Do we 'really' need a gay community?

[Singularity]

OK, before you all throw me off the planet, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be a gay community but I'm having my doubts calling myself a part of it.

Whenever I hear someone talk about any kind of community (like the black community etc.) the first word that comes into my mind is "separation". I feel that as soon as you call yourself a member of a community based on your race, sexual orientation or whatever your minority is, you automatically separate yourself from the global community.

I was raised to be non-judgmental and non-political and I managed (or still am working on it) to overlook any personal traits and look at everyone as a human being. In my eyes there are no communities, there are only people with different or similar (cultural) backgrounds.

Having said that, I don't believe that we need to hold on to the community while we're told to be unique cause it's giving me a headache at some point. There should be support from all over the place, no matter who or what you are. I mean, we are striving for equality after all.

I don't know why we need a flag and why we need a pride parade and all that nonsense that freaks out every homophobe within close proximity. I know that we have to be heard to make a difference but we can do that without becoming obnoxious drama queens.

Do you feel part of the gay community (as it is displayed with all bells and whistles) or not and if yes, why do you think there has to be one?

 

[hubbellgardner]

 

[Theyoungman]

DO we really need straights?

No... All we have to do is jerk off and give the women the sperm.

 

[trydegrau]

I can only speak for myself. Regardless of how other people see it, I don't feel part of any group or community. Apart from what I like, I have very little in common with the community. On the political level, the environment, economy, language, sovereignty and immigration remain bigger concerns for me than gay politics. When I came out to my friends, nothing changed, except admitting the truth, I didn't suddenly become part of any group. Not that I have anything against it, I just don't like the idea of spokespersons and community leaders speaking and acting for me or in my name, and I just don't agree with half the politics that come with being part of the gay community. Course, that's just me, I'm extremely individualistic. I believe dividing the country into groups of any kind creates more divisions, not less.

 

[james1200]

ok...maybe my weird little O.C.D. is acting up but it's really bugging me that you have the word "really" in quotation marks in your thread title. why? it doesn't make any sense. perhaps you meant to put "gay" in quotations instead? that would make sense. this is a problem...defective thread!!

 

[herenthere]

A really good post....I can see where your coming from. Hopefully some day that can be a reality. Right now I think we need a support system that we can rely on to re-fuel to continue the fight, and a place where we feel safe..

 

[SuperQueer]

Yes I do. I feel like I first came to a gay community to feel comfortable and surround myself with other gay people. I still live in a gay community (midtown Atlanta) for the same reasons.

Here in Atlanta people ask if you live "OTP" - which is short for out of the perimeter - the area surrounding I-285 the Atlanta Bypass loop. Gays in midtown bring back up and keep the downlow when traveling OTP. I'd love to venture OTP on a one man accept me I'm Gay crusade. But I'm very comfortable and having lots of fun in fabulously gay midtown.

I admire the gays who can live out in the rest of the OTPs of the world. They are the ones that make those visits so nice.

 

[Singularity]

ok...maybe my weird little O.C.D. is acting up but it's really bugging me that you have the word "really" in quotation marks in your thread title. why? it doesn't make any sense. perhaps you meant to put "gay" in quotations instead? that would make sense. this is a problem...defective thread!!

I did that to stretch and emphasize the word. No other indication meant.

 

[AaronG]

Nightcharm, it sounds like you come from a great, accepting background where you'd be fine without the support system of a gay community. If we were all so fortunate, things might look a little different. As it is, enough of us come from places less open to diversity, that we need someplace set aside where we can count on being accepted. I see your point that we're sometimes in danger of separating ourselves off from the outside world, but I think that as the world becomes more accepting, the instinct to circle the wagons will diminish. What we'll be left with then will depend on what we fundamentally have in common.

 

[Soilwork]

Meh.

I hang out with my riding buddies. I ride with a gay riding club because it's fun to oggle men with your buddies, and men in gear are hot. Not to mention, there's a dynamic when you get a whole bunch of gay sportsmen together who are kinda compeditive with each other that you don't get riding with straight men.

now.. does this mean I need the "gay community?"

not really. But I like having gay friends, and although anyone is welcome to ride with us, I like it how it is.

 

[JSB_01]

Well, I believe that these "communities" are helpful for finding people like you. There are so many different kinds of people out there that it's nice to put down one's guard for a while (well, for some gays at least - at least for me.) And besides, if gays want to protest or rise up, they need to have a strong sense of community. For all of our differences, we have something major in common.

As you said, there should be support for everyone out there, but the thing is that there isn't. So it's nice to have other people out there like you, so you can share experiences and learn what they learned. And I think we need a pride parade because we need to show the world that were are not ashamed of who we are. We shouldn't have to prove to the world anything, but unfortunately we do.

As for being a part of the community, I honestly don't feel like I belong. But I just need to find my own special niche within the community. My tastes and interests aren't really common amongst people my age (or any age, it seems), so there's not much I can do about that.

 

[puka-pride]

there are so many guys out there that are suicidal and hate themselves for being gay and are so lonely because they feel like they are the only gay person around.. and they wish and they pray that they will find a guy that feels the same.. that has been an outcast no matter how many friends he has just because he feels different than them....

the community is there to show these guys they aren't alone in the world... it is to separate us from the str8s so that we don't feel like we don't belong every second of every day in our lives...

you don't have to be an active part of thecommunity.. hell you don't even have to like it... but you gotta admit.. knowing there is one makes you feel better...

now.. it could just be me.. but i don't think we'll ever be united as a people... not unless someone somewhere takes over the world and turns every country into one giant land... lets call it pangea...

