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Does my best friend like me more than friends?!

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Medicineman11

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I'm a bi guy but haven't come up just yet so I need some help! So ive know this guy for about 2 years, and i have had a secret crush on him since. Well over this past summer we have gotten really close as friends. We did a lot of stuff together. But one thing i always noticed was when we would stay at another friends house together we would always sleep with each other and end up spooning and cuddling the next morning. EVERY TIME! And one time we had a little bit too much to drink and we were in a bed by ourselves, naked, kinda kissing and giving drunken head to each other. We never talked about it the next day, and just went on as nothing happened.
But now, all of a sudden he has completely stopped talking to me. Like we barely say a word to each other let alone hang out anymore /: So what I'm wondering is, is he trying not to have feelings for me or what? Cuz i know i didnt do anything to make him upset or angry. Im just confused and miss him so much.
 
Medicineman11 said:
I'm a bi guy but haven't come up just yet so I need some help! So ive know this guy for about 2 years, and i have had a secret crush on him since. Well over this past summer we have gotten really close as friends. We did a lot of stuff together. But one thing i always noticed was when we would stay at another friends house together we would always sleep with each other and end up spooning and cuddling the next morning. EVERY TIME! And one time we had a little bit too much to drink and we were in a bed by ourselves, naked, kinda kissing and giving drunken head to each other. We never talked about it the next day, and just went on as nothing happened.
But now, all of a sudden he has completely stopped talking to me. Like we barely say a word to each other let alone hang out anymore /: So what I'm wondering is, is he trying not to have feelings for me or what? Cuz i know i didnt do anything to make him upset or angry. Im just confused and miss him so much.
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My guess is that he feels like "Well shit... i've given this guy about as many hints as I could and we even fooled around and he STILL pretended it didn't happen... screw this noise, I'm gonna go look for a guy that's not gonna waste any more of my time"

So next time you see him, tell him "I can't stop thinking about you and I know.. I'm a jerk and I made you feel like I didn't care but I do... I miss you and I need you in my life and if we have to jump to the next level... I'm willing if you are... let's do it together, ok?"

Or... something like that.
 
You mentioned that you were bi but not out.

What about your friend?
 
Welcome to JUB!

The reason that you kept ending up spooning, and the reason you ended up giving head to each other, is because one of you had the balls to make a move. I'm guessing that that person wasn't you, or you probably would have made it clear that you made a move, rather than simply "noticing that this kept happening". Given that, it sounds like he made several moves, and although you went along with them, you never made any yourself. And perhaps he was tired of that happening.

What to do? I like Jasun's idea, but that might be far too outside your comfort zone. Not to speak in generalities, but closeted guys tend not to want to "talk". Not about the sex they had or want to have, not about their feelings, and not about "us". Instead, the sex is some never-talked-about thing that simply "happens". If that's the way you want it to go, maneuver to get him alone again, and start making some moves of your own.

Lex
 
JasunStrikesBack said:
My guess is that he feels like "Well shit... i've given this guy about as many hints as I could and we even fooled around and he STILL pretended it didn't happen... screw this noise, I'm gonna go look for a guy that's not gonna waste any more of my time"

So next time you see him, tell him "I can't stop thinking about you and I know.. I'm a jerk and I made you feel like I didn't care but I do... I miss you and I need you in my life and if we have to jump to the next level... I'm willing if you are... let's do it together, ok?"

Or... something like that.
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I second this. Really well said. ..|
 
JasunStrikesBack thanks for the advise. I would absolutely love to do that, but easier said than done. At times I feel like we both liked each other and at other times I felt we will always be friends. For example, one we were sleeping together I woke up for a quick second, and he turned around to my back and grabbed my ass and rubbed my stomach. Now right there I wanted to turn around but I was frozen. It's just soo confusing.
 
>>>For example, one we were sleeping together I woke up for a quick second, and he turned around to my back and grabbed my ass and rubbed my stomach. Now right there I wanted to turn around but I was frozen. It's just soo confusing.

Presumably, you mean you being "frozen" is confusing. Because one can't get a bigger signal than "he grabbed my ass and rubbed my stomach". Other than perhaps putting your cock in his mouth.

Lex
 
Medicineman11 said:
JasunStrikesBack thanks for the advise. I would absolutely love to do that, but easier said than done. At times I feel like we both liked each other and at other times I felt we will always be friends. For example, one we were sleeping together I woke up for a quick second, and he turned around to my back and grabbed my ass and rubbed my stomach. Now right there I wanted to turn around but I was frozen. It's just soo confusing.
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What's confusing? You're paralyzed by inaction but there's no confusion: he made it very clear that he likes you. You need to stop "feel like" and starting talking to him.
 
Both Lex and Jasun gave great advice, but I have a feeling you are not willing to put yourself out there that much. I think you need something a little easier for to get the ball rolling, but you still need to take some action. Say something along the lines of "Man, I'm really sorry. I must have done something to really hurt you. I'm not even sure what I did, but I feel horrible about it. I really, really miss you. I feel like there is a connection with us that goes beyond friends. Can we talk about it?" With this you have let him know you care and hinted that you want to be more than friends. At that point, you need to play it by ear. This may open the door to follow either Jasun's of Lex's advice.

