Do tops not understand a bottoms tribulations?

[smoothebottom]

Do the majority of tops just not understand the complexities of anal sex? Do they not care? I know this question asks everybody to generalize but I'm asking for thoughts on the matter.

Specifically, I ask as I think of my sexual experiences as a young guy yearning to bottom and experience that mesmerizing sex that I've heard/read other bottoms describe they love so much.

Yet, my first few experiences terrified me and caused me to suppress my sexuality. I never knew bottoming could be complicated...

The first experience was with a guy I met online. I was 18/19 and he was in his late twenties. He was a nice guy that chatted with me for a while when we met. I told him what I wanted and that I've never bottomed before. He advised me to simply relax as he tried to penetrate me, dry, with a condom on. No lube, no rimming, no massaging, nothing expect him trying to force his cock in me (at least he tried slowly). It took a while until he was able to enter. He fucked me fast and hard and came quick. It was painful and I regretted it. I was terrified to do it again and suppressed any thoughts urges (Im bisexual). The urges came back later and I was back at it again with a different guy who I was hoping knew what he was doing (he was in his late twenties as well while me in my early twenties by now). Yet, same exact result making me regret and forget this lifestyle for years. Process repeated almost in the same exact fashion with another dude*later on. I wrote it off as something that was not meant to be since I couldn't stand the pain and it was not enjoyable.

I took me years to figure how to become comfortable bottoming and what it takes to actually be able to enjoy it (properly lubing being a basic step).

I don't mean to shift blame in this piece as I could have figured things out myself, but at the same time I feel like the tops, being more experienced, could have at least given me some pointers (especially considering the fact that I told them that I was very inexperienced). And I know these guys weren't exactly people I could trust, but I'm sure they couldn't have enjoyed themselves fucking me dry. So that begs the question as to whether some guys don't know or don't care about the trials and tribulations of bottom?

Any input on the subject from tops, bottoms, vers guys?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Versatops are said to be better at topping as they know how it feels themselves.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Don't expect a person that just wants to stick his dick into a willing hole to actually care how it's supposed to be done. Lesson being, those are the guys you stop from fucking you.

 

[Telstra]

Its your arse,
you have to take care of it and put on lube yourself and tell the guy to be gentle or yell.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

You just had bad experiences.

And I'm guessing they were hook ups?

If you're learning and are new it's best to do it with someone who cares about you.

 

[agayguy]

My partner makes sure that our sessions are great for both us. I have been with my lover for over 25 years. He is well endowed! When we make love, he licks, sucks, nibbles and teases me on my neck, nipples, both sides of my balls. He tongues me and sucks me on the left side of them, then the right side of them. He darts down and rims my ass. He makes me cum while rimming me. When getting ready to impale me, he makes sure that I am comfortable . If I need him to pull out and try again, he does so willingly. He loves me emotionally and physically so well! He' s a hot fuck!

 

[Seasoned]

Take charge of your life. "Bottom" doesn't mean doormat.

 

[checkinthingsout]

Take charge of your life. "Bottom" doesn't mean doormat.

Seriously. You can blame the "tops" in your experiences, but you said you had been reading about anal sex for years before you actually tried it.

Why didn't you TELL HIM to use lube?
Why didn't you TELL HIM to rim your ass before if that is what you wanted?
Why didn't you TELL HIM to massage you?

At 18/19 maybe you have an excuse, but after that, you should speak up. Especially if its a hook up. People hook up for selfish reasons. So don't be afraid to be a little selfish yourself.

To answer your question however, I think the majority do know and care, or I don't think that many "bottoms" would put up with horrible sex. But I do believe that the only reason these guys learned about what feels good during sex, foreplay, etc. is by someone telling them during the act. No one is born with the knowledge of how to please someone else, they have to be instructed. That is how EVERYONE learns about sex.

 

[Ninja108]

YOu need to speak up or sometime they won't know if they are hurting you or not.
Your bottom, you need to take charge of it.

 

[smoothebottom]

Its your arse,
you have to take care of it and put on lube yourself and tell the guy to be gentle or yell.

