do you think it's violent when...

[azndude89]

So my boyfriend and I are almost 3 months into our relationship...

During the first month or so, he took me to a dark park with a pathway that's kind of creepy (I'm a total scardy cat btw). He told me some scary scenarios and I tried to play it off as a joke and told him to stop. We then started walking outside the park and he kept on playing off these scenarios about people coming out and killing us, or him coming to my house with something and scare me and I began freaking out, telling him to stop. He kept on giving me scenarios and I took his neck and began applying pressure, he said that it started to hurt but I continued (it all lasted within seconds).

second thing happened last night at a club, he was starting to get drunk and he said he wasn't ticklish, i started to tickle him and it didn't work so I tried tickling his feet. When i started, he hit me on the hit with his hand, i shrugged it off and tickled him again and he hit me harder, so I stopped. We were then dancing and he has a thing for biting which I don't mind as long as it doesn't hurt as much. Towards the end of the night, he was behind me and he bit my skin of my left shoulder and it hurt, bad. I rubbed on it and told him to stop, thinking that he heard me, apologized and we continued dancing. He again, bit my right shoulder again and he wouldn't budge, i tried to push him off but he was still intact, I then hit him on the head, kind of a wtf-stop-it hit, and he stopped, apologized again and said he didn't know.

He said that he doesn't feel safe around me, because of these two incidents, thinking that I'm violent or has a tendency of getting violent when I'm angered. Was I wrong in any of them, does this seem like I'm doing domestic abuse in any way or was I trying to fend off from me being scared or hurt?

thanks!

 

[azndude89]

So my boyfriend and I are almost 3 months into our relationship...

During the first month or so, he took me to a dark park with a pathway that's kind of creepy (I'm a total scardy cat btw). He told me some scary scenarios and I tried to play it off as a joke and told him to stop. We then started walking outside the park and he kept on playing off these scenarios about people coming out and killing us, or him coming to my house with something and scare me and I began freaking out, telling him to stop. He kept on giving me scenarios and I took his neck and began applying pressure, he said that it started to hurt but I continued (it all lasted within seconds).

second thing happened last night at a club, he was starting to get drunk and he said he wasn't ticklish, i started to tickle him and it didn't work so I tried tickling his feet. When i started, he hit me on the hit with his hand, i shrugged it off and tickled him again and he hit me harder, so I stopped. We were then dancing and he has a thing for biting which I don't mind as long as it doesn't hurt as much. Towards the end of the night, he was behind me and he bit my skin of my left shoulder and it hurt, bad. I rubbed on it and told him to stop, thinking that he heard me, apologized and we continued dancing. He again, bit my right shoulder again and he wouldn't budge, i tried to push him off but he was still intact, I then hit him on the head, kind of a wtf-stop-it hit, and he stopped, apologized again and said he didn't know.

He said that he doesn't feel safe around me, because of these two incidents, thinking that I'm violent or has a tendency of getting violent when I'm angered. Was I wrong in any of them, does this seem like I'm doing domestic abuse in any way or was I trying to fend off from me being scared or hurt?

thanks!

 

[Nice Boy]

Well, I don't think it's nomal. I feel something fishy! That guy is quite strange I think and I would walk away from him. For me, violence in relationship is a deal breaker. You were not violent IMHO.

 

[swerve]

There is definitely a communication problem here...

You shouldn't opt for physical communication in ANY of the above described incidents...

I would sit down and discuss this with him...

His AND your behavior are NOT acceptable...

jmo...

 

[nycguydowntown]

for a 3 month relationship --you seem to be getting on each other's nerves way too soon----but to quote Judge Judy---"Keep your fucking hands to yourselves!!!!"

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

OP, I think you both have a lot of growing up to do.

for a 3 month relationship --you seem to be getting on each other's nerves way too soon----but to quote Judge Judy---"Keep your fucking hands to yourselves!!!!"

Deriving your morals from people who perform on television for money is seldom a good idea.

 

[racer2438]

I can only say that it seems that trouble in some where down the line. After 3 months and you guy's are hitting and biting hard enough that it hurts is beyond normal to me....I would not put up with it..period end of either stop it and you are gone.. no time for childish games in our life's..

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Uhuh.

Your boyfriend freaks you out intentionally, and you can't handle the dark "humor" of it(I put humor in quotes because hell, he's biting you and drawing blood - it's possible he's got a screw loose).

Doesn't seem like you're compatible. At all.

 

[AstareGod]

One of my past relationships definitely fit the definition of physically abusive. My boyfriend (at the time) was more abusive than I was, but I was mildly abusive toward him as well, probably because that was the pattern that our relationship took. It was very unhealthy. Thing is, I didn't know it was "abusive" and probably wouldn't call it that, until I broke up with him. Of course they say, hindsight is 20/20.

What you described in your post does not sound healthy to me. Relationships, in my opinion, should be about two (or more, if you're open to that) people who are supportive toward one another. Having disagreements is OK and is a natural part of the process, but things should never get to the point of physically hurting another person.

I urge you to stop treating your boyfriend this way, and demand the same of him. Next time it happens, get out. If you and he are both adults, you two should have the maturity and intrinsic motivation to stop harming each other like that. If you can't stop, then get out of the situation so you can't harm him any more, and wait until you feel you can witthold treating another human being that way. If he can't stop, then get out before any more damage is done.

My last point is, in your second paragraph you mentioned you hit him after you told him to stop a couple of times. Using physical violence to try to communicate to another to stop harming you is OK, but at that point, if you had to use physical violence to stop someone from harming you, that's the end of things anyway. If you can't trust them to not harm you when you've verbally communicated to them, how can you trust them to not harm you at all?

 

[MTLDude]

You both need psychological help and time apart from each other... like forever.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Wait, I missed the part about you grabbing his neck and applying pressure because he was telling you stories that scared you.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Déjà vu all over again!





You and your boyfriend in six years:

 

[Seasoned]

Some relationships are more physical than others, but choking and head hits are out of bounds and could lead to serious consequences. I'd call it quits.