~ Chapter 25 ~
From the Narrative of Reid Emerson Scott:
I had expected to spend my Saturday night moping around the house. I certainly didn’t anticipate finding myself booked for dinner at Gianni’s, the Italian restaurant on Marina Drive. Of course, it was entirely Harrison’s fault that I’d been dragged along on this double date. Somehow, though, I couldn’t find myself annoyed at the little guy for long. There was something about his earnestness that had made it hard to say no to him when he’d set me up with this Dean guy.
“Your collar isn’t straight,” he mumbled and promptly began to fiddle with it. I swatted his hands away. “You need to make a good impression,” he insisted.
“Stop fussing! Are you so eager to get me out of the house?” I demanded.
He looked guilty and hurried to explain. “No, of course not … but still, it’s your first proper date and …” He trailed off as I continued to glare at him.
Josh put a protective arm around Harrison and said, “Lay off him, Reid. When did you turn into such a grump?”
I looked down. I felt ashamed of myself. Harrison was just trying to help, after all. But somehow I had the horrible feeling it wasn’t going to work. Especially after Josh had put his arm around Harrison, I felt what I did every time I saw them getting affectionate with each other – jealousy.
“Oh look, Dean’s here,” said Harrison. I looked up. My date for the night was surprisingly cute, albeit in a nerdy way. His dark-brown hair was messy and had the tendency to fall into his eyes. Like Harrison, he looked younger than his twenty-two years, and I suddenly felt old.
Harrison was busy introducing us to Dean. I barely paid attention as he said, “Dean, this is my boyfriend, Josh Spencer. Josh, Dean Winters. And this is Reid Scott.”
I snapped out of my reverie when Dean shyly extended his hand to me with a tentative smile on his face.
“Pleased to meet you,” I heard myself say as I shook his hand. It was an automatic response and sounded cold even to my ears. Dean’s smile faded slightly. I quickly remembered to smile back, although it took some effort. I told myself I had to try and make it work, even if Dean wasn’t my type.
***
An hour later, it was apparent that it had failed miserably. The food was excellent, the conversation wasn’t too bad, if a little forced. But I just wasn’t feeling a spark between myself and Dean. And I could tell that he had the same realization, too. He seemed rather distracted and alternated between glancing out the window and attending Harrison’s efforts to make small talk.
I excused myself to go to the restroom. The lack of a connection between me and Dean was obvious when he barely glanced up from his plate of pasta. I saw Harrison give Josh a look as I left the table and headed toward the restroom.
“Okay, what the hell was that about?” I was startled by Josh’s voice as I washed my hands at the basin.
I feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”
“Cut the crap, Reid. Why are you here, unnecessarily washing your hands, instead of trying to hook up with Dean out there? Harrison is really trying hard to make it work between the two of you, you know.”
I turned around to face him. “Yeah, the only thing you’ve noticed out there is your boyfriend. In fact, you’ve been so busy making lustful glances at him so you failed to realize the lack of an ‘instant’ chemistry between me and Dean. Not that it’s his fault, or Harrison’s. If you want to blame someone for that, you should blame yourself. How could you expect me to move on with you sitting right opposite me?”
Josh looked extremely guilty. “You mean … that’s the problem? Look, I can leave if you want. I’ll make some excuse, um, let me think …”
“No.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “You don’t need to do that. It’s the first dinner you’re eating out with Harrison too; I don’t want to ruin that for you.”
Josh looked at me sympathetically. “Reid, Dean’s a nice guy. And you’re a nice guy too. So what’s the problem? You have to move on at some point; why not now?”
I sighed. “It’s just too soon. I knew it was from the beginning, but I just didn’t want to disappoint Harrison. He was so delighted with himself for trying to solve my problems. Dean is cute and all, but he just isn’t my type.”
“Okay … but it’s just this one time, right? I mean, this isn’t going to stop you from trying with someone else, is it?” he asked me worriedly.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just meant to spend my life alone, Josh.”
“No one should have to spend their life alone, Reid. There’s always someone who’s perfect for you. It’s just not me or Dean. But you will find that person.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “You sounded just like Harrison then. He must be rubbing off on you. I do appreciate his initiative, but it just isn’t working. Don’t force me, alright?”
Josh looked at me. “Okay.” He put a comforting arm around me. In that instant, I felt what Harrison must feel whenever Josh does that. But all it was going to do was put stupid ideas into my head. I gently pulled his arm off my shoulder and left the restroom.