I know that now. That was years ago when I didn't know what I was doing. Today, I know how to take care of that ass and get it ready for a good night of pounding .

Take charge of your life. "Bottom" doesn't mean doormat.

Seriously. You can blame the "tops" in your experiences, but you said you had been reading about anal sex for years before you actually tried it.

Why didn't you TELL HIM to use lube?
Why didn't you TELL HIM to rim your ass before if that is what you wanted?
Why didn't you TELL HIM to massage you?

At 18/19 maybe you have an excuse, but after that, you should speak up. Especially if its a hook up. People hook up for selfish reasons. So don't be afraid to be a little selfish yourself.

To answer your question however, I think the majority do know and care, or I don't think that many "bottoms" would put up with horrible sex. But I do believe that the only reason these guys learned about what feels good during sex, foreplay, etc. is by someone telling them during the act. No one is born with the knowledge of how to please someone else, they have to be instructed. That is how EVERYONE learns about sex.

I don't really think you guys read the entire post or don't think you understood. I understand that I didn't know what I was doing and take responsibility for not looking into it more. I shouldn't have relied on another person to know how to handle my ass. I was ignorant back then when it came to the subject as , back then, I was more in the experimental phase where I wanted to be totally submissive to the top.

But the same time it still perplexes me that they didn't even take the basics in making the sex comfortable for both (lube). Thinking back, after they got in and tried to fuck I would push them out very prematurely because the pain was unbearable. They got off either by themselves or by me sucking them off.

I'm versatile (but mostly a bottom) and dry sex, whether your having m/f or m/m, does not feel good. This is why I ask the question whether tops don't know or don't care. If tops do know (as you said the majority do), wouldn't logic dictate that they slap on some lube so the sex would be great?

Versatops are said to be better at topping as they know how it feels themselves.

I agree with this all the way. I've had some amazing sex and versatile guys are definitely a lot better.

 

[Seasoned]

Maybe you were with inexperienced guys. I don't know. Unless a person is into it, pain is a signal that something is wrong, both for the top and the bottom.

Good sex takes communication, patience and practice, something a stranger might not be concerned with. Learning from all our experiences, positive and negative, helps develop our likes and dislikes. Sex partners are not created equal, some are not very good at it.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm not a strict top, I will bottom, but I've never gotten off on it, and yes, I won't fuck a nasty hole, nor do I particularly enjoy virgins.

However I'm always willing to give pointers. If I don't know some guy's level of experience I'm probably not going to go all Public Health Survey to find out. If he doesn't like something, or is uncomfortable, or nervous or wants to be spanked, I expect him to tell me, I'm certainly going to speak up if he's doing something I don't like.

Tops can be inexperienced also, and may not know what they are doing, why do you just assume that the top is "more experienced?"

- - - Updated - - -

FYI, the tribulations of tops include dead fish bottoms who just lie there thinking they look pretty. Don't be that guy, participate.

 

[checkinthingsout]

I know that now. That was years ago when I didn't know what I was doing. Today, I know how to take care of that ass and get it ready for a good night of pounding .



I don't really think you guys read the entire post or don't think you understood. I understand that I didn't know what I was doing and take responsibility for not looking into it more. I shouldn't have relied on another person to know how to handle my ass. I was ignorant back then when it came to the subject as , back then, I was more in the experimental phase where I wanted to be totally submissive to the top.

But the same time it still perplexes me that they didn't even take the basics in making the sex comfortable for both (lube). Thinking back, after they got in and tried to fuck I would push them out very prematurely because the pain was unbearable. They got off either by themselves or by me sucking them off.

I'm versatile (but mostly a bottom) and dry sex, whether your having m/f or m/m, does not feel good. This is why I ask the question whether tops don't know or don't care. If tops do know (as you said the majority do), wouldn't logic dictate that they slap on some lube so the sex would be great?

My answer is I think they do care, and you probably slept with the minority that is either too inexperienced to know (even if they may have told you otherwise) or genuinely doesn't care if you are in visible and noticeable pain. And What I imagine is they used some type of pre-lubricated condom as well so it may have felt like enough lubrication for them, but it wasn't enough to make you comfortable.