Do You ever think of Suicide??

[Salvador]

I'm not seeking out attention, but some days I'm very up and happy, and some days seem so bleak they're hardly worth living.

I am in "scare mode" right now, an agonizing six weeks to wait out. Not in the mood to talk about the incident, but I'm sure you've heard/experienced the situation.

Just some times I question my judgement. I just don't trust myself anymore. Sometimes I don't feel clean.......just kinda of filthy, and unhealthy.

 

[GL]

you're post does give me concern. are you speaking to anyone about these issues and feelings you have?

i have never contemplated suicide but have had many, many episodes where i wish i had never been born. that was all due to my catholic guilt over being gay.

 

[gsdx]

I think most of us here have an idea what you're going through. I've never really contemplated suicide and I've certainly never considered it as an option to life. I suppose it has to do with my outlook on life and being comfortable and accepting myself as I am. I discovered many, many years ago that I can't change my feelings so I learned to live with them and adapt to them.

Your post is very vague, and it's your first one. Perhaps you might find more help in the 'Coming Out' forum: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=70

 

[Soilwork]

OK if it's what I think it is... there are tens of thousands of men in your situation who are proof that it's not the end of the world.

Second... we all have those melt-down moments... ride it out and know that this too shall pass.

Most of all, it's often best to deal with just knowing that life is about experiencing everything from euphoric highs to crashing lows but if you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster all the time, it might not be a bad idea to find someone to talk to.

 

[Paws]

Since I got internet access I'm too busy being upset by other people to think of suicide.

 

[Sunshine]

Yes........

 

[Croynan]

Salvador, if these feelings have been continuous and on going, then it might be worth your while to seek out some professional help.

i hope things go well for you.

eM.

 

[kirby89]

every now and then i think about it

 

[new86]

I just thought about that once or twice, just imagining it was apossibilty, soon realizing that
1. it was stupid
2. i would have cause lots of pain to my parents, grandmother and so on.

Now i love my life, it is not great but i'm happy with it, it can be imporved so i do what i can to make it better... life is beautiful! even if you soffer, it will make you stronger.

my music teacher killed himself 2 weeks ago... i was so shoked!!! please do never consider this as an option!!!!!!

 

[panda29]

No Never !!

 

[Royal Heart]

I think of suicide frequently, but I do not consider myself to be depressed. I'm sure that if it weren't for the suffering I'd be imposing upon my family and friends, I would take my own life. The pain of others is really the only thing keeping me from doing it - I do not feel I have a reason to live.

Just some times I question my judgement. I just don't trust myself anymore. Sometimes I don't feel clean.......just kinda of filthy, and unhealthy.

If you're feeling ill (mentally, physically or spiritually) then it is best to wait until those feelings have passed before you seriously contemplate suicide. Suicide is a valid choice, but it is best made when one is in an emotionally secure state to do so.

If you do not feel clean, then you should question that. Why do you not feel clean? How would you define cleanliness/wholeness? What is different between you and someone you consider to be healthy?

Try to discover the root of where these feelings and impressions are coming from. If you are questioning your judgement, then use that as a tool to help you. Also consider that if you feel wrong about yourself or the life you're leading, then you could also be wrong about your opinions about yourself or the life you're leading. Be open to questioning.

 

[Fucker29]

Yes I have. I almost attempted 6 years ago. A few months ago I was going through a phase, a REALLY bad one, and thought about it almost every single day. It has passed but I'm constantly either up or down. I think I suffer from bipolar disorder or cyclothymia. I will seek some help in the near future though. It's frustrating and terrible to live like this.

You're going through a bad time. Just hold on, keep holding on BUT seek professional help. I'm not talking about a psychiatrist who believes giving you a couple of pills will resolve the emotional underlying issues behind the suicidal ideation. Seek a psychologist instead, either a cognitive psychologist or a psychoanalyst.

 

[Royal Heart]

- there must be a reason you think about it. Do you know why?

Well, with having no purpose or drive in life, I feel like I'm just a drain on natural resources. That by continuing to live I'm doing more harm to society and the planet than good. I consider myself asexual and so that limits my choices of who to date (and potentially start/build a life with, thereby opening up new choices for having a purpose or drive).

Finally, when I think of death, I feel a sense of overwhelming peace. I feel completely at ease with no stress, no neuroses, no discomfort or pain. Of course I wouldn't be aware to enjoy it, but the notion itself is alluring. Life feels noisy, degrading and pointless to me.

 

[Salvador]

Salvador,
can you elaborate on your post. Im not quite sure what it means.

In short, things have just seemed to take a turn for the worse in my life, and I have been questioning myself a lot lately.

I have been alone this weekend, with no destractions, and starting to feel quite isolated. I have had too much time to focus on my problems. I haven't left the house. Live in a small town, and not many to talk to. Can't talk to my parents.

Really sorry to bother you guys with it.

