Do you consider "talking" to two guys at the same time cheating?

[Appleman34]

I'm not dating or committed to either of them, but I'm interested in both of them.

One of them is my ex and we're becoming close again. The other is a guy who I started talking to when I was single. Like I said, I'm in no way dating either of them and both of them know that, it's just that my ex feels entitled to me because we have history together. Also, me and my ex flirt way more than me and the other guy, but me and the other guy hang out, talk, and laugh way more than me and my ex. The new guy I'm talking to knows that me and my ex are working through issues and my ex knows that I've been interested in other guys while we weren't together, but he doesn't like it at all, and to be honest, I make my relationship with the other guy seem smaller than it really is. A lot of people tell me that I can do whatever I want without commitment, but I can't help but to feel bad for what I'm doing.

If you watch The Vampire Diaries, it's exactly like Elena, Damon, and Stephan's love triangle, except the two guys aren't brothers.... or vampires lol. What do you think I should do?

 

[somerandomguy07]

I'd say it depends on how far it is you're taking it with either of 'em, but as you've provided the details on that, I think your situation is perfectly fine. If you continue to feel guilty and the feeling gets worse and worse, maybe it's time to make a decision. But as long as you're in no way leading one on in a way that's unfair to or without establishing strict boundaries with the other.

 

[mark73]

As long as you are only talking to both of them then no there isn't a problem. Things woulkd only get into trouble if you tried to take things further with them both. At the end of the day all I can say is if u like them both chose one to go further with and make it clear to the other that there can be nothing more than friends, then if it didnt work out witht he one you chose you would still have the friendship of the other.

Hope this helps ????

Take Care
Mark
XXXX

 

[oioiii]

I say go for Damon, he's hotter and less soppy!

 

[quasar]

There's nothing wrong with it per se - although I do think that you should let your ex know how you really feel about this other guy.

 

[Taz]

You can't really cheat on someone you're not going out with. However, it's probably not a good idea to go too far with both, lest you finds yourself in a situation where you're pretty much together with both, and have to turn down one.

 

[HunterM]

If you are not committed exclusively with any one, you can go as far as you want with any one that you want. When your ex feels entitled to you, that is his problem...not yours. However, to make yourself feel better (and not feeling bad or guilty), you should clear the air by telling your ex that you're dating other people and not looking for a committed relationship at the moment.

 

[anchihiro]

Why not just go out with both of them. Have two boyfriends. As long as they're cool with it.

 

[Appleman34]

I say go for Damon, he's hotter and less soppy!

Haha oh yes, my Damon is hot and drama free!

 

[oakpope]

hum, what interests me the most is why do you feel that way that you had the urge to post the question ? Meaning, you're not comfortable with the situation and your conscience tells you so. Then all people's remarks here are not very important, it's what you are feeling that matters. In your heart you think, or at least wonder if you're not cheating. Ask your heart, with whom do you think you're cheating on whom ? That could clarify your thoughts about who is the more important one for your heart

good luck and enjoy life !

 

[G-Lexington]

If you watch The Vampire Diaries, it's exactly like Elena, Damon, and Stephan's love triangle, except the two guys aren't brothers.... or vampires lol. What do you think I should do?

Oh, yes. Precisely the same.

"Cheating" doesn't involve feelings or possibilities or kissing or even sex. It involves lying and deception. As long as you're open to both of them about what you're doing with the other, there's no "cheating" going on, even if you bang them on the same night.

Lex

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

^^^^ This. You've let both of them know that there is nothing exclusive about the relationships. So there is no cheating, as long as those intentions have been firmly stated and clear. THEY have no reason to be upset, but the fact that YOU feel some type of way is a different issue. Who do you like more?

 

[Appleman34]

^^^^ This. You've let both of them know that there is nothing exclusive about the relationships. So there is no cheating, as long as those intentions have been firmly stated and clear. THEY have no reason to be upset, but the fact that YOU feel some type of way is a different issue. Who do you like more?

Honestly, I like the new guy more.... alot more. I'm just waiting for him to confirm if he has the same feelings for me. He's not exactly..... gay... he said he's bi-curious and we've been getting closer ever since he told me that he was. I guess I don't want to leave my ex for something that has a high chance of not even happening, and I don't want to decided too soon and give up on an amazing guy by going back with my ex. I'm not saying it's impossible that me and my ex could get back together and be happy with each other, the sole reason we're talking again is to explore that possibility, it's just that my ex is my ex for a reason (many reasons) and if given the chance, I definitely would be with the new guy.

 

[rareboy]

So you're holding on to your ex as insurance?

I mean that might not technically be "cheating" but...OUCH!

I agree.

I think that you need to get your priorities straightened out here.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

So you're holding on to your ex as insurance?

I mean that might not technically be "cheating" but...OUCH!

Yea, it does seem as though you may possibly be holding on to both guys as a safety net if the other doesn't work out. NaughtyArousal has a point but my main concern for you would be if you choose to settle. Cuz if you SETTLE then are you truly going to be happy? But if I'm entirely wrong please correct me...I also understand how you can be very very confused if you feel like you're being pulled in two directions by your feelings for both guys.

Maybe you could just tell the new guy you like him and ask if he feels the same? A straight-forward approach may sort this out quickly.

 

[ibill1]

I agree and disagree to some degree with everything in this thread. If you are not exclusive to either party, and they both know this, you can screw both and it isn't cheating. They may very well be doing the same thing. If one decides they want to be exclusive and you don't, it is up to them to depart the relationship. I would be enjoying both guys until I was sure who was going to be my next husband.