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Do People Lose Interest THIS Abruptly?

J

jubdown5

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I'm not out so I've been using A4A, Grindr etc. to find guys. Back in late January I posted a CL ad and this hot guy who was just my type responded. He's also not out.

We literally talked all day, everyday thru text thru the month of February and early March. He would text me first with nudes/good mornings etc. He would send me funny videos too of him with his dog or him getting his new car without me ever asking.

We hung out 3 times. Once in the back of my car, once in my room and once in the back of his brand new Jeep and we'd have a great time kissing/69'ing.

I'm 21 and he's 18. Around like March 8th I noticed he stopped hitting me up and if I texted him he either wouldn't respond or answered late. He said he was "busy" with school, but we follow each other on Instagram still and he obviously has SOME time.

Is that normal? He still likes my pics every now and then on Instagram, but why this sudden change of heart? I thought things were going well....

I try to like/comment on his pics so I'll be on his mind, but he hasn't texted me back.
 
^It could be anything and, even though you'd probably be inclined to give an explanation to someone if circumstances changed for you, many, many people unfortunately do not. You were on different pages even though you didn't know it. I'm sorry for your loss. It will be best for you to move on.

I also hope for your sake that you have thought about coming out. Fear and secrets equal stress, much of it uncessary when in the closet.

Best wishes.
 
Thanks for your replies. Me coming out will happen, but it's gonna be a slow (not so easy for several reasons) process.

I just wish I could get closure ya know? It could be as simple as he's 18 and has someone else.

But I'd just like to know for sure considering he initiated most of our convos.
 
Sometimes people can be flakey. When you're spending time with new people be careful not to read too much into their behavior in the beginning. I've had situations where I thought a guy was really into me and I was feeling like we could be something, but really I was taking our interactions together more to heart than he was.

One thing I will say about coming out is that it's better to do it when you're younger and have less responsiblities. I would also think about coming up with a timeline for coming out, so you can keep yourself accountable and not put it off too long.
 
You said that he was closeted too... I think that sometimes closeted guys live mostly in the straight world, and then like a python glut themselves on a guy sexually and gets their fill to hold them for six months or something until the urge to be with a guy gets too strong for them again.
 
borg69unimatrix said:
You said that he was closeted too... I think that sometimes closeted guys live mostly in the straight world, and then like a python glut themselves on a guy sexually and gets their fill to hold them for six months or something until the urge to be with a guy gets too strong for them again.
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I think this is the right answer. I remember I asked him when the last time he messed with a guy was and he said its been a while.

Only 1 person knows he's gay and that's his best friend and he hangs out with a lot of masc guys. I guess since this is senior year of high school and the weather is getting nice he doesn't wanna be secretive with me.

Just sucks tho because he's a cool guy, nice body/dick, good convos etc. I'm not really "upset" but it's just like... Damn we were great together! Lol
 
basically, he moved on. Onto something else. Not necessarily someone else, but it seems that his chapter of hanging out with you is over. Whatever the reason, while it matters to you, is ultimately not important. It may be a good reason, a bad reason or a stupid reason. He may have "tried you" and moved on. Just like one month you like chocolate cake and can't get enough of it and then you are just done with it. You may still like chocolate cake, but that period of your life gorging yourself on one is over. Now you may be into bikes or fast cars. At 18, people try things, and move on to try other things.

You may find out later what the reason was, if there was one, but basically, for you it may be harder, but find a way to move on as well.
 
chrisdobro said:
basically, he moved on. Onto something else. Not necessarily someone else, but it seems that his chapter of hanging out with you is over. Whatever the reason, while it matters to you, is ultimately not important. It may be a good reason, a bad reason or a stupid reason. He may have "tried you" and moved on. Just like one month you like chocolate cake and can't get enough of it and then you are just done with it. You may still like chocolate cake, but that period of your life gorging yourself on one is over. Now you may be into bikes or fast cars. At 18, people try things, and move on to try other things.

You may find out later what the reason was, if there was one, but basically, for you it may be harder, but find a way to move on as well.
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yeah you have a point. I'm not losing sleep over it or anything. still living my life enjoying everything, but it just sucks. whatever the reason may be. I wonder if he like even has my number saved still or like what he thinks when my face pops up on his Instagram.

ugh. oh well. thanks for the responses!
 
Yes guys can move on like that & I am one of those assholes that do. I have been called that several times. With me if I see things I don't like I walk away, I will tell the guy once this is not working out though. Playing devil's advocate maybe it was too much for him because he is not out. He may have been worried somebody would find out about the both of you. No matter the reason if he is not going to show you the right attention then he is not worth your time.
 
jleon83 said:
Yes guys can move on like that & I am one of those assholes that do. I have been called that several times. With me if I see things I don't like I walk away, I will tell the guy once this is not working out though. Playing devil's advocate maybe it was too much for him because he is not out. He may have been worried somebody would find out about the both of you. No matter the reason if he is not going to show you the right attention then he is not worth your time.
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I'm trynna be optimistic haha. But wow so even if you talked to someone EVERYDAY thru text for a month straight you'll still just 1 day stop talking to them? It's not like we were together. We were talking as friends. We had some great convos, I really saw him as a friend. Not a boyfriend or anything.
 
It's very normal. It even happens to extremely sexy guys like me :D..

Most guys are just window shopping. They're not looking to buy, they just wanna try things on to see how they fit, then move to another store. Try not to take it to heart. Being Gay and dating Gays will prove to be very challenging, always assume that perfect guy is a fucking liar......

............typically, they are..
 
What do you want from him--a relationship, or just some dick?
 
OK let's start with HIGH SCHOOL.

Then there is CLOSET.

Then there is TEENAGER!!!

I'm going to be blunt. What exactly were you expecting from a closeted high school teenager? Commitment?

You see the point.


Then there is your closet. Even if he was 25 - you aren't exactly a good prospect for a relationship yourself, and frankly, the truth is that a whole lot of gay men will look at your closet and - with some justification - walk the other way.

You need to deal with that before you become someone who is ready for commitment.
 
UPDATE***

I commented 1 of his photos on Instagram and he commented back saying "Text Me"

Knew I shouldn't have given up hope Lol
 
80KGold said:
What do you want from him--a relationship, or just some dick?
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Either or.

But on a friend level we had some really good conversations. Why not a friend with benefits?

I'm good at reading people though so I KNEW there was something up. We hung out last night and it turns out that he thought I'm the one who stopped hitting him up.
 
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