Do You Require Monogamy in Your Long Term Relationships?

[FunFunk]

To those of you in or desiring a long term or steady relationship, do you require your partner(s) to be monogamous or is it okay for them to have sex or relationships with people outside your own relationship too?

I admit I can be a little jealous and find it hard to warm to the idea of open relationships, despite some of the perceived advantages. I think I'd just keep things simple and go down the path of strict monogamy except for the limited instances we explicitly agree to see other people.

What are your feelings? Take the poll...

 

[wooffy]

Open relationship for 19 years, most of them actively polyamorous for both of us. Even should I break up with my life-partner, monogamy would not be an option with future partners, ever.

 

[hotatlboi]

I think it would depend on how much I loved that person.

For me it is not a hard and fast rule that I know before going into a relationship.

If we were both into each other enough to keep it good for a long time then there would probably be no need for anyone else. If during the course of the relationship we felt the need to spice things up, maybe it would be different.

 

[FameMonster]

Definetely strict monogamy!! If my boyfriend sincerely loves me, he doesn't want to see/date/kiss/fuck other people! If he does, I move on lol

 

[bokan800]

I am naturally monogamous. However I'm not closed to the option of seeing other people. All I want is honestly and fairness.

 

[mrmax24]

i was till last year. but i lost my innocence in istanbul's gay life!
so i m keep far myself from cheap sex. may be more than one year i havent any affair about partnership. being alone is better to me ,for now.

 

[gitdown]

We require strict monogamy. We've talked about exceptions like a threesome with a celebrity but it's strict monogamy.

 

[racer2438]

Yes we do... and after 26+yrs together it has work perfect for us...

 

[bankside]

There is some chance greater than zero, but for all practical purposes, it rounds down to zero. We're monogamous.

 

[Fireballs]

I don't think you can consider yourself in a TRUE relationship if you're sleeping with people on the side. If I was the other person, I'd feel like I wasn't good enough or something.

 

[Kyanimal]

"My" Kev, and I, have been together for 28+yr. now. During our earlier years monogamy was considered important, but not absolutely necessary, as long as we were MAINLY with each other. Actually, "monogamy" is not the right term. Perhaps "commitment" might be better. What mattered most was honesty, consideration, and respect.

We never adopted the concept that we "Owned" each other. We have been together because each of us, individually, WANTED to be, not "required" to be. And, we've always been free to change our minds, but that hasn't happened yet.

We love each other for who we really are, and though we may attempt to influence the other's concepts/actions, we have never resorted to demands. I look at it this way ... if I tried, and was successful, at changing Kev, he would no longer be the fantastic guy I fell for in the first place!

What we may choose to do with others, as long as it's "just for Sport", is not an indication of where our Hearts truly are. I accept his friends precisely because they are His friends, and he, in turn, accepts mine. That doesn't mean we don't have feelings for our friends. That simply means we have stronger bonds between the two of us.

The bottom line here is TRUST! We trust each other to make the right decisions, about ourselves, and others. There is no deception involved. We accept each other with no bounds.

Has that lead to some "rough spots"? Well, to be honest, yes! But, we've cared enough for each other to work through those. And, by doing so, have managed to only strengthen our Bond!

I do LOVE "My" Kev for who, and what, he is ... Completely! And, he seems to feel the same about Me! (God knows why! )

Is this making any sense to y'all?

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[FunFunk]

Looks, overall, like a pretty monogamous crowd, with few completely open relationships and virtually nothing in between the two. I find that interesting. I figured the majority would prefer monogamy, more or less, as is the case, but I thought the percentage of open (or somewhat more open) relationships might have been higher than it is. So much for hypotheses.

I think it boils down to the fact that most people (not just gays and bis) want to feel that they're truly special, unique, one of a kind (choose your own appropriate term) in their relationships and monogamy (or something close to it) is a very effective way of enforcing (and symbolizing) that feeling. Can't say I blame anyone for that.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Open relationship for 19 years, most of them actively polyamorous for both of us. Even should I break up with my life-partner, monogamy would not be an option with future partners, ever.

I could have said this myself but would have substituted 11 for 19.

 

[hylas]

didnt vote, cuz the options dont really make sense to me...
but for a serious relationship, i need some form of openness. how open exactly can be negotiated. but i wouldnt want to be strictly monogamous.

 

[bankside]

I'll go ahead and bite and ask how being capable of monogamy translates into being damaged...

There are some people who argue that their own capacity for open relationships is not just right for them but The Way Men Are™ which is of course very tedious for those of us who can be loving, horny and monogamous. And very off-putting when we're also happy to accept open people as well. Both monogamous and open appear to be natural. Both have the possibility of success. Both can be done badly.

 

[Hello-Good-Bi]

Yes, I absolutely require monogamy. I'm not wired to be any other way. I would never stray from the one that I love and I expect the same. That's just the way it is.

 

[just_mills]

Monogamy or nothing..

 

[maxpowr9]

I am with Kyanimal here. Commitment is a more appropriate term than monogamy. I will say however, some people are just simply not meant for monogamy and some are only about that. However, neither is wrong.

 

[breatheH20]

I'm in an open relationship now. It was something I thought I'd give a try and not completely write off as out of my realm. We've been together for almost a year.

....let's just say this was a one-off exception. Monogamy would have to be a requirement from now on.

It's simpler for me. It fits my personality more. I find it incredibly difficult to be fully aroused and sexually attracted to other people when I have a boyfriend (mind you, I found this out in the process).

Lesson learned. More power to those who can do it!

 

[cliffdweller]

I'm gonna say yes. I absolutely don't judge those who are in open relationships (to whatever degree), but I'm monogamous and want my partner to be also (he is). For other couples, I say do whatever works & makes you happy.

Now, if STDs weren't an issue, and he wanted to fool around w/ another guy from time to time, I probably wouldn't mind...I just wouldn't want him to be secretive about it.

For my part, sex w/ one person is enough (sometimes more than enough). My sex drive is fairly low compared to other guys, and having multiple sex partners requires more effort than I care to put into it.