Do you feel "retarded"?

[Paws]

Many straight teenagers have their first love (and breakup) around age 14 and sex at 16/17, a time where they're still in school, pampered by parents.

Because of sexual insecurities, coming out and fear of gay-bashing, I would guess we gays are late-bloomers and we have the first relationship some years later, where we already have to take over our own responsibility.

Do you feel you missed out a step in development due to this, compared to straight people who could tick off "first love" without stress and go on to the next step, their education of choice/job training?

(if you say your first relationship was with a girl, you're a traitor )

 

[thisisinteresting]

Nope. I spent my younger years analyzing everyone elses failed relationships, and looking for someone who would truly be a good candidate.

 

[Titanic]

For the most part it's not really a bad thing. Young guys get into a lot of trouble with this. They're recklessly sexually active, quite often not bothering to use protection.

I can see what you mean though, sometimes I feel that I may be missing the quick, hot fun of living dangerously and sleeping around with whoever I can. I'll probably never get the chance again.

 

[Corny]

I had my first sex at age 14/15 and my first relationship at age 17.
Nope .. don't feel retarded

 

[josher]

Had my first LTR at 16. (In 1966)

Probably why I never overthought relationships the way so many young gay guys now seem to do.

 

[dpnice]

I also started very young and was propably having more sex than most of the older boys in school. But I am from a totally different era than the young men today.

I do get the impression from reading that quite a few younger gays start out with boyfriends around the age of 16yrs. Obviously it is only an opinion but I can't believe that the majority of them wait until they are 18yrs old before having sex.

 

[scains]

I had my first sexual experience really early, but I haven't had a first love. I'm not really bothered, I'm just trying to find it right now, while I'm still young.

 

[irydion]

Many straight teenagers have their first love (and breakup) around age 14 and sex at 16/17, a time where they're still in school, pampered by parents.

Because of sexual insecurities, coming out and fear of gay-bashing, I would guess we gays are late-bloomers and we have the first relationship some years later, where we already have to take over our own responsibility.

Do you feel you missed out a step in development due to this, compared to straight people who could tick off "first love" without stress and go on to the next step, their education of choice/job training?

(if you say your first relationship was with a girl, you're a traitor )

yes, precisely. But it changes and is going for the better.

 

[Eyghon]

Many straight teenagers have their first love (and breakup) around age 14 and sex at 16/17, a time where they're still in school, pampered by parents.

Because of sexual insecurities, coming out and fear of gay-bashing, I would guess we gays are late-bloomers and we have the first relationship some years later, where we already have to take over our own responsibility.

Do you feel you missed out a step in development due to this, compared to straight people who could tick off "first love" without stress and go on to the next step, their education of choice/job training?

(if you say your first relationship was with a girl, you're a traitor )

This post expresses something I think about frequently. I have other issues as well -- anxiety, shyness, timidity -- but being closeted for most of my teenage years I feel has put me into a game of catch-up that intimidates me, and not just catching up with the straight world but with other, less hung-up gays. At 25, I've had only one sexual partner and have never been in a relationship. I feel like most people my age have already learned things about themselves and each other I haven't even begun to figure out. All those romantic and sexual mistakes kids make during adolescence -- provided they're not life-altering mistakes like HIV, pregnancy, etc. -- I think set them up with greater insight and self-knowledge moving into adulthood. Though "retarded" is overly pejorative, often I worry I'm riding the shortbus into my future.

But now I'll argue with myself. Because kids making wanton mistakes during adolescence also incur a lot of damage and carry a lot of baggage into adulthood that could hurt their future prospects. I am a 25-year-old with little experience, but I am also more mature, more grounded, and hopefully more intelligent than I was at 15 and am in a better position to make good choices from here on out, in the event that I get over my many other hang ups. I haven't learned how to be in a relationship, but I also haven't learned cynicism, and haven't piled up a stash of regrets or bad habits. So maybe I'll be better boyfriend material than a lot of the early-bloomers. Fingers crossed.

 

[CudDULL]

Nope. I spent my younger years analyzing everyone elses failed relationships, and looking for someone who would truly be a good candidate.

Same.

I don't need to go through trial and error to find a guy that actually means something to me.

Most relationships fail because its not "I REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON" its more "I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF BEING WITH THIS PERSON/or just being in a relationship period".

So even though I didn't go through those small first loves at a young age I know I didn't miss out on anything because now I'm much older and mature to handle a REAL relationship and not play around in one.

 

[maxpowr9]

What kind of question is this? I really don't like the way the word "retarded" is so negatively used and overused in society. It's just as common and degrading as using the word "gay" as an insult.

No, he is actually using the word "retarded" correctly (not in a derogatory way).

I personally don't feel "retarded" sexually. I had my first relationship when I was 17. It was sort of the "I am ready when I want to be". I probably get that from my parents who waited till they were in their early 30s to get married. Of course, being gay at a Catholic high school didn't exactly make my life any easier.

 

[G-Lexington]

From what I've seen working with gay teenagers, most now get started as early - if not earlier - than their straight counterparts.

Lex

 

[saymyname]

Unless there's other gay people in your area, you're doomed until you escape. That's what it was like for me. I dated a little bit, guys from a town over, but it wasn't much. I did feel very emotionally and, moreso, sexually stunted upon entering college. I felt like I had to "catch up," so I did. So now everything is fine. Mostly it was just a sexual thing - I found the relationship/emotional aspect to be different. I was lonely, sure, but I still had intense 'relationships' with friends, with desire, the little vignettes of short dating periods I had, all the lust, unrequited love... kind of built itself up into one big thing.

 

[Titanic]

Most relationships fail because its not "I REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON" its more "I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF BEING WITH THIS PERSON/or just being in a relationship period".

I've been told that this is what I do in relationships.

 

[USEDCAR]

I don't feel retarded i also had sex at a young age with a male but i never been in a relationship imo its much easier to bring a guy over and have sex with him then a female over. I think if i was straight i would still been a virgin