From the Narrative of Harrison Ridgeway IV:
I allowed a moment to pass in silence after I’d signaled to Josh to follow Reid to the restroom. I watched them both disappear into the restroom before turning to Dean. He was gazing distractedly out the window.
“Dean?”
“Hmm?” He turned to look at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked softly. “You’re distracted.”
“Reid isn’t really into me, is he?”
I was unsure of what to say. I’d been so certain that they would hit it off, yet it had all turned out completely opposite of what I’d imagined.
Dean continued, “It’s okay. Guys as hot as him usually aren’t interested in my type anyway. I was a bit surprised when I saw him. I didn’t quite believe you when you said he was hot.” He smiled wistfully. “He
is very attractive.”
“No, Dean, it’s not that. He isn’t usually so … distant. There must be something on his mind. Maybe you guys can try again some other night …”
“That isn’t necessary. I don’t think it would work out on any other night either. I don’t blame him for having something else on his mind; I guess I was distracted too. Problems with my ex-boyfriend …”
“I thought you said you broke up with him?” I asked curiously.
“Yeah, I did. Before … well, you know.” I realized he was referring to the gay-bashing. “But it’s a lot more complicated than that. He keeps coming around my apartment, begging me to let him back into my life. I’m not sure if I’m ready to forgive him. I mean, after what he did, I’m not sure I’d be in my right mind if I did. But still … I guess I do have these lingering feelings for Marc.”
“Oh.” I wanted to say more, but it was at that moment that Reid, closely followed by Josh, arrived back at the table.
I noticed that Reid did make more of an effort to talk to Dean this time around, so whatever Josh had said to Reid in the restroom must have had some effect on him. But I could tell now that it just wasn’t meant to be. I’d had such high hopes for Reid and Dean, but then I guess you can’t have everything your way.
After we’d parted ways with Dean, Reid sat quietly at the back of the car while I was in the front passenger seat, next to Josh, who was driving.
I turned around to face Reid. “I’m really sorry it didn’t work out, Reid.”
He looked up with a sad smile. “It doesn’t matter, Harrison. I’m glad you thought of me and arranged this double date. You’ve got to understand that while Dean seems like a great guy, I just don’t think he’s the one for me.”
If he’d lashed out or expressed annoyance, I wouldn’t have felt so bad. But the fact that he was being so nice about the whole fiasco made me feels incredibly guilty. “I’m sorry. You didn’t need another disappointment after what you already went through because of me.”
“Harrison, there’s absolutely no reason for you to blame yourself. You should be proud that you tried to do something for me. A lot of other guys in your situation probably wouldn’t care less about what happened to me.”
“He’s right, baby. I for one am proud of you,” Josh said.
“Of course you would be – you’re my boyfriend,” I told him. “But Reid …”
He interrupted. “I already told you – it’s okay. I’m sure I’ll find someone. When I do, you’ll be the first to know.” He grinned outwardly but I could sense that he was hiding his true emotions. I felt very sorry for him.
***
In bed later that night, I asked Josh what he’d spoken about with Reid in the restroom. He told me.
“Then it
is all my fault,” I said. “I should have known better than to arrange a double date with you there as well. I mean, I knew that he wasn’t completely over you and …”
“He doesn’t blame you,” Josh stated. “You heard what he said.”
“I know, but still …”
“Look, I meant what I said earlier, in the car. I’m proud of you, Harry. You care about other people. That’s what I love most about you – not your looks, or your boyish innocence.”
I raised my eyebrows. “That’s all you love about me?”
“I’ll show you what else I love about you in a bit, but first I need you tell me that you aren’t going to beat yourself up over this.”
“I won’t. But tomorrow I’ll have to go and apologize to Dean for setting him up on that disastrous date. I really thought I was doing him a friendly turn. I just hope he doesn’t hate me now.”
“No one could possibly hate you. It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Now I’ll show you what I meant earlier about my undying love for you.” Josh then focused his attention on my naked body.
***
So it was that the next morning found me outside Dean’s apartment. “Dean? It’s me, Harrison.”
“Oh, right, Harrison. I’ll buzz you up.” He sounded troubled and I soon found out the reason as I approached his apartment door. The sound of raised voices could be heard from behind it. I was just thinking, maybe this wasn’t such a good time and I should leave, when Dean opened the door.
