"Don't Call Me 'Sweetie', Okay ?"

[Joshua_me]

Hmm....

Well, here's the deal:

I had an old college buddy 'drunk dial' me last Saturday night (around 2am)

We're still kinda friends, although after I came out things were a little touchy
for awhile... But, somehow our friendship survived.

Anyway, he calls me up out of the blue and we get to chatting about old times and new times and music and everything else... When, just out of habit I ended a sentence with 'sweetie' (ie- "well, that's true, sweetie") And I swear, I didn't even know I said it....

But, he stopped the conversation, saying, "Don't EVER call me 'sweetie' again !"

I told him to relax and that it was no big deal, I call everyone 'sweetie', but he seemed to freak out about it a bit... And now it's bothering me.

Anyway...I'm wondering who was in the wrong here, if anyone... Is he being homophobic, or am I being over-sensitive ?

Thoughts ?

Joshy

 

[MadeUpName27]

Sounds like a 'phobe to me...

 

[cbtfan]

I think HE is being over-sensitive.

 

[gmoney]

I think you made him feel uncomfortable. I say that to my gay friends all the time, but I wouldn't do that with my straight friends. You said things were "touchy" when you first came out to him. I bet that kind of talk is just a little much for him.

 

[Lube]

What gmoney said. Personally, Sweetie isn't a word I'd use with a (non-gay) friend. Or even with a gay friend, unless I was faking "drama".

 

[rotary]

I don't think he is being homophobic. He's still making an effort to continue the friendship after knowing you're gay, so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's a bigot.

I wouldn't go as far to say that you were in the wrong, but clearly it makes him uncomfortable.

 

[Swellegant]

Sometimes it's hard to remember not to call straight men Sweetie, Darling, or Honey ('specially when I can't remember his name). Same as it's sometimes hard to remember to not say Fuck or Shit in front of my Grandmother ('specially when I stub my toe).

I would have apologized and then asked him why it upset him so much. Give him the benefit of the doubt that you simply caught him off guard and he reacted the way he would react in a bar (he was drunk, I think you said?) without thinking that he was talking on the phone with a friend and no offense was meant.

 

[Andreus]

this makes me think of that old disco song.... Maybe the guy is worried you think he is gay?​

"Don't Call Me Baby"​

You and me, we have an opportunity
And we could make it something really cool
But you, you think I'm not that kind of girl
I'm here to tell you baby, I know how to rock your world​

Don't think that I'm not strong
I'm the one to take you on
Don't underestimate me boy
I'll make you sorry you were born
You don't know me
The way you really should
You sure misunderstood​

Dont' call me baby
You got some nerve, and baby that'll never do
You know I don't belong t o you
It's time you knew I'm not your baby
I belong to me, so
Don't call me baby​

Behind my smile is my IQ
I must admit, this does not sit, with the likes of you
You're really sweet
Mmm, you're really nice
But didn't mama ever tell you not to play with fire?​

 

[MRMATTX2]

It definitely sparked a nerve in the guy. I agree, I wouldn't use that phrase with a straight friend....I think a lot of straight guys would be uncomfortable with it.

 

[douseiai]

probably a little over sensetive... i call everyone sweety and they know it... i get an occasional "what" or "huh" but then after 2 more conversations they just accept it

 

[ahotjock71]

Um, why do WE have to be so sensitive around THEM when OVBVIOUSLY they don't care about being sensitive around US?

 

[eberg]

Oh please. Calling or being called "sweety" by ANYONE is wierd and inappropriate. To me, it's completely femenine nomenclature along with calling people "honey". It suggests a comfort level that most people do NOT have with the people they refer to with it.

For example:
"Oh honey that dress is FABULOUS" (to a woman you have never met = all too common, but all too inappropriate)

Sorry. I don't think you should get bent over it.

 

[pjlikesporn]

Perhaps his overreaction did stem from some homophobia on his part, but that's not necessarily the worst thing in the world. If he's making a sincere effort to overcome his predisposition, then perhaps you could cut him some slack and come with some kind of compromise that will allow you to be who you are but also allow him to feel comfortable.

Definitely talk it out with him--no need to let that kinda thing fester. Besides, he probably also feels bad about lashing out about something so small.

 

[CGHJ]

He reacted better than I would have, I hate being called sweetie

 

[cocktales]

I absolutely LOVE terms of endearment of any kind!

I don't care if you're straight or Gay, if a person you know tells you how much they care for you with these terms of endearment, you should accept them without a big fuss!

I think your friend is NOT happy with his sexuality and fears you may think him leaning toward our side or something, else he would NOT argue with you on this term of love, regardless which side of the fence he fucks on!

Poor slob, he better accept love when it's given, else his life may be with a 250 lb, serbian milk-maid!

Move on!

 

[quasar]

I call a lot of people 'darling' or 'luv' - after 20 years in entertainment its difficult not to (and with a Costume and Props Designer whose motto was "If it moves, call it darling - if it doesn't, spray it gold!", some habits are hard to change).

It just doesn't always sound right coming from a non-camp person like me, and I think that's what makes some of my friends uneasy with it, ie they'd accept it if was some screaming queen, but not from me because - as I've been told - "It doesn't fit your personality".

 

[ronnie_h]

well, you better not call me sweetie.. and i'm queer and certainly not homophobic..

i don't like to be called 'sweetie' and i think that should be enough reason to be respected.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I have been called much worse.

And I have survived.

If the dude is so jumpy, he might wish to calm down his nerves himself.

Do not waste any of your time thinking about it.

SC

 

[gsdx]

There has been a lot of talk about homophobia here. I don't think that's the case. He knows you're gay, and he's still your friend. He proved that by phoning you. He sounds willing to remain friends with you. However, calling him 'Sweetie' puts him on unequal footing. It tells him that you might be more interested in him than simply being his friend. That's not homophobia, nor is it oversensitivity.

As Robert~Marlénè said, an apology and explanation might have been the best move. Telling him that calling people 'Sweetie' is a habit and asking him to help you break that habit with him puts you back to being equals.

 

[UrbanBOYS]

He's the over sensitive one.