Does your inability to socialise properly ever frustrate you?

[winterknight]

All the time.

But it's looking more and more likely that I have some form of Asperger's, so... *shrug*

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I don't do so well in groups, but one on one, I've found a good tactic is to ASK QUESTIONS! Anything... everything. As long as you can keep them talking about themselves, you don't have to say much of anything!

And often times, their answers lead to an endless amount of more questions on questions.

I use this often, and couldn't tell you how many guys have ended the evening thinking I was a 'great guy'... all the while realizing they actually knew NOTHING about me (and I knew EVERYTHING about them!).

 

[SkylarShinoda]

I cant socialize for long, i find something annoying about people and then i end up wanting to never see them again.. either that or walk away. It used to cause me anxiety but now.. its just who i am.. im happy with that

 

[Kester]

I understand what your going through. I'm a pretty shy, not always confident person so meeting people for the first time is awkward. I think a lot of it comes from not bbeing good at making small talk with people. Once I get to know someone and feel comfortable its not an issue but that initial first contact can be awkward and uncomfortable, especially thinking that people might get the wrong impression of me.

But it is what it is I guess......

 

[PokerFace]

It frustrates me frequently, and sometimes upsets me.

When I'm with a group of guys that I'm semi-acquainted with, or am near them, I WANT to be able to join in with the banter, the jokes, the quick replies, and the interesting comments, but I'm never able to. I find it disheartening and depressing.

What ALWAYS ends up happening is the following:

I just watch everyone else speak, and I'm not able to input much except for isolated sentences.

I get uncomfortable because I feel that I'm somehow intruding upon them and they don't want me around.

I get the impression that my silence and uneasiness is glaringly obvious to them.

Sometimes, I would just like nothing more than to have a group of guys as my friends. Just to do perfectly ordinary things like go out in town, go round to each other's houses, call each other up, go places with, etc.

Why does my damn personality and self-consciousness have to make it so difficult for me?

You've pretty much just described me perfectly there. I feel like i do be in the way after a certain amount of time has passed and i've still said nothing. I have cousins i've never even had a conversation with because i feel like this. Its awkward too if im introduced to someone new and i just sit there basically silent. The weird thing is though if im talking to someone one on one there's no shutting me up.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

You might be around the wrong people, or they just might have the wrong group dynamic going.

 

[freefall]

I think you have an avoidant personality (not personality disorder, which is different).

Unfortunately, I have no good advice for you. However, your very initial choice to move out and live on your own is a sign of change; you're pushing yourself into the society despite minimal. Put yourself in a situation that forces you to socialise a lot and you will be awed at your change

Again, a good environment is vital for socialisation, so look for those who makes you feel confident and comfortable. This does not necessarily mean you have to be picky.

 

[Audio Tech]

I used to have the same problem, since I am a bit of a shy loner at my core. But since I run my own business, I naturally learned to be social.
I better be, or I don't find customers!

Anyway, long story short.... While I agree with most of above, it also just takes PRACTICE and the willingness to step a bit out of your comfort zone.

For example, next time you step into a crowded elevator, say "Hello! (Good morning, whatever..) How is everyone today?" instead of just standing there pretending to be alone.

Practice!

 

[geloge]

Usually I feel like you describe when I meet new people, I don't use to talk very much. I'm glad I have found a group of friends who understand me and appreciate me even although it uses to look like I'm not very interested about their lifes (wich is not true)

 

[erobert]

I can relate to what you and others are taking about; I'm slowly coming out of my shy shell.

I think living in a large city (like NYC) helped in part because you're forced to socialize with all different types of people- no matter how small the interaction with them each one helped to chip away at my shy "shell".

What also helped is understanding basic social psychology. It was comforting to know that even the most outgoing people are nervous or sometimes have their own shy moments too. They just are more socially adept/ experienced and can think quickly on their feet for conversation starters. Everyone is worried to some degree about saying something dumb or how other people will see them when they first meet someone. That's normal.

Finally, what also helped me was reading through a couple of articles on succeedsocially.com. It's one of the more helpful sites out there in on this topic.

Keep in mind though that most of what you think needs to be changed is your inborn personality so there will always be some level of shyness and reservedness about you in social interactions- and that's fine. That's just who you are.

Though, if you think you have social anxiety disorder (which is basically having a low level panic attack when socializing with someone- much different than just being shy) or some other type of social disorder than you may want to seek help.

 

[refujiunderground]

yeah but you know what, i've gotten used to it anyway. i've also realized that even if i was articulate to the point where people could understand where i'm coming from, i probably would still have insecurities because i have people issues, trust issues etc. and besides, if you don't say thigns or talk a certain way, people will say you're not educated. if you talk in perfect english, are a grammar nazi, spelling police, or whatever, they'll say that you think you're better than everybody or too smart for your own good. you can't win with people. i've learned that people will be people regardless, you can't force them to like you, they will talk behind your back, diss you, shit on you or whatever even if you please them or bend your back over for them so fuck em. that is why i'm dedicating my time now to loving myself as well as being confident with myself because nobody else is going to do that besides me and i'm certainly not wasting my time trying to impress a bunch of people that don't give a fuck about me anyway.

if you want to, work on your socializing skills but you have to be happy and confident with yourself because people are NOT going to do that for you.

 

[72-Jay]

When I'm with a group of guys that I'm semi-acquainted with, or am near them, I WANT to be able to join in with the banter, the jokes, the quick replies, and the interesting comments, but I'm never able to. I find it disheartening and depressing.

What ALWAYS ends up happening is the following:

I just watch everyone else speak, and I'm not able to input much except for isolated sentences.

I get uncomfortable because I feel that I'm somehow intruding upon them and they don't want me around.

I could say basically the exact same things about myself especially this part: "I just watch everyone else speak, and I'm not able to input much except for isolated sentences."

I'm no good at all with making conversation...I just "have nothing to say".
Also people commonly talk about things they've done/experienced in life which are usually the most interesting conversations to listen to. But again here I've lead a very boring life that could almost be summed up with 5 words "stayed at home doing nothing" LOL

I'm also overly shy, always have been, probably always will be (but have gotten a tiny bit better over the years)

 

[voyager1994]

There's nothing wrong with that. You have to do what you feel comfortable doing. If you're comfortable with the group, you ability to socialise will come naturally.