let me put it to you like this. i'm starting to realize that i should start listening to myself because the people around me aren't for my own interest. if i just listened to whatever i was thinking, i would have quit this job and found something else. i'm getting paid pennies for this bullshit that i'm doing and i've been doing it for six years. i blame myself for actually listening to others around me and allowing myself to be misguided. obviously, they're not looking out for me and my best interest. it sucks when your own parents are actually encouraging you to fail talking about "stay here while you're in school". really? that was the WORST advice they gave me. i'm listening to myself which is why in june or july when i have enough money stacked up, i'm QUITTING. i don't give a fuck what happens or whatever. i'm quitting and not a second later. i can't afford to do doing this bullshit any longer. i can't be down with this crab in a barrel mentality where people actually want to see me down and out while they're all on top. fuck that shit.
i most definitely am not running towards drugs, alcohol, or any of this bullshit where i'm going to be dodging my problems. NOPE. i'm not doing that at all. i'm handling my problems head on and this whole occupation shit where i'm at a fast food spot most definitely isn't in my plans. i could give a fuck what my mother says about me staying home or whatever. that's how i got myself in this mess in the first place. running blindly into whatever just to get someone out of my fucking hair.
so now, i'm looking at working with a police force OUT OF STATE, getting up out of here and not turning or coming back. i could give a fuck less what happens. i'm not staying HERE and i need to get on with my life instead of feeling stagnated, depressed, and all annoyed because i have people all telling me whatever, putting me down, belittling me and pissing me off. i can do better and i have to drop some cargo along the way. i no longer feel like pretending everything is fine when it's NOT. HELL FUCKING NO. if i continue you this, i might fuck around and end up in jail or prison because i'm itching to whip somebody's ass because that's how pissed i am.