When I was very little, I would ask for dolls, but they would not be given to me, but fortunately I had a sister who is 1-1/2 years older. By the time I was four, I had learned that if I asked for a doll and something else for Christmas, I would get the something else and not a doll. Therefore when I was four, I said I wanted a doll for Christmas and nothing else, and so they were forced to give me a doll. However, it was not the kind of doll I wanted. It was almost as big as I was (I have pictures) and had plastic hair (i.e., molded) which could not be combed or styled. I wanted a girl doll with long hair so that I could give her a wash and set, like I saw my mother get at the beauty parlor (as they were called in Texas). So the next year, I got my sister to ask for the doll that I wanted, and I asked for what she wanted (a train set), and we switched presents after Christmas. I got my sister to get me a baby doll that had a bottle and would wet its diapers so that they had to be changed. I also made couture outfits for the dolls, much to the dismay of my parents. I wasn't allowed to use the sewing machine, and so I had to sew everything by hand, which was very time consuming. I also had to cut up old shirts (which my mother was going to give to charity) because they would not buy fabric for me. My sister used to dress me up in her clothes also, and so I was doing drag when I was four. My father would take pictures of me to embarrass me, but I loved the pictures and collected them. When he found out I was collecting the photos, he stopped taking them.
When I was five and local farmers would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, "A hairdresser." They were usually too stunned by that answer to reply, but the women would usually say, "Well, we always need more of those," which has always been my opinion as well.
I also used to collect Chinese paper parasols from visits to the Sunken Gardens in San Antonio. I had a pink silk one that I carried to church, but when I was eight, I was forbidden to carry parasols any more, which made me very sad.
It took me a while to find my masculine side - and it really didn't happen until I came out and found out that there were guys who were much more feminine than I was. This allowed me to feel and become more masculine.
