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Do you ever get jealous over straight couples

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e2ksj3

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Do you ever sometimes get jealous over straight couples and people just in general? I'm at the point in my life (I'm 25 now), where a lot of my friends are getting married. My best friend that I grew up with is having his first child. This guy at my work is getting married, and that's all he seems to talk about.

I get to the point a lot of times, when I'm in my room crying, because I don't want to disappoint my parents, especially my mother. She has done a lot for me and has had to deal with a lot in her life, and I just don't think it would be fair to put this on her. Plus I'm her only shot at having grandchildren, because my other sibling is disabled. I would love to be able to come out and try to live a normal life, but I can't because my family is very homophoebic. They don't understand gay people or their lifestyle. The are religious fanatics that literally believe going to church will cure being gay. It's just so fustrating. It gets even more irrating having to watch everyone else enjoy a normal life without having to worry about being harassed about their sexuality or having family members turn their backs on you. I sometimes just feel like I'm going to get old and die alone, while everyone else will have kids, and grandkids in the future to take care of them. :(
 
A few points.

First off, your homosexuality has NOTHING to do with your mother. If you choose not to talk to her about your sexuality, that's fine - don't. But don't turn you back on what you really want because "it would break your mother's heart". Go out, find some guys to date, sleep with a few, get a boyfriend. If your mother asks about your love life, just say "Don't ask if you don't really want to know." That'll leave it in her hands. And I'm concerned that you, at age 25, go to "your room". Does that mean you're still living with your parents? That'd be the first step - work on moving out.

Secondly, kids. If you're in the US, you can have kids. They'll be adopted, most likely, but that doesn't make them any less yours, just like they'll be your mother's grandchildren. And do make sure you're having them for the right reasons. Do you really want to bring a life into this world for the sole purpose of creating a caretaker for your old age?

In answer to your thread question - no, I don't feel jealous of straight people. Because most of them aren't living as good a life as I am.

Lex
 
I feel the same way. All of my straight friends are coupled and seem to have great relationships.

I just got out of what I thought was a great relationship. So this point in my life right now is crapped.

I also would probably disappoint my parents if I came out. I'm the only gay member of my immediate family and would sort of feel like the black sheep.

But I have faith that things will work out for the better and I need to remain strong.
 
hey dude, don't feel bad, I feel the same way kinda, I mean, I'm not with any guy, I sure as hell feel lonely a lot of the time, lots of my friends r getn married, having kids, going thru all sorts of things that I seem 2b left out of, I'm out to all my friends, my sis and my mom, I haven't let my dad know yet cuz I dnt think he's ready to know, so idk, but know u aren't alone.....
 
This is why the statement, made many times on this forum by young gay men: "I only have straight friends and I'm happy that way/I don't need gay friends" almost always comes back to bite them in the ass.

Except perhaps in their own families, gay men almost always wind up becoming fifth wheels in the lives of their friends, when they get married and start raising a family.
 
I think you have reached the point in your life that you have to decide whose happiness is more important...yours or your parents? I'm also the only child so I know how you're feeling about this whole thing....I might be bias but you should make a decision that would make YOU happy!
 
the only reason i sometimes feel jealous is because i sometimes think that they have it easier finding someone because there are more people to choose from and they don't really have to play the "is he gay?" game.
however, i've found it easier to tell when something's going to work or not. if i know it's just going to be a hookup, it's obvious. that doesn't mean there's no wishful thinking. but i've known some guys to hook up with girls who then expect them to be all into them and then he kinda just ignores her/pretends nothing happens and they're all shocked and hurt. so, for that reason, im not jealous. but i definitely see where you're coming from.
 
When they're shackled to a mortgage and five rugrats, school tuition and braces, you'll be on a cruise getting tag fucked by two adonises.

You won't envy them then.
 
oh, and im not saying that ALWAYS happens. of course not. but i've seen it but never experienced it.
 
Don't feel alone. I was there. I just turned 24 and have finally moved out of my house. I am engaged with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years and I am super happy. But i could have easily done what you are doing, stayed at home to make my mom happy.

Like everyone else said, be happy for yourself. Not for your mom. As hard as it may seem, sometimes you just have to cut the umbilical cord.

Also, don't forget there are plenty of romantically frustrated straight people out there. If there weren't, there'd be no speed dating or Sex in the City
 
To answer your questions:

Yes, I feel jealous of couples sometimes because I'm single.

But no, I'm not jealous of straight people. What I feel is frustration that a heteronormist/heterosexist society grants them the freedom of blissful and oblivious "normativity." Its frustrating that they don't have to worry about expressing their love together in public and I wonder how many of them realize how they benefit from the heterosexism of our environment.

Lex is right about your other issue, though. Your sexuality and as it is related to your larger issue--your life--is not about pleasing your mother. It's about being happy and fulfilled and loved and loving. A parents' happiness and fulfillment should come from their child's happiness. You are in no way obligated to be make such large decisions that factor in other people (a wife, a child) in order to make her or your family happy. That is selfishness on their part and a betrayal to yourself.
 