 

[RRRalph]

Whenever I hear someone talk about any kind of community (like the black community etc.) the first word that comes into my mind is "separation". I feel that as soon as you call yourself a member of a community based on your race, sexual orientation or whatever your minority is, you automatically separate yourself from the global community.

I was raised to be non-judgmental and non-political and I managed (or still am working on it) to overlook any personal traits and look at everyone as a human being. In my eyes there are no communities, there are only people with different or similar (cultural) backgrounds.

I don't know why we need a flag and why we need a pride parade and all that nonsense that freaks out every homophobe within close proximity. I know that we have to be heard to make a difference but we can do that without becoming obnoxious drama queens.

I don't feel part of any group or community. Apart from what I like, I have very little in common with the community. When I came out to my friends, nothing changed, except admitting the truth, I didn't suddenly become part of any group.

I support that.

 

[Andreus]

i think some of you guys need to get out more

 

[Soilwork]

Get out more and get lives.

I swear, it's like some people think when we say "Gay community" that we're advocating everyone becoming like clones or shoe-horning themselves into some role that isn't them.

I expect that kind of bullshit from RRRalph, because 90% of his posts are divisive and are really only there to prop up his fragile ego. But I feel bad for people who think that a simple parade thrown once a year is somehow supposed to represent the whole gay community.

When we say "gay community", we're just acknowledging that we have a huge group of people who are all different yet have one thing in common. The term "community" doesn't really mean that we're all living together or that we all think or act alike.

Truth be known, most gay people annoy the fuck out of me, but I'm still gay and I still represent one of the many facets of gay people as a whole, wether I want to or not.

Nothing HAS to change when you come out.. you're still the same person, and you still like the same things. The fact that I need to point this out to gay people just makes me hang my head in shame.

We're not freaks, we're men. We like men.. it's the only thing that makes us gay.

That "Nightcharm" thinks that a one day party should be something that suits him and no one else, representing him and no one else is just sad. We don't HAVE to do it.. we do it becuase it's fun.

does the St. Patricks Day Parade represent all Irish people? Of course not.. not if they don't show up to march.

 

[Treborf]

If anything, the gay community needs to be a lot stronger, for a few reasons.

Unlike other ethnic and religous communities, gay people can't always depend on their families and their friends for support or understanding . When I was younger, I really had no idea how to be a well-adjusted gay man or whether or not that was even possible. I think too many people, especially young people, go through their struggle alone. I would hope these people would be able to draw strength and acceptance from the community.

And for those who feel like they don't fit the profile of the average gay person, well, that makes it all the more important for you all to become a visible part of the community. When I was a teenager I played three sports and was masculine and all that, yet I was gay. I didnt know there were others like me and I thought I was destined to be isolated for the rest of my life. Had I known how wrong I was, it may have saved me a lot of sleepless nights. And if everybody that complains about not relating to anybody in the gay community all came together within the community, I think they'd all be a lot happier.

Lastly, I think the most important function of the gay community is to promote the idea that being gay is no lesser than being straight. If the gay community doesn't, no other group will. Think about the way black pride helped out the collective self-esteem of black people. I hope someday, gay people have that same pride about themselves.

 

[dw8038r2]

I'm already a part of the White Community, and I really don't have time to get involved in other organizations at the moment.

 

[Soilwork]

Um.. the "gay community" isn't an organization.

Sheesh.

 

[JSB_01]

If anything, the gay community needs to be a lot stronger, for a few reasons.

Unlike other ethnic and religous communities, gay people can't always depend on their families and their friends for support or understanding . When I was younger, I really had no idea how to be a well-adjusted gay man or whether or not that was even possible. I think too many people, especially young people, go through their struggle alone. I would hope these people would be able to draw strength and acceptance from the community.

And for those who feel like they don't fit the profile of the average gay person, well, that makes it all the more important for you all to become a visible part of the community. When I was a teenager I played three sports and was masculine and all that, yet I was gay. I didnt know there were others like me and I thought I was destined to be isolated for the rest of my life. Had I known how wrong I was, it may have saved me a lot of sleepless nights. And if everybody that complains about not relating to anybody in the gay community all came together within the community, I think they'd all be a lot happier.

Lastly, I think the most important function of the gay community is to promote the idea that being gay is no lesser than being straight. If the gay community doesn't, no other group will. Think about the way black pride helped out the collective self-esteem of black people. I hope someday, gay people have that same pride about themselves.

Ha ha, this is basically what I wanted to say, but my post wasn't as good.
I think the gay community can provide a lot of support, if nothing else. There are so many young people out there who are tormented by their sexuality simply because they have no one to go to. If there is a large community with a wide array of people, then it will show them that gays are everyday people, too.

 

[Andreus]

the gay community has a very established presence in boston and as a result we have marriage rights and a HOST of services specific to the needs of gay men and women.

we have vast resources for gay mens health concerns such as hiv testing, support groups for everything from addiction to coming out in highschool, couples therapy, insemination for lesbian couples, and even gay mens domestic abuse counciling projects.

these are all very important things. What is wrong with taking care of your own?

yeah, the community is about fun,clubs, and socializing, but that is just a small part of it.

of course, you would have to get out and participate to find that out....

and one more thing

JUB is a part of the gay community... are we saying that it isnt needed?