do people realize by now that yelling at others is not disciplining or encouraging them?

[refujiunderground]

all my life i've been around people that whenever they see somebody do something they don't like and they have some sort of authority over them or they don't get people to do shit their way, they get and then at them thinking that it's supposed to scare them or whatever into doing what they want them to do. it annoys me when i see people do that to kids. do these people actually realize that all they're doing is making those kids fucked up by teaching them that it's okay to get mad and aggressive with others over nothing. so when that kid grows up, he or she is going to generate that negative energy and throw it back at you or toss it onto others where people avoid them or whatever. i actually wonder if my mother and the teachers from my k-8 school actually realize that they've done more damage than good with this.

with that said, i hate it when someone yells at me. i've grown tired of people not talking to me like i'm a human being and throwing hissy fits over trival shit. my mom wonders why i give her an attitude when she's quick to tell me off or yell at me over something little. maybe it's because i've been taught that getting mad over nothing is normal and i learned that from authority figures such as her. ya think? i didn't learn it overnight. i don't push unless someone pushes me first.

 

[G-Lexington]

You're apparently new to the internet.

Lex

 

[refujiunderground]

You're apparently new to the internet.

Lex

i wish. it's funny how as long as i've gone to various web forums where i've been considered the worst of the worst of posters for the most part because i tend to hold the minority opinion or not fit in with the group, i haven't decided to throw in the towel already. the internet is addictive.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I accept you, Refugi.

 

[HunterM]

Remember this: You have no control over what other people think, say or do. However, you have control over your own reactions and emotions to the situation at hand.

When people scream or yell at me, I tell them, "Hey, loosen your panties and talk to me. There's no need to yell." The more they yell at me, the more I tune them out and sometimes walk away. I don't get mad. I don't yell back. I don't let those actions bother me. If I let them bother me, that means they win. And I HATE to lose.

With repetitions, trust me, they will eventually get the point. When they are calm, sometimes I tell them, "I stand my ground because I don't scream at you, right? I want to lead a good example for others to follow. I don't want to be an enabler for your screaming behavior."

 

[bw92116]

I'm pretty high-strung and I've yelled quite a few times in my life, but I always feel sorry afterwards. It's something that's hard to control for some people. But it's always wrong and in a way, it's an act of violence. I've tried so hard to keep my temper under control. And I think over the years I've finally grown up. But when I'm under stress, the old me can come back out again. Just try to realize that the when someone yells at you, it has nothing to do with you, it's all within them.

 

[refujiunderground]

Remember this: You have no control over what other people think, say or do. However, you have control over your own reactions and emotions to the situation at hand.

When people scream or yell at me, I tell them, "Hey, loosen your panties and talk to me. There's no need to yell." The more they yell at me, the more I tune them out and sometimes walk away. I don't get mad. I don't yell back. I don't let those actions bother me. If I let them bother me, that means they win. And I HATE to lose.

With repetitions, trust me, they will eventually get the point. When they are calm, sometimes I tell them, "I stand my ground because I don't scream at you, right? I want to lead a good example for others to follow. I don't want to be an enabler for your screaming behavior."

that's some good advice but it's gonna be hard to follow. shit, i should take some yoga classes or smoke some weed but yoga might be the only option though.

 

[HunterM]

that's some good advice but it's gonna be hard to follow. shit, i should take some yoga classes or smoke some weed but yoga might be the only option though.

OH NO! Don't smoke weed!!!

Weed causes heart attacks according to another thread.

 

[Atreyul]

OH NO! Don't smoke weed!!!

Weed causes heart attacks according to another thread.

lmao!!!

 

[JayHawk]

I agree you can not yell constantly and expect to be listened to with any urgency if your yelling because it is important. That whole cry wolf thingy ya know?

I figured out a long time ago if I treat folks with respect I get it ten fold. When I do raise my voice and demand something it is completely out of character. The people who work for me know what I want in that instant is non-negotiable and urgent. If I yelled all the time they would simply block me out. In my case, I am referring to the difference between say maneuvering around a slower ship versus an incoming missile.