He certainly looked as flustered as he’d sounded on the intercom. Nevertheless he managed a warm smile as he greeted me.
“Hi, Harrison. Come on in. Marc was just leaving anyway.”
The guy next to him showed no sign of leaving. I realized this was his ex-boyfriend. He was quite handsome, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. I put his age to be around 23 or 24.
“Did you say his name was Harrison? As in Harrison Ridgeway?” Marc sounded both astonished and angry. He glared at me. “How dare you show your face around here? After what you did!” he shouted suddenly. He tried to swing a punch at me.
I was too stunned to move, but Dean grabbed hold of Marc’s arm before the punch landed.
“He didn’t do anything!” he yelled at Marc. Turning to me, he added, “I’m sorry, Harrison.”
Marc looked puzzled and hurt. “Why are you apologizing to this son of a bitch? I could’ve lost you forever thanks to him!” I stood by, feeling very uncomfortable.
Dean angrily told Marc, “You don’t know anything. Just get out!”
“What?” he asked incredulously. “You’re kicking me out and inviting him in?”
“Yes! Now get out!” Dean practically shoved Marc out of the apartment. He quickly pulled me inside and shut the door.
“I’m sorry about that. Well, now you’ve met my ex. Marc is short for Marcus Fitzgerald. He hates to be called Marcus.” He grinned slightly, but didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it.
From the other side of the door, we could both hear Marc begging to be let in. “Come on, Dean! I’ve told you I’m sorry!”
“Go away!” Dean yelled back. To me he said, “Just come into the kitchen. I was preparing a late breakfast.”
I followed him. “What happened exactly? Between you and Marc?” I asked. “You didn’t really say last night. That reminds me, I actually came here to apologize.”
Dean grinned. “Again? You know, there are plenty of other reasons you could drop by my apartment.”
I smiled in spite of myself. He was right; both the times I’d come to his apartment was to deliver an apology. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry I put you through last night’s mess.”
He waved one hand nonchalantly at me as he made his sandwich with the other. “Nah, don’t sweat it. I’m used to the failures of the dating process. In all my years of dating, my only success has been with Marc.” He seemed to reflect sadly on this.
I repeated my earlier question. “What happened?”
He shrugged. “It was going alright, for a while. We met each other’s families. Then we even moved in together. And then one day, I came home early to find him screwing another guy.”
I winced.
Dean continued, “He told me he might be in love with this guy, but he just didn’t know how to tell me. I didn’t want to stand in their way, so I broke it off and let him pursue this other guy. Meanwhile, I was free to start dating again. But you already know what happened next.”
“When I woke up from my coma, my parents told me that Marc had come to the hospital every day to check on me. I didn’t understand why he’d want to do that. Then he came to see me and begged me to take him back. He’d realized the other guy didn’t love him. I told him no. I don’t want to have to go through this every time Marc falls in love with someone a lot hunkier than me. He insists that it won’t happen again, but you tell me, Harrison – if you were in my place, would you trust him again?”
I had to agree with him on that point. “But last night … you said you had lingering feelings for him.”
“Yeah, well, I guess he was my first – and only – love,” he said wistfully. “I want to forgive him and take him back, I really do. But then I think of what he did to hurt me and I just feel so angry. Like when he tried to attack you just now! He always acts without thinking of the consequences.”
“I don’t think Marc’s the only one who’s made that mistake. But I don’t blame him for trying to punch me. If you remember the last time I came to your apartment, I did tell you to do exactly that.”
Dean tried to dismiss my argument. “He didn’t have the right to do that. You made a mistake and you apologized for it …” His voice trailed off as he realized what he’d just said.
I smiled slightly. “From the sound of it, Marc has been doing a lot of that as well.”
“There’s a huge difference between what you did and what he did!” protested Dean.
“Look, it’s none of my business, but he seemed sincere to me when he said he was sorry. I mean, he waited around the hospital when you were in a coma. He must really care about you and probably feels really stupid right now for leaving you in the first place.”
Dean sighed. “I
know he’s sorry. But you know what they say about once bitten, twice shy … especially with the same guy.” He suddenly tossed a question at me. “How did you know that you loved Josh, and that he loved you back?”
“I … just knew, I guess. Once I was sure that I was gay … I suppose that, in a way, I’ve always loved Josh. Not that it was easy for us either, mind. I acted like a real jerk to him when we were in high school but he was still in love with him. But he forgave me in the end and maybe – just maybe – you should think about doing the same with Marc.”
