Do you know any masculine butch gay men?

[CShields]

I know they exist, and they are kinds of men I'm attracted too, but the only gay men I ever seem to meet are the 'camp' and flamboyant types of gay men (now this is the part where some people here get greatly offended, fly into a rage, and assume that I must 'hate' feminine gay men-----NO. I do not 'hate' feminine gay men. In fact I respect them for not conforming to what society wants them to be, but I'm also just not attracted to them. I've dated feminine gay men in the past, just to see if I could learn over look their feminine mannerisms and honestly....I felt like I was dating a woman....of which I am not attracted too. I want a guy who has not even a trace of a feminine tone in his voice, dresses casually, doesn't over do it with his hair and combs it to the side or dye it bright colors, no feminine mannerisms at all, etc. I want to say 'straight acting' but we all know what happens when you use that term so I'm not gonna go there.

Do such men exist? I've been told they do but lately I've been feeling so discouraged because such men are so hard to find because they blend in with the straight guys and are usually in the closet and would only ever want to some 'down low' stuff and keep it at that.

 

[Durango95]

Flamers don't do it for me either. I'm not a readable guy. I have to admit that I got caught up in the straight thing for a good while. I mean I went out of my way to snag straight guys. In that phase I did a lot of damage to my reputation. I lost a lot of friends. Even broke up a few marriages. I wouldn't advise doing that though.

My best friend is straight. I don't have a lot of gay friends. I don't associate socially with women. So I don't have a bevy of fag hags. I don't do bars that often. The "clubs" I frequent are more "mixed" than anything. I don't do gay pride parades. I don't do mixers. It just isn't my thing. I am a pariah to most gays because I don't herd with the rest of the pink sheeple. I usually meet guys through my work. I have the greatest job on the planet. I work with 20something guys all day long. Even though most of them are very straight, I get introductions all the time. So there really is no need for all the gay culture stuff.

I know I sound closeted but I'm not. Everybody that needs to know, knows. Other than that it is no one's business. I just don't like a lot of what the gay scene has to offer. I hate the Bear/daddy labels. I'm not a bear. I'm a human being. I'm not anyone's dad either. All that falderal is so tedious to me. I've had LTRs before too. So the DL thing isn't necessarily true. I will say the few gay guys I do know well are pretty closemouthed about their sexuality, but they work in completely different fields than do I. Fields that aren't very open to the gay "image".

I am comfortable with being gay. It took a while to get to that point. I really don't even like the term gay. It sounds stupid to me. I'm homosexual. I think I'll invent a few term..unigender. Well that sounds ominous. I'll keep working on it.

Cheers

 

[CShields]

Flamers don't do it for me either. I'm not a readable guy. I have to admit that I got caught up in the straight thing for a good while. I mean I went out of my way to snag straight guys. In that phase I did a lot of damage to my reputation. I lost a lot of friends. Even broke up a few marriages. I wouldn't advise doing that though.

My best friend is straight. I don't have a lot of gay friends. I don't associate socially with women. So I don't have a bevy of fag hags. I don't do bars that often. The "clubs" I frequent are more "mixed" than anything. I don't do gay pride parades. I don't do mixers. It just isn't my thing. I am a pariah to most gays because I don't herd with the rest of the pink sheeple. I usually meet guys through my work. I have the greatest job on the planet. I work with 20something guys all day long. Even though most of them are very straight, I get introductions all the time. So there really is no need for all the gay culture stuff.

I know I sound closeted but I'm not. Everybody that needs to know, knows. Other than that it is no one's business. I just don't like a lot of what the gay scene has to offer. I hate the Bear/daddy labels. I'm not a bear. I'm a human being. I'm not anyone's dad either. All that falderal is so tedious to me. I've had LTRs before too. So the DL thing isn't necessarily true. I will say the few gay guys I do know well are pretty closemouthed about their sexuality, but they work in completely different fields than do I. Fields that aren't very open to the gay "image".

