Do you have any advice on this?

[Shelby29]

Love JUB; was gone for awhile but reactivated recently. In a Hot Guy thread about two weeks ago I found a picture of a hot twink. And it looks a lot like my oldest grandson who's in college (well, except for the coronavirus school closings). I'm a closeted Bi; only my online friends know. Family, friends, and co-workers do not. I've never been able to find that pic again on JUB though I've asked if anyone might recognize him/it. Might be an Internet pic and not one he posted here. I'm conflicted about possibly bringing it up to him...but how? If he is Bi or gay I'd kinda like him to know he's not alone. As a proud grandfather I think he has a GORGEOUS cock. Any suggestions?

 

[KaraBulut]

It depends on the underlying reason.

The best thing in the world that any young gay man or young lesbian woman can have is a family that accepts them and supports them, not in spite of who they are but instead because they are who they are. If that's your motivation, then sending that message that you are open-minded and supportive is a good thing. That opens the door to a discussion. However, it's up to you grandson to disclose information about his personal life to you if he chooses. It's his truth to tell when he's ready.

The question of the picture is another matter. It's probably better not to bring it up and to not mention that you saw it.

As for disclosing your sexual orientation to him, that's your truth to tell. Since the rest of your family doesn't know, you should assume that if you disclose it to your grandson, the rest of the family will find out.

 

[TX-Beau]

I have this suspicion that you threw in that comment about your grandson's penis in order to generate controversy - and while it is fairly perverse, I have a cousin who did some stroke porn years ago, completely straight, cash and Viagra. I confronted him as soon as I found it, still give him shit about it.

All of us know that if your relative is gay (why would that be a given,) you pushing it before he's ready to tell you will only make things worse.

After all, why are you still hiding?

 

[Shelby29]

It depends on the underlying reason.

The best thing in the world that any young gay man or young lesbian woman can have is a family that accepts them and supports them, not in spite of who they are but instead because they are who they are. If that's your motivation, then sending that message that you are open-minded and supportive is a good thing. That opens the door to a discussion. However, it's up to you grandson to disclose information about his personal life to you if he chooses. It's his truth to tell when he's ready.

The question of the picture is another matter. It's probably better not to bring it up and to not mention that you saw it.

As for disclosing your sexual orientation to him, that's your truth to tell. Since the rest of your family doesn't know, you should assume that if you disclose it to your grandson, the rest of the family will find out.

I appreciate your thoughtful reply.

I don't want to judge his family but I don't think they would be very supportive. When I was in college there was no way MY parents would have been supportive. When my oldest niece came out after 12 years of marriage and two teen aged daughters it pretty much tore the family apart. I just feel like I want him to feel supported because I know where he is at right now. I wanted to feel supported but was way too afraid to come out. I desperately want him to know, at least someone in the family loves him for WHO is really is. But, yes, I'd like him to choose who and when he tells. But no one suspects that I am Bi. He and I have always had a great relationship and that wouldn't change now. And if I tell him the rest of the family would probably find out. Again, that fear in me is that it would tear the family apart again that much more.

He is a beautiful boy: body, mind, and spirit. And very smart; near the top of his class. I have sensed he has put himself under lot of pressure to keep his grades up, which his folks really expect, while also involved in a lot of extra curricular stuff. Hiding his sexual orientation might just be adding to that pressure.

Thanks again for your thoughts; I'm open to anyone else thoughts, too.
'

 

[TX-Beau]

I appreciate your thoughtful reply.

I don't to judge his family but I don't think they would be very supportive. When I was in college there was no way MY parents would have been supportive. When my oldest niece came out after 12 years of marriage and two teen aged daughters it pretty much tore the family apart. I just feel like I want him to feel supported because I know where he is at right now. I wanted to feel supported but was way too afraid to come out. I desperately want him at least someone in the family loves him for WHO is really is. But, yes, I'd like him to choose who and when he tells. But no one suspects that I am Bi. He and I have always had a great relationship and that wouldn't change now. And if I tell him the rest of the family would probably find out. Again, that fear in me is that it would tear the family apart again.

He is a beautiful boy, body, mind, and spirit. And very smart; near the top of his class. I have sensed he has put himself under a lots of pressure to keep his grades up, which is folks really expect, while also involved a lot with extra curricular stuff. Hiding his sexual orientation might jus be adding to that pressure.

Thanks again for your thoughts; I'm open to anyone else thoughts, too.
'

You can't make anyone feel supported while hiding in the dark, what are you going to tell him?

There there, just hide your life so no one gets upset….

That's not support no matter how many justifications you throw at it.

