing that I'd need more information on, and is not easily solved on a message board. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to discuss this more.

 

[justndav]

One of my good, good friends who is gay is going through much the same situation as you but its a bit different.

The gay one we'll call him jason has had a crush on a straight guy, we'll call him Tom. Tom has known that Jason has had a crush on him for years.

A few weeks back Jason said he really wanted to have a relationship with Tom and have sex too. Well that night Tom gave in and let Jason blow him. Last week Tom went to visit Jason and they started to get intimate again but Tom told Jason no kissing. They didn't have sex as Tom said he couldn't do it, hopped up out of the bed suddenly and jetted off. Jason was heartbroken.

Now Tom has not talked to Jason since, ignores his phone calls/texts/facebook messages/etc. Its the typical straight guy guilt response to a come on or doing something with a gay guy. They always run somewhere they can re-affirm their straightness and purge their memory of anything gay they've done. Yesterday Tom finally tells Jason that he cannot be around him because Jason wants more than Tom can give, if Jason can't accept just a no sex relationship then its over. My friend Jason is now heartbroken over the whole thing and wishes he never said/did anything. This could be you and your friend.

I have so many close male friends in my life both gay and straight. I love their friendship and would never do anything to risk it. I find some of them very attractive too. Its tough but just a line I won't cross no matter what. A good man can be tough to find, I think we all know that. A lifelong friend is much tougher to find.

 

[JRandell69]

I'm in a similar situation myself. There's a straight guy that I like.

In the past, when I would fall for a straight guy, I've kept it to myself. And try to be someone I'm not. It's risky cause you could scare them off and they don't want to be around you anymore.

But I wonder what would happen if this time I went in the opposite direction.

And just be open and honest with them and say,"Look I hope we can always be friends no matter what, but I reaaaally like you. And if you're not cool with that, I understand, but I hope we can still be friends."

They might appreciate you for being brave and honest.

 

[GreenDelusion]

This discussion is so interesting.

I'm in a similar situation too: my best/only friend is awesome and wonderful but we aren't as close as he is with his other friends. In fact, we hang out 5 times a year (he's in another city by now).
And the comments here are very good, I wasn't expecting such helpful posts (I wish I had joined JUB earlier >.>)!

So please, backseatboy, keep your situation updated.

 

[quietboyuk]

I went through something extremely similar a few months back. I won't go into much detail but one afternoon i just felt like i couldn't take it anymore, like i was going to explode if i didn't tell him how i felt about him and was feeling really emotional over things. I kinda done it the chickens way, by text message. I didn't exactly just blurt out 'I love you!' i kinda went softly saying something like "i know you're straight, and nothing can happen between us, but i have feelings for you. I don't want things to change between us because i value your friendship so much. I understand if you need time to take it in, but you know where i am if you want to talk about it". He pretty much said he knew for a while now, and nothing would change between us. Things did feel kinda weird the next time we seen eachother in person, and i felt crappy about it, i thought i had fucked up an awesome friendship and things wouldn't be the same, even though he said they would be....until i asked to talk to him privately for a minute and with tears in my eyes i told him i'm sorry, i shouldnt of said anything and ive fucked things up. Then after id said that, he walked upto me and gave me an awesome hug and said to me "what are you sorry for? i always say its better to have things in the open, i love the fact that you felt you could tell me". After that hug things did go back to normal, infact we became even closer after that.

I said i wouldn't go into much detail, but i kinda did. Anyway...

It sounds like i have been extremely lucky in this situation compared to some of the stories i've read on JUB. Saying that, i would probably go with the majority of people on here with experience and say ride your feelings out and concentrate your energy on available guys....On the other hand from personal experience i would go for it! If the friendship was meant to last and is as good as you say, it will endure something like this, like mine has! Good Luck, keep us updated

 

[thefishinthesea23]

I went through this 2.5 years ago. To make a long story short, I decided to tell him and I ended up losing one of the greatest friends I ever had. I ended up in a bad depression for like 3 months.
I am not saying this to scare you, but you have to think about the consequences of your action. Are you willing to take a chance at this potential awesome relationship? Will you be able to handle your friend ending up rejecting you completely?
I took a chance and I sort of regret losing my friend, but what done is done. I still think he is in the closet though, but I am not going to go into that.