Dogs

redfox70 · Dec 28, 2025

It's 6 AM. It's freezing outside. I'm in my pajamas with no coffee yet. I just need my dog to PEE. That's it. Just pee and come back inside. Should take 30 seconds, right? WRONG. My dog has a PROCESS. First, he must sniff every single blade of grass we pass. Then he needs to check who else has been here - oh, is that Roger from down the street's scent? When was Roger here? What was Roger doing? Why does Roger get to pee on this tree? Now we must investigate the tree thoroughly. Check the roots. Examine the bark. Consider the tree's entire history. Meanwhile, I'm standing there like "PLEASE JUST GO." But no. Now he's evaluating which direction the wind is blowing. Is the temperature optimal? Is the moon in the right phase? Are the spirits aligned? FINALLY, after what feels like seventeen hours, he finds THE spot. The chosen one. The perfect location. And even then, he circles it six times before committing. People without dogs think I'm exaggerating. DOG PEOPLE KNOW. Every bathroom break is a full scientific expedition. My dog is out here conducting research while I'm just trying not to freeze. But honestly? I wouldn't change it. Because that's MY weirdo. And I love him.