 

[luckynumbah7]

First thing - can't think there's anything beneficial about informing your grandson you've found images on a gay forum that look like him. People generally don't want to hear that family found their porn. I don't see a good way that could go down.

It's also not terribly difficult to find images of people who look like friends or family by accident - Hell, I've been 'running into' a guy online who looks identical to an ex's husband (minus the dick and tatts (which is how I know it ain't actually the ex husband). My point is, whenever he shows up on my feed I blow the image up to ridiculous proportions and outright wonder how many body doubles exist. Which is a long-winded way of saying that I doubt very much that's your family you've run into images of.

As far as support goes, I think it would be difficult to give support from the closet, which you still seem to be sequestered behind. What's the plan? Mutter encouragement about being yourself via the crack under the door?

It ...is not logical to believe a sense of affirmation is likely to occur when the guy trying to do the affirming isn't open in his life himself. Have you considered searching out some real-world support of your own?

- Mmm, and drop the 'pretty dick re;granson' talk. Reading it online is no more pleasant than hearing versions in real life.

 

[cabinfever]

I agree pretty much with what lucky has said.

I am not sure what kind of "support" you could ever give him and referencing his penis is definitely not cool.

You also said "it looked alot like" versus "it was" and that alone should indicate it is a bad idea to even approach the topic and my advice is to just drop it and never open that door again for so many reasons stated above from different people and for so many reasons not yet stated that might be better left unsaid.

One way to look at it - instead of thinking of it as a sexual identity issue think of it as A "BOUNDARY ISSUE" and pretty sure no young person wants Gramps giving him unwanted comments and "support" about any naked photos - it could set him back versus propelling him forward.

If he comes to you for advice - that is another story. I think sharing your own story at that time would be good but still - no mention of the photos and/or his penis.

 

[Shelby29]

Thanks to you all.

 

[Cormac135]

Stop me if i'm being too nosey, did you have sexual thoughts about him before you came across the picture "of him" on the internet ?

 

[DarkHelios]

Ignoring your comment about his cock (which is very concerning), it would be good practice to show support for lgbt people whether you think he’s gay or not, ESPECIALLY if his family doesn’t.
If he is, it will let him know there’s a source of support. If he isn’t, it will help teach him compassion.
Also, you’d be showing that you’re a source of support for gay family members who may have flown under the radar.

 

[Shelby29]

Stop me if i'm being too nosey, did you have sexual thoughts about him before you came across the picture "of him" on the internet ?

Nothing wrong with being nosey...but no, no sexual thoughts about him before or since. I merely made the comment on his dick because as a life long nudist I always pay attention and compliment on great nude bodies and body parts.

 

[Shelby29]

Ignoring your comment about his cock (which is very concerning), it would be good practice to show support for lgbt people whether you think he’s gay or not, ESPECIALLY if his family doesn’t.
If he is, it will let him know there’s a source of support. If he isn’t, it will help teach him compassion.
Also, you’d be showing that you’re a source of support for gay family members who may have flown under the radar.

My comment wasn't lurid or concerning (as far as I'm concerned. ) It was merely stating a fact: a gorgeous cock is a gorgeous cock whether it's a family member or total stranger. And, as you said, I will continue to show support for lgbt people as well as other minorities. Compassion for all is vdry important and I think he already knows that. There are other gay family members I have been supportive of.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

 

[TX-Beau]

My comment wasn't lurid or concerning (as far as I'm concerned. ) It was merely stating a fact: a gorgeous cock is a gorgeous cock whether it's a family member or total stranger. And, as you said, I will continue to show support for lgbt people as well as other minorities. Compassion for all is vdry important and I think he already knows that. There are other gay family members I have been supportive of.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

OK, while I'm aware that the fantasy of it all is played out in many places on the net, not a few right here on JUB, this isn't one of those places. In here we attempt to deal in reality, coming from our different perspectives. The first time I read your OP I thought you had mis-posted it, and if you took that over to the fantasy/fetish forum no doubt you'd get a lot of advice how the fantasy of it all was to proceed.

What's concerning is the context of it. You say:

1. you found naughty pictures of a boy you think is your grandson.

2. you go looking for it, and then ask around about it. Presumably because you want to know for sure? Because you want to find more? Why? What do you care if he's snapping dic pics?

3. you tell us all you are in the closet.

3. you say you're concerned that he's gay/bi because of it (there are kabillions of straight boners on the net - especially on gay sites - and in gay porn) - but don't speculate on just asking if he made the pic, presumably because that would mean coming out which you presumably aren't prepared to do, unless you know he's in the closet first (now there's a classic closet issue for you.)

