Does online dating really work?

[LonelyFace]

I'm pretty sure someone's asked this question by now, if not more than once, but I guess I'm not that smart, so here I am.

Anyways, I've heard mixed reviews about it, and I've always been skeptical about it (I don't even trust eBay!), but I'm seriously considering the whole online dating scene right now just cause I get the feeling that maybe I'll be more successful and NOT look like some kind of idiot.

Has it actually worked for anyone? Is anyone else in the same boat as me? I know it's a stupid question, but I'm still kinda reluctant to put myself out there on the internet just because I don't want to waste my time with something that isn't worth it.

 

[ajax49]

It worked for me! You need to be honest about yourself and you should expect to hear from a lot of phonies. It won't take you long to develop skill at sorting out those who would be a waste of your time. Do some e-mailing first to get to know the person better, and when you decide to meet, meet in a public place. Go without any feeling of obligation. Often you will meet someone nice, but it will be someone you never care to see again. Don't be discouraged. Keep looking, and good luck!

 

[maxpowr9]

Ajax is pretty much spot on. To me, the most important thing is being honest with someone, especially about "how out" you are. With me, I won't date someone in the closet. However, the trend tends to be that most guys that use internet dating tend to be in the closet.

 

[hotatlboi]

The guy that I'm sorta seeing right now I met online. We've only gone on a few dates but I like him and we're going out again this weekend probably.

 

[LonelyFace]

Ajax is pretty much spot on. To me, the most important thing is being honest with someone, especially about "how out" you are. With me, I won't date someone in the closet. However, the trend tends to be that most guys that use internet dating tend to be in the closet.

Hmmm. That seems strange to me that they'd do online dating yet still be in the closet... Well, I'm not in the closet anymore, but at the same time, I'm not actually 100% sure about my sexuality.... I do agree with the honesty thing, though.

I suppose I'm just afraid that it'd do more harm than good. I dunno, all sorts of stupid possibilities are running thru my head right now (like that "Whatifs" poem by Shel Silverstein), so I'm afraid to try it. Lol maybe tomorrow I'll man up and try it out. I wonder if I'm just not ready to give up looking in the real world... Hope is such a bitch. (kinda just thinking aloud at this point. sorry.)

 

[Jerry]

Well craigslist is notoriously bad for meeting anyone decent, but I met my boyfriend through the site.
He answered my ad and I ignored him at first, but then he put an ad up and it made me think I should give him a shot. We emailed a little, and agreed to meet up just for a beer and hang out.

Well we hit it off really well, and now we love each other.


Not the norm for that site, but it CAN happen.


Just be careful

 

[nautiboyjeff]

I have several posts about this, but the key is do meet the person IN PUBLIC and do something short, like coffee at a Starbucks or something. If you want to get back together you can and if you want to leave you can.

Also, it's a bit of a numbers game. Set up lots of short dates and then follow up on the ones that you like. Don't get hooked on one and play that out and then go fishing again. Get a basket full and work through them. Also, try to resist hopping in bed quickly.....I am not very good at this...but try to get to know the person first.

It truly works, just have to not have huge expectations and follow some simple rules as outlined above.

 

[LonelyFace]

I have several posts about this, but the key is do meet the person IN PUBLIC and do something short, like coffee at a Starbucks or something. If you want to get back together you can and if you want to leave you can.

Also, it's a bit of a numbers game. Set up lots of short dates and then follow up on the ones that you like. Don't get hooked on one and play that out and then go fishing again. Get a basket full and work through them. Also, try to resist hopping in bed quickly.....I am not very good at this...but try to get to know the person first.

It truly works, just have to not have huge expectations and follow some simple rules as outlined above.

...So I should be juggling multiple dates if I'm gonna find someone online?
I think I can easily resist hopping in bed quickly. I'd rather know who I was getting into bed with before I did so.

 

[KingofFaeries]

Online dating is like a box of chocolates... lol. Sorry no one said it yet *giggle*

Anywho don't expect too much from online dating. It works for some, doesn't for others. Not really much else to it.

In the world today it's hard for alot of gay men to flirt with other men, because it's always 'what if he's straight' 'will he hit me if I flirt with him' 'will he lead me on and then take me out to a field and kill me'.... ok that last one doesn't really run through most people's minds....

Online dating can be the solution to that problem, if you use a site like eHarmony or some such thing you can specify that you are a man looking for men for whatever reason. However because of the anonymity of the internet, and the ease of handing out false information to the people using online dating means, makes it somewhat difficult for people to connect. Again not always I'm just saying from my experience.

My advice if you are really looking for an actual relationship is to stop. Don't look for someone who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Look for friends with potential. If you have some favorite activity like volleyball or skeet shooting or underwear modeling find a group of gay guys in your area that also have that interest. In this respect the internet can be a valuable tool. Google ROCKS! lol. If there isn't a group or club in your area for your chosen activity and you are personally secure enough in yourself, start one. Post on craigslist put an ad in the paper etc.

 

[Orlandude]

Whether or not it works is really up to you, your tolerance for a lot of nonsense and your ability to weed out who you want to meet. The biggest problem with on line dating is the lying that goes on. It's just part and parcel to the anonimity of the internet but it's still tiresome and can make the exercise very time consuming. I've tried it and did meet a couple of very nice guys but once we did meet, we realized that we had seen each other in the bars and clubs but never knew each other. So, if anything, the internet allowed for that. I still prefer meeting people socially and naturally. Grazing the on line ads and all the back and forth e-mails prior to meeting doesn't seem worth it. On the internet, the human dynamic is missing and all the pictures and e-mails don't change that. I think it's a peronal choice and it works for some and not for others. DO try it. You may like it. But as the other posters have mentioned, be careful and when it comes to actually meeting, always meet in a public place. Do not ever give out personal information or home addresses to people you have never met. It can be fun but keep in mind that it is the internet and you really do not know who you are talking with until you actually meet them. Until that happens, they are only a picture and words on a computer screen. Good luck and have fun!