I will try to seek out the proper help. There is always this feeling that it won't quite help, but I'll give it a try.

Regards

Sal

 

[star-warrior]

Are you afraid of catching some disease?

Well, worry won't help you, and analysing things too deeply will only make you mre anxious. It might not be as bad as you first feared.

 

[Royal Heart]

In short, things have just seemed to take a turn for the worse in my life, and I have been questioning myself a lot lately.

This may present you with an opportunity to either change your life or change your thinking. I know what it's like to undergo such a painful transition, and the immediacy of these opportunities is rarely apparent, but they are still there.

I have been alone this weekend, with no destractions, and starting to feel quite isolated. I have had too much time to focus on my problems. I haven't left the house. Live in a small town, and not many to talk to. Can't talk to my parents.

Well you can talk to us, feelings of isolation certainly don't help. Thinking too much can also worsen a problem rather than provide a means to solve it.

Really sorry to bother you guys with it.

I will try to seek out the proper help. There is always this feeling that it won't quite help, but I'll give it a try.

Oh hush, don't apologize. We wouldn't be replying to your thread if we didn't want to offer compassion either in sympathizing, offering encouragement, or trying to help you solve your troubles.

I do recommend seeking out help. I've been in therapy and it did quite a bit of good. I've known perfectly healthy people who have gone to therapy to help them deal with short-term stress, even. Therapy is helpful to those who are right fucked up and those who just need someone with a fresh viewpoint to help them see things in a new light.

 

[Royal Heart]

Is there no part of yourself that you find appealing and want to survive?

There is not. I know I'm good looking, and I appreciate it when someone tells me so, but that's not remarkable. There are many good-looking people. It doesn't make them special.

I like to draw, but I'm not talented enough to do anything professional with it and, even if I were, I do it as just a hobby or, at best, a way to meditate.

I know I have positive qualities, but they're hardly unique. Anything that I can do alright or even with some talent, there is someone in my immediacy who can do it better and even they are not good enough to go anywhere with their talents.

I am completely average. Unremarkable in every way with no drive to become something better. I'm not a horrible person, I'm not deserving of contempt or death. My mediocrity is my reason for not considering myself to be possessing of anything I would ever want to survive.

Are you describing a state of self loathing or alienation etc?

I got over my self-hatred a number of years ago. I do not hate myself, but I do not feel any sort of love or affection for myself either. I have friends, I have a great family, I have hobbies to keep me entertained - but I don't have any reason for any of it. I used to be very spiritually devoted to Buddhism and my opinion of that path hasn't changed - just my passion has. I just don't care anymore.

 

[Royal Heart]

When your parents procreated and you appeared you automatically have the right to treat this planet and its resouces as your inheritance. Nothing in the planet is more important than you and your hapiness.

I partially agree with you. I do have a right to the resources that will sustain my life, but living in a Western culture, I am a far larger drain on natural resources than I should be. The average person who lives in an industrialized nation consumes ridiculous amounts of natural resources - far more than anyone actually needs to live or to be happy.

I agree that I deserve to be happy and free from suffering. I am deserving of dignity, respect and responsibility. I know that I have every right to be here and that I am as much a part of this world as the air that I breath or the trees that provide for that air.

I believe people who have children should have them with a purpose and justification in mind.

I also agree with this. Although my parents would never ever say this, or even acknowledge it to themselves, I am aware that I was an "accident." That doesn't trouble me, though. They love me nonetheless and have been the most kind, inspiring and understanding people I have ever met in my twenty-six years.

Yet I don't find life particularly exciting or interesting. This could be a sign that I have a mental illness I'm just not aware of. Perhaps I should consult with my doctor on this matter - it could be as simple as my diet. Thank you, Andrew, I'm sure I wouldn't have noticed this if you hadn't helped me to see it.

 

[Fucker29]

Look i Have felt like that before many times but what u have to do is look at the happy side of ur life and that there are many peple that are in the same situation as u.

When someone is in pure despair and hopelessness, that "look at the bright side" speech doesn't work. Like AndrewD said, people want to hear "You matter", meaning, they wish to be valued and to be heard. By giving that type of speech you're neglecting that person's feelings, you're not acknowledging nor valueing their feelings and you may end up repressing them, thus, making it worse.

Just a side note.

 

[Fucker29]

There may be some major influence from society in that question for uniqueness. It's a contradiction really...our society claims the need for uniqueness, yet, as soon as someone is or tries to be unique it's repressed and deemed as deviant negative behavior.

I too feel that need for uniqueness, however, it's diminished now. It used to be really intense but, recently, I've started, gradually, to realize that that search for being unique can lead to pathological paths. One can, and should IMO, strive to become better, however, if taken to extreme it can be harmful and dangerous. Just like the quest for normality, people who try too hard to be "normal" tend to become pathological.

Normal is relative and overrated IMO.