Do You Consider Online Relationships Legit?

[bigdaddyhorse]

...and I don't mean online buddies or friendships, I'm talking about those some consider to be serious boyfriends/girlfriends - people whom they've never met before in person.

I'd been talking to an old friend of mine who would occasionally talk about his "girlfriend", whom I thought was someone he had met in person then moved away (She lives in the UK). I just recently found out that this is someone whom he has never met in in the flesh, but met online in a chatroom. She lives in the UK and he's in Reno, Nevada. When he told me this I snickered and made a few "are you kidding?!" type comments and he got pretty upset with me. I then just let it go and changed the subject. So...I don't get it, especially because he'd talk about her so passionately -- and I should mention that this is a fairly good-looking guy too. I could just imagine how some chick he'd meet out at a nightclub would react if he turned her down for sex all because he has an online "girlfriend", whom he's never met before, and who lives thousands of miles away in another country. Shit! I wouldn't consider anyone I hadn't yet taken for a test drive a boyfriend. I can understand maybe meeting someone online and considering them a potential boyfriend or an online j/o buddy, but I wouldn't tell people I'm "taken" and rule out anyone I may meet in person and can get my hands on over some online fantasy relationship. I just think it's odd.

So my question is - do you think a relationship of this type legitamate? Do you think it's healthy? Am I wrong in scoffing when someone tells me they have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend and they turn out to be someone they've only cybered with online and never met before?

I thought this would be an interesting topic and am curious to hear about anyone else's thoughts/experience with this or those who've had this type of relationship.

 

[Croynan]

I am afraid I must modify your question to meet the current circumstances, i. e. Woud I Consider Any Relationship Legit?

Response: Well, if I could fine one, I would be willing to give you an answer to the modified question. But the chances of that happening are the same as when Adlai E. Stevenson spoke to the Russians at the United Nations and told them he was ready to wait for the answer to the question at hand - "Until Hell Freezes Over." The Russians blinked.

 

[Orlandude]

I can only say that it would not be a legitimate relationship for me. My definition of a relationship includes human contact. The "relationship" you describe is nothing more than one machine talking to another machine. The human dynamic is missing. It would be one thing if they had met before and one was away on business or off to war and that was the only way they could communicate. On line friendships (like we all enjoy here at JUB) are very different than having a relationship with someone. Just my opinion.

 

[dw8038r2]

I'd react like you did, Craiggg. Just think--I could assume a new name and persona here, post a number of different pics of some hot looking acquaintances, start being less sarcastic and more "heartfelt," and you KNOW I would soon have a following of "til death us do part" BFs. What a joke!

I believe you can develop real friendships here. My mom became pen pals with a British guy during World War II--they wrote each other for the next forty years, sharing marriages and families and grandchildren; in other words, they really became friends although they never met. I consider myself in a meaningful on-line friendship too, but a bf/gf relationship??? No way, absolutely no way. You never really know who you're dealing with.

 

[Brijan]

As some of the above have said, I too wouldn't consider it a relationship.

While meeting someone online can become an actual relationship, a relationship (boy/girlfriend-boy/girlfriend) requires human contact.

Having said that, I can see how someone might WANT an online relationship to become more, or how it might even elicit an emotional response (from one or both parties). However, until these two people meet and establish a "traditional rapport," it is mostly wishful thinking and ideals that fuel said emotions; among other things.
A relationship cannot be fuel by these two things alone.

 

[Twisly]

Do You Consider Online Relationships Legit?

Legitimacy depends on the parties involved.

the question I would like to answer is this:

Would I engage my self to online relationship?

NO.

1. Because for me to love someone, I need him to be with me whenever i need him and me with him whenever he needs me.

2. Words isn't enough.

3. How could we have sex? (would it all be webcam wanking????)

4. Its not my cup of tea.

 

[sunshinesteve]

Its amazing what loneliness can do to people.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Look, it is only up to them to decide, what's legit and what's not for as far as they go.