 

[LonelyFace]

Online dating is like a box of chocolates... lol. Sorry no one said it yet *giggle*

LOL

In the world today it's hard for alot of gay men to flirt with other men, because it's always 'what if he's straight' 'will he hit me if I flirt with him' 'will he lead me on and then take me out to a field and kill me'.... ok that last one doesn't really run through most people's minds....

That last one actually would run through my mind, ha ha. As well as the rest of them, which always run thru my head.

Online dating can be the solution to that problem, if you use a site like eHarmony or some such thing you can specify that you are a man looking for men for whatever reason. However because of the anonymity of the internet, and the ease of handing out false information to the people using online dating means, makes it somewhat difficult for people to connect. Again not always I'm just saying from my experience.

I'll definitely keep that in mind, and I'm going to use findfred.com for now, since JUB keeps advertising it. I'm gonna tell the truth about myself, but it won't let me access the site until I give them some photos, which is gonna be the most difficult part for me, I think...

My advice if you are really looking for an actual relationship is to stop. Don't look for someone who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Look for friends with potential. If you have some favorite activity like volleyball or skeet shooting or underwear modeling find a group of gay guys in your area that also have that interest. In this respect the internet can be a valuable tool. Google ROCKS! lol. If there isn't a group or club in your area for your chosen activity and you are personally secure enough in yourself, start one. Post on craigslist put an ad in the paper etc.

Ok. I suppose I should be looking for some actual friends anyway, considering how little I have left (they all left for college of course). I'll definitely look into clubs, since there's a shitload of them at my college. I'm gonna avoid Craigslist, though.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I'm finding it to be really helpful so far!

 

[LonelyFace]

P.S. Don't worry, I'll always keep the whole "it's the Internet" thing in mind when looking around at other people and stuff.
I may be lonely and stupid, but I'm smart enough to take things with a grain of salt.

Thanks for all the support!

 

[mydrew1]

I hope so, it's all I've got atm.

i don't have any Gay or Bi friends so I have no choice atm

 

[panda29]

It worked for me.We have have been together for 4 1/2 years and it has been great !!!

 

[erobert]

I'm wondering the same thing. I've been thinking of joining D-List as that site is more of a social networking site, but I'm afraid of fake account and/ or it not working out as I had hoped.

Meeting guys in RL has been very difficult because of everyone's so busy (at least in urban cities) and has their own network anyway.

I think the best way to see if it works is to try it yourself.

 

[KingofFaeries]

Don't worry so much about fake accounts or it not working out. You learn to weed out fake accounts pretty quick. As for the not working out, well that's a chance no matter how you meet the person.

 

[Yeehaw]

No it does not work, Period.

 

[Lube]

I found that there are a lot of flakes online. And it was even worse on sites that don't require a face pic.

The problem for me was that people have very warped self-perceptions. They think they're something (funny, good-looking, str8 acting, whatever) and then you meet them in person and think... is this the same person? LOL.

Your mileage may vary. Good luck.

 

[LonelyFace]

Thanks for all the advice and support, everybody! I actually talked to one of my close friends (the second person I came out to) today, and she told me that she met her boyfriend online so it made me feel a bit better about it all. I think I'm gonna try and go through with it to see if it's worth it.
Of course I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

 

[scooter63]

Some times it is the only option for some people, depending on where they live and if they don't have time, money, or the opportunity to travel to larger areas where bars, clubs, or other activities are held. Not every community has a gay bar, not every community has a gay friendly church, not every community has a gay club for everything under the sun. If you can't travel to places that do offer those things, then where are you left at?

In creating a profile on any site, be truthful about yourself, let the other guy do the deceiting, explain what you are looking for upfront with clear, concise language (this way you aren't leading anyone on), and be careful of what you say in responses and DO NOT share any personal or private information with anyone until you have actaully seen, talked with, and decided on. DO NOT share addresses, land line phone numbers, last names and such as people can track you down. Do not offer assistance to other people. If you are meeting someone, always meet in person at a public place where there are always other people around, let someone you know and trust know where you are meeting a person at, and NEVER do something that you are not comfortable doing. DO NOT let someone talk you into doing something that you don't want to do or are not comfortable doing. The word NO still means NO.

There will be a lot of game players, scammers, freaks, and worthless trash out there who will contact you. You will know how to read them, gets better with practice, after some exchanges with them. Don't go off and meet someone after the first email. Talk to them, get to know them, find out what they like to do, what they are interested in, talk about life, experiences, goals, and the like. As you are doing that you will be able to tell if they have their heads screwed on right and if they are really truly interested in meeting you for a person or if they are just looking for a quick roll in the hay. Also, the more you can communicate with someone before meeting, you will be able to tell if they really are interested in you as a person or if they just want another conquest. Also, be aware of what they are saying in each of their messages and look for inconsistencies in what they say about themselves. If their stories change from message to message, most likely they are a gamer and can't keep their stories straight and then it is time to cease and desist with them and avoid any further contact.

And don't worry if your guard lets you down and you screw up. We have all been suckered at least once by someone who we thought was nice, really into us, and who was the one we were looking for. Fall down, get bruised, get hurt, and then learn from it for the next time so that we grow and won't let it happen to us again.