Does this bother anyone else.

[Orlandude]

I've heard it too but basically ignore it, even though it's annoying. Of course, it's the WAY they sometimes say it, not necessarily that they say it. They say it in a way that makes it sound like gay = gross. I wonder how those same people would feel if you said "Yea, I have a friend that lives there...he's straight".

Glad to hear your BF is back home again.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Guys,

Most people are only signalling that they know other gay dudes besides yourself or that they are simply aware that the guy XYZ is gay.

Once you come out and agree that your private life becomes a matter for public to know (and necessarily) talk about, there is no way of putting the geenie back in the bottle...

SC

 

[hermanding]

unfortunately society in general doesn't view gay as normal - whatever THAT is, so hearing that little addendum and description is gonna be around as long as any of us are. for me, i take it as being someone special. Cuz i think gay people are very special and wonderful people. the manner and tone of -he's gay - is what would yank my chain, if anything - much more than the words themselves.
ding

 

[Jeimuzu]

Well, if they think you're straight, it's more a little warning. Aka, he might come on to you. In this situation, plenty of straight guys who don't know he's gay might flirt back in good humour, and if you're both straight, it's fine. If you're both gay, it's fine. If one's gay and one's not...

It really doesn't bother me. Society doesn't view us as normal, but hell, I don't view being gay as normal. I think it's nice to be not normal.

Anyways, even if they know you're gay... well, I'd appreciate the knowledge. It's hard enough telling whether someone's gay or not.

Mind you, if it's in a particular tone, I'd dislike it, but then again you were saying
"Ya I have a friend that lives there..........Hes gay...." which implies that that person is ok with gay people, so it's all good.

Good to hear your boyfriend's out!

 

[luminum]

I take it as an assortment of things, though none of my friends introduce me as their gay friend.

1) This person is gay, so if you have any anti-gay sentiments, stfu.
2) This person is gay, so if don't worry about being gay or pro-gay in his presence.
3) This person is gay, flirt with him and be his boyfriend.

Just kidding with the last one.

But at least for me and my friends, that's what I feel an introduction like that would mean unless it was all joking, like we introduce our Jewish friends as Jews for a laugh all around at how 'wrong' it is to do that.

But still, if that ever did happen, I would probably do a double take for a sec. My friends know that's not my defining characteristic. And besides, I usually let the party know in a way that I'm gay by talking about guys if it comes up.

 

[probeteam1]

Doesn't bother me too much.
In my experience, introducing gay friends or relatives into a conversation is one way that people try to open a dialogue on the subject - find out other folks' opinions on sexuality, find out other folks' sexuality, declare their own feelings on the matter, and so on. More than one of my friends, before I came out to them, would (not too) subtly declare their feelings on the subject by mentioning a gay or bi sibling, cousin, or friend. I got the message, and relaxed a little more around them.
As such, I sometimes might find it a little troubling that they use their friendship as a conversational foil (especially if they just seem to be trolling for a reaction), but iften given their reasons I can usually forgive it rather easily.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Probeteam1 I must admit I use that to find people's reactions. I don't really say "Hey, your friend is gay!" because I don't have any gay friends who even know my straight friends. I usually just say something like, "Hey, did you know [Clive Barker/Derek Jacobi/[that bloke from Sigur Rós/Ocean Colour Scene/Any boyband]] is gay?"

That gets the dialogue up and running

 

[Christopher123]

Like when people say "Ya I have a friend that lives there..........Hes gay...."

Well, I can kind of see your point, in a way. I mean it's not the norm (nor does anyone care) for people to go around saying, "Hey, there's a new guy that moved in next door... he's straight."

But at the same time comments like these don't personally bother me. I mean WE are not exactly the norm, ya know?

Unless, of course, it's said in a hateful way. Something like, "Hey, I've got a friend that lives there, he's a freakin fag."

Big difference between pointing out someone's sexual orientation and being downright cruel about it.

 

[Centexfarmer]

Race is never an issue with me, but I've caught myself saying, "I have a Black lesbian friend named Sheniqua."

It's true, she's African-American, and Lesbian, and she's my friend.

For me it makes the description sound so much more interesting than, "I have a friend named Sheniqua." With a name like that, people automatically assume ALL SORTS of things.

She tells her friends that she has a friend, "Who's a Gay Redneck Buddhist." (Me)

Her friends usually want to meet me, to see if I affirm there stereotypes of what Gay is, what a Redneck is, and what a Buddhist is.

Likewise, my friends want to meet Sheniqua. They want to know if she affirms their stereotypes of girls named Sheniqua, and wether or not she's "lipstick" or "bull-dyke" in her "lesbianism."

For me, it's a way for people to show not only how "open" they are to other people, but also for a way break down stereotypes.

So no, it doesn't bother me.

 

[Eagle653]

Yeah, it happens, but doesn't bother me. It's just a form of connection--of a commonality. They mean nothing by it. I have people also say to me "I have a good friend in [some city] who's also a [my profession]." They're just trying to be friendly.

BTW, really glad to hear your bf is out of the hospital! Sorry about the accident, and hope he recovers quickly. Being at home will undoubtedly help that!

 

[Soilwork]

as long as they throw in "He's single" at the end I don't think it's such a bad thing.

 

[backpacker]

I think it is really the context in which it is mentioned. If they are talking about some current gay issue and they mention a conversation with their gay friend, then it really doesn't matter. If on the other hand they say it in a judgmental way, it bothers me. I think we all can recognize the difference. Same thing happens all the time with race and religion.

 

[VICTORIADON]

I'm CANADIAN so I am used to things like this when I travel in the USA:

"Oh, you're Canadian? I know someone from Canada, his/her name is ===, do you know him/her?"

I tend to say "Yes" and walk away.

 

[wentworth]

Like when people say "Ya I have a friend that lives there..........Hes gay...."

...WTF DOES IT MATTER. They say it likes its forbidden. Why do you even need to add that hes gay.. God i hear it atleast once a month. Makes me so angry cuz I dont want any one to be like that when they talk about me.

Btw my bf got out of the hospital He was in a car accident and was in for about a week. So happy that hes home =).

I have found thathere are invariably only two types of people--both of whom make more of a deal about homosexuality than I'd like for comfort.

No matter how accepting, you're always "the gay". It's always in the forefront.

 

[wentworth]

I'm CANADIAN so I am used to things like this when I travel in the USA:

"Oh, you're Canadian? I know someone from Canada, his/her name is ===, do you know him/her?"

I tend to say "Yes" and walk away.

Well there aren't that many people in Canada anyway. You'd think you'd all know each other by now.