I would never even seriously consider any kind of an online 'relationship'. Yup, you may start that way, but you must meet the other guy and spend your time with him. There is simply no way around.

Do not kinda denigrate your friend. He does not deserve that. But if asked, say openly and truthfully what you think and what you would do, leaving him with the freedom to make his own choices...

SC

 

[sissyboy]

No, I don't believe that an on-line romance is the real deal. It's a place to start, but I truly believe that romantic love requires physical intimacy.I mean, what happens if you go down that road and get totally into someone that you've never met in person and when you do get together, there is no chemistry?I can't imagine too many things that would be more disappointing.Not to mention there's that whole "you can be who or whatever you want on the internet" thing.

But, hey, whatever blows your dress up...

 

[bigdaddyhorse]

Has there been anyone here who has had a serious or somewhat serious relationship with someone they met online?

 

[Croynan]

Has there been anyone here who has had a serious or somewhat serious relationship with someone they met online?

WHAT AN OUTSTANDING QUESTION - IT ALMOST DESERVES A SEPARATE THREAD ITSELF. Superb question.

 

[douseiai]

i would say sure... if both parties get to know each other and are real to each other then sure.... i of course would say be careful.... make sure you both are what you say you are... i wouldn't recomend grandeur distances like across the world but managable ones... across the country or state is better...

if your real to each other... then i would say cool go for it but don't rely on it as heavily as relations in real life...

 

[duroc5088]

The answer for me is a resounding YES!!!

I am currently involved in a long distance relationship. We met here on JUB and are madly in love with one another.

And YES we have met and are planning to get together again in a few weeks. We started out as chat buddies and then we exchanged phone numbers and one thing lead to another and we met about two weeks after our first conversation.

He loves me and I love him.

Dirk

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Has there been anyone here who has had a serious or somewhat serious relationship with someone they met online?

Yes. Absolutely. We are still at it big time...
We met online and picked it up in real life.

SC

 

[Rockercub]

Has there been anyone here who has had a serious or somewhat serious relationship with someone they met online?

Yep, I met my husband online. PlanetOut actually. However, we only communicated online for two or three weeks before setting up our first date. I would never have considered it a serious online relationship. In person, though, definitely serious.

 

[Twisly]

Has there been anyone here who has had a serious or somewhat serious relationship with someone they met online?

I met ex-bf online then we started texting and calling for 5 months without meet each other. At the sixth month we decided to meet and then... boom! we are in love!

we only lasted for only 5 months though...

 

[HourglassGuy]

If I really like the person and see some possibilities for meeting in the future and developing a real relationship, I would consider it legit. If it was just something that the other party never planned to progress to an in-person thing, I would give it up. Some people are perfectly happy with having an online boyfriend forever. I need that in person body-to-body contact, though. And not just for sex.

 

[bigdaddyhorse]

Sometimes I get the impression that those who are involved in a long-distance online relationship are those who fear negative outcome of a real life relationship, almost in the same way a gay guy will constantly fall for the unattainable straight guy - it's safe. Online may be a good starting point, but to carry on an online relationship with someone you've never met, someone who lives three thousand miles away is a sign that that person is too lazy or too afraid of real live dating. An online boyfriend is a nice fantasy, but not something that should take the place of going out and meeting the real thing.

 

[G-Lexington]

I met my boyfriend online, and it was strictly e-mail/phone for several months. I don't think I called him my "boyfriend" until after we met in person. Up until that point, he was just "some guy I know online".

But that's me. If two people never meet, but want to consider themselves boyfriend/girlfriend, that's up to them.

Lex

 

[smile86]

if it works for two people, sure why not. i don't think i'd want an online relationship though if we lived far away so it was only ever going to be an online relationship (or meeting up rarely). Yeah i talk to my boyfriend a lot it's not all about physical things, but i want my boyfriend to hold me and kiss me and i want to be able to talk to him in person. i want us to have sex. i think i'd just be moody and sad if i loved someone and they turned me on but i couldn't see them.