don't call me THAT

[gangineer]

Hey guys,
So, overall, I've had a very easy time with the whole being gay thing and coming out/living with people knowing that i'm gay. But i hate hig school kids! Especially the realy stupid ones who either don't know how to control or don't think about what they say! I drives me CRAZY!
I didn't notice it too much before last year, but more and more, I hear people calling each other "fags" and "faggots," both insulting words, as insult words for each other. I guess that's what the words are, but they really shouldn't be going around calling people that. Most of the time, I don't pay too much attention to it, realizing that they're just stupid kids who have nothing better to do and I shouldn't care what they think (about me or other people.) But then I feel guilty for not doing something to stop it. Example: I was walking back towards school after getting lunch and the side walk was pretty crowded, but this kid step out of the lines of people walking down the sidewalk, runs RIGHT into me, grabs me, pushes me out of the way, and yells "FAGGOT" at me. And he didn't even know me, no reason for him to think I'm gay (there are 3200+ students, so I don't recognize most of them.) It bothers me A LOT.
But what's even worse is when people who I am at least pretty friendly with, who definitely know I'm gay (I had a crush on his friend and ended up telling him, so what he thought... won't be doing that again,) and is gay friendly (well now I kinda question it) go around saying it. And I don't know if it's worse when they say it seriously or jokingly. And I don't know if I should say something or not. If I said anything to the people I don't know, I'm pretty sure I would get beaten up or something like that. And for the kids I'm friendly with, I'm sure they would explain to me that they didn't mean it and that they were sorry about it, but then go make fun of how sensitive I was about it with each other, just 'cause they're the kind of kids who would do that. And I'm on swim team with them (being faster than them makes me feel good.)
Ok, long rant, and I'm not sure if it's completely coherent, but and advice on what to do/how to deal with them would be AWESOME.
I'm excited to be out of there.

-Gangineer

 

[G-Lexington]

OK, think about the kid that pushed you on the sidewalk. He probably didn't think "This guy appears to be the type that prefers the sexual company of men, and therefore I will call him a derogatory term for homosexuals." He probably didn't even have any idea you like guys. He called you a faggot for the same reason every other kid in school calls every other kid in school a faggot - it's the most hurtful thing they can think of.

High school is presumably opening up quite a bit from my day, but the very thought of being labelled "gay" back at my high school was a horrifying one. Not just to me, but to (assumedly) everybody. That every guy would assume you were "checking them out", that every girl would assume you don't like them - it was perhaps the loneliest existence possible to imagine. (Even the geekiest kids could at least be NEAR the cool kids without freaking them out too much.) Thus the word "faggot". They're less saying "You like guys, and that's wrong", and more saying "You're the lowest of the low." They're not calling you "gay", they're calling you "generic bad thing".

The fact that the word is a derogatory term for what you, in fact, ARE is still a problem though.

First off, whenever someone calls you a "fag", just try to keep in mind that they're not ragging on your sexuality. They're ragging on you generically. Treat it as if they're calling you any other generic put-down - "asshole", "stupid", what have you.

If a friend calls you that - one who knows you're gay - just swap the term out and send it back, in the same tone.

"You're so gay."
"You're so straight."
"Faggot."
"Breeder."

Lex

 

[captive]

"You're so gay."
"You're so straight."
"Faggot."
"Breeder."



I know thats not supposed to be funny but

X

 

[Jonny_Longhair]

I think its better to try and make it clear to friends that even if it's used as a generic swearword, it still offends us. It certainly offends me, gay as an insult?

Hah!

I wouldn't tell off a stranger, unless they were insulting me or my friends.

Sorry G-Lex, trading insults would deflect the situation, but I think isn't something we should accept.

 

[Alive and Free]

Fag and queer dont fly with me.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Sorry G-Lex, trading insults would deflect the situation, but I think isn't something we should accept.

I only recommend doing this to his friends, specifically the ones who already know. It's a way of reminding these friends what specifically it is that they're saying, and how it's coming across.

Lex

 

[LateNite85]

I particularly don't like it when my friends call a situation that they don't like "gay." They usually say stuff like: "Man, I failed my test. That's so gay."

 

[3x3is9]

Following some previously given good advice from someone on here, I started to comment on it with my own friends. When someone says, "That's so gay" I usually retort with, "I think it's _stupid/wrong/etc_" and emphasize the word to indicate my distaste for using gay as a replacement. It usually works quite well, since it's not direct, but it still gets the point across. Most people have stopped using it, or at least when I'm around. You may want to try that? It doesn't work in every situation, and you're not going to change the entire student body, but it's a passive way to get things moving in the right direction

 

[rareboy]

"Man, I failed my test. That's so gay."

That is the stupidest use of that term I've ever heard.........

How old are they? 14?