I am comfortable with being gay. It took a while to get to that point. I really don't even like the term gay. It sounds stupid to me. I'm homosexual. I think I'll invent a few term..unigender. Well that sounds ominous. I'll keep working on it.

Cheers

Thanks, that's kind of how I am too. I mean...I'm attracted to men...can't we just leave it at that? LOL My brother in law wants me to get involved in this LGBT group thing because he thinks I don't really know 'how to be gay'....and I'm like....what??? We don't need to wear our sexualities on our sleeves or make it into more than it is, you like what you like and who you like and that's just that. Is it okay if I ask what kind of job you work for that allows you to be around a bunch of smoking hot 20 somethings?

 

[Durango95]

Photographer

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I do not hang out in the mainstream "community". The majority of my friends are military. I know many Out people that just live regular lives and do not involve themselves in the mainstream gay community as well. While I don't want to go on about the differences between, say, a metropolitan gay scene and what I am used to, let's just say that I understand where you are at.

There are a lot of masculine, openly gay guys out there. Its not a "down low" thing, or a closeted thing at all (although that exists). There is an entire spectrum of people out there and I think you have only seen a small portion of them so far.

 

[Rolyo85]

There is a huge spectrum of gay men, it's not just "masculine" and "feminine" black and white. The question is loaded anyway, and the answer depends exclusively on where you live and where you try to meet guys.

 

[Seasoned]

Get involved with the LGBT organizations if they're available. You'll meet all kinds of people.

 

[Brian Smith]

One "bear" I know of, indirectly through my partner, has a hyper-effeminate personality. I think he's one of those guys who have a lot of internalized homophobia, though, and I think that's part of why he let himself go.

I do know a nice bisexual guy who has a very masculine personality, though. He really thought he was gay for a while because his fundamentalist upbringing had left him with a lot of black-and-white thinking. Once he let go of his internalized homophobia, though, he realized that he still liked girls, too, found a really nice, young lady, married her, and now has about the most bourgeois existence you could possibly imagine. I think he still realizes he's bi, though. He's a very sweet guy.

Anyway, don't just assume that a guy who doesn't seem to be overtly gay is a straight guy. If you find yourself liking a guy, talk to him, talk about yourself, be open about the fact that you're a gay guy, and be yourself. If he's not gay, he might turn out to be a valuable friend. That just gives you networking power. It also gives you an opportunity to build up your social skills. You can't be afraid to get to know straight guys.

Just keep being social, and you'll run into the kind of guy you are looking for, one of these days.

 

[palemale]

I'm homosexual. I think I'll invent a few term..unigender. Well that sounds ominous. I'll keep working on it.

Yes, keep working on it. If you tell people you're "unigender," they'll think you live in a filthy cabin in the woods, write huge, unintelligible manifestos, and send out mail bombs to people you don't like.

 

[earlgrey]

Where do you meet the guys you meet? There are all sorts out there, and most of the guys I've met have just been very regular guys.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Yes, keep working on it. If you tell people you're "unigender," they'll think you live in a filthy cabin in the woods, write huge, unintelligible manifestos, and send out mail bombs to people you don't like.

Haha, love it.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Do such men exist? I've been told they do but lately I've been feeling so discouraged because such men are so hard to find because they blend in with the straight guys and are usually in the closet and would only ever want to some 'down low' stuff and keep it at that.

You need to step away from the notion that straight is somehow the opposite of gay. It's not fruitful and ultimately self-destructive.

There are all kinds of masculine gay men, but finding them isn't so easy if you've only just started down the path of gay dating, and living in a small town really doesn't help.

What you need to do is find out as much about the vanilla gay scene as possible and then move along to where the masculine gay men are.

 

[Quacktastic]

The truth is, camp guys just stand out more. I'm sure there are gay guys who fit you out there, you just have to find them.

I've always theorized that a proportion of gay men act in a effeminate way because they expected to by society, but I don't know. I'm not a psychologist or sociologist.

 

[blah834]

im a masculine man into masculine men.....we all have our moments...but i too find it very difficult to find....need to get out more i suppose.