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Does he love you or love having sex with you?

nightmale

nightmale

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Met this wonderful guy, handsome, sweet and naughty, who treats me like a big brother, kssing me for hours, making love to me with infinite passion, affection and tenderness.

I wish he loved me, but I cannot tell. I get laid plenty and good, but have never met anyone who really loves me.

Are sex and love really two seperate things?
 
Call me crazy, but perhaps you should tell him you feel.

And there are signs and types of behavior which can help you to discern a booty call from true love. For one, is he genuinely interested in you(r personality)?
 
supergurl said:
UMM...YEAH SEX AND LOVE ARE VERY DIFFERENT!
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well kid, we certainly all know that. my point is, if I could do things he did to me to someone else, I must be in love with this person to do those things. otherwise its strictly no strings attached.

im not sure if this guy is like that to EVERYONE, or just me.
 
Yggdrasill said:
Call me crazy, but perhaps you should tell him you feel.

And there are signs and types of behavior which can help you to discern a booty call from true love. For one, is he genuinely interested in you(r personality)?
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i cannot tell if he is genuine. but based on my vast experiences, he is one of the few who has a conversation with me, who brings me chocolate, who remembers every detail in my emails, who would like to know about my family and career, who kisses me like a mother to her baby... I wish he loved me, though he told me he didn't want a relationship.
 
When it is love.. when you love him and he loves you... you will know. It transcends the words.
 
You might be not equating love with sex. But you seem to be equating love with his (un)willingness to be in a relationship with you.

Nope, monogamy is not ALWAYS proof positive of love. He may very well love you but may equally be unwilling to commit himself to any form of a relationship beyond what you already have now.

Different strokes for different folks.

SC
 
Well if he doesn't want a relationship then he can't love you like a relationship.

You can tag the word "love" onto anything. Friends, spouses, children, relatives, parents, objects, and desire. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean much.
 
nightmale said:
i cannot tell if he is genuine. but based on my vast experiences, he is one of the few who has a conversation with me, who brings me chocolate, who remembers every detail in my emails, who would like to know about my family and career, who kisses me like a mother to her baby... I wish he loved me, though he told me he didn't want a relationship.
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I'd say he cares for you very much because he seems to be putting in a lot of effort just to sleep with you. Whether or not he loves you I can't say. We all have different definitions of what love is and you won't know exactly how he feels until he tells you.
 
landers said:
I'd say he cares for you very much because he seems to be putting in a lot of effort just to sleep with you. Whether or not he loves you I can't say. We all have different definitions of what love is and you won't know exactly how he feels until he tells you.
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I agree. Just like you wont know if someone is gay until he tells you he is.
 
If he treats you like a brother surely that is a bad sign, the love of a brother is obviously different to the love of a partner
 
The least harmful way of finding out is playing hard to get, see how hard they work, and what kind of information you can squeeze out of them.
 
Lalada said:
The least harmful way of finding out is playing hard to get, see how hard they work, and what kind of information you can squeeze out of them.
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Yeah, I'm very good at playing hard to get. The thing is that, playing hard to get may work on some people but may not work on some others. And it seems to me that it always works on those whom I do not care for. And oftentimes when people play hard to get they may hurt others' self-esteem and may disrupt a potential relationship.

Also, I think playing hard to get works on women better than gay guys.

It never works on me, coz I can easily get over it and transfer insterest to someone else.

But anyway I will try it. I will stop sending messages or emails or anything. I will see. Maybe in 2 years I will phone him, "Hello, how are you doing?"
 
Give the guy credit for being honest with you. He really enjoys having sex with you, and appears to be quite good at it. But he says he's uninterested in a relationship. He probably does care for you after a fashion, even if he doesn't love you.

I guess the real question is for you. What do YOU want? Do you want to stay with this guy, and hope a relationship will result? Do you want to stay with this guy, while looking around for another guy to have a relationship with? Or do you want to cut this guy loose so you can spend fulltime looking for someone new?

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Give the guy credit for being honest with you. He really enjoys having sex with you, and appears to be quite good at it. But he says he's uninterested in a relationship. He probably does care for you after a fashion, even if he doesn't love you.

I guess the real question is for you. What do YOU want? Do you want to stay with this guy, and hope a relationship will result? Do you want to stay with this guy, while looking around for another guy to have a relationship with? Or do you want to cut this guy loose so you can spend fulltime looking for someone new?

Lex
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Neither he nor I am ready for a relationship. However, I'm certain that sometimes some people say that because they have not met the right person!

I personally do not want to live with someone under the same roof. He travels a lot and is not in this country most of the time. I will be traveling a lot too to making a film. However, I need a regular sex partner, someone I can spoil and love like a pet. I want to stop sleeping around and I want him to love me only, even though he may have sex with others when he travels.

I also had a strange dream about him after we first met and before we first had sex. I dreamt that he and I walked hand in hand in Moscow (why Moscow? maybe because he is from East Europe?), and then he took me to an office and introduced me to his boss, trying to get me a job. The dream was so real and I all of a sudden woke up. I sent him a text msg and he msged back telling he he would be back in a week also hoping to get together.

I'm certain the dream must mean something but I'm not sure.
 
Well, I'm the wrong one to tell about the dream, as I think I'm the only person here that thinks dreams really don't mean anything. With me, anyway, they're just my brain sorting data. Which is why I dreamed about my partner and I taking underground hallways to German restaurants while Japanese acrobats pushed around huge balls and kids played with silhouette puppets. All those parts of the dream had some sort of connection to something I saw/heard/thought about during the day, but taken in toto, it was...well, it was a dream. :)

You obviously know what you want. (I find it a bit odd that you want someone you can "spoil and love like a pet", but perhaps that's just me.) The real question then is him. Is he someone who could fit into your ideal? Is he likely to? If you asked him, "Do you feel there's any chance we two could end up in a real relationship", what do you think his answer would be? If he said "no", would you stick with it, hoping he'd eventually change his mind?

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
You obviously know what you want. (I find it a bit odd that you want someone you can "spoil and love like a pet", but perhaps that's just me.) The real question then is him. Is he someone who could fit into your ideal? Is he likely to? If you asked him, "Do you feel there's any chance we two could end up in a real relationship", what do you think his answer would be? If he said "no", would you stick with it, hoping he'd eventually change his mind?

Lex
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Generally, in my view, if I enjoy sex with someone tremendously I wouldn't mind having sex with this person again.

But if someone enjoys having sex with you greatly but doesn't not necessarily want another round, or does not even want to see you again, that's really ruthless.

A famous writer once said, if something good can happen only once, you'd better NOT let it happen.
 
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