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Do You Ever Worry...

I don't ever worry about being alone. Boyfriends/partners may come and go but great friends stay. Why does "being alone" have to be defined by coupling up with someone? I've never thought about it like that. If I didn't have any friends, I'd feel lost and miserable - but I never feel lost or miserable without a boyfriend. Ever. It's nice, sure, but I like my space. Always have. So so, I don't worry. If there's someone there to share my old age with me, fine, but if not that's OK too.
 
I have already got there.

So I don't worry about; I accepted that I would be living on my own through into my old age a long time ago. The practical and financial sides of the problem are all sorted out so all I am hoping for is that health problems don't throw a cog in my wheels.

Even though I have no family left and most of my close friends live in England I don't consider that poses a problem. I intend to enjoy my last years, perhaps in a more simple manner.

The real problem is what happens when independence becomes impossible. In that situation the solutions are the same for every old person, gay or straight. With out money these solutions, in my opinion, are horrific and not a real alternative to a quick death. Being gay I think I fear being put into institutional care more than most would.

Until we improve the conditions of long term care for all the aged some of you guys on this board are going to find your selves living out the end of your lives in conditions that you didn't believe existed in this "modern" and "compassionate" world.
 
cocktales said:
I know I will NEVER have anyone after him......
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Even after he gave away all your tools? :-) (Sorry, just trying to lighten up this thread.)

While I'm not of the opinion that you need someone in order to be 'complete', I do find that having someone special around makes life much easier to tolerate.

Unlike my ex-wife, I crave an emotional/tactile connection with another human being. I'm newly single now and just playing the field so to speak, but my goal is definitely to find the right man for an LTR. I'm starting to seriously date. You know, the old fashioned way. Hookups aren't working. Dating is a lot of work, but there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

It sounds like so many guys here have given up. Is it really that bad? How can the gay world be so full of solo guys? Are we expecting too much in a partner? Are we just mean to each other?
 
I don't think it's giving up as much as it's accepting reality at face value.

I never hit the first green light after pulling out of my house. So, I expect the red light.

Or something...
 
Straight or not, one partner would leave another eventually. Nothing is like that beautiful moment in the film The Notebook, where both passed away together.

My brother passed away, leaving my sis-in-law to take of their kids. My sister passed away too, leaving my bro-in-law alone, with their kids. My mom had been single for years, since her old bf passed away.

It is not an issue on gays only. It happens to straight people too.

We just have to be brave and take life as it is.
 
ok, being alone isn't something that happens to gay people.. it' something that happens to people who let it happen.

You have to put yourself out there... meet people, make friends, get a boyfriend and maybe even kids.

If you just exist to work and sleep and work and sleep.. then yes, you'll be alone.

I wont' be alone... I have a life that helps me meet friends and lovers and helps me enjoy life. I have lots of people IN my life....

but you have to put yourself out there and take the first fe steps.
 
No, although I think I will be at least until Uni (hopefully not the case, but even if it is that's just one more year) I doubt I will be once I get to a place with a lot more homos.
 
I have to be carefull what I say.1 have always had b/f's and friends.

I think if you are lonely the problem lies with oneself. There is so many lonely people out there looking for friendship and relationships. Give a bit of understanding, love and kindness and you will soon have friends.

As for boyfriends the same applies, but added to that, don't only look at the outer appearance and most important put yourself on the market, tell the guys and ask them " do you want to heve coffee together?" etc etc.

Hope this helps even one person.
 
I think I now accept that I will always be alone. I have many friends but I am too independent and basically selfish to be able to have a relationship. I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I am also shy / insecure and do the sillest things like get invited to a party where people want me to be there, but I think up every excuse not to go. I think I need a self esteem pump but I can't find anybody who sells them! I despair of myself but am lucky that others don't give up on me. I really must make the effort to stop letting them down. I WILL GO to the party tomorrow!
 
I too expect that I will be alone. It actually weighs heavy on my mind quite a bit. I have two children but that is not the same, as they will have their own lives to lead.

I figure I have 40 or 50 years left. What will I do? I think I need a best friend that will be everything.....but I will not be getting married again (hurts too much).

Anybody willing to spend the rest of their lives with someone who will accept them for who they are getting the same in return without all the "relationship" crap (marriage, fighting, etc)?

I think that is the way I will go.
 
You poor boys. You should never worry about being alone. Get out more often and you will find someone.

The world is full of you gays nowdays. You can't miss them.
 
I've lived alone for about 8 years now. I'm a little worried about ending up alone or spending many many more years alone. I've thought about it a little more now that i'm 3K miles or so away from my family. I'm not sure what to think. i've not gotten like upset about it, but i have thought about it and worried. i hope i find someone to spend my life with. I'm just not sure i will.
 
Sophia is staying with me. She might be old but she loves to look at the gay porn. I see her wandering around here.
 
mike_n_herrin said:
I've lived alone for about 8 years now. I'm a little worried about ending up alone or spending many many more years alone. I've thought about it a little more now that i'm 3K miles or so away from my family. I'm not sure what to think. i've not gotten like upset about it, but i have thought about it and worried. i hope i find someone to spend my life with. I'm just not sure i will.
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hey Mikey, your welcome to live our fantasy convelesent hospital when you get old. dkonfrost told me he can take care of another one.
 
metta said:
hey Mikey, your welcome to live our fantasy convelesent hospital when you get old. dkonfrost told me he can take care of another one.
Click to expand...

I just got my reservation confirmation.

I'll make sure and pack my comic books.
 
No, I do not worry about it.

I have done all, I have been able to do so far. The rest is not in my hands.

This is one of those situations in life, where you ought to do your best as in: securing your income, health care, living a good, healthy and poductive life.

All of the rest is really not under my control. My partner is much younger than myself. I do hope that we shall stick together for good. But that's not only for me to decide about. I have done everything within the reason to secure his future as well, coz no one really knows, who goes first and who stays behind.

So, basically, I have done my part and there is little for me to worry about the things I cannot change.

SC
 
I used to worry about it... and sometimes I expect it... but neither is a very happy way to live. The mating urge is so very strong that we are never entirely without it; and then we're surrounded by couples, making us feel inadequate and recommending the coupled lifestyle every chance they get as if it will be a cure for all our woes.

But I have come to accept (not worry, not expect, just let go) that maybe I will be single for the rest of my life, maybe I won't: we'll just have to see what happens, see what opportunities present themselves, see whom we meet as time rolls on. No expectations, that's the key for me, just being open to new experiences and new people.

Oh, and by the way, for those struggling with the concept, I recommend using the word "single" in place of "alone." Simple connotations make the biggest difference when you're trapped in a negative mindset. I may always be single, but I will not be alone as long as I still have the power to reach out and get to know whoever is nearby. Even in one of those gulag-esque old-folks' homes, where it's filthy and miserable and full of surly unattractive orderlies, there will be someone in the next bed to chat with.

One other thing: for those who recommend "putting yourself out there," please be advised that those of us who are not couple-oriented, the shy and the introverted and the scarred, have absolutely no idea what that means, nor how to go about it. People have been saying this to me for years, and I still don't understand what the hell they're talking about.
 
I don't think my parents worry that I'll be alone for the rest of my life half as much as they worry I'll end up happy with some guy of my dreams. Though to be fair, my mom worries more that I'll get HIV/AIDS.

Sometimes I get wishy washy and sad about being alone and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life (usually when I listen to music...or in those quiet moments), but I have enough fun with myself and my thoughts that I guess that being alone for the rest of my life wouldn't be unbareable.

And if I died alone, at least I'd probably be able to think of something funny or calming for myself before I let go.
 
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