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Do you tell them their crush could be gay?

Do you tell your friend that you think their crush is gay?

  • YES

    Votes: 6 60.0%

  • NO

    Votes: 4 40.0%
  • Total voters
    10
B

bananagoof

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Okay,

Here is the question: If you have a friend who confides in you that they're interested a member of the opposite sex who you suspect is gay, do you tell them?

The obvious answer is no....because I'm not going to say anything and risk hurting my friend...

But here's the situation: My female friend in the past had a sorta relationship with a guy friend who turned out to be gay. As she explained it, they were friends for a long time, tried for something more, and it got confusing and weird. She ended up feeling quite hurt.

She hasn't seen many people as far as I know, and is now trying to put herself out there more. Recently, I met a new guy friend of hers and quickly felt the gaydar sounding. He was nice and I assumed she also assumed as I did that he was gay. Now she's saying she feels really special about their relationship and is excited.

I just said I was happy for her...even though I was worried and thrown. I could be wrong, and even if he is gay or bi, they could still have a meaningful relationship.

I just feel badly about the whole thing. Do these types of situations happen often? I thought only on sitcoms....
 
I wouldn't tell her, especially since you don't know for sure that he is gay. You could say something like "Have you made sure he's straight, you wouldn't want it to end like X." If she asks if you think he is gay, just say "You never know and I don't want to see you get hurt." Also, if you get a chance to talk to the guy one on one, you could always give him a heads up that you think she likes him. If he is gay, he will probably find a way to let her down before she gets too involved.
 
You could say something like "Have you made sure he's straight, you wouldn't want it to end like X."
Click to expand...

That wouldn't exactly be putting it delicately, though, would it? When it comes to romance, people are very defensive when you criticize those they fancy. I wouldn't say that to this person, as they're barely comfortable discussing when they do go on dates.

Also, if you get a chance to talk to the guy one on one, you could always give him a heads up that you think she likes him. If he is gay, he will probably find a way to let her down before she gets too involved.
Click to expand...

Wouldn't that be the ultimately betrayal of trust, though? Going behind my friend's back with information they told me in confidence, and then telling this guy to back off? That never seems to go well when people attempt it on television. You don't mess with people's love lives!
 
Its better to tell her then for her to fall into it and then breaks up again because the guy is gay.

Just make sure she knows what she is getting into. hah
 
Unless a person works on themselves they will fall for the same type of person over and over again, ie, an alcoholic, an abuser, a gay guy, etc. What's wrong with saying, "I know it's none of my business, but I'm getting a gay vibe and I don't want to see you hurt?"

Then you can tell her this true story. A friend of mine had a female friend who went through a rough divorce when her husband left her for a man. She found another guy a couple of years later and my friend wanted me to meet him and use my gaydar. I told her she was nuts and refused. I got invited to their wedding as my friend's guest. As the groom and groom's men took their places in church I leaned over to my friend and whispered in her ear. I told her that the groom was gay. She got mad and demanded how I knew if my gaydar was so terrible. The answer was, "because I slept with him."
 
You know what?

She's an adult. So is her guy.

Butt out.
 
Let her figure it out for herself unless she asks for your opinion.
 
Keeping my trap shut turned out to be the best move. The person my friend is seeing says they're bi on their facebook page, so A) My gaydar DOES work and B) They're being open about it, so my friend knows what they're getting into.

Has anyone ever told a friend and had it work out well, though, while we're on the topic?
 
Why is she continually attracted to gay men? Is she not dealing with her own lesbianism?
 
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