He looked thoughtful.
“I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But I already know you’re a forgiving person – I mean, you’ve had to forgive me twice in the past week-”
Dean grinned in spite of himself. “It wasn’t that hard.”
I continued, “I’m just saying, if you feel he’s the one, then there’s no harm in giving it another try.”
After a slight pause, Dean replied, “I’ll think about it.” Then he added, “So, do you always go around trying to solve other people’s problems?”
I grinned. “Only when I have nothing better to do, which won’t be for long, seeing as I’ll be starting work tomorrow.”
“Well, you do quite a good job of it.” He smiled. “So tell me about your other job? The one you actually get paid for?”
Ten minutes later, I wrapped up my conversation with Dean and wished him the best of luck with Marc. I turned into the stairwell and almost tripped over Marc who was sitting on the landing with his back against the railing.
“Oh … you’re still here,” I said, feeling a bit on edge. I wasn’t sure if he was going to spring up and hit me like he’d tried to earlier. But the fight seemed to have gone out of him; all he did was look up and say, “It’s you,” in a tone of disgust.
I should have probably just walked off, but seeing him with such a depressed expression made me feel sorry for him. I slowly sat down beside him on the stairs.
He didn’t look at me as he said, “What do you want? He forgave you, didn’t he? You put him in a coma and he’s all friendly with you. I’ve been apologizing every fucking day since he came out of his coma and he still hasn’t forgiven me.”
I didn’t point out my innocence in that matter, because I still felt a sense of guilt for what had happened to Dean. Instead I said softly, “You cheated on him with another guy, and then you left him.”
“He told you that, huh? Yeah, so I fucked up. But I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“But you did.”
“Yes, I know …” He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “But I do love him,” he said, more to himself than me. “When I found out that he was in a coma, I knew … I just couldn’t live without him. That everything else had been a mistake. But now it’s too late.”
Then he seemed to realize who he was talking to. “Why the hell am I telling you all this anyway?”
“Look, I know you view me as the enemy here, but I’m not. I never meant to hurt Dean either. But I don’t blame you for trying to punch me just now. I think what I did was far more terrible than what you did. The only reason Dean has forgiven me but not you is simple – he loves you.”
“Loved, you mean. Not anymore.”
“No, he told me that he still loves you. But he’s afraid of getting hurt again.”
“But I’ll never do anything to hurt him again. I swear!” he cried. I awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder.
“Good. Now all you need to do is make him believe that, and everything will be fine.”
He looked at me with tear-filled eyes. “You really think so?”
“I don’t think; I know. He’s still definitely in love with you. All he wants is some reassurance.”
Marc gave me a puzzled look. “Why are you helping me?”
I shrugged. “Because we all make mistakes. I’ve made more than my own share. Yours was letting a great guy like Dean slip out of your grasp. But he isn’t completely lost to you. The important thing about making mistakes is regretting them later and trying to make amends.”
Marc was quiet. Then he said, “When I first saw you, I was angry. But now …”
I got up. “You don’t have to say anything further. Just go out there and get him back.”
I started to go downstairs, leaving Marc still sitting on the landing. I had almost reached the ground floor when I heard him call out softly, “Thank you.”
I smiled to myself, because that one short phrase made it all worthwhile.
To be continued …
I hope you guys didn’t get prematurely attached to the Reid-Dean pairing. To be honest, there was a point where I thought they would hook up, but then I realized Dean wasn’t Reid’s type at all and for him to move on from Josh so quickly would be quite unlikely.
Now, I have to regretfully announce that updates will be a lot less frequent over the next one month, because I have my year-end exams to prepare for. But don’t worry, I will definitely be back to complete this story (I predict the end will be sometime in July or August), and after that I will start on my next story: a seemingly simple enough love story involving a group college kids, but with an interesting twist. See the summary below:
~ Junctions ~
Kyle was content to be the resident nerd, spending most of his time in the library or studying in his room. But an encounter with the out-and-proud Drew leaves him wondering about his own sexuality. And Drew, who promised himself he wouldn’t fall in love, suddenly finds himself attracted to the most unlikely candidate, who unfortunately has the hots for the college jock, Tyler. And of course, no tale would be complete without family drama, supportive friends and deceit. A story that brings new meaning to the phrase, “What a tangled web they weave”.
As always, your feedback is appreciated. And thanks for all your encouraging comments 
