Do You Require Monogamy in Your Long Term Relationships?

[breatheH20]

Well, I guess I'm "damaged" and "insecure" then. The circumstances on what it means to be in either type of relationship really has to be looked at on a case-by-case basis, because I can assure you, not all the guys in open relationships I've met come off as mature or healthy.

What's really discouraging is that being monogamous is so looked down upon, in my experience. I feel like I'm the main character in "The Scarlet Letter."

*gets off soapbox before anything bad happens*

 

[theFallenGod]

If it's a boyfriend relationship... then yes monogamy is a requirement...

However... when I am single I am open to having numerous fuck-buddies with which I would have no issue with them having side partners.

If I see myself being in a serious relationship then I have no need for other sexual partners. I want to devote myself and my energy to the person whom I have chosen to spend my time with. If things get to the point in which seeing other people has become the only option I would rather move on.

 

[FunFunk]

If i'm in a serious relationship, i'm monogamous. If the guy is in a relationship with me, then he already agreed upon that, as i'm not prone to start a relationship with a guy I know to be polyamorous, and i'm sure the feeling is mutual.

However. I've considered - and thank MTV for this one - being in a relationship with an OUT bi guy that wants a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I've never met one, and probably never will. But i'd try it if it EVER came up - provided i'm single.

You're more open than I am. I don't think I could really accept even that option even if he's bi. (One may think that my potential relationships with bi guys would be less likely to work for this reason, but that may not necessarily be the case.) If I'm in a serious relationship with a guy he needs to be monogamous to me only.

However, the thought of having multiple partners within the same relationship circle has crossed my mind and intrigued me (i.e., I could be one of, say, a trio of partners, all men and we see no one else outside that group of three). Then again, I don't think it's likely to happen as most people seem to prefer monogamous relationships between only two people. Personally, it seems to me that the more people I would theoretically be involved with in any kind of relationship, monogamous or open, the more complex (and complicated) it would be and the more time, effort, money, etc. I would have to dedicate to that relationship.

 

[Jo-thin]

An open relationship is something I thought of so my boyfriend can have more dick, but if he truly loves me he wouldn't crave it so much. I'm the jealous type anyways so I keep it strict, well we both do but seems more like he would be more open about it.

 

[AsianDream]

I think if you really love each other, then it will not be hard to remain faithful and loyal. But you don't know what the other person thinks so just talk to him and share your feelings about the issue.

For those of us who are BI - I don't think monogamy is a serious or workable option.

I've been in several Long Term Relationships - but always sexually open - I can't imagine expecting someone to only ever have sex with me. We have always had rules about safe sex outside of the relationship.

I also love watching a partner having sex with others - especially in a group - I think this enhances the relationship a lot - also give the chance to learn new things.

I think it's the deception that's the problem in the almost inevitable "cheating" that seems to take place in so many relationships where they try to be sexually exclusive.

On the other hand - it's purely a personal choice - so I wouldn't criticise others if they think they can manage this. It's also possibly an age thing as well - I know a few older gay long term couples who have an officially "open" relationship - but in practice very seldom have sex with others.

 

[Adhesion]

I'm monogamous by nature, unfortunately. I couldn't be happy in an open relationship.

 

[skips]

I feel like if I'm going to be in a serious, committed, relationship then me and my man should be monogamous. That's just me.

 

[NineOfClubs]

To agree to have sex with only one person and no other, to me, is the equivalent to agreeing to share meals with only one person and no other. A totally unneeded restriction....

 

[bankside]

To agree to have sex with only one person and no other, to me, is the equivalent to agreeing to share meals with only one person and no other. A totally unneeded restriction....

I think it is more like agreeing to finally pick a major in university instead of registering for another year of "general studies."

I am monogamous, and it is important to me. On the other hand, I hardly consider it the most important thing in our relationship. Not sure what I think about it. I can think of some sexy non-monogamous situations. But I also don't connect with a lot of the reasons people give when they actually are non-monogamous. So far for me it is a fun fantasy.

 

[Something Else]

I am bisexual and I only enter monogamous relationships.

I'm wired for bonding, connecting with one lover. And it is possible for me to be committed to one, irrespective of gender, for that relationship - since I don't rush into relationship unless I am able to find one that satisfies me on many levels (mind, body, heart & soul).

That said...

Everyone is different, obviously. What works for one, may not work for another.

The trick is to be on the same wave length with your lover, when it comes to relationship expectations.

The reality is that monogamy isn't something that a lot of people are wired for (gay/bi/straight). And what's even more challenging, is that you can only discover what works for you and how you're wired through having a relationship?!

So until you've had enough relationships, only then will you know what works for you and what doesn't.

There's no wrong answer to expressing love. Equally, there's no right answer in how you want your relationship to be.

It really comes down to having your partner being on the same page with what you envision your relationship being.

 

[Kyanimal]

O.K. Let's see how much more trouble I can get into here ...

The "institution" of Monogamy, and Marriage, was/is regarding offspring, family lineage, and the "right" to property/wealth/influence/power. Therefore, SEX, which generally leads to offspring, was guarded/horded/protected, and "locked away" with all the other family valuables. That WAS the only way it (procreation) could be "controlled". But, that was THEN, and this is NOW.

I know married str8 couples in open relationships. As long as there isn't any "extraneous" procreation, or undue/strong emotional attachments, everyone is free to explore their own sexuality as long as they're not "sneaking around"/"cheating". It's the "sneaking" that's the "cheating".

The core concern in those relationships is not Sexual "Fidelity", but, rather, Honesty, Respect, and complete Acceptance of who, and what, each other truly are.