Do you ever sometimes get jealous over straight couples and people just in general?
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Yup. The way I look at it is, one day, I'll find the right guy, and I'll love it because he'll be able to hold me and I'll be able to enjoy the same feelings they do in a relationship. I've done the straight thing and gay thing (bisexual if you will for a brief bit), flip flopped again and again, and finally solidified my "gayness". I love men and I've got no problem. Don't get jealous. Mr. Right just might be kissing that girl in front of you but hasn't figured out he's really gay. :D

I get to the point a lot of times, when I'm in my room crying, because I don't want to disappoint my parents, especially my mother. She has done a lot for me and has had to deal with a lot in her life, and I just don't think it would be fair to put this on her. Plus I'm her only shot at having grandchildren, because my other sibling is disabled. I would love to be able to come out and try to live a normal life, but I can't because my family is very homophoebic. They don't understand gay people or their lifestyle. The are religious fanatics that literally believe going to church will cure being gay. It's just so fustrating. It gets even more irrating having to watch everyone else enjoy a normal life without having to worry about being harassed about their sexuality or having family members turn their backs on you. I sometimes just feel like I'm going to get old and die alone, while everyone else will have kids, and grandkids in the future to take care of them.
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I've got very opinionated parents as well. I've got a post on here of my coming out story. In a gist, I came out to my mother and she didn't speak to me for a month. We still haven't completely worked everything out (we haven't spoken in 2 or so months), but we at least email every once in a while. Going from talking every day to no contact for a month was very hard. I'm sure you are a very strong person so this will come and pass, just have faith. My parents still believe going to church will "fix" me, but I'm just waiting for them to ask me to bring Mr. Right home. Soon enough, soon enough.
 
e2ksj3 said:
Do you ever get jealous over straight couples
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Today I did get upset................

This afternoon, while walking through the Seattle zoo with a friend, we noticed two young men walking together................now we had no way of knowing if they are boyfriend & boyfriend or not but they sure did look good together................

................I mentioned to my friend that I thought that the young men looked good as a couple and my friend agreed................then we both kind of wondered if the couple were not holding hands (as it looked like they wanted to) because of the social atmosphere they felt................then as a couple "why would they feel the need to avoid displaying their affection for each other in a public venue like the zoo (subsidized for with tax dollars & admission fees)?"................
 
Thanks for advice and comments guys. I guess I shouldn't feel jealous, but it sometimes is kind of hard especially after being bombarded with ads, newspaper wedding announcements, and just pictures in general of straight couples, but then getting the "eww, two men or two women together, that's sick and immoral", it's just so fustrating, because a lot of people just don't understand.


agentblack06 said:
I've got very opinionated parents as well. I've got a post on here of my coming out story. In a gist, I came out to my mother and she didn't speak to me for a month. We still haven't completely worked everything out (we haven't spoken in 2 or so months), but we at least email every once in a while. Going from talking every day to no contact for a month was very hard. I'm sure you are a very strong person so this will come and pass, just have faith. My parents still believe going to church will "fix" me, but I'm just waiting for them to ask me to bring Mr. Right home. Soon enough, soon enough.
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Ohh man, that's horrible. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that :(. I'm real close to my mother, I think I would lose it something like that happen. That's why I'm at a point now, where, I want happinesses, but I don't know if dating someone would be worth losing my personal relationships that I have now. If I found the right person, I guess it could be, but so far, I haven't found that person....*sigh* I don't know, I've just got figure things out and try to work them out I guess.
 
I wouldn't say jealous, but I do envy them at times. There are times when I envy anyone in a relationship, gay, straight, bi, whatever...

Honestly, 90% of the time im okay being single. I'm an independent, private person. I like to do my own thing and not have other people tell me what to do. It's the other 10% of the time that kills me.

For example, a few months back I picked my 14-year old sister and 3 of her friends up from the movie theater. As I sat there in the parking lot waiting for them to leave the theater I witnessed dozens of couples entering and exiting the movies. White, black, old, young, fat, tall, skinny etc. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, laughing etc. It was seriously the first time I cried over being single. Luckily, I pulled myself together before my sis got in my car.

Now about your situation, like I said in another thread, everyone lets their parents down. It's impossible to please some people. You have to live your life and be happy. They can choose to be happy for you or get lost!
 
I don't envy my straight friends at all. Although it can get a bit lonely being single, I honestly don't mind it too much.

The family thing is a whole issue. I am miserable when I am home with them. When I am away, I tend to be pretty happy. I don't hate my family per se, but I feel that Im screaming on the inside to get me out of here. Might just be that Im stuck in suburbia and lived in the same house all my life and long for a change in scenery.
 
>>>Thanks for advice and comments guys. I guess I shouldn't feel jealous, but it sometimes is kind of hard especially after being bombarded with ads, newspaper wedding announcements, and just pictures in general of straight couples, but then getting the "eww, two men or two women together, that's sick and immoral", it's just so fustrating, because a lot of people just don't understand.

When I see a loving couple on TV, in an ad, whatever, I can empathize. And that's true even if it's a man and a woman. I don't take it to mean that "only straights fall in love". Heck, I've seen ads with two guys in gay magazines, but they're always A&F model-types. They never look much like my partner and me, so is the implication "only hot guys fall in love"? I don't look at straight couples, in real life or the media, as some sort of indictment against my homosexuality. And the only place I run into "ew, two guys" is my minimal contact with homophobes, who usually count homophobia as one of MANY hates in their lives, and the occasional politician looking for a cash infusion into his coffers. Nothing compared to the acceptance.

And riden, seriously, think about moving. You sound like you're in a lousy place, mentally, and you really don't have to be there. All I know about Iowa City is "I drove by there on my way to Wisconsin", but if you feel that horrible about your homosexuality, you may consider living somewhere where people really don't give a rat's ass if you hold your boyfriend's hand walking down the street. I can do it in the "hate state", so presumably there's plenty of places where you can do it, too.

Lex
 
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