4. You then immediately tell us all how beautiful you think his cock is. HUH? You don't say he's a good boy, a nice kid, a smart guy. Loves his momma, his dog - or a million other compliments that Gramps usually has in stock, no, you admire his boner.

Why do you think that is somehow necessary information in the issue you wanted to discuss? So aside from the skeeve of it all, and yes, for the vast majority of college guys. Gramps sitting down, informing them he likes cock and saying it's OK that they do too - so long as Mother doesn't find out; and telling them Gramps found their stiffy on the internet, and it's just so beautiful…..

Yeah that's not going to inspire feelings of being supported - it's going to cause the boy in question to run far and fast and try to scrub his brain clean (Gay Straight, bi, or what have you.)

I have three thoughts, you did mis-post, fantasy has no ethical dimension, reality does. Possibly this is about you entirely, and your closet; and you are wanting someone, anyone to tell, as long as you don't have to take any risks. Lastly, you are skeeving on the boy and want to wield the camera?

If you want to discuss sexuality with the boy, you certainly can do so without mentioning your own issues, or his photographic hobbies. There is actually no issue at all without some ulterior motive.

You want to let him know you are OK with whoever he is, none of this is germane to that conversation.

 

[cabinfever]

Nothing wrong with being nosey...but no, no sexual thoughts about him before or since. I merely made the comment on his dick because as a life long nudist I always pay attention and compliment on great nude bodies and body parts.

I have a sincere question about the nudist thing. I have a few lifelong friends who belong to the nudist colony and have talked in length to them and also a few others and the consensus was that the nudity was not even an issue and they didn't really think about remotely sexual nor did they objectify each other. The way it was explained to me by this one guy in particular left me with an impression that is was an interesting lifestyle and a beautiful thing and I had nothing but positive thoughts about it.

To be fair - I did go to the nudist beach once and it is quite different from the nudist colony thing - lots of sex and definitely bodies were the focus - so I know it isn't the same thing.

I never really completely convinced that they didn't pay attention to bodies probably because I couldn't imagine myself not paying attention but thought maybe they get used to it quickly and that is the reason. One of my favorite shows is Naked and Afraid and finally I got it - I forget they are naked a few seconds after they strip and all I am thinking about is what they are gonna do - and that is where I left it long ago - until the comment you made.

My question - when you say you are a life long nudist and that is why you complimented him and his body and cock it pretty much negates all the things everyone told me previously. I was wondering if you are the nudist beach type of nudist and/or do it as a lifestyle?

 

[SeaCore]

My comment wasn't lurid or concerning (as far as I'm concerned. ) It was merely stating a fact: a gorgeous cock is a gorgeous cock whether it's a family member or total stranger. And, as you said, I will continue to show support for lgbt people as well as other minorities. Compassion for all is vdry important and I think he already knows that. There are other gay family members I have been supportive of.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

It is concerning. Of the numerous possibilities that could explain why you added that comment the vast majority of them are not good and so it should raise a flag. Something being concerning doesn't mean there is anything wrong; it can be poor phrasing or lacking context but ultimately okay, but is also strongly linked to something harmful and it can be dangerous to outright ignore.

Even giving the benefit of the doubt bringing up the concern is a good thing to do--for your benefit and your grandson's. Just because you know your context and point of view doesn't mean your grandson would, your perspective is atypical and if you lose the awareness of that then you could end up unintentionally scaring off your grandson. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with that compliment coming from any of my relatives.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Leave well enough alone.

If your grandson does it again, make sure it´s him. A lot of men look like a lot of other men in my extensive gay Amsterdam experience.

 

[Shelby29]

...I was wondering if you are the nudist beach type of nudist and/or do it as a lifestyle?

Home nudist. Have vacationed at a family nude resort in FL. Frequented Gunnison clothing optional beach on Sandy Hook, NJ, operated by a federal agency.

 

[cabinfever]

Home nudist. Have vacationed at a family nude resort in FL. Frequented Gunnison clothing optional beach on Sandy Hook, NJ, operated by a federal agency.

Cool! Thanks for satisfying my curiosity! I think nudism is a nice way to be comfortable in your skin.

 

[Shelby29]

Cool! Thanks for satisfying my curiosity! I think nudism is a nice way to be comfortable in your skin.

Exactly. Thank you.

 

[funsicles]

I recommend the majority consensus and not bring it up. I chanced upon a then 18 y.o. cousin's nude pic and solicitation on the now defunct Craigslist. I thought it would bring us closer (not sexually), but it only served to drive him back and further into the closet. He is now living in Minneapolis, MN and only recently sent me a Facebook Friend Request. We all come out at our own time of choosing, family, or even friends can only complicate matters, regardless of how supportive he or she may be.