SO ... that said, and taking it (absurdly) a step further, since Nudity (especially in The States) is equated with Sexuality, does that mean that a Gay Guy, in a committed relationship, shouldn't be allowed to change or shower at the gym anymore?

Yes, sex is a major concern, and is only enhanced when it Means something. However, it can also be nothing "more" than an activity/sport, not unlike taking a walk, or having lunch, with someone.

I am "protective" of my partner's body and health. That also includes his mental health and happiness. So, as long as he plays Safe, if he runs across an opportunity to have some "Fun", and he's open and honest about it, whether he wishes to include me, or not, I fully support his options to explore.

I guess you could say that I cherish his Heart far more than I'd declare "ownership" of his dick! And, that being said, you'd likely be surprised just how often Nothing happens! Not because he "Can't"/is not allowed, but rather because he doesn't wish to. And, THAT means more than almost anything else.

I'm not declaring that this will/should work for everyone. I'm just trying to explain what works for us.

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Red Storm]

monogamy. that's what works for me

 

[FunFunk]

O.K. Let's see how much more trouble I can get into here ...

The "institution" of Monogamy, and Marriage, was/is regarding offspring, family lineage, and the "right" to property/wealth/influence/power. Therefore, SEX, which generally leads to offspring, was guarded/horded/protected, and "locked away" with all the other family valuables. That WAS the only way it (procreation) could be "controlled". But, that was THEN, and this is NOW.

I know married str8 couples in open relationships. As long as there isn't any "extraneous" procreation, or undue/strong emotional attachments, everyone is free to explore their own sexuality as long as they're not "sneaking around"/"cheating". It's the "sneaking" that's the "cheating".

The core concern in those relationships is not Sexual "Fidelity", but, rather, Honesty, Respect, and complete Acceptance of who, and what, each other truly are.

SO ... that said, and taking it (absurdly) a step further, since Nudity (especially in The States) is equated with Sexuality, does that mean that a Gay Guy, in a committed relationship, shouldn't be allowed to change or shower at the gym anymore?

Yes, sex is a major concern, and is only enhanced when it Means something. However, it can also be nothing "more" than an activity/sport, not unlike taking a walk, or having lunch, with someone.

I am "protective" of my partner's body and health. That also includes his mental health and happiness. So, as long as he plays Safe, if he runs across an opportunity to have some "Fun", and he's open and honest about it, whether he wishes to include me, or not, I fully support his options to explore.

I guess you could say that I cherish his Heart far more than I'd declare "ownership" of his dick! And, that being said, you'd likely be surprised just how often Nothing happens! Not because he "Can't"/is not allowed, but rather because he doesn't wish to. And, THAT means more than almost anything else.

I'm not declaring that this will/should work for everyone. I'm just trying to explain what works for us.

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

Yes, what works in one relationship won't necessarily work in others.

I don't think most people, including most in the US who really considered the topic, would equate nudity with sexuality. Gay men in monogamous relationships change and shower in front of other gay men in locker rooms and other places all the time without any repercussions on their relationships and probably have been since men existed.

Monogamy doesn't mean declaring ownership of your partner's dick (or, for that matter, ownership of anything at all). To me it is a way of showing the ultimate level of commitment to each other, of expressing the notion and desire that it is a relationship that is closed to all others and exclusive only to those within it.

I think many people would argue that sex is, by far, at its best and most enjoyable when it is invested with meaning, real, genuine feelings that can't be achieved with mere hook-ups or fuck buddies. Some would also argue that if there's no deeper feeling or meaning to sex, it's almost not worth pursuing it (though our carnal needs remain, don't they? lol) And I certainly consider sex to always be a more meaningful activity than taking a routine walk or having an unremarkable lunch. (Not that walks and lunch can't be interesting.) If sex were so frequently routine, I doubt it would be craved as much as it usually is.

I do agree, though, that, whatever kind of relationship you're in, honesty is the most important trait, as is being up-front and clear about what the expecations are. I do think the fact a man sees someone outside the relationship does not hurt as much as the fact the same man tries to hide his out-of-relationship affairs from his partner(s) in his relationship.

You have to establish some ground rules early on in the life of the relationship (and, as time goes by, possibly change them as suits everyone in the relationship). It's the respectful thing to do.

 

[FunFunk]

I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately and, while I don't think I'd ever take advantage of an open relationship, I think I might be open to it if the right rules were in place.

namely, I'd want to know about any hookups and they'd have to be limited to sex only (eg: meet a guy in a bar and get a quick blowjob in the bathroom? whatever. meet a guy online and go out for dinner before going back to your house for sex? nuh-uh.)

This seems to be along the lines of how I would like to handle this issue in a long-term relationship.

 

[bankside]

People who cannot be monogamous have no self control...if you can't be monogamous and commit to the person who you "love" (YEA RIGHT)....You should never enter into a "relationship" i don't consider those relationships where u see other people...thats just a full time f buddy who will always be there for you...& they let u screw others...

Its sick ish

I have always been suspicious that people who cannot be monogamous lack self control in ways that make the whole idea look like a total mess and a complete turn-off.

But I also have begun to think that some people who can be monogamous, but choose not to, might have very good self control.

I knew a guy who is monogamous. He'd fall in love with every woman he met. And while I knew him, he must have been in love 15 times in a row, and gone to bed with 15 different women. He, great guy, always seemed way more out of control than a couple of people I know with open relationships. And their open relationships always seemed more real and more serious by comparison. In fact they have more in common with my monogamous relationship than my friend's string of "monogamous" messes.

So who can say? I've heard a lot of very bad reasons for open relationsihps, but also a few things in their favour.