By the way, we have guys come here all the time saying I'm in love with my best friend, but he isn't responding to my advances. Our advice typically is along the lines of that's each not healthy to pursue something that is going nowhere. We advise them to distance themselves from the best friend until they can get their feeling in check. They should spend their time pursuing a guy who is available. This is followed by saying once they find a guy who can reciprocate your feelings, they will be far happier. To me it sounds like this could be what your best friend is doing. If you don't act soon, you may lose your chance. It sounds like all the moves have come from him so far. It's time for you to man up and make the next move.
 
Again thanks for all the advise. You all are helping me so much and giving me a lot to think about and consider. I fogot to add, I think he is closet gay like me but won't admit to it. We both have brought on little actions we do to hint to each other, I just am not sure if he is doing as feelings or straight acting games. Now I've come to the conclusion that I am going to talk to him about why we stopped talking, but not sure about the feelings part. I'm scared that he will say he doesn't feel the same way and lose a great friend. Now any advise on how to get him to try things with me. Like I was reading this one article on the web somewhere and it said; approach him. Give a friendly handshake. Then kiss his neck(which is perfect cuz my group is sexual like that) then put my hand on his crotch. The dude said if he is hard I will know he is gay. Anythig else I can try?
 
I would talk and not be physical. Get your feelings out in the open and go from there.
 
Medicineman11 said:
Now any advise on how to get him to try things with me. Like I was reading this one article on the web somewhere and it said; approach him. Give a friendly handshake. Then kiss his neck(which is perfect cuz my group is sexual like that) then put my hand on his crotch. The dude said if he is hard I will know he is gay. Anythig else I can try?
Click to expand...

Not the recommended approach, no.


Medicineman said:
Again thanks for all the advise. You all are helping me so much and giving me a lot to think about and consider. I fogot to add, I think he is closet gay like me but won't admit to it. We both have brought on little actions we do to hint to each other, I just am not sure if he is doing as feelings or straight acting games. Now I've come to the conclusion that I am going to talk to him about why we stopped talking, but not sure about the feelings part. I'm scared that he will say he doesn't feel the same way and lose a great friend.
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Call him up. Invite him to go somewhere low key to talk. Probably not a bar- maybe just for coffee or a beer (and take it easy on the alcohol).

Just say that you've missed hanging out with him. Ask if there's something going on with him- maybe he's dating someone, busy with work/school, etc. Make plans to hang out and do something at a future date that doesn't involve alcohol, a bed or sucking each other's cock.

The only way that you're going to clear this whole thing up is to come clean. By now, it shouldn't be much of a confession. You can just say, "Well, you probably figured out by now that I'm kind of bi-curious.... Duh."

You don't have to have that confession conversation all in the first night of hanging out unless he wants to have it. You need to get your friendship back on track first.

In addition to coming clean with him, you're going to have to decide what you want- a friend or a fuckbuddy. Friendships last a lifetime. Fuckbuddies seldom last anywhere near that long.
 
just try to clear up things and forget about the physical for now. Start from there and see what happens.
 
So I called him up the other day asking if he wanted to hang of with me and another one of our buddies but he used the excuse he had to work. Is there any other approach I can use to talk/hang out with him? He obviously don't want to be around me anymore. I just keep flashing back on the memoires we ha over the summer. Here's another one; we stayed the night again at a friends house and I slept on the bed along with another one of our buddies. While he was sleeping I pretended that I rolled around and fell next to him so I can just be with him. I stayed up all night just hearing him breathe and move around. So he turned around in he 'sleep' (as I would like to think it) and cuddled with me and kinda grinder his junk on my backside. He then put his arm around me and put his head right behind mine. Next morning he had to leave early for something. We hung out later that day, and again, nothing was said.
I just wish we could go back to being like tha again
 
He's not required to hang out with you. You've given him a few openings, but he hasn't taken them. Your best bet is to just send him an open invite - "Sorry you're so busy. Hit me up when your schedule frees up - miss hanging out with you!" Then, let him get back to you.

I get the feeling you're doing a bit of "convenience crushing". That's when you actively (or semi-actively) pursue someone simply because it's easy to do so. As a closeted bi guy, this guy who kinda sorta did stuff with you before is probably your easiest bet at getting some guy-on-guy action. (And the fact that he's not out means it'll probably be on the DL - bonus!) The only problem is - he doesn't sound very interested in doing ANYTHING with you right now. Given that, I'd start looking elsewhere.

Lex
 
He could actually have had to work, so it might not have been just some excuse. You should have suggested the next day or ask when he had a night off. He's your friend so you have a good idea of what he likes. Find something the he really likes and call him about getting together to do it. If he starts making excuses he can't, you are going to have to use the phone conversation to get the ball rolling. Tell him you really miss him. Apologize and say you would really like to talk to him. If he still refuses, then tell him to call you when he's ready to talk. The ball will be in his court at that point. By the way, it should only be the two of you when you get together. You aren't going to be able to have much of a conversation if other people are around. Good luck!
 
Haha jelous of what?! So we are slowly talking again. Here's how it started: we met up after class and we shook hands for a quick second. But when he started to walk I held on to the handshake and pulled him back to talk. I was hoping to send a little message saying something and not totally sure if he got it. /:
 
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