 

[refujiunderground]

I agree you can not yell constantly and expect to be listened to with any urgency if your yelling because it is important. That whole cry wolf thingy ya know?

I figured out a long time ago if I treat folks with respect I get it ten fold. When I do raise my voice and demand something it is completely out of character. The people who work for me know what I want in that instant is non-negotiable and urgent. If I yelled all the time they would simply block me out. In my case, I am referring to the difference between say maneuvering around a slower ship versus an incoming missile.

for real, it doesn't make any sense to put someone under any more pressure than they already are.

but speaking of which since you mentioned and i'm curious to know, you were a navy captain?

 

[JayHawk]

Not a were... it is an I am currently.... but only a Lieutenant not a Captain. I did 17 years enlisted and then put on a commission....

You have to understand working and keeping your head while shit is blowing up, people are yelling and hopped up on emotions and general chaos is ensuing is something we train for constantly. Yelling is sometimes the only way to cut through the normal chaos and be clearly understood by many. I get what you are saying and was agreeing that yelling about everything is ignorant but it does have its place.

I cant imagine saying:

" Umm excuse me could you possibly mark and destroy that incoming missile when ya get a second?"

I think if anything the problem these days isn't people yelling more often it is lethargic people with no motivation to do anything but bitch.

 

[AlmondMilk]

for real, it doesn't make any sense to put someone under any more pressure than they already are.

Yelling/whatever is an easy outlet especially if it's towards someone who's not superior to you. It provides immediate relief and solidifies that the person has "power" even though he's not picking on someone his "size."

wp3ow3tk3trtgbanana

 

[blackbeltninja]

I don't mind people yelling if it gets them to calm down and start thinking and acting rationally again. It's the same reason you see people kicking the living fuck out of punching bags at the gym.

Some people need an immediate outlet for stress; provided it's not uncalled for (as in the yellee has done something which "justifies" being taken to task) and doesn't get personal or malicious then I'm inclined to think it's not all bad. Not saying I'd stand for it all the time, though - I'd warn Gordon Ramsay the 2nd time he lost his rag with me, and choke him out on the 3rd.

-d-

 

[Anders123]

it annoys me when i see people do that to kids. do these people actually realize that all they're doing is making those kids fucked up by teaching them that it's okay to get mad and aggressive with others over nothing. so when that kid grows up, he or she is going to generate that negative energy and throw it back at you or toss it onto others where people avoid them or whatever.

Whereas our upbringings can influence heavily our perfunctory responses to certain triggers or situations, a child is not always doomed to repeat the mistakes and behaviours of his/her antecedents.

I agree with the premise of the thread; that aggression and physical intimidation to incite fear and obedience is not an appropriate parental technique. However, I believe you are oversimplifying human psychology, and also failing to consider the multitudinous influences that impact a child's life outside of parental guidance / example.

Having grown up in a household wherein intimidation was the parental method of choice, and physical violence the discipline, I will say that in the long run, it has had the opposite effect on me. I know how it feels to have a dominant figure uniformly reasserting his control, and due to this, would never expose another individual to such repugnant behaviour. I treat others with the kindness and compassion that I so sorely wish I had been blessed with throughout my childhood.

Rather than resenting the past and blaming others for current attitudes, it is more productive to acknowledge our injurious habitual mechanisms and work towards their betterment. You have identified your issues with anger, but you are dwelling on what could have possibly caused them, rather than what you can do now to adjust them. Do not allow yourself to justify your impetuous outbursts by citing past experiences from which you believe you learned the behaviour.

Cognitive restructuring, applying perspective, and breathing techniques are just a few disciplines you can practice to help express and control your anger in a more constructive way. I would explain in further detail the methodology and advantages of such techniques, but I fear this post is long enough already.

It really is a discipline, though, and one not so easily mastered - as has been emphasised by posters above.

I admire your determination to understand and improve yourself, refuji. Keep at it.

 

[Rex]

Whenever my drill instructor screamed at me, which happened quite a bit, I always did what he said, so I disagree. I actually zoned out through most of boot camp because it was yelling, all day, every day.


I'd say it depends who is yelling at you and if you respect them or not